Miami Vice

American Idol pays its first visit to Miami since Season 2 and opened the show Miami Vice style. This, and the rumored habits of one of the judges, reminds me of a memorable night from my college days.

You may have heard of a drinking game called "Chug Boat", associated with the TV show The Love Boat. Each person is assigned a character from the show and every time that character appears the assigned person has to take a drink. It works with any show that has an ensemble cast (Star Trek is another popular version) and, as my roommates and I found out, can be applied to any TV show, maybe even American Idol.

One Friday night back in the 80's my roommates and I were sitting around wondering how to spend our evening. One of my roommates had the idea of playing the TV drinking game while watching Miami Vice, but none of us knew any of the characters. So instead we choose to assign other things associated with the show like sex, violence, guns, drugs, white shoes, facial hair, stuff like that. Every time those things appeared on the screen someone had to drink. As you can imagine the definitions for sex, violence, and so on got broader and broader as the show went on. By the end of the hour everyone was extremely drunk. A couple of my roommates ended up paying homage to the porcelain god. We never played the Miami Vice Drinking Game ever again, and every time I hear that famous music I cannot help but think of that night, or at least the parts that I can actually remember.

After the opening we see Paula walking in with a short sun dress that impresses both Randy and Simon. Mr. Cowell labeled it "slutty", I think as a complement.

Continuing with the 80's theme is our first contestant, 18 year old Shannon McGough (now there's an Irish sounding name for ya). She's decked out in full 80's gear, complete with the teal blouse off of one shoulder and the overpermed hair. She works in her parents' meat market and desperately wants to get out. Her other claim to fame is her ability to out-belch, yes, belch, everyone. How endearing. She belches out Janis Joplin's "Cry Baby", and while there's a hint of a good voice in there it's drowned out by the "Hungarian Janis Joplin" according to Simon. She can't believe the criticism from the judges, neither can her mom when she comes out of the audition room. Yeah, I'm as shocked as you are. However, this is not even close to Psycho of the Night material, that comes later. Instead, McGough refrains from the insane rant and calmly states that she's done with American Idol.

Next up is Robbie Carrico, a former boy bander (or so Ryan Seacrest claims) from Melbourne, Florida. His former band was not named. He's doing the rock thing now, singing "Simple Kind of Man" by Lynard Skynard. He's got a really good voice and gets 3 quick yeses. Smells like a ringer. When he leaves the room he's greeted by a barrage of Silly String by his family, including about 3 or 4 young blonde chicks that look more like groupies than sisters.

After a parade of loser dudes we meet 27 year old Venezulean Ghaleb Emachah. I don't know, his name doesn't sound Venezulean to me but he's got the Latin look and accent, and claims to do everything with passion, so I'll give him a paso. He sings an unidentified Marc Anthony song. I only know one Marc Anthony song and it wasn't the one he sang, so I can't even look it up on Wikipedia. He sings it in tune but with an odd voice. Simon claims he would only like it if he were drunk. Paula attributes the sound to his accent and criticizes him for it, but can't say yes or no. Randy is a quick yes, putting the pressure back on Paula. Finally she says yes with a hug. Simon, who apparently reads Paula's press as well as his own, questions whether or not there's booze in Paula's Coke glass.

The floor gets reinforced for our next auditioners, Brittney Westcot and Corliss Smith, both 20 years old, both from Jacksonville, FL, and both weighing about twice as much as Ryan Seacrest. After making love sandwiches with every man in sight, they come into the audition room together and start flurting with Simon and Randy, especially Randy. Apparently Corliss has a thing for chunky dawgs. Brittney, on the other hand, like her meat to be lean, and tells the judges that Ryan is the "love of her life." Simon encourages Corliss to sing "Take Five" to Randy and she does it with a nice voice, though her technique could use some work. Brittney dedicates "My Guy" to Simon, I guess since Ryan wasn't in the room. Her voice and technique are a little better than her friend's. Paula is in full jealous mode cause she's not gettin' any love, but she votes yes for both of them anyway. The guys, of course, both say yes and get big hugs of thanks.

We now hear from tonight's One to Feel Sorry For, 21 year old Suzanne Toon from Clearwater, Florida. Seems she was in performing arts school 3 years ago when she got pregnant and had to drop out. The daddy ditched her and hasn't been seen since. Toon tells us that this audition is the first time that she has sang since getting pregnant. She sings an unidentified ballad (there were a number of these tonight) that was a little pitchy but still OK. Paula and Simon both thought her voice was sultry and she gets 3 yeses.

Day 1 ends with Ramiele Malabay, 19 years old from Miramar, Florida. Like Jasmine Trias from Season 3 she's of Filipino decent and wants to be the first Asian-American Idol. She's got a big voice for such a little girl, belting out Aretha Franklin's "Natural Woman". She had a little trouble at the edges of her range but it was pretty good. Simon disagreed, claiming she sounded like a "hotel singer". He can't seem to bring himself to say "cabaret" anymore. Randy loves her voice, only to have Simon claim that Randy's approval was only because Malabay was short. The vertically challenged Paula then shouts out "what!" not once but twice. 2 yeses, 1 no, and she's off to Hollywood.

Day 2 begins with 20 year old Syesha Mercado from Miami. She states that she is at "the happiest place in her life" and has a big smile to prove it. She's got a sad story too. Her father just got out of drug rehab and was with her at the audition. She shouts out "Think Freedom", which I think was called "Think" when Aretha Franklin first sang it. All three judges, though, loved it and said yes, even Simon. Randy goes so far as to claim that hers was the best audition he heard in Miami. Honestly, she was OK but not even close to the best in Miami.

We get quick snippets of Natasha Blach and Ilsy Pinot, who must have been good because they only got 15 seconds of air time. More time is paid to the next round of losers, including a woman who sang with her finger in her ear the whole time.

19 year old Richard Valles from Tampa does a Rascal Flatts song singing through his nose. Even though Paula made a career by doing this the judges don't put him through.

Next strolls in Julie Dubela, 16 from Stratham, New Hampshire. No stranger to these types of competitions or to Ryan Seacrest, she was a Top 20 finalist on American Juniors 3 years ago. After building up a rather impressive resume in New England Dubela is convinced that she's ready to play with the big dogs now. She sings another Janis Joplin song, "Me and Bobby McGee". Her voice has some potential but it's clear that she's not quite ready to sit at the adult's table. She's got an adult size attitude though. Simon accuses her of being precocious, a word that apparently has never been on any list of vocabluary words that Dubela had to memorize in English class. After all three judges say no Dubela starts singing again, perhaps thinking that the judges were only kidding before. She simply refuses to believe that they turned her down. She was an American Juniors finalist after all! She sings at Red Sox games and has her own web site! How can the judges say no to her! Simon is convinced that it's all an act and bluntly accuses her of it, sending Dubela into an even greater tizzy. Paula, ever the optimist, tries to convince her that "it's all good" but Dubela is having none of it and storms out. She goes off on a Valley Girl style rant that earns her tonight's Psycho of the Night award. Both Simon and Paula conclude that no one has ever said no to her before. You know when even Paula thinks someone is spoiled it must be true. Interestingly, Dubela's doting parents are never shown.

Our final Miami contestant is stand-up comedian Brandon Black, 20 years old from Pompono Beach, Florida. He literally slides into the audition room and immediately launches into what appears to be his stand-up act, though it was hard to tell exactly what it was. Seeing that the judges were unimpressed he claims that he will demonstrate his talents by singing "I'll Make Love to You" directly at a frightened Paula. Funny, she didn't seem to mind the stalker in Philadelphia but for some reason this guy puts the fear of God in her. I'll say this, Black knows how to read an audience, because he quickly stops singing to Paula and starts into his own composition "I Am the Next American Idol", then after being ordered to stop by Simon he goes back to his opening routine, driving both Randy and Simon to get up and leave the room. Paula, sweet Paula, sticks around to say goodbye mere minutes after she was ready to run away.

The Final Score: 17 tickets to Hollywood out of 10,000 plus contestants. 7 digs at Paula, perhaps not unexpected since booze was one of tonight's themes. 3 digs at Simon, just 1 dig at Randy, an untold amount of unidentified songs, and only 1 reference to a former American Idol contestant, neither of which was Chris Daughtry or Kelly Clarkson.

The Stars of the Night: Quite a bit for only 17 Hollywood tickets. Robbie Carrico, Brittney Westcot, and Suzanne Tom were all good. Corliss Smith, Ramiele Malabay, and yes Syesha Mercado all show promise.

By the way, if you or your friends decide to play the Miami Vice Drinking Game I am in no way responsible for your actions. Please drink responsibly and remember, 21 means 21.

I Coulda Been A Contender, I Coulda Been Somebody

Tonight's American Idol auditions were from Omaha, Nebraska, the first Idol visit to the city that Ryan Seacrest proclaims is "famous for its corn." The corn theme continues on for a few more minutes, thus neglecting someone of the other things that Omaha is famous for like its steaks and the insurance company that sponsored Marlin Perkins' Wild Kingdom. I always loved how Perkins would narrate from his cozy study (complete with a fireplace) while his assistant Jim Fowler had to do the dirty work like wrestle a tiger or something. Kind of like Ryan Seacrest's job.

Omaha is also the hometown of Marlon Brando, the inspiration for tonight's title. If I need to explain the connection, or for that matter Wild Kingdom, then I'm getting too old to be recapping this show.

We begin without the lovely Ms. Paula Abdul, whose plane is fashionably late, leaving only the boys to judge 25 year old Chris Bernheisel from Fremont, Nebraska. He says that this audition is the greatest moment of his life because he finally gets to realize his dream of being insulted by Simon Cowell. He arrives on set bearing gifts for the judges and unveils a picture of himself with Kelly Clarkson. Even with Clarkson as inspiration he still butchers her famous song "Since You've Been Gone." His audition, though, was spirited if out of tune, complete with a sloppy handstand. After the judges pan him Bernheisel offers to audition for Seacrest's job, doing a "live from the red carpet" spiel. Simon tells Bernheisel to contact the Fox affiliate in Omaha and ask them for a job hosting the finals and that Simon himself would endorse it. Bernheisel flips out as if he won a golden ticket and leaves in jubilation. His Dad and grandma trail behind him with a "I can't believe this dork is my offspring" look on their faces.

