Behind The Wall Of Sleep

Why do I get the felling that without either Secret Stripper or the Rock and Roll Nurse that the rest of this season is going to be pretty boring? Amanda Overmyer was the only contestant that had a distinctive, interesting personality, even if she did more grunting than singing. While David Hernandez does not have nearly as engaging personality as Amanda his secret life as a male stripper certainly added some color to this otherwise bland group of contestants. So now we are left with the same usual group of Idol contestants singing the same usual group of Idol songs. I still think it would be cool if Amanda followed the Idol summer tour with performances in the parking lot.

“The countdown to the finale has begun”, declares our lovable host Ryan Seacrest. Didn’t it already start back in the summer? I guess only now these guys are going to get serious.

More teen girl screams from the crowd, though it sounds less than last week except when Simon is introduced. Paula is sporting mittens with the finger tips cut out that appear to have not seen the light of day in about 20 years. Tonight’s contestants will sing a song from the year that they were born. Since these kids are younger than my stereo system it means that I may not be able to recognize these songs.

Ramiele Malubay (1987), “Alone” by Heart: She was born in Saudi Arabia with an ugly looking afro. She used to bite her friends but gave that up when she discovered singing. I suppose we all did stupid things when we were 3 so I can’t hold the biting thing against her. Say, didn’t Carly Smithson already sing this song? Oh, it was another big hair Heart song. The audience starts waving their arms again, either just to annoy me or to distract Ramiele. She starts out alright but like many of her previous performances it is still kind of flat. She finally kicks it up a notch with the big chorus but her “big” voice is being drowned out by the back-up singers, so much so that I can no longer hear Ramiele. Somebody better go find the mix engineer and get him (or her) to turn up the knob on Ramiele’s mic. The parts I heard were OK, though, and it did sound better when they replayed the chorus at the end of the show. The singing sickness that swept through the contestants a month ago has apparently come back to inflict Ramiele, at least that is what the judges and Ryan want us to think. Randy thought the tune was too big for her big voice and remembers that Carly did in fact sing a similar song. Simon thought it was alright and got some cheers, though the shock of this seemed to diminish the reaction. Simon then declares that she’ll still get through despite being sick. Having millions of Filipino-Americans voting for Ramiele probably helps, though Simon neglects to mention this. Ryan already accuses Randy of being too mean, which prompts a school yard style argument between Randy and Simon and leads Paula to declare Ramiele to be “better than good.”

Coming out of the break Ryan pimps the songwriting contest again. Why are they even bothering?

Jason Castro (1987), “Fragile” by Sting: Dude, he’s an Aries and he’s singing on his birthday. Far out, man. We see Jason when he was younger and more normal looking, playing an electronic guitar with his equally normal looking brother. Tonight Jason is again playing with more traditional form of the instrument, heeding Paula’s advice from last week. This time instead of waiving their arms the audience is attempting to clap along. Jason sings the song with a Latin vibe to it and makes some weird facial expressions at the high point of the song, or at least as high as he can get it (pun intended). It was alright, nothing spectacular. Randy thought it was “nice and pleasant”, which I think describes all of Jason’s on-air performances to date. Paula makes some sense when pointing out that Jason was again safe in his zone. So far to my disappointment the drunk chick is behaving herself. Simon challenges Jason to do something different and to stop being so laid back. Yes, it took Mr. Happy 6 weeks to finally point this out. The audience jeers Simon but Randy and Paula both agree that Simon is right. Simon also doesn’t think Jason is taking this too seriously. Ryan asks Jason if he is taking it seriously and he says “uhh, yeah.” I think that speaks for itself.

Syesha Mercado (1987), “If I Were Your Woman” by Stephanie Mills: Born on a “cold winter’s day” in Connecticut. I’m trying to remember what song that phrase came from. Syesha shows off her baby cry for us again, of course with a smile, and then she talks about her days as a spirit girl, the modern day term for cheerleader. She showed a little bit of emotion this time, I guess in response to those who have been criticizing her for being too stiff and unremarkable. Syesha concludes her typical Idol ballad with more vocal gymnastics. She’ll be in heaven if she survives until Mariah Carey week. I didn’t think it was remarkable but it was probably her best performance to date. It was on tune and on pitch and better than either Jason or Ramiele. Randy is shocked by how well Syesha sang and was more excited about her performance than she was. Paula thinks this is the performance that will make her memorable. God knows Syesha needs that right now. Paula then flashes some gang symbols or something while getting on Simon’s case about his less than excited evaluation.

