Bore Me to Tears of Jupiter

Just how influential is new President Barack Obama? So much so that he got America’s most popular television program to move to the next night to make room for his not the State of the Union State of the Union speech. I am surprised, though, that the president’s daughters allowed him to get away with that. I get the feeling that they are big American Idol fans.

Trained Seal is back with the casual wear, though this time his shirt has a collar. The judges are aligned in a mirror image of where they sat last week. Randy thinks tonight’s contestants have an advantage since they got to see last week’s guinea pigs. The two chicks give useless advice. Ryan claims Simon has problems with the lights, which of course Captain Jack denies. Simon then refuses to give the contestants any advice.

Jasmine Murray – “Love Song” by Sarah Bareilles: This is the poor chick from the homeless shelter, I think. I do remember that she was in one of the featured Hollywood Week groups with Bikini Girl. She starts off somewhat pitchy with the lower notes. The pitch gets better with the louder chorus. I notice a lot of Idol contestants try to solve their pitch problems by singing louder. I would call it shouting but I am no expert. Jasmine has some soul in her voice and looks good while singing with it but all in all it didn't blow me away. Randy agrees with me. Kara lauds her commercialism but also gets on her case about the low notes. Paula wants to disagree with Randy and Kara but can’t bring herself to do it. Someone must have spiked Drunk Chick’s drink with something non-alcoholic because she sounds somewhat sane. It is early, though, so Paula has plenty of time to get that buzz that we all love. Simon goes after the audience for booing him when he agrees with the other judges. Jasmine thought she actually did well and had a good time, at least until all the judges panned her. She still shows the smile as she banters with Trained Seal about her efforts to vote last week. Ryan acts surprised that Jasmine actually tried to vote.

Matt Giraud – “Viva La Vida” by Coldplay: It’s the dueling piano player that sings like Elliott Yamin. Any bets as to whether or not he’ll play a piano if he makes it into the Top 12? It’s an interesting song choice. Matt starts off with a pretty good imitation of Chris Martin, but he soon fades into a more breathy version, kind of like David Archuleta imitating Chris Martin. Elliott Yamin he’s not, at least not tonight. He is putting an interesting spin on the song to venture out of the karaoke zone, but that is about the only positive thing that I can say about his performance. Kara jumps ahead of Randy and trashes the song choice. Paula this time admits that she saw the rehearsal only so that she could be positive and say that he was better now compared to then. Simon accuses Matt of being a wanna-be pop star and gets booed by the audience. Randy agrees with Simon and gets no reaction, then gets applause when he says he still believes in Matt. Matt dismisses them all by saying that this is the kind of songs that he wants to sing instead of the piano bar stuff the judges urged him to return to.

Jeanine Vailes – “This Love” by Maroon 5: Like last week, I won’t get into the bios of contestants the Idol producers didn't bother to feature during the auditions unless they make it into the Top 12. I will point out that Jessie is a bartender only because she is pretty too and I wanted to offer up something besides a comment about her appearance. I don’t want you to think I am shallow or anything. Oh yeah, she’s wearing short shorts to display some nice legs too. She has a ‘tude like Jasmine but she is singing better while displaying it. Overall, I thought it was pretty good, but good enough to get around the fact the producers ignored her? Probably not. Paula thought she had great legs and then passed over to Simon without further comment. Looks like the buzz is beginning to kick into Drunk Chick’s head. Simon agrees with Paula about Jeanine’s legs but then says the performance was terrible. Randy thought the best part of her performance was when it was over, an unusually harsh remark from Sexual Chocolate that causes the audience to now boo him. Kara thought Jeanine overdid the song while the rest of the judges giggle about the legs. Jeanine reveals her frustration that she wasn't seen during the auditions in order to justify her song choice. Captain Jack thinks Jeanine deserves another shot and Trained Seal thinks Simon needs another shot. Drunk Chick seconds the motion as expected. The nonsense ends with a brief discussion about how old Jeanine and Simon are.