Next up is another farm boy, 21 year old Jason Rich from Stout, Iowa, population 500. He tries the Keith Whitley version of "When You Say Nothing At All" but can't seem to get past the first line, which is a shame because it sounds like he has a good voice. On the fourth try he finally remembers the lyrics and gets through the audition. Randy and Simon decide to give Rich another chance and award him a ticket to Hollywood.

Rich's performance leads to "You Forgot The Lyrics", featuring a bunch of contestants who can't remember what they are singing but with voices that are far worse that Rich's. One of the unidentified singers, though, gets style points from me for making lyrics up as he went along.

Paula finally arrives to "come to Simmy" from Mr. Cowell. Sure, she may act like she's inebriated half the time but that's no reason to great her like one would a 5 year old. Shame on you, Simon.

Following Paula's dramatic entrance is arm wrestling tomboy Rachel Wicker from Richmond, Missouri. She wrestles Ryan to a draw and then challenges Simon, who will have none of it. She sings "Don't Tell Me" by Lee Ann Womack, another country song that I've never heard of and had to look up on Wikipedia. She's got a decent country voice, though it inspires Randy to complain that all country singers tend to sound like they are yodeling. Even more off the rocker, Simon thinks it sounds like a comeback attempt by someone at the end of their career. Say, isn't Paula coming out with a new album? Simon's of course a no but Randy and Paula say yes. Paula then accepts the arm wrestling challenge and tries to win by distracting Wicker by complementing her on her skin.

Speaking of women with odd physical hobbies, we next see 25 year old Sarah Whitaker from Council Bluffs, Iowa. Iowa is famous for its wrestlers, and sure enough Whitaker wrestled in the pro ranks under the moniker "Lady Moore". Her gimmick includes a goth look, an evil laugh, and a Ric Flair chop to the chest that knocks the wind out of Ryan. She's does some show tune that I can't make out enough to even look up on Wikipedia, and despite a quiet "yes" from Paula (so quiet I had to rewind the DVD twice to hear it) it's two no's from the boys. Perhaps Vince McMahon might be interested, but then again like Simon (hell, like most guys) Mr. McMahon seems to prefer Playboy blondes instead.

Ryan then pops his head in and asks why Whitaker was turned away, leading to a lengthy tête-à-tête between Seacrest and the judges that eventually leads to all three judges challenging Ryan to judge the next contestant. Ryan tries to back away but with his manhood being challenged for the second time in 5 minutes (counting the Flair chop as #1) he decides to take the bet and switches places with Paula.

In walks the unsuspecting next contestant, 22 year old Samantha Sibley from Los Angeles. She does a double take as she walks in when she sees Paula outside and Ryan inside. Ryan is goaded into asking Sibley the standard questions and not following up with the usual mindless banter. Sibley sings Norah Jones' "Don't Know Why" and sounds a lot like Jones, though perhaps a second rate version. Ryan says he likes her voice but criticizes her lack of showmanship and the fact that she kept moving around, drawing more criticism from Randy and Simon and causing Paula to leap back into the room to add in her two cents. Ryan has enough and somehow manages to get out of the room in one piece, though he brings out one final round of guffaws by using the wrong door (the running joke from last season's auditions). After Ryan leaves all three judges admit that they agreed with Ryan on the showmanship thing but they, like Ryan, all say yes. The fact that Sibley stood there patiently while the kids had their fun and still managed a decent performance might have had something to do with it. I wonder if this is the last that we will hear of Judge Ryan Seacrest, especially after Simon ends the bit by saying how horrible it would be if he had to judge with Ryan.

We then get short snippets of good auditions by Elizabeth Erkert, Denise Jackson, and Michael Sanfilippo. I guess they were too good to get any lengthy camera time.

After the break we meet 17 year old Angelica Puente from Kenosha, Wisconsin, this week's One to Feel Sorry For. It seems Puente and her parents had a falling out and she moved out of the house to live with her grandma. All ties are not lost, though, as her father agreed to pay for her trip to Omaha for the audition. She's visibly nervous as she walks in. Simon advises her to imagine Randy in a bikini. Now there is a mental image that neither Puente nor I nor the rest of America needed. Puente sings the Celine Dion version of "The Power of Love" (funny, no one ever sings the Huey Lewis & The News version) and Simon's advice didn't seem to help. She's got a good voice but you can literally hear the nerves. Both Randy and Simon think it was a poor imitation of Dion but still think she has promise, so it's 3 yeses and a trip to Hollywood on American Idol's dime. Ryan makes the Sync Call of the Night, sponsored by Ford, to give Dad the good news.

I haven't had much opportunity to make reference to Chris Daughtry like I used to, so the producers decided to help me out by featuring a number of rockers apparently inspired by The Man, though most of them look more like Bo Bice than Chris Daughtry. One of them is 24 year old bartender David Cook from Tulsa, Oklahoma. He's sporting a Mohawk haircut with hair on the side, because you can only go so far towards the wild side in Tulsa. He sings Bon Jovi's "Livin' On A Prayer" like a dirge but still shows off a good voice. Again the judges say he needs to work on his presentation, something Daughtry didn't seem to have a problem with when he was on the show, but still gets 3 yeses.

18 year old Scottsbluff, Nebraska resident Johnny Escamilla's inspiration comes not from Chris Daughtry but from James Brown, complete with a flashy gold jacket that the Godfather of Soul would be proud to wear. At the start of his audition Paula suddenly launches into a hiccup fit that sends Simon into a tissy fit. Adding to the plethora of physical comedy, Escamilla sings "Shout" by "Otis Day and The Knights" while jumping around on the stage, perhaps trying to imitate James Brown in some way. Poor James must be spinning in his grave right now. Now I know I'm too old to do these recaps, because I know that "Shout" was by The Isley Brothers and not Otis Day and The Knights, who were a group of singing actors in the movie Animal House. And let's not forget that a group from Liverpool, England called The Beatles did a well known cover of this song too. Not only did Escamilla get the singers wrong but he butchered the song too. The only good thing about his performance was that it cured Paula's hiccups. He comes close to Psycho of the Night material by telling Simon "that's how I perform it in Scottsbluff" as if that were a good thing. Betcha the folks in Scottsbluff might have another opinion. By default he wins the psycho award because that's as close anyone came to vowing to show the world how talented they really are.

Tonight's Medley of Losers, for some odd reason, is Stealers Wheel's "Stuck In The Middle With You". Wikipedia claims that the song is "mistakenly attributed to Bob Dylan", but I've always thought the lead singer sounded like George Harrison. Here I am showing my age again.

The final auditioner from Omaha is Leo Marlowe from Charlotte, Iowa, population 200. He's apparently very popular in Charlotte as he tells the judges that his mom wanted to raise a Homecoming Queen and got him instead of a girl. I'm not sure what that means, though I could venture a few politically incorrect guesses. Marlowe does a good rendition of Donny Hathaway's "A Song For You", which no doubt Paula will make him sing again if he makes it into the final 3 (see my Season 5 recaps for an explaination if you need one, I'm in full Dennis Miller mode tonight). His performance was the best of the night, eliciting a touchdown signal from Paula (yes, the football one), a "you rockin' the bells" from Randy (another thing I'm not sure of the meaning of), and a more legible "absolutely yes" from Simon.

The Final Score: Lots of love to spread around tonight. 19 tickets to Hollywood, 6 digs at Paula, 5 digs at Simon, 2 digs at Randy (though I neglected to mention his purple glasses), 2 digs at Ryan's manhood (though surprisingly none from Simon), 1 dig each at Huey Lewis and Paula's plane, 4 references to Chris Daughtry (putting me back to my seasonal average), 3 references to my age, 3 references to Wikipedia, 2 references to Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom, and 1 reference to Kelly Clarkson, which is rapidly becoming a regular feature of these recaps, mostly because it's becoming a regular feature of these auditions.

The Stars of the Night: Leo Marlowe, the Homecoming Queen his mom always wanted, was the best of the night. Samantha Sibley deserves kudos for enduring the mayhem between the judges and Ryan and still doing a decent performance. Jason Rich and Angelica Puente show promise if they can somehow calm their nerves, maybe picturing Paula in a bikini might help. Or Marlon Brando.

Songs of the South

Tonight's episode is from the Charleston, South Carolina audition, the only one in the South this year. Traditionally singers from south of the Mason-Dixon Line have dominated the competition. Idol winners Kelly Clarkson (Texas), Ruben Studdard (Alabama), Fantasia Barrino (North Carolina), and Taylor Hicks (Alabama) all came from there, as did other notable contestants such as Clay Aiken (North Carolina), Kimberley Locke (Tennessee), Diana DeGarmo (Alabama), Bo Bice (Alabama), Elliott Yamin (Virginia), Chris Daughtry (North Carolina), and Melinda Doolittle (Tennessee). And if you consider Oklahoma as part of the south you can add Carrie Underwood to this list, leaving only Jordin Sparks as the only Idol winner without a twang in her voice. So expectations were naturally high going into this audition.

A quick thought, if the producers are considering changes to American Idol to make it better how about using new theme music? Granted, the current stuff generates a Pavlov's Dog reaction among some Idol fans. How would they know to run to the TV without hearing "buhda-budha-budha-budha-waaa-waaa!"

Our first auditioner tonight was Rasharde Henderson from Atlanta, GA. He's a flamboyant fellow who claims everyone thinks he's the "black Clay Aiken." Uhh, sure. His first lyric of "I Can't Make You Love Me" is OK, the next not so much, and it only gets worse from there. Even his leaping and emoting can't convince the judges to let him through, bucking the usual format of featuring a winning audition first.

Next comes 26 year old DeAnna Prevatte (with a capital "A") from Albemarle, North Carolina, the same hometown as Kellie Pickler from Season 5. Prevatte is a waitress too, just like Pickler, but Prevatte's disposition couldn't be any more different from the Small Town Girl. She's feisty, angry, and talks about taking a basebell bat to the head of a boyfriend who leaves her with a smile on her face. Her apparently natural anger carries into the audition room, as she starts her audition with a rant about her waitressing job and then does a rather angry, but passionate, version of "Fancy". She's as over the top as Henderson but with a better voice, but not good enough to go to Hollywood. She somehow manages to restrain herself as she leaves.

Couples have a history of bad Idol auditions, and the next pair that we see continues that tradition. Crystal Ortiz, 26, from Raleigh, NC and Randy Stark, 27, from Abeline, TX, met on the Idol chat boards and fell in love even though they hadn't seen each other in person until the audition. Now how romantic is that? They both sing "She's More" by Andy Griggs. As a duo they sounded OK but individually they weren't so good. Stark's voice was really weak. Ortiz was a little better but she sings very little compared to Stark. She also sings the whole time looking at her new squeeze. Simon calls it torture and recommends that they check into a hotel. 6 nos and we're off to a crappy start.