Chikezie Eeze (1985) “If Only for One Night” by Luther Vandross (big surprise there): Cheeky gets the Coca-Cola Interview of the Night as he and Ryan chatted about the song selection. He reveals that the band director and the Idol voice coach (since again this week there was no mentor for me to ridicule) had to persuade him to sing a ballad again after his last attempt was trashed and put him on the verge of elimination. He did better with the bouncy stuff so let’s see how this turns out. It’s full on Luther again, but a bit pitchy in spots. The audience is now both waving and clapping, as if they are reading my mind and want to maximize their ability to annoy me. Cheeky finds a tweener in the audience to sing to. Dude, she’s way too young for you. He struggles at the end with the low pitch but it was alright, better than the last time he tried a slow number. Randy didn’t love it for Cheeky; he wanted to see the bouncy guy from the last two weeks. Simon thought he sang it well (no reaction from the audience) but that the performance was too cheesy (boos from the audience). He disapproved of Cheeky singing to the girl in the front row, to which Paula replies “He gave love to the girls that were reaching up to him.” I never though of Cheeky as being a cradle robber. I had to rewind the DVR 3 times to make out what Paula said. Simon wants to see more originality and personality and less Luther, which Randy quickly agrees. It is scary how often Randy and Simon are agreeing tonight, almost as scary as how sober Paula’s comments have been so far.

So far there have been four performances and all four have been ballads, confirming my initial fears that this was going to turn into a snooze fest without the Rock and Roll Nurse.

Brooke White (1983), “Every Breath You Take” by The Police: Somehow I don’t think Brooke is going to liven things up here. She’s the oldest of four kids and I’m not surprised to hear this. I would hate to have Brooke as my mother. I can’t imagine the amount of scolding she would bring. Brooke's Mom looks almost as old as her daughter. This is an interesting song choice, which is about the only interesting thing about her performance. She starts the song and then quickly remembers that she’s playing the piano too, so being the ringer that she is Brooke starts the song over. Randy looks like he’s about to fall asleep. I hadn’t noticed until now but her eyes are closed for almost the entire song. Maybe she’s sleeping too. Yet another snoozer from Snow White. Poison apples for everyone! Randy loved that she caught herself at the beginning and digged it when it was just her and the piano, but that it all went bad when the band kicked in. I guess that’s when he woke up. Paula lauds her for being “unique and have her own niche” but fails to define exactly what that niche is. Simon agrees with Randy yet again, this most be some kind of record. Brooke again profusely thanks the judges for the criticism, thanks the audience for their screams and for staying awake, and thanks Ryan for being Ryan.

Ryan pimps a new contest, to design the Coke glasses that holds Paula’s booze. I guess the songwriting contest and the talent level of this year’s group of contestants are not generating the kind of publicity that the Idol producers had hoped.

Michael Johns (1978), “We Will Rock You”/”We Are the Champions” by Queen: I guess they went Down Under and tracked down Poser Mate’s parents, who described how competitive Michael has always been. Really, that’s news to me. Michael again tells us about how good a tennis player he could have been if he hadn’t discovered singing. Finally somebody is singing a song loud enough to drown out the back-up singers. Michael’s song is loud alright, complete with lots of shouting both from Michael and from the audience. He gets pitchy when he actually has to sing the chorus of the second number, and that only got worse until the end. At least it wasn’t a ballad. It was his best performance so far. See what happens when you stop singing and just shout the whole song, Michael? You can learn something from that other poser David Cook. The judges are all smiles because it wasn’t a ballad and they managed to stay awake for the whole song. The girls are screaming so loud that no one can hear Randy’s comments, which were all complimentary. Paula and Simon were similarly positive and similarly drown out by the screams.

Carly Smithson (1983), “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler: She’s a Virgo, and again I’m not surprised. Carly’s Mom named her after Carly Simon, whose song was playing on the radio on the way to the hospital. It’s back to the standard Idol ballad. She starts out alright but then suddenly bottoms out right before the chorus. Carly picks it up well with the big chorus, but she looks like she’s upset as she sings it, or maybe she’s passing a kidney stone. Perhaps she is angry about being in the Bottom 3 last week. Seems like it to me. She is a broken bird after all, and broken birds need love and support. Her performance was alright but not much different from last week when she ended up in the Bottom 3. Randy thought it was the wrong song for Carly, and Paula can’t believe it. Neither can I because this is the same stuff Carly's being singing since the auditions. Paula loves how she sang the song at the end and Randy can’t believe it. Now that I can believe. Simon picked up on her tenseness and I believe he was absolutely correct. Ryan calls for extra security, but for Randy instead of Simon. The Dawg is clearly not digging the ballads tonight.