Nick Mitchell – “You’re Going to Love Me” by Jennifer Hudson: It’s time for the Idol Wild Card to take the stage. After appearing straight during his video it is Normund Gentle that appears on the steps. After some emoting on stage Normund gets on his knees in front of the judges table and heavily pets the Idol logo. The rest of the performance includes more kneeling and the tossing of various clothing accessories. Well, it was what it was. I really don’t have much to say about Nick’s singing because it was overshadowed by everything else. It was far from a stellar singing performance but it was very entertaining and very memorable. Captain Jack thinks he is speaking for America by saying that he is praying that Nick doesn't go on to the next round, no doubt thinking of Sanjaya Malakar while doing so. I thought that it was Tatiana that America didn't want to move on. Simon even gives Nick’s performance a name: “horrific comedy.” “It takes one to know one sacky pants,” Nick replies to much applause with a karate kick and a towel toss. Randy once again agrees with me, bad vocals but very entertaining. Kara gives Nick a backhanded compliment by saying that he is “not a terrible singer.” Before Paula speaks Captain Jack blurts out a backhanded insult by claiming that Paula can relate to Normund’s ability to perform while singing badly. Paula dismissed Simon and talks about she loves how his performance was a homage to Olivia Newton John’s “Physical” and to Jerry Lewis. Where she got those references, God only knows. Drunk Chick then wonders if Idol is the right stage for Normund, leading to the inevitable question as to why he was put through. Well, there is always America’s Got Talent. Nick might actually have a chance on that show. While commenting on his own performance Nick declares his fear that Captain Jack wants to kill him. This prompts the homo-banter that this show is famous for: Simon: “Ryan, did you like him?” Ryan: “In a different way than you probably would.” Simon: “I could believe that.” Audience: “Whoooo.” Trained Seal then pulls a slight of hand by ignoring Captain Jack and asking Paula if she would vote for Nick based on his singing alone. Drunk Chick’s response, after a swig, was “I saw him smiling the whole time.” After a moment of uncomfortable silence Ryan re-asks Paula the same question. This time Drunk Chick comes back with “I thought you were asking Simon,” and then she babbles on incoherently. Paula obviously does not want to answer the question. Nick saves Paula and brings the homo-banter back by asking Trained Seal why he keeps asking Nick how he feels. Ryan, frustrated perhaps that Nick has outed him, reveals that he doesn't think Nick should go on to the Top 12, prompting Drunk Chick to shout something to get the audience to clap.

Allison Iraheta – “Alone” by Heart: The judges’ dark horse is greeted by Trained Seal in the Coca-Cola loft. Allison is not too excited about not being in regular high school and instead being trapped in Idol high school. She is the first artist tonight to not struggle with pitch during the low notes, and then manages to stay in pitch during the shouting parts. Best of the night so far by a country mile. Too bad she had to follow Normund. Randy loves that we finally had some real singing. Horny Chick thinks Allison is too serious and that she still has some stage fright. Allison didn't look frightened to me, at least tonight. Paula thinks she can sing the telephone book and, in continuation of another common Idol theme, goes on and on about how amazed she is that a 16 year old can sing as well as she did. You would think after 16 year old Jordin Sparks won two seasons ago that the judges wouldn't be so amazed. Simon thought she was too boring in the Coca-Cola room but loved her singing on stage. All through this Ryan was hanging out with Allison’s mom, who was apparently so scared to hear what Simon had to say that she covered her face during Captain Jack’s comments.

Kris Allen – “Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson: Like Allison he got 5 seconds of air time during the auditions and will need an Allison-like performance to have any shot of moving on. We learn that at the auditions Simon was put off by Kris’s modesty, which may explain why he only had 5 seconds of air time before tonight. Yet another odd song choice, I don’t think I've heard anyone sing a Wacko Jacko song well on this show. Perhaps they should consider banning Michael Jackson songs. Kris puts more of an upbeat spin on the song, kind of Maroon 5-ish. Not bad, perhaps second best of the night to this point. Horny Chick liked the back, hated the front, and thought Kris’ performance sucked compared to what he did during Hollywood Week, which of course we never saw. For once the audience booed her. Paula proudly proclaims that she disagreed completely to Kara and the audience cheers. Captain Jack agrees with Paula and earns crazy applause from the audience and a kiss from Paula. Sexual Chocolate proudly proclaims that he partially disagrees with Simon but then basically repeats what Simon said.

Megan Corkrey – “Put Your Records On” by Corinne Bailey Rae: I will try and be more restrained in my sarcasm this time because she is a nice girl. She shakes her booty at the start and solicits a couple of whoos from the crowd. OK, this time I think it really was the wrong song choice. She has a nice voice but it doesn't seem to be fitting in well with this song. It is not pitchy or anything, it just seems a little odd. Let’s see if the judges agree with me. Paula of course thinks she picked the right song and did everything right. Simon accuses Megan of being a funny little thing and oversang the second part of the song. Captain Jack is being surprisingly restrained with his criticism but still gets booed. Randy thought it was a nice job. Horny Chick calls Megan a “package artist”, someone who could break out with the right song and video, but then says nothing about her performance tonight. Trained Seal and Megan compare booty shakes and then Ryan suggests that Paula should see his “cold hearted snake.” Believe me, it was not nearly as sexually suggestive live as it appears here in print.