Next comes two tons of fun in more ways than one, brother and sister Jeffrey and Michelle Lapkin from South Carolina. Jeffrey's a heavy guy decked out like Randy Jackson including the shoes, except for some reason he's wearing his tie as a headband. Michelle's not all that light herself but is at least dressed more sensibly. They try out "I'm Your Angel", the R. Kelly/Celine Dion duet (seriously, I didn't know those two did a duet. I need to get out more, at least I have heard of them both), and it's clear that Jeffrey is the much better of the two. I'll say this, it was one happy audition. Randy votes yes to his lookalike but no to the sister. Paula's a yes for both. Simon says yes to Jeffrey and wavers on Michelle before finally saying yes, claiming that he can't possibly split the two of them up. Both Jeffrey and Michelle run out, so to speak, and have a three ton collision with their equally mass challenged sister in the hallway.

At various points we see Oliver Hyman, who had to leave the audition early because his wife went into labor. We see them headed to the car, get lost on the way to the hospital, finally at the hospital, then post-delivery with their new bundle of joy.

After no Medley of Losers last night we get a special treat tonight, Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats." Ironically, I heard this song for the first time just today on the way home from work and I thought it was pretty good. The DJ didn't announce the song name so I was going to look it up online tonight anyway, only to have the Idol producers do it for me. Nice.

Our next contestant is 16 year old Amy Catherine Flynn (A.C. to her friends) from Knoxville, Tennessee. She's the captain of her high school dance team and also leads a school club that preaches abstinence from sex. At Simon's request she does her whole spiel, and Simon vows to change his evil ways. She sings Christina Aguilera's "Reflections." She has a decent voice but the song is way too big for her little voice. When Simon has the audacity to point this out she rebukes him. "I think that's a bit much to say," she tells him like a mother scolding her child. Simon predicts that half of America will like her (count Paula in that group, she "loves her"), and the other half will hate her (count me here, she's a stuck up as they come), then he rolls out the "you're not as good as you think you are" line again. I get the feeling that this will be Simon's catchphrase of the year now that "karaoke" and "cabaret" have worn out their welcomes. Still, three yeses and A.C. is off to brag to her friends that she's going to Hollywood.

The final contestant from Day 1 is London Weidberg, a 24 year old blond hair blue eyed lady from right there in Charleston. She's got the look for sure. After we learn that she recently lost her father to cancer she belts out Billie Holliday's "Good Morning Heartache" and shows that she's got the voice too. Even though she looks and sounds like a ringer she's by far the best audition of the night and she's off to Hollywood.

Day 2 starts with C-17 Air Force pilot Lyndsey Goodman, stationed at Charleston Air Force Base. She's got the look too and I thought she did a decent version of Alannah Miles' "Black Velvet", but the judges disagree. Paula thinks Goodman's nerves did her in, though is hard for me to believe that an Air Force pilot would have that problem. Three no's and she's off.

Then we get 22 year old Aretha Codner from Buffalo, NY. Yes, she was named after Aretha Franklin. Apparently that was the first American singer her mother heard when she came to America from Jamaica. She's got Aretha's chest size too, making Simon's eyes pop out of his head when she saunters into the room. She struggles mightily with Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing" and then can't believe it when the judges say no. She claims that she has a "beautiful, amazing voice" that "stops crowds." Codner continues to claim that she's got a great voice, and Paula, always looking for that silver lining, tells Codner that "I love your confidence." Thanks Paula, you were scaring me there for a while with how well you have been behaving this season. However, Randy tries to top her by asking "is she married?", I think in a mocking way.

As obnoxious as Codner was it was not good enough to be Psycho of the Night. That award goes to the next contestant, Joshua Bosen from Beaufort, South Carolina. He absolutely butchered "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going", the song from Dreamgirls that earned Jennifer Hudson an Oscar, and left the judges speechless. After they all critique his performance he goes off. Some of the choice tidbits from his rant: "I don't have a good voice?", "Y'all shouldn't come to South Carolina cuz this is what you're gonna get." Simon admires his attitude until Bosen claims that American Idol is "fake and rigged," at which point Simon does an 180 and accuses Bosen of being "rude and deluded." Nothing like questioning the legitimacy of the Simon's Cash Cow to get on his bad side. Paula, needing to restore the credibility of the show, reverts to form and tells Bosen that she liked his personality. She then starts with her final judgment but Bosen storms out of the audition room before she can finish. To seal his psycho status Bosen claims that "my talent is too big for this competition." I don't think one person who has claimed that or anything like that in the auditions has ever gone on to back up this claim.

After another parade of losers and "no's" we finally get to hear 27 year old Oliver Hyman from Cornelius, North Carolina, the father of the newborn baby girl. After all the build up you would think he would have a good audition (it did work for Phil Stacey last season) but sadly that didn't happen here. His rendition of "Get Here", a Justin Guarini song from the Season 1 American Idol album, had its moments but was all over the map. After the judges turn him down we get to meet the "Idol baby" Emma Grace Hyman (thankfully not named "Idol" like someone at the Dallas auditions named her baby), and Paula regrets saying no to a pretty nice guy.

The Final Score: 23 tickets to Hollywood, 5 digs at Simon, 4 at Paula (making a nice comeback), 3 at Randy, 17 references to former Idol contestants (does wonders for the search engine hit rate) including the obligatory Chris Daughtry reference (oops, make that 18).

The Stars of the Night: To be honest, the only audition that I thought was any good was London Weidberg's, though the Lapkins were lots of fun. The rest were OK to poor to God awful. So much for the South being the cradle of Idol winners, though there's still time for someone to emerge from Dixieland.

America's Finest City

Tonight we come from one of my hometowns, San Diego, California. 12,000 folks showed up to audition. Being a former San Diego resident I noticed something peculiar about the auditions. The contestants were all gathered at Qualcomm Stadium (where the Chargers play) but Simon, Paula, and Randy were at the Rancho Bernardo Inn, about a 30 minute drive from Qualcomm. The judges not only were in a different building as the contestants, but they were in fact several miles away. One wonders why. One also wonders how they got the contestants from the Murph (I'm too old school to call it the "Q") to Rancho Bernardo. The freeway between the two spots is the busiest in the city. Local knowledge that you can only get here.

The buzz/controversy of this season is the "ringers" that the producers have inserted into the competition, and the San Diego audition featured the most prominent of them. More on that later.

First we have Tatiana Ostapowych, a cute little blonde who sang "Someone to Watch Over Me." She's a little pitchy but she has a nice voice. Simon rolled out the "you're not as good as you think" line again (again, pot-kettle) and claimed that she was "obnoxious" after Tatiana leaves the room, but votes yes for her anyway. I must have missed something because I didn't see it, and I rewinded the DVR just to be sure. Randy and Paula must have missed it to because they both say yes as well, so she's off to Hollywood.

Next comes single father Perrie Cataldo from Arizona. His son's mother died two years ago. Cataldo doesn't exactly say why but suggested that she was with the "wrong crowd." Interesting. His son is pretty cute. He's got a big ponytail like his dad and he can read too, not bad for a boy who just turned 4. Cataldo does an admirable take of Boyz 2 Men's "I'll Make Love to You" with his son listening with Ryan through the crack in the door. He too is a little pitchy but has a nice voice. No snide comments from Simon this time, though. 3 yeses and a golden ticket.

We then meet the first of the "ringers", Michael Johns. He's originally from Australia and still has a bit of the Oz accent. His background includes being a lead singer of a band that was signed by Maverick Records (Madonna's label) but never released an album because Johns quit before they recorded any songs. For this audition he sang Otis Redding's "I've Been Loving You A Little Too Long", a song that I know well but I must admit I could hardly recognize it when he sang it. I thought he overdid it a bit but all three judges loved it and sent him to Hollywood. One wonders if his background had anything to do with the judges' decision. As Arsenio Hall was once famous for asking, this is one of things that make you go "hmmm?"

After a parade of losers (no Medley of Losers tonight so all we get are parades) the next contestant is 20 year old Valerie Reyes from Riverside, CA. She tells Ryan how she thinks the bad auditions are "hilarious", so you know what that means. She's a big fan of Mariah Carey, so naturally she sings a Phil Collins song, though towards the end she tries to sing the Collins song as if she was Mariah Carey. Randy The Big Dawg howls along with any of the four legged ones within 2 miles of the audition room. Simon's reaction of "Oh....my....God" actually causes Reyes to screech in delight. She actually thinks Cowell likes it, and then gets the hard truth as only Simon Cowell can deliver it. Randy claims to have heard a tone but still thinks it was horrible. 3 nos. She walks out thinking that she was good, but afterward in the interview closet someone must have hit her on the head with a shovel because Reyes suddenly realized that she's one of the rejects that she was making fun of earlier. She also realizes how much she will be made fun of by her friends now. "That's not so cool," she mumbles.

We come back after the break with a guy singing while wearing a pancho and a sombrero while his wife is doing pantomime. Then we meet Christopher Baker and Monique Gibson, two nurses and friends who think they have what it takes to be the next American Idol. Monique is first and tries to sing Whitney Houston's "I Believe in Miracles." Randy laughs at the first note and it's all downhill from there. Gibson refuses to stop despite Simon's constant pleas to do so, then claims that "I know I can sing" and that she just picked the wrong song. She only tried about 4 of them. It's much the same scenario with Mr. Baker. He attempts "I Believe The Children", and while Randy doesn't bust out laughing Baker too refuses to listen to Simon's cries to stop the bleeding. He finally stops when the bouncers mosey across the stage to escort them out. Then both Baker and Gibson go off on the type of rant that the Idol auditions are famous for, earning them the award for Psychos of the Night.

The final contestant from Day 1 is 20 year old Samantha Muse from Baldwin Park, CA. She and her sister are both obsessed with the "hot" Simon. The sister sends a note to Simon via paper airplane as Muse enters the audition room, which prompts Cowell to invite the sister in and judge the audition while sitting on Simon's lap. Yes, Simon's lap. Muse sings "Until You Come Back To Me" by Aretha Franklin, which I think was the Hollywood tryout song either last year or the year before. Maybe not the best song choice for her but she makes it work. She's got a little bit of soul in her voice. 3 yeses from the judges plus 1 from the sister, then a group hug for Simon as the ladies leave. Cowell declares "I love this country." Yes indeed, that's what makes America great.