David "EEEEK" Archuleta (1990), “You’re the Voice” by David Foster and Jeff Pescetto: Wonder Boy too gets the Coca-Cola interview treatment. He’s going to miss his prom because of Idol and the girls in the mosh pit all volunteer to be his date, until Ryan reveals that David’s girlfriend is in the audience. Uh-oh, that might have lost him some votes before he even sings a note. We see David dancing some Honduran cultural dance with his sister, which Wonder Boy promises not to duplicate for the show. It is an interesting arrangement, more up tempo than the ballads he usually does. For some reason there is not as much screeching from the audience. I wonder if David’s girlfriend is calling her phone company and asking for an unlisted number. It’s a decent performance and again he remembered all of the words. Still, it wasn’t one of his best. Apparently Simon is the only one who heard this song before, as both Randy and Paula look more confused than usual. I must admit that I’ve never heard of it either, but I expected that since Wonder Boy was born after I graduated from college and stopped listening to the radio. Paula thinks David could sing the phone book and everyone would love him. Simon trashes David’s singing to a level that we’ve never heard from the judges before and the extra security rushes over from Randy to him. Simon thought it was an amusement park like performance and declares that he would be amazed if David chose the song himself, which no one, especially the screamers, picks up on. Perhaps fearing that David’s Stage Dad will storm the set and attack Simon Ryan quickly reads off the phone number and goes to the break.

Kristy Lee Cook (1984),”God Bless the U.S.A.” by Lee Greenwood: Kristy’s parents talk about her singing from the age of 2 but neglect the mention the wrestling. Why does nobody mention this anymore? Her singing got on her family’s nerves and I no longer feel alone. It is another interesting song choice in that it doesn’t leave much doubt who Colt 45 wants to appeal to. The pitch is all over the map and she misses the jump to the final chorus. It would have sounded good over tinny loudspeakers at a NASCAR race but it seems odd here, and I like NASCAR (no, really I do, Smoke is my man). Paula lauds the song choice and then backhandedly criticizes her singing. Simon does a 180 and declares it was Kristy’s best performance by a mile. He also lauds the song choice for being one of the most brilliant ones in the history of the show, sending Kristy into a spin. It was a brilliant political song choice in more ways than one. If you can’t wow them with your singing, rope them in with your patriotism. This girl is smarter than I gave her credit for.

David Cook (1982), “Billie Jean”, Chris Cornell’s version of the Michael Jackson song: I knew eventually Rocker Dude would get the closer spot. David got his first guitar at age 2 and has never put it down since. He’s singing the Chris Cornell’s version but his guitarist seems to be playing the Michael Jackson version instead, at least until the two finally get in sync (sponsored by Ford). Rocker Dude too goes the ballad approach but at least it’s more of a rock style and not the sappy stuff everyone else has done tonight. It’s a nice spin on a very well known song. Maybe not his best but it was better than most tonight. Randy declares David the “most original, most bold contestant we’ve ever had” and I can’t believe it. Apparently The Dawg has already forgotten about not only Chris Daughtry but also Amanda Overmyer. Dude, Randy thinks David might win “the whole lot.” Paula lauds him for his bravery and brilliance for basically doing what Chris Daughtry did with “I Walk the Line” two years ago. At least they were up front about it this time instead of leading us to believe that Rocker Dude arranged it himself. It was good, but hardly original or brave.

The Final Score: Only 9 shots at Paula, 6 shots at Simon, 10 shots at Randy, and 6 shots at Ryan. This is the first time that The Dawg has led this list. 10 shots at the audience, also a first. 2 references to Chris Daughtry, no references to Kelly Clarkson, and 2 other references to a former Idol contestant. 9 ballads, 6 times when Randy and Simon agreed, 2 promos for iTunes, 2 Idol contests that no one cares about, 1 reference to another sport, 1 acknowledged illness, and 3 threats to the judges’ security. And I am ready for bed.

Your Three Stars of the Night: David Cook’s impressions of Chris Daughtry continue to keep him on this list. Syesha Mercado’s ballad was better than anyone else’s ballad. I’ll award Michael Johns the third star only because he was the only one who didn’t sing a ballad.

Idol Gives Back: As it appears that I’m now posting after results shows I think I will suspend this section until I stop bothering to do a separate post.

The Fearless Prediction: Despite being freed from my promise I’m not going to predict Kristy Lee Cook to go. I suspect there may be a lot of support for her outside of anyone who watches the show. There are any number of contenders for the Bottom 3 this week. I suspect Carly Smithson will be back there only because she didn’t step up her game from a week ago but again she won’t be voted off. For once I agreed with the judges’ assessment of Brooke White’s performance, so based on karma alone she should be in the Bottom 3. Ramiele Malubay could be in trouble, but I suspect that the dude that’ll be voted off will be Chikezie Eeze. I think his ballad reminded voters why he has on the endangered list going into the final 12 and that will ultimately prove to be his downfall.