Matt Breitzke – “If You Could Only See” by Tonic: Matt is the welder who couldn't tolerate Tatiana’s meltdown during Hollywood Week. He keeps the blue collar thing going on with the jeans and untucked shirt. He is putting a Chris Daughtry/David Cook-esque rock spin on this pop song and did an OK job with it. He stayed in tune at least. Simon hated the song and is frustrated that Matt chose it. Matt respectfully disagrees. Randy that it was really boring and Kara thought it was really flat. Paula didn't think the song celebrated who she fell in love with. Even after all 4 judges thought it was a bad song choice Matt still disagrees and tells Ryan that he still would have chosen that song.

Jessie Langseth – “Bette Davis Eyes” by Kim Carnes: Again, I’m not going to bother with describing people that we haven’t seen before, though her looks have changed so much from the auditions that maybe we did see her after all. Now this is by far the most interesting song choice of the night so far. I don’t know, she is clearly giving her all but this performance is flatter than Matt’s. It didn't blow me away. Randy was upset that it didn't blow him away too. Jessie scores points by challenging Sexual Chocolate to justify his criticism, asking him to specify what it was that he didn't like about it and what he would have rather seen her do. Randy actually replies with something that makes some sense, saying that he wanted to hear more of a vocal range. Jessie is impressed that Randy actually answered her question with a coherent answer. Kara thought that Jessie was interesting to watch but that there were only moments that she liked, not the whole song. Jessie talks about how much she likes the drum line in the song and Drunk Chick leads the audience in a clapping routine. Paula liked Jessie’s unique phrasing and how cool she is. Simon doesn't want to be rude but thinks she is forgettable and “too cool for school.” Jessie actually has an interesting personality; it’s too bad that we never got to see it during the audition shows.

Kai Kalama – “What Becomes of the Broken Hearted” by Jimmy Ruffin: Mom is still doing OK and is in the audience tonight. Kai carries on tonight’s theme by being in tune, being on pitch, including a little bit of shouting, and mostly being forgettable. If this keeps up Normund might actually have a chance at getting into the Top 12. Hard to criticize Kai’s performance but I can’t really praise it either. Kara thought the song was too old-fashioned. Paula says he was pitchy but was surprised at how well he performed it. Captain Jack thought it was corny and wedding singer-like, nothing distinct or memorable but capable. Yeah, just like I said. Randy thought it was much too safe. Still, he has a shot at getting through unless one of the last 2 contestants break the trend and do something interesting.

Mishavonna Henson – “Drops of Jupiter” by Train: I hope they finally explain the origin of her name. No such luck, but we do learn that she is from the OC. It’s good to see another OC native make good. She is mostly in tune but is struggling to hit the high notes, which again she resolves by shouting through the finale. At spots she has a nice voice but there were some spots that were very shaky. Paula seems sad by the song choice. Simon thinks Mishavonna was too serious and cold and sang the song like a 50-year old, which Drunk Chick by explaining to Captain Jack that the coldness was because “it is drops, from Jupiter.” Simon struggles with the rest of his critique while also trying to make sense of Drunk Chick’s attempt at humor. Randy agrees with Simon and Paula starts laughing. Kara thinks Mishavonna is too “put together” and needs to shake it up more and Paula starts sneezing, which Sexual Chocolate thinks may be a sign of Drunk Chick’s displeasure over her fellow judges’ comments. Mishavonna agrees that she hasn't been crazy enough on stage and promises to be Super Crazy if she gets through to the Top 12. She should have thought of that before singing such a cold song.