Day 2 begins with Blake Boshnack from Long Island, New York, who is back for his 11th audition for Idol. His mother apparently keeps pushing him to tryout. He only made it to the judges room once before. In Season 5 he tried singing "My Way" while dressed as the Statue of Liberty, only for Simon to dismiss him after only 5 notes. This time he does it straight with Ben E. King's "Stand By Me." He gets to sing longer this time but the result is still the same.

Another parade of losers is highlighted by Sarah Long, who inspires Randy to evoke the name of the one and only William Hung. She's actually insulted by it, unlike Hung who actually thanked the judges for their criticism. Since we only get to see about 5 seconds of her audition I doubt she'll be able to make a career out of it as Hung has, which is disappointing for her I'm sure.

Next is 28 year old flower child Alberto Hurtado from Chula Vista, CA. He claims he's sacred to sing because it "refreshes his soul." Again, I don't make this stuff up. He walks in with a fan as big as Randy and then unfurls a smaller fan with Paula's name on it. Paula is smitten of course (yes, it took me this long to mention Paula, she seems remarkably sober this time). He sings his own composition called "Live", but perhaps a more appropriate title would be "Dead." Simon tries to rush him to the finish that Hurtado claims is not as depressing but it doesn't exactly brighten up the room. 3 nos from the judges. Hurtado then tells Ryan that he thought the judges would listen to him and claimed that it was all Simon's fault that they didn't.

We learn that the next contestant, 16 year old David Archuleta from Murray, Utah, recently suffered from vocal paralysis. He too is classified as a "ringer" since he won Star Search 4 years ago. However, to be fair that was before his paralysis, and it was obvious from the raspiness of his voice that he wasn't faking it. He sings John Mayer's "Waiting for the World to Change" and inspires Randy to sing backup. While he didn't exactly belt it out he was in tune, more so than any of the others so far, so he's off to Hollywood. Paula then reveals her motherly side by saying how she would love to "squish him." Trust me, she said this affectionately.

Our final contestant is the most famous of the "ringers", Carly Smithson. Originally from Ireland, she tried out in Season 5 and got a ticket to Hollywood, only to be disqualified because her visa expired. She's legal now and came back to try again, singing "I'm Every Woman." She strained a bit on the high notes but she's still got a good voice. It was a much slower version that the one Melinda Doolittle sang last year, and Simon felt that her audition wasn't as good as the one she did two years ago. Still, he says yes along with Randy and Paula and she's off to Hollywood again.

The Final Score: 30 tickets to Hollywood (the highest so far), 3 ringers, 8 Simon references, 4 Randy references, only 2 Paula references, and again no nods to Chris Daughtry. This show needs more rockers.

The Stars of the Night: You'd figure that the ringers would do well and all three, Michael Johns, David Archuleta, and Carly Smithson, did. Of the three Archuleta was easily the best. Among the undiscovered talent Perrie Cataldo and Samantha Muse both stood out in my mind.

Bonus Rant: Much has been made of the number of contestants on this season's show who have already recorded albums for major labels. Smithson, for example, was once signed by MCA but was dropped after sales of her first album tanked. The official rules for Idol state that the contestants are not allowed to have a current recording contract, so it's still OK if they were under contract at one time as long as they weren't at the time of their audition. The producers have been suspiciously coy whenever asked about the large number of formally contracted singers in this year's competition, but rumor has it that they are pushing these folks in order to avoid a repeat of the Sanjaya phenomenon that dominated last season's shows.

The purist argument is similar to the one made against allowing professionals to play in the Olympics. The show is supposed to feature "undiscovered" talent, they say, and to have formally "discovered" talent compete goes against the supposed nature of the show and is unfair to the "amateur" singers. The purity argument goes both ways though. Proponents have argued that by having professional singers on the show it makes Idol more of the singing competition that it was meant to be and less of a popularity contest that it has become, especially the last couple of years.

News outlets have picked up on this row and have asked various Idol bloggers for their opinion. No one, though, has asked this Idol blogger for his opinion so...oh, I'm happy you asked. Personally I don't have a problem with it as long as the ringers are singers who have been dropped by their labels. It sort of adds a Rocky flavor to the show to have singers fighting back from disappointment to regain a foothold in the industry (Taylor Hicks is ineligible to do this, BTW). What I would have a problem with is record labels, especially those already affiliated with American Idol, pushing their lessor known talent on the show in order to generate album sales. That would cheapen the show even more than Sanjaya's rise to fame threatened to do.

I do believe, though, that the producers' attempt to get more professional singers on the show is a pretty severe commentary on the judges. It appears that after letting a less than stellar group of singers into the top 24 last year (with the notable exception of Jordin Sparks and Melinda Doolittle) the producers no longer trust Randy, Paula, and Simon to be able to pick contestants who can actually sing well, so the producers have to stack the deck for them. It could be considered insulting if the big three weren't getting paid piles of money by those same producers.

These one hour shows are much nicer. I can actually go to bed at a decent hour.

What Was In The Water in Season 5?

While browsing through other American Idol themed blogs (it pays to check out the competition) I came across this list from rickey.org. It is the current list of top selling American Idol singers. The blog writer apparently borrowed this list from USA Today. The top 15 singers with the highest total sales are:

1. Kelly Clarkson (Season 1 winner): 9.4 million total
Breakaway: 5.9 million
Thankful: 2.7 million
My December: 740,000

2. Carrie Underwood (Season 4 winner): 7.9 million total
Some Hearts: 6.2 million
Carnival Ride: 1.7 million

3. Clay Aiken (Season 2 runner-up): 4.8 million total
Measure of a Man: 2.8 million
Merry Christmas With Love: 1.4 million
A Thousand Different Ways: 522,000
All Is Well EP: 53,000

4. Chris Daughtry (Season 5 4th place), Daughtry: 3.6 million

5. Ruben Studdard (Season 2 winner): 2.5 million total
Soulful: 1.8 million
I Need an Angel: 451,000
The Return: 236,000

6. Fantasia (Season 3 winner): 2.3 million total
Free Yourself: 1.8 million
Fantasia: 502,000

7. Bo Bice (Season 4 runner-up): 706,000 total
The Real Thing: 670,000
See the Light: 36,000

8. Kellie Pickler (Season 5 6th place), Small Town Girl: 702,000

9. Taylor Hicks (Season 5 winner), Taylor Hicks: 699,000

10. Josh Gracin (Season 2 4th place), Josh Gracin: 695,000

11. Elliott Yamin (Season 5 3rd place): 563,000 total
Elliott Yamin: 484,000
Sounds of the Season: 79,000

12. Jordin Sparks (Season 6 winner): 473,000 total
Jordin Sparks: 424,000
EP: 49,000

13. Katharine McPhee (Season 5 runner-up), Katharine McPhee: 366,000

14. Bucky Covington (Season 5 8th place), Bucky Covington: 317,000

15. Blake Lewis (Season 6 runner-up): 286,000 total
Audio Day Dream: 240,000
EP: 46,000

Of course both Jordin Sparks and Blake Lewis will be moving up the ladder, but how far remains to be seen. As you can see her debut album Jordin is currently the lowest selling of the 6 Idol winners. While her album isn't really burning up the charts there's still time for her to get past Taylor Hicks.

Speaking of Hicks, I find it very interesting that this list is dominated by Season 5 contestants (6 out of 15), yet the winner of the Season 5 competition may end up with the lowest album sales of any Idol winner and, now that he's been dropped by his record label, that number won't be going up any time soon. Hard to explain. It's also hard to explain why there are so many Season 5 contestants on this list. Hicks and Chris Daughtry are perhaps understandable, but I'm not sure that any of the other contestants from that year were that much better than from any other year.

Dallas, Texas, Hollywooood, I Ain't Asking For Much

Night 2 of Season 7 brings us to Dallas, Texas, where auditions are being held for the first time since Season 1. The Season 1 auditions produced the first Idol winner and NASCAR spokesperson Kelly Clarkson, a fact that viewers were reminded about over and over for the next two hours.

One thing you can say about Clarkson; no matter how many Idol winners delude the pool she will always be the first. I wonder how she feels about Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson?

Like last night's show from Philadelphia our first contestant is a good one, 24 year old Jessica Brown. She's a recovering meth addict who entered rehab just two years ago and appears to have cleaned herself up pretty well. She sang "I'll Stand By You" from The Pretenders pretty well too. Hopefully she won't be tempted to relapse when she arrives at that seedy Hollywood, because she's going.

Next we have big ol' country dude Paul Stafford from Crosby, Texas. He shows a lot of enthusiasm but little talent while singing Elliott Yamin's "Wait For You." Paula thinks it's one of the most joyful auditions she has ever heard (that short term memory loss again). So far we've seen someone sing a Elliott Yamin song and saw Taylor Hicks' back-up singer, but no one has tried a Chris Daughtry song yet even though he's outsold both of them combined. Yeah, not like he cares.

Singing waitress Beth Maddox is a big Kelly Clarkson fan but doesn't do her idol justice with a screeching rendition of Clarkson's "Beautiful Disaster." Simon asks if she ever gets any tips.

Following a parade of losers we see Elena Whitaker, who's a big fan of not Kelly Clarkson but Carrie Underwood. She must not be a Cowboys fan. She sings Faith Hill's "Stranger" and handles it well. Simon finds her to be a little too arrogant (pot, meet kettle) but votes her to Hollywood anyway, along with Paula and Randy.

Bruce Dickson is a 19 year old virgin through and through. He's never kissed a girl and is so naive he's willing to admit it on the most watched show in America. Randy asks "on purpose?" in reaction. He tries Bill Withers' "Ain't No Sunshine." It's OK, kind of borderline, but gets a no. He asks for advice from the judges and gets this from Randy: "Kiss some girls;" and this jewel from Simon: "Avoid Ryan on the way out." Yes, Simon still seems to think that Ryan Seacrest is gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Pia Easley is a model and musician with an interesting hair style. She sang an unidentified Gladys Knight tune. She has an interesting voice to go along with her interesting look, particularly at the bottom end. She gets 3 yeses and is headed to Hollywood.

Brandon Green grosses out Ryan by revealing his hobby of collecting his fingertip clippings and carrying them around in a baggie. When asked why he's auditioning he says that it's because he doesn't want to be like Britney Spears. I suspect Britney doesn't want to be like Britney any more either. He sings Hall & Oates' "Rich Girl" with a Southern tone to his voice. He defends Simon when Simon says no, which Randy starts teasing Green about for about a full minute. Simon asks Randy "are you playing with someone's career with your ego?" Ultimately no, 2 yeses from Randy and Paula and he's off to Hollywood.

2 yeses also for the next auditioner, Kayla Hatfield from Campbell, Texas, though you might be surprised by the breakdown. Kayla survived a nasty car crash and lost sight in one eye, but despite that she has this really happy attitude. Her squeeky speaking voice is replaced with a deep throated Janis Joplin medley. Simon defies stereotype and says yes because she's "slightly mad." Not to be outdone, Paula also defies stereotype and says no. Randy breaks the tie and sends Kayla into a dance to Hollywood.

The final auditioner on Day 1 was Kady Malloy, an 18 year old from Houston. She proclaims that she can imitate Britney Spears and does a decent job of it. Then after imitating some other singer that I couldn't identify (let's be honest, I don't get out much) she does a couple stanzas of "Unchained Melody" and does them well. She's by far the best looking female we've been allowed to see. She could pass for Jessica Alba's sister. Simon proclaims her audition to be the best he's heard so far. I don't know if it was that good but with the looks and a decent voice she may go far.

Day 2 starts with Douglas Davison, a 28 year old student. Douglas apparently considers Christina Agulera to be his voice coach and refrains from talking until he walks into the audition. Then, after a brief but awkward warm-up he warbles through Bon Jovi's "Livin' On A Prayer." He clearly needs more lessons but he doesn't give up. He starts warming up again and tries to sing some other song that no one is able to identify. He repeats this pattern at least twice more before security escorts him out. While Randy and Simon try to get him to stop Paula, as usual, tries to accentuate the positive, telling Douglas that he projected his voice better on the latter unidentified song. Davison proclaims later that he thought he was pretty good, sealing his award as Psycho of the Night.

Next comes newlywed Angela Reilly, whose professional model hubby picked out the songs for her audition. She tries The Supremes' "Baby Love" and it is bad, bad karaoke. Hubby Chad, who Randy invited into the room, proclaims it to be "awesome". The guy looks like a model and apprarently has the IQ to match. The judges ask Chad for another song for Angela and he picks Pat Benetar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot". Sadly, she does that one just as bad. Chad still thinks it's great and proclaims that he would buy that song if he could. Did I mention that Chad is a professional model? To prove that vanity runs in pairs Reilly asks "was that really bad karaoke?" One wonders what grade point averages their children will have.

Kyle Ensley is introduced as a wanna-be politician studying at Oklahoma State University. Ensley is a geek-lookin' feller so I wonder how well he'll do in the political arena. Paula, for reasons never explained, is "so optimistic" about Ensley even before he sings a note. After he sings the Queen version of "Somebody to Love" Paula is not some optimistic, but Simon apparently now is. After proclaiming that it was "not as bad as I thought it would be," Simon surprises Paula and Randy and votes yes. Randy's a no, so Ensley starts politicking Paula until he convinces her to say yes. Maybe he's got a future in politics after all.

After seeing contestant after contestant with all the enthusiasm one can stand we get Tammy Tuzinski from Grapevine, Texas, who appears to have OD'd on Prozac. She sings Celine Dion's "The Power of Love" as if she is channeling Steven Wright, then shows almost no emotion when she is told no by all three judges. At least she didn't go off on a rant about how the judges got it all wrong and how she will one day be victorious. I'll give her credit for that.

Fuzzy haired guitarist Colton Swan from Oklahoma sings "Boondocks" by Little Big Town. I like his voice even though he has some funky mannerisms. All three judges do too and he's off to Hollywood. The judges and Colton then conspire to fake out his parents and Seacrest by at first pretending that he was rejected.

After the break, we see a bunch of guys in dresses. I'll let that sink in for a second.

Then we meet their polar opposite, farm boy Drew Poppelreiter from Saltillo, Mississippi. He could pass as the brother of fellow Mississippian Brett Favre. His parents, sittin' on their porch, say that all Drew wanted to do was farm until he discovered singing. They make it sound like it was a bad thing. He sings George Strait's "Check Yes or No" and he has that old tyme country thing goin' on. Randy's diggin' it but that English feller Simon doesn't. Paula wavers for a bit before finally saying yes, likely just to upset Simon.

Kyle Renick is a child counselor that wants to be the next Chris Daughtry, complete with the "guy-liner" around his eyes. He sings a rather demonic version of Kelly Clarkson's "Never Again" that would scare small children as well as all three judges. Hard to fathom that this guy is a counselor to kindergartners. Three no's to go along with the looks of fear.

Tonight's Medley of Losers, as you could have probably guessed from the moment the show started, was Kelly Clarkson's "Since You've Been Gone." This group included a woman dressed as a witch (complete with the green skin paint). What some people won't do to get on TV, even for 2 seconds.

The Kelly Clarkson theme continues with contestant Nina Shaw, whose connection to Clarkson is their shared home town of Burleson, Texas. Shaw looks a lot better than Kelly though, I must say. She does a night club version of Whitney Houston's "Run To You," which Simon immediately pans, but Randy is so taken by her looks that he, along with Paula again, vote yes.

Finally, we have Renaldo Lapuz, the "Birdman" from Reno, Nevada. He walks in with a white suit, a silver cape, and a white hat with wings on it. He also has Simon's name on the hat, and when Paula asks why he says that it's because Simon is famous all over the world. Lapuz has another reason but Randy doesn't want to hear it. He sings his own composition, "We're Brothers Forever," which consists of the about 8 lyrics that are repeated over and over and over some more. The judges can't maintain their composure and start to join in the singing. Randy brings Ryan in and they start singing and dancing with Lapuz. Paula tries to do some fake sign language interpretation that you might expect someone with a few drinks to do, then starts to bust some moves that you would expect only Paula could do. Simon never leaves his seat but encourages him to continue and gives Lapuz a hug at the end. Renaldo then continues to heap praise on Saint Cowell, proclaiming him to be "heaven's chosen." Because my recap just cannot do it justice I found this clip.



Final Score: 24 contestants going to Hollywood, 10 comments about Simon, 6 about Paula, 4 about Randy, 6 references to Kelly Clarkson (though the show itself had about a dozen more), 2 references to Britney Spears, 2 references to Chris Daughtry, and 1 song that I still can't get out of my head 2 hours later.

The Stars of the Night: Not too many this go around. I have to agree with Simon that Kady Malloy was the best. Others that positively stood out were Jessica Brown, Elena Whitaker, and to a lessor degree Colton Swan. Not a big night for the dudes, except for maybe Birdman.

"I am your brother, your best friend forever..."

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

All right now, Season 7 of American Idol has finally arrived so no more blasts from the past. I took 5 pages of notes so that you, my faithful audience of maybe 5 people, can get the best recap that I can offer.

Yeah, I know how lame that sounds. Seriously, these intros are the hardest part to write, since the show recap pretty much writes itself.

I'm going to try a straight recap and see how that goes. If I'm still typing at 1 am (it's 10:45 now) I may reconsider this approach. When Idol gets to the competition stage I'll revert back to writing the recap as it happens. I've also taped the show on my brand new DVR just in case I need to go back and check something.

The first auditions for Season 7 are in Philadelphia, where each member of the biggest crowd ever to show up for an Idol audition proclaim that they are the "next American Idol." The scary part is the 90% of those folks probably really believe it.

Our first contestant is Joey Catalano, who sang Maroon 5's "Sunday Morning." His looks are towards the geeky side but he's got a good voice. He also claims to have lost 200 pounds (no, not for the show), though I didn't see any stretch marks. Still, it's three yeses and a ticket to Hollywood.

Next comes Alaa Youakeem from Egypt, or "Yuka" to his friends which now include, he hopes, every woman in America. He loves the ladies and wants to fall in love from "his head to his nipple." Seriously, that's what he said. I can't make stuff like this up. He also says that he thinks Paula Abdul is a good singer. Paula, noticeably flattered, can't bring herself to say no even though Yuka badly sang the Bee Gees' "How Deep is Your Love". Instead she says that she is impressed with how he "phonetically learned" the song. Like I said, this stuff writes itself. A no for the love machine.

One of Season 5 winner Taylor Hicks' back-up singers, Melanie Nyema, is next. Couldn't catch the song title. She slurred about half the words but she got enough of them right to convince Randy and Paula to say yes.

Then there is Philly tour guide James Lewis, who sang "Go Down Moses." He claims that he sounds like a cross between Paul Robeson and Eddie Vedder. He sounds more like a cross between The Hulk and Frankenstein. Randy and Paula can't stop laughing, they even try to hide their faces from poor Mr. Lewis. When Randy can't bring himself to say anything he starts singing again, which quickly brings Randy to his senses. Even though it's a definite no, so bad that Ryan Seacrest called his audition one of the worst ever, Lewis claims that he'll try again next year and sing something a little more up tempo.

After the break and a few no-name rejects we hear from Junot (pronounced like the movie title, the "t" is silent) Joyner, who sings Elton John's "The Blues." Nothing special but it works, so he's off to Hollywood.

Jose Calendera gets about 10 seconds and a ticket to Hollywood, with an accent.

Jonathan Baines gets even less time but nevertheless another golden ticket.

Then we meet 16 year old Temptress Brown. She's built like a middle linebacker, and sure enough she plays that position on her high school football team (she didn't say if it was the boys team or an all-girl squad). Her mother is absolutely huge. I would make fun of her but she's sick and Temptress is singing for her. Sadly, not very well. She tries "I'm Not Going Anywhere," the song that got Jennifer Hudson an Oscar and LaKesha Jones a 4th place finish last season. The judges are having a hard time telling her no, especially when she starts crying. Simon, Paula, & Randy all walk her outside the audition room and talk to her family. After that I'm finding it hard to say anything bad about her, though I could think of a few harsh things to say to the producer that chose to air her audition.

After a much needed break, more losers. Mark Cohen shows that he can mimic the sound of a cricket. You can probably guess what happens next. Then Uri Sampat does his version of "My Way." He claims his co-workers loved his monotone style but the judges, even Paula, are tending to disagree. Uri tells the judges that he expected to go to Hollywood. Simon tells Uri that he is "nuts." Uri walks out claiming that the judges got it all wrong and that "they weren't feeling what I was feeling." I don't know what he was feeling but I hope that there is a prescription available to get rid of it.