Adam Lambert – “Satisfaction” by The Rolling Stones: Broadway Boy gets the closer spot and I have my first contestant nickname figured out. He declares that he was enlightened by Horny Chick’s comments during that the auditions that he was too dramatic. Forget what I said before, this is the most interesting song choice of the night. Adam is in full-on drama queen mode but he’s doing it in tune and in pitch. He is phrasing it well and for once he doesn't sound like he is in the middle of a Broadway production. It was over the top but how else can anyone do that song without sounding like an idiot? Paula thinks she was watching an Adam Lambert concert instead of Idol. Captain Jack thought some parts were horrible and some parts were brilliant and then immediately contradicted himself by calling it a “love it or hate it performance” without really saying which way he was leaning. Randy was feeling the love and thought Adam was one of the “most current” singers in the history of the show. Kara thought his technical ability was crazy and outrageous. After that my picture got jumpy so I don’t know why the chicks were pointing into the audience. The jumpiness continues through the recap so I’m taking this as a sign that it is time for me to wrap this one up.

The Final Score: 14 shots at Drunk Chick Paula, 10 shots at Captain Jack Simon, 6 shots at Trained Seal Ryan, 5 shots at Horny Chick Kara, 5 shots at Sexual Chocolate Randy, and 10 shots at the audience. 8 direct references to former Idol contestants, 5 references to other non-Idol performers, and 5 direct and indirect sexual references. 2 Idol nicknames, 2 backhanded comments, 2 iTunes plugs, 2 common themes identified, 1 karate kick, 1 product plug, 1 plug for another show, a bunch of jumpy pictures, and a shout-out to my old home county.

Your 3 Stars of the Night: Allison Iraheta was the only one that came close to goose bumps. If she keeps this up she won’t be a dark horse for long. Adam Lambert did Mick Jagger justice, and Kris Allen did a respectable job with a Wacko Jacko song. Honorable mention goes to Nick Mitchell for one of the most entertaining semi-final performances in quite some time.

Idol Gives Back: I started the live Idol season by going 3 for 3, picking all 3 finalists. Fortunately I missed most of the results show, catching only the very end when the Idol producers manipulated Tatiana Del Toro’s dramatic tendencies for dramatic effect. I think she was the only person in America that thought that she would be going through instead of Danny Gorky. I love, though, how Tatiana denied the producers what their hearts desired by acting so restrained during Danny’s celebration song. I also noticed how none of the other contestants were paying much attention to her when she finally did start to break down.

The Fearless Prediction: Just like the first Semi-Final 12 there is only one slam dunk finalist, Alison Iraheta. Kris Allen sang better than Adam Lambert but to be honest Adam is much more memorable so I predict Adam will be the top guy through to the Top 12. As for the third finalist, it depends on how America feels about Nick Mitchell. Memorability is not a problem with him, but can an entertainer, as opposed to a singer, make it into the Top 12? My gut feeling is that he won’t and that Kris Allen will get through instead, but it would not surprise me to see Normund strutting his stuff a couple weeks from now.

Sexual Healing

It is back to the future night, as Idol goes back to the original format for the semi-finals. Instead of two people getting voted off three people will be voted forward to the Top 12. No explanation as to why the Idol producers choose to do this, though one could make a guess. It is a lot harder for the forces of evil to keep contestants like Tatiana Del Toro on the show when they have to overcome 9 other contestants instead of just 1 or 2. Just a thought….

So from now until the grand finale I will be typing this as I watch the show instead of taking notes for later broadcast. The idea is that I can get to bed earlier and provide my faithful readers with a more lively experience. Well, it is a fine idea anyway. I will probably still end up going to bed late and only you can say how lively this thing will be.

In keeping with the theme Trained Seal has ditched the suits in favor of the more casual wear he used to wear back when he had a co-host. The judges, of course, are keeping it casual as always. Horny Chick is nervous appearing on live TV for the first time, especially after Drunk Chick starts suggesting that they get under the table again. Ryan looked uncomfortable listening to chicks talk about sex, and then looked even more uncomfortable when Captain Jack compliments his new hair-do.

Jackie Thom - “A Little Less Conversation” by Elvis Presley: Rather than try and imitate The King Jackie gives it a Tina Turner-like treatment, complete with the hot pants. She has a lot of spirit but it’s not exactly a stellar vocal performance. Still, she certainly has her own style and was not afraid to show it here. Randy and Kara both agree with me so I won’t make fun of them, for now at least. Drunk Chick reminds Randy that he used to fit in hot pants. Now that’s a visual that I did not need. Simon thought Jackie played the clown and was “ungamly”, and already the crowd is all over Captain Jack for using one of them foreign words. Jackie’s parents are in the house and Ryan points out that they were staring a hole into Simon while he was criticizing their daughter. We also now know where Jackie gets her off the wall attitude.