We then get the Medley of Losers that is included in every audition show. This time the butchered song was Joan Jett's "I Love Rock and Roll." If you wondered why so many bad singers pick the same song you are not alone. The folks at Vote for the Worst.com claim that the producers make them sing it.

Another staple of the audition shows is the psycho who goes nuts when the judges reject them. Tonight it's Alexis Cohen from Allentown, PA. In her pre-audition profile she seems relatively calm even though Ryan Seacrest has already labeled her "Philly's scariest woman." She comes to the audition wearing incense perfume and sparkles on her face and sings Jefferson Airplane's "Somebody to Love." She sounds much like Janis Joplin, so much so that Randy Jackson recommends that she join a 60's cover band. Simon thought her performance was a bit possessed and then claims she reminds him of William Dafoe (not to her face fortunately). Alexis leaves the audition and goes on a profanity filled rant, mostly about Simon, and declares that she's now going to try acting. Her mom tries to calm Alexis down by explaining Simon's just that way because he is British, but that doesn't seem to help. She leaves the arena declaring "I will be victorious." God help us all.

We now meet 26 year old Angela Martin from Chicago. She had a baby girl when she was 17 who now suffers from Retts Syndrome. About 10 friends and family come to the audition with her (though noticably her daughter's father is not one of them) as she sings Stevie Wonder's "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" for her daughter. She has some bad singing habits from her job as a wedding singer but she's got the look and some potential. Yeses for Hollywood all around. When she comes out with the gold ticket both she and Seacrest get tackled to the ground by the entourage.

The obviously overage Milo Turk gets into the judges room anyway to sing "No Sex Allowed". He's a social worker that wants to send a message to all the young people watching. With a leopard skin vest he's sending a message all right, though perhaps not the one he's thinking of. Paula's loving it, Simon's hating it, Randy is just amazed.

Back to reality, our next contestant is Cristy Lee Cook, who lives in a log cabin in Oregon. She trains horses and is training in mixed martial arts. Yes, the cage fighting stuff like UFC. After some snide comments from Simon regarding jello wrestling Cristy shuts him up with a nice rendition of "Amazing Grace." Like Angela, she's got the look and a voice with potential, especially in the country genre, so she's off to Hollywood.

Ben Haar walks in wearing a full length cloak, which he takes off to reveal a belly dancing costume. Or maybe a eunuch outfit, it's hard for me to say. Paula says that his chest hair is distracting, so he offers to go get it waxed off. Paula says "sure" like a drunk ordering another beer, and sure enough he takes Paula up on her dare and comes back hairless. He then threatens to sing the Pussycat Girls "Don't Ya" before he is hustled out of the room.

Paul Marurano sings a song that he wrote about Paula, which contains about 30 words that rhyme with "her." Yes, "stalker" is one of them, and he's got that look in his eye to go along with it. Randy can't seem to stop laughing about all the rhymes. In true Paula fashion she thanks him for the song as he is escorted out.

No joke, the next singer is Beth Stalker, a club singer at night who recorded a Jesus album when she was 4 years old. She sings "Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered" and was OK. Simon found her indistinguishable and says no but the other two judges say yes and off she goes to Hollywood.

There is a Commerce shoe commercial where "everyone is a star." Insert the words "thinks he/she" and I can hardly think of a better underlying theme for this show.

Chris Watson says that he wants to be a legend and says that Nirvana and the Red Hot Chili Peppers are his influences, though he definitely doesn't look like a grunge rocker. He sings "Follow Me" by Uncle Cracker. He's got the look and a very good voice, so a definite yes. Simon says that the "chicks" are going to like him and he's probably right. Maybe the best audition of the night.

Star Wars fan and admitted "dork" Christina Tolisano comes in wearing Princess Leia hairpieces and a Star Wars fan buckle. She says that she wants to get out of her hometown so that she doesn't have to be a correctional officer. Somehow I think she'd be well suited for a career in law enforcement. She also says that "men love me," though I suspect her opinion is skewed because of the crowd that she probably hangs out with. She does a decent version of "Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me" but not good enough to go to Hollywood. She then goes off on a rant about how all the contestants look and sound the same and how the show needs people like her that are different. Her 80+ year old grandparents just stand there and smile like all loving grandparents of geeks do.

The final Philadelphia auditioner is Brooke White, a nanny from L.A. who has never smoked, drank alcohol, or seen a R-rated movie. Is she really from L.A.? She sings Corinne Bailey Rae's "Like A Star" and was very good, comparable to Rae herself. Randy likes her purity and innocence, which Simon threatens to lure her away from. She kind of reminds me of someone that I work with actually. She's off to Hollywood.

Final Score: 29 tickets to Hollywood, 7 digs at Paula, 5 Simon paraphrases, 4 psycho singers, 1 reference to The Hulk, and no references to Chris Daughtry, but it is only the first show of the season.

The Stars of the Night: Of the folks going to Hollywood that the producers let us see the ones that stood out were Joey Catalano, Angela Martin, Cristy Lee Cook, Chris Watson, and Brooke White.

It's now 12:22, so we'll try this again tomorrow. Good night.

From the Archives: Season 6 Finale

For my final archive post I've added a special treat, not one, not two, but three videos. I should acknowledge that most of the videos are from the idollogy channel on You Tube. Hopefully You Tube will allow posting of Season 7 performances so that I can further enhance your reading experience.

Season 7 starts Tuesday night, and I still don't know how I will recap the audition shows. I guess I'll just figure it out as I go along. Story of my life in a way...

From May 22, 2007:

So here we are in the Kodak Theater yet again, and just like last year we have a girl who excels at ballads versus a guy with a gimmick, albeit a very good one, for the big bucks. I for one didn't think beat box boy would make it this far, but then as I mentioned last week, what the heck do I know?

Just like last year, each singer sings three songs: one of the singer's favorites, which will likely be a repeat performance from earlier this year, one they haven’t sung on the show before (now there’s a first!), the third a hokey song intended to be their first recorded single. Now, this year, perhaps in response to all the complaints about how bad the original songs have been in previous seasons, the Idol producers decided to stage a contest for songwriters to see which song would be sung tonight as the original song. The song will likely still be hokey, but now the producers will be able to find someone else to blame.

So how will the kids do on the biggest stage of their young and (in Jordin's case anyway) innocent lives? Let’s burn up some Jiffy Pop popcorn and find out.

(This leads me to wonder if either Jordin or Blake even knows what Jiffy Pop is)

The show starts by pointing out that both finalists came out of the Seattle audition, which was by all accounts the worst in the history of the show. That was the one with the guy Simon called "Monkey Baby" that got Rosie O'Donnell all ticked off. I wonder if the producers are now reconsidering returning to the Emerald City.

(With no mentor to bash there may be a lot of trashing the producers tonight, unless Paula says something wacky again)

Round 1
Blake: “You Give Love a Bad Name” by Bon Jovi, from Bon Jovi week
A repeat performance from the one that likely contributed the most to get him this far. It was about as good as the other performance was, but it just didn't seem quite as strong. I think a lot of my disappointment is because the surprise factor wasn't there this time. It also seemed a little rushed. Still, it wasn't bad. Paula of course thought it was the greatest thing ever, just like all the teenage girls in the audience.

Jordin: “Fighter” by Christina Aguilera
Jordin breaks tradition by doing the song she hadn't done before first. She also breaks with her normal routine and picks a song done after she was born. And here we all thought Blake was the adventurous one. I thought it was a really good song choice for her, especially since it wasn't obvious that it would be from the start. There was a little weak part in the middle, but the beginning and the end were really good. She's got the chops to compete with Ms. Aguilera, I'll give her that.

Simon gives Round 1 to Blake, Randy and Paula are non-committal as usual. I thought Jordin was better, but what the heck do I know?

One nice thing about this being the season finale is that I won’t be subjected to the AT&T “BFF Jill” ad as much any more. I will miss the Old Navy bikini ads though…

Round 2
Blake: “She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5
While it’s the first time he’s done this song it’s the second time he’s done a Maroon 5 ditty. I’m going to use a word to describe this performance that I haven’t used in some time, “pitchy”. No beat boxing, which Randy and I both like, but for me it was just OK. He gets points for actually doing a singing number in the final, despite Simon’s comments to the contrary.

Jordin: “Broken Wing” by Martina McBride, from Country Week



This was the song she did on country night. Jordin's doing the songs in reverse order from Blake, pretty smart for a 17 year old. She oversold it at bit the last time she sang it but this performance was much more controlled while still sounding inspired. One of her best performances, which is saying something. It was really, really good. Only goose bump performance of the night.

Round 2 to me clearly goes to Jordin.

Round 3
Scott LeBay and Jeff Peabody are announced as the winners of the much ballyhooed Idol songwriting contest and get all of 2 seconds of screen time. Congrats boys, good luck getting those remaining 13 seconds of fame. Sure enough, it’s another sappy ballad titled “This is My Now”. So much for that experiment. I find it hard to believe that it took 2 guys to write this song.

Blake: The start of the song requires a lot of low notes that pitchy boy really struggles with. He does a little better, though a bit rushed, with the higher pitched chorus. He does look comfortable up there while performing it. He sounded way out of his element, though he didn't look it. Chris Richardson looks on with adoring eyes. The judges give it a lukewarm evaluation (yes, even Paula), and for once I agree with them. Advantage Jordin even before she sings a single note.

Jordin: She too struggles to get the low notes in pitch, but not as much as Blake did. She of course kicks butt on the rest of the song before breaking down in tears on the last two lines. In the past that may have hurt her but it may have actually helped her here. Melinda looks on, but her glance looks a little more menacing than Chris’ (could it be that she’s actually upset over getting voted off?). Simon gives us a naughty visual by saying that Jordin “wiped the floor with Blake”.

Round 3 goes to Jordin, though it was a little unfair.

Final Score: 3 shots at yours truly, 3 shots at Paula, 2 shots at the producers, 2 references to the “BFF Jill” ad. No Chris Daughtry references, but wait! Guess who's closing the show?! It’s Mr. Daughtry himself dawning some interesting eye shadow while singing “Home”. Somebody call Mom! (1/12/08: I found out later that she did see it)



Idol Looks Back: OK, here we go. For the longest time I thought about leaving this feature blank, but I've calmed down now. Both Randy and Simon claimed again tonight that American Idol is a singing competition, but that's as big a lie as "Mission Accomplished". Repeating that over and over doesn't make it true. If it were, then Sanjaya would have never even made it to the point where Howard Stern could campaign for him, and Melinda would not have been voted off last week. She was the best singer by a country mile this season, maybe even in the history of the show, but instead of performing the hokey song in the finale she has to watch it with Sanjaya and the rest of the losers. Sad, very sad, but what the heck do I know?

The Fearless Prediction: This one may be the closest call since the velvet teddy bear Ruben Stoddard barely beat out the ambiguously gay Clay Aiken in Season 2. Blake is the better performer and has a loyal army of teenage girls supporting him (if all those high pitched screams and “BFF Jill” ads are any indication), but it is clear that Jordin is the much better singer, and without having Melinda sucking votes away from her she’s got a much better chance to make it on top. So, even though it’s not really a singing competition I predict that the better singer, Jordin Sparks, will be the next American Idol. We’ll see if my faith in America can be restored after last week.

From the Archives: Season 6 Semi-Finals

I found out that my last post was listed on the web site http://melinda-doolittle.net/. I felt kind of honored even though it's an "unofficial" site. Seriously, it still upsets me that Melinda was voted off before the finals. Not only was she the best singer in the competition in Season 6, she was one of the best singers in the history of the show, only to be set aside in favor of a teenager and Beat Box Boy. In my humble opinion, she was robbed. Like Chris Daughtry before her I hope that she outsells everyone else from Season 6 and makes a ton of cash. She's too humble to want that for herself but if it counts for anything I want it for her.

So you can probably guess who the feature performer is this week.

From May 15, 2007:

We have reached the Final 3, or as Simon likes to call it, the “semi-finals”. The big challenge is having to sing not one, not two, but three songs, only one of which the semi-finalists get to choose. The other two are selected by the judges and by the producers. I guess Clive Davis, who has selected one song for the final 3 every season before this one, including last year sans Chris Daughtry, decided to take a pass this year. Since by contract he gets exclusive rights to sign all the American Idol finalists one has to wonder if Mr. Davis' absence means that he agrees with the complaints about this year's contestants not measuring up to year's past.

Without Clive there is no mentor this week, so Jordin, Blake, and Melinda are on their own. How did they fare without the expert guidance from the likes of Jennifer Lopez? Let’s dare to find out.

Glendale, Arizona’s Jordin: “Wishing on a Star” by Rolls Royce, selected by Simon
Jordin pulls out the above the knee blouse this week, reminiscent of former contestant Haley Scarnato. Remember her? Me neither, except for her legs. Pretty much the same performance we normally see from Jordin. Little over the top on the vocals, big note at the end, generally solid performance. I will say, though, that she has done better.

Bothell, Washington’s Blake: “Roxanne” by The Police, selected by Paula
They showed the crowd at Blake’s homecoming and I think there wasn't a single guy or woman over the age of 18 in the crowd. Paula is always good for odd song choices, just ask Elliot Yamin, who lost last year because Paula made him sing a crappy song (the sappy 70's tune "What We Won't Do For Love"). Sure enough she didn't disappoint. Beat box boy sung it mostly straight, probably because he couldn't think of why Paula chose this song for him either and thus couldn't figure out how to tweek it with his special gift. It was off key the whole time. Randy and Paula loved it for reasons that I cannot fathom. The crowd gets all over Simon for not calling it “fantastic”.

Nashville, Tennessee’s Melinda: “I Believe in You and Me” by Whitney Houston, selected by Randy



The judges routinely trash contestants who try and sing Whitney songs, then Randy goes and selects one for Melinda, so this ought to be interesting. Well, now we know why Randy chose this song. Key changes, rhythm changes, challenging vocals, and Melinda aced them all. Randy challenged her and she came through. Best of the night so far, and it’s not even close.

During Ryan’s recital of Melinda’s phone numbers Simon suddenly asks “are you drunk?” Ryan, apparently thinking he’s asking Paula, asks Simon, “are you looking at me?” then acts totally flummoxed by the question. No doubt we all are.

Jordin: “She Works Hard for the Money” by Donna Summer, chosen by the producers
Jordin reveals her favorite song is “Hmm Bop” by Hanson, and a groan emerges from the audience. Rightfully so. This is the third song from the Queen of Disco that’s been attempted this year, and the last two by Melinda and LaKesha were not impressive, so let’s see how Diva #3 handles it. This one was a little better than the other two as well as Jordin's earlier song, but it seemed a little flat to me, at least at the start. The now expected big finish worked a little better this time.

Blake: “This Love” by Maroon 5, chosen by the producers
This performance was like night and day compared to the last one, because the song choice was so much better for him. Nice arrangement and he mixed in a little beat boxing without over killing it. He even managed to stay in tune. Blake was “in the zone” as the kids used to say. His best performance since "I Need To Know" on Latin week. Paula says “I was hoping you would sing that.” So why, oh why, Ms. Abdul, did you not choose it for him?

Melinda: “Nutbush City Limits” by Ike & Tina Turner, selected by the producers
Boy, they are really laying down the gauntlet for Melinda tonight. First Randy asks her to sing Whitney Houston, now the producers challenge her to match Tina Turner. Is there a conspiracy to get her off the show? Neither Jordin nor Blake have had to sing anything even remotely as difficult. Once again she came through without another dazzling performance. Lots of soul in this one. I like what she did with the mike stand too, Tina must be proud.

Jordin's own selection: “I, Who Have Nothing” by Shirley Bassey
This was the song she hit out of the park during British Invasion week. She pretty much duplicates that performance again here. If anything it might have been a little better since she added a little more emotion this time. I would have liked her to challenge herself by picking another song, though. Simon whines about her being old fashioned again, and then Jordin rightfully questions why Simon chose a 70’s song for her if he had such a problem with her singing old songs. Pretty sharp for a 17 year old.

Blake’s own selection: “When I Get You Alone” by Robin Thicke
It started out sounding like Pat Boone singing Metallica, a white bread imitation of what should be a grittier song. Then he settles into a nice groove and does a good job with it. Good song choice, because it was a song that fit into his motif and was a song that only he could do, and it wasn't a song he had done before. It was about as good, maybe even slightly better, than the Maroon 5 song. I’m sure he’s glad the Paula Abdul song was the first one he had to sing since it’ll make it easier for everyone to forget about it.

Melinda’s own selection: “I’m a Woman” by Peggy Lee
This is the classic version that Melinda sung to get into the Top 12, not the Helen Reddy number that we've all since forgotten (oops, my mistake, I got the "a" and "m" in the wrong order, but it's too good a chance to trash Helen Reddy to delete it now). Now she’s challenging herself, and again she makes it work. I had forgotten how good she is at phrasing until this performance. Nice touch bringing out the backup singers. Probably the worst of her three performances tonight, but still better than anything either Blake or Jordin did.

Final Score: 4 digs at Paula Abdul (though I try to kiss and make up below), 2 digs at Simon Cowell, only 1 Chris Daughtry reference, and no insults for the mentor.

Your 3 Stars of the Night: Melinda, Melinda, and Melinda. She was that much better than the other two. Not that Jordin and Blake were bad, except for maybe Blake’s performance of “Roxanne”, but Melinda was just that good.

Idol Looks Back: No surprise that LaKesha got the boot last week, so there’s not much I can add to that. I looked back and saw that on March 27 I trashed Paula for declaring that Blake would make the finale, making the first of several comments about Paula’s sobriety. Now that Blake is one night away from the finals and after being called out for criticizing Barry Gibb last week, I have to ask, who am I to question the expertise of these folks? I have all summer and fall to contemplate that.

The Fearless Prediction: It would be a crime if Melinda is voted off now, so it’s down to Blake and Jordin. Both have positives and negatives going for them and both have very devout fan bases amongst the High School Musical set. I think Blake was the one in the bubble coming in and I don’t think he did enough to pass over Jordin and get into the finale, so my prediction is that it’ll be Melinda vs. Jordin for the American Idol contract and the ugly Pontiac.

From the Archives: Season 6 Barry Gibb Week

All this performances this week left much to be desired, which made it difficult to find one to feature. I was tempted to post one of LaKesha's performances since she was voted off this week, but both her performances were pretty bad. That would explain why she was voted off I guess. I decided on one of Melinda Doolittle's performances instead. This clip is nice because it includes the judge's comments, especially the drunk ones from Paula. "Vocals isn't all of it" she says. Well, she oughta know. And of all the people she could cite in comparision to Melinda she chose Stephanie Mills? I noted Paula's babbling at the time but as you'll see I was far too kind.

I wasn't so kind to Barry Gibb, which got me in trouble with one of my regular readers. I was taken to task for criticising a legend and bringing up his deceased brother. But as I said at the time: "Let's face it, everyone on Idol is fair game for the Armchair Idol Judge. Why else would I watch the show?" I still believe that to this day.

From May 8, 2007:

So here we are at the final four, and now they use Bee Gees songs as the theme? You would think that at this point in the competition the producers would use a theme that would present more of a singing challenge to the contestants, but instead we get disco. Plus, didn't these folks sing disco tunes during Gwen Stefani week? I think the final four week theme should be more challenging, like say Elvis Presley songs. Long live the King.

No, no Chris Daughtry reference yet. Don’t worry; I’ll work one in somehow.

So, can our singers get down tonight on the disco ra-ound? Let’s dim all the lights and find out.

This week’s mentor is Barry Gibb, who like Brian Wilson is the only surviving member of a singing family. Well, maybe he still has a surviving brother but have any of you seen him since the turn of the century? One wonders how much advice a guy who needed to suck helium to sing well can provide. I’m sure he can provide good hair advice, though. Even though his mane has more grey than mine it still looks good. Too bad Sanjaya's no longer in the competition. He would probably benefit the most from Barry’s advice.

Melinda: “Inside and Out”
Barry thought it was an unusual song choice since it was written for a trio. It was a little flat at first but it picked up towards the end. Probably not her best but better than what most of the others can do. Apparently though, the judges are demanding perfection from Melinda and thus pan her performance. Even Paula was semi-critical (fully critical is probably too much to ask). Perhaps she’s hoping to avoid eating her words from last week when she declared Phil’s performance the best opening song ever. Melinda may not have been wonderful, but she was 10 times better than what Squidward opened the show with last week.

Blake: “You Should Be Dancing”
Blake’s probably the only one of the four who can sing in the trademark Gibb falsetto. Mid song Blake breaks out his best Michael Winslow (the sound effects guy from the Police Academy movies) impression, which I thought was really annoying. His singing wasn't much better. Randy & Simon were all over that. Paula lauds the beat boxing but pans his actual singing, just to prove how bad it was.

LaKesha: “Stayin' Alive”
LaKesha goes for more of an R&B version of the song instead of the disco beat. It certainly suited her singing style better and displayed some creativity for once, something she has lacked the entire competition. Still, it wasn't that great. She rushed it a bit at first then tried to interject a bunch of stuff into the song. Let’s face it, there’s no way anyone can sing this song with a different arrangement and not raise eyebrows. It’s like singing “YMCA” as a ballad.

3 performances so far, all leaving much to be desired. Let’s face it, it’s not the singers, IT'S THE SONGS! These guys are trying to make something out of nothing and it ain't workin'. It’s like trying to draw blood from a stone. I doubt even Chris Daughtry (1) could do anything with these tunes.

Jordin: “To Love Somebody”
Let’s see what someone born long after disco died can do to keep this night from joining disco in the grave. There is some promise since she stayed away from a disco tune and went with a straight ballad. Barry thinks it’s the greatest version he’s ever heard (even better than his own?). I found it to be a little over the top. It sounded like she was trying too hard to sell it. Still, it was a good song choice and miles better than the three before her, which probably made it sound better than it really was.

Melinda: “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?”



She’s looked real nervous during the interview segment, not an encouraging sign. She also chose to leave out the line about being a loser from the song. I would too given how often Simon whines every time someone sings a lyric like that. The start was tentative and almost drowned out by the back-up singers, and then she kicked it to another level and blew them away. 10 times better performance, 100 times better song choice. Paula encourages Melinda to throw away the technical portion of her singing, and then takes a swig from her big ol' glass of God only knows what.

Blake: “This Is Where I Came In”
Blake goes the Melinda route and picks an obscure tune. Barry’s excited since it’ll allow Blake to “use the little gifts that he has.” For some reason that comment really creeps me out. Well, there was a reason why this song wasn't a hit, and Blake found it. Not even his “hip/contemporary” spin could save it. This performance was better than his first but still pretty bad. Paula of course loved the beat boxing and thought it was in tune, then got on both Randy’s and Simon’s case when they both said the exact opposite.

LaKesha: “Run to Me”
She too goes the Melinda route and chooses a ballad with two key changes. I admire the fact that she didn't overpower the song like she tends to do, but it was not the best song choice for her. The song demanded a soft touch, which she made an admirable attempt to do but went away from her strengths. Instead it sounded flat. If LaKesha loses American Idol it’ll be because her song choices have been so bad.

Jordin: “A Woman in Love”
The good news is that she picked the only Barry Gibb song sung by a woman. The bad news is that the woman was Barbra Streisand, a tough act to invite comparisons to. And in this case, Jordin didn't compare well. The song choice exposed some weaknesses in her voice that I didn't know that she had. Jordin's good, but not Streisand good (even if you hate her politics you can’t trash Babs' voice). Just like the first song, Jordin goes over the top with the vocals and the emotion. Not nearly as much in control as she has been before. She gets points, though, for staying away from the Saturday Night Fever material.

Final Score: 4 Paula Abdul slams (a new record I think), 3 mentor criticisms (including his songs), 2 proverbs about doing the impossible, and 1 Chris Daughtry reference (not bad considering the theme).

Your Two Stars of the Night: Hard to say since everyone was trying to squeeze blood from turnips. Melinda’s second song and Jordin's first were the best of the night, but neither were all that impressive.

Idol Looks Back: Chris’ departure was a no brainer. I missed picking LaKesha to leave instead of Phil, but I did say it was a toss up and that LaKesha was a better singer. So all in all I would consider last week to be a success.

The Fearless Prediction: Now that we’re down to the last 4 it’ll only the bottom 2 instead of the bottom 3. Barring a disruption to the space time continuum I think it’s safe to say that LaKesha will be one of them. Blake should be the other for a number of reasons, though as the only boy left on the show he could be in the top two for that reason alone. The girls still screech at the sound of his name, and they ain't screeching for Melinda or Jordin. Still, I’ll stuck to my principles and pick him. It won’t matter, though, who will be joining LaKesha in the bottom 2, because for the second year in a row the singer who wowed everyone the first week of voting will end up finishing fourth. Last year it was Chris Daughtry (2), this year it’ll be LaKesha Jones.

From the Archives: Season 6 Bon Jovi Week

Not much to comment on here, except that this is probably the week that got Blake Lewis into the finals. I wasn't blown away by his performance as much as some others, but because it got a lot of play it is this week's You Tube feature. It was also the first post where I settled into the final format for these posts.

From May 1, 2007:

Well, this out to be interesting. Who among this group can sing a Bon Jovi song without sounding like, well, me singing a Bon Jovi song? (though I once could do a mean Axl Rose impression after a few drinks) This is not exactly challenging material, except perhaps to singers who can’t sing rock songs, which ironically includes all 6 remaining contestants. The opening shows former Idol contestant Gina Glocksen in the audience. This year’s designated rocker I’m sure is wishing she was competing tonight. Betcha Chris Daughtry is sitting at home thinking the same thing. Well, maybe not, but rest assured I will be very tempted to refer back to Mr. Daughtry as I go through this recap.

So how will the soul sisters, boy banders, and Squidward handle big hair rock and roll? Let’s flick on the lighters and find out.

Jon Bon Jovi is this week’s mentor, preaching sincerity and feeling. Somehow it sounded more authentic this time than it did when J-Lo said it. Also, unlike J-Lo and Gwen Stefani Bon Jovi is shown giving actual technical advice to each of the contestants, yes even Melinda. Some actual mentoring from a mentor for once.

Phil: “Blaze of Glory”
I thought he would have chosen the country song that Bon Jovi did last year with Sugarland given his success with the C&W the last two weeks, but it still does have something of a country theme. Phil says he’s been singing this song for 15 years. We’ll see if practice pays off. Crowd gets off early, mistaking his shouting for passionate singing. The passion was definitely there, though vocally he’s been better. It is possible to combine passion and strong singing, just ask Chris Daughtry (I didn't mention him last week, so I feel compelled to mention him multiple times this week). Paula thinks this is the “Best opening we've had all season long.” I've heard that alcohol can cause short term memory loss, but never believed it until now. Did I mention I once could do a mean Axl Rose impression after a few drinks?

Jordin: “Livin' On a Prayer”
Jordin says “my mom grew up on Bon Jovi.” God I feel real old now. There goes my vote. To be honest, I’m not too crazy about the song choice. Like Phil, it was more shouting than singing. She was way out of her comfort zone and it showed. She even invited the criticism from the judges, something Simon was happy to oblige her with and Paula couldn't bring herself to do. No surprises there. Was there a Bon Jovi ballad that she could have done instead? I’m sure they've done at least one that would have been much better for her than this song was. Far and away her worst performance of the finals.

LaKesha: “This Ain't a Love Song”
OK, here’s bubble girl who learned about Bon Jovi from seeing him on Oprah. This girl really needs to turn off the TV and get out of the house more. This is the song that Jordin should have done. Finally, for the first time since the first week of voting she bursts out the big voice and the big attitude. She finally picked a song that accentuated the strengths of her voice and was not done by a former Idol winner, and she just blew both Phil and Jordin away. It was so good that Simon actually kissed her for it, on the lips no less. I don’t know if this is enough to save her from elimination, though. She’d be in much better shape had she chosen songs like this more often.

Blake: “You Give Love a Bad Name”



Beat box boy is taking a chance trying to tweak, make that completely overhaul, a well known song. Jon’s not too sure about it. He breaks out the beat boxing and even adds some sound effects for good measure. Not exactly my cup of tea, but it was pretty good for what it was. Let’s face it, there’s no way he could have done that song straight with that wimpy voice of his, so perhaps it’s not a big of a risk as it’s being portrayed. I think it was actually pretty smart of him, and he did sing it in tune, so yeah, he earned a few points.

Chris: “Wanted Dead or Alive”
Even Ryan has picked up on the Justin Timberlake imitation known as Chris Richardson. Chris grimaced when he said it. Well, the truth hurts sometimes, but then again that’s what’s gotten him this far. This is the song that Chris Daughtry blew everyone away with last year (that’s 4). Unlike Beat Box Blake, Chris tries to sing it straight with his boy band voice. The good thing is that we actually heard some grit for once. The bad thing is that it paled in comparison to both Bon Jovi and Chris Daughtry (5). Simon was correct, he did the best that he could with that song but it may not be enough to save him from elimination.

Melinda: “Have a Nice Day”
Well this ought to be interesting. Can the soul sister sing a rock song? I think Melinda may be the only contestant who was actually alive when Bon Jovi had their first hit. This has nothing to do with Melinda herself but after Jordin's comment I had to say it. Damn that was pretty good for someone who’s never done a rock song before. Good voice, lots of attitude. While Jordin struggled with a song outside of her range Melinda once again rose to the challenge. While it was not her best, this performance is why I think she should win this competition. She took a song in a genre she’s never done before and made it work for her.

Final Score: 5 Chris Daughtry references, 2 digs at J-Lo (the gift that keeps on giving), 1 Paula Abdul alcohol reference (ditto).

Your 3 Stars of the Night: LaKesha, Melinda, and Blake. Nice to see LaKesha back on this list, and for the first time since the start of the finals Jordin is not.

Looking Back: Nice touch by the Idol producers to not kick anybody off on charity night. I thought it was a little disingenuous, though, to tease that Jordin was going to be voted off in an attempt to keep people watching until the end. I would have thought the cause would have been enough to keep people watching without have to resort to blatant manipulation. Poor Jordin was an emotional wreck after that.

The Fearless Prediction: This one is going to be really hard to get right since the results of this week and last are going to be combined, and with 70 million votes last week who knows what will happen. This week, just like last, there were three good performances and three bad ones. This time the bad ones were Phil, Jordin, and Chris. Last week it was Blake, LaKesha, and Chris. Since Chris is the only one who shows up on both lists I predict Chris will be one of the two singers eliminated. Jordin did too good a job last week to leave now, and Blake still has the girls screaming for him, so that leaves Phil and LaKesha. This is a real toss-up for me, but since I predicted LaKesha would be voted off last week and I've twice been burned predicting Phil’s departure, I’ll stick with LaKesha as my second choice for elimination, though I thought she sang well enough tonight to stay in the competition.