Ricky Braddy – “A Song for You” by Leon Russell: This is our first introduction to Mr. Braddy, which in past seasons has usually been the kiss of death. However, last year Quiet Man Jason Castro wasn't seen until the semis and he made it all the way to the Final Four, giving hope to cannon fodder like Ricky. Since Idol never bothered to introduce us to Ricky during the auditions I won’t bother with doing so here unless he makes it into the Top 12, except to note that he used to work in a chicken fast food place. He is a North Carolina guy, home of many an Idol star in seasons past. He has a good voice but he starts this ballad out kind of bland. Hopefully for him he’ll have a big finish. He drops in the falsetto at the chorus and remarkably stays in tune. All in all it didn't blow me away but it was pretty good. I wonder why they have been hiding this guy for so long. Randy and Kara are even more blown away than me. Paula also wonders why Ricky wasn't featured until now. Why don’t you ask the folks who sign your checks, Drunk Chick? Simon attempts to offer an explanation by claiming that Ricky doesn't have any star quality and gets booed for his troubles. Drunk Chick tries to cancel out Captain Jack’s comments by shouting “you’re brilliant!” To Ricky, not Simon.

Forgive me for bouncing back and forth between past and present tense. I’m warning you now that from this point forward I’m not going to bother with correcting myself as I go, otherwise I’ll be here all night and I still have a job to go to tomorrow morning.

Trained Seal brings back the iTunes plugs.

Alexis Grace – “Never Loved a Man” by Aretha Franklin: This is the chick that was advised to get dirtier by have sex with her boyfriend after her audition. Still no mention of the boyfriend but his picture is still in her living room so I guess he’s still around. Alexis claims to be taking a chance with her song choice, even though about 100 prior contestants have sung this song on this show before her. The audience cheers on her shouting, but it’s clear to me that this is not the best song choice for her. She should have gone with a Janis number instead I think. She does have a nice bluesy voice that would be better served by a Janis number compared to an Aretha number. The dress choice was much better though, and at least she didn't pick a Whitney song. Sexual Chocolate is in love with the new dirty girl. Horny Chick is similarly turned on and takes credit for inspiring Alexis to dirty up her image. Drunk Chick is amazed that a 21 year old can display so much soul and confidence after claiming Alexis had neither at her audition, and then tries to go on to keep Captain Jack from saying anything. Simon surprises us all by saying that he liked her performance, even comparing her to Kelly Clarkson.

Brent Keith – “Hick Town” by Jason Aldean: This is the busker that put the two chicks under the table during the auditions. Let’s see if he is similarly inspiring tonight. It doesn't start well for Brent as the director cues up Stevie Wright’s promo instead. Trained Seal tries to improvise but is saved when the correct promo starts rolling. Brent is the first to stake a claim for the country spot, smart move considering how many country singers Idol has produced. It’s a decent Garth Brooks impression, though I don’t think Garth did this song. I’ll need to look it up during the break. After hearing Brent’s performance Sexual Chocolate is ready for a chili cook-off. Horny Chick thought he played it safe and wasn't rangy enough. That’s country music in a nutshell my dear. Paula conjures up the ghost of Bucky Covington. Simon thought it was unoriginal and Drunk Chick can’t believe it. Brent disagrees with Captain Jack and doesn't think country fans will forget his performance. He’s probably right but I doubt it’ll be enough to move on. He continues that thought in the red room with Trained Seal, and in the process pulls a Tony Stewart and refers to himself in the plural first person. We love Smoke and like this guy but we find this very annoying.

Stevie Wright – “You Belong with Me” by Taylor Swift: She doesn't think Captain Jack likes her, so she’s going to act young from this point forward to try and impress him. She starts off kind of shaky with the low notes, but kicks in the spirit with the chorus. The second verse is even shakier than the first, but again she does better with the chorus. I don’t know about this one. Probably the worst vocal of the night so far. Randy is not pleased and gets booed. Kara agrees with Randy and no one boos her. Paula agrees with them and me and no one boos her either. Captain Jack thought it was terrible and gets booed, then gets the other judges on him for saying that she has no chance of moving on to the next round. Stevie’s mom wonders why the judges criticized Stevie for being too young now after they urged her in Hollywood to be younger. Right on, sister.

Anoop Desai – “Angel of Mine” by Monica: Apparently he likes to go by “Anoop Dog.” If Anoop makes it to the Top 12 I’ll need to come up with a better nickname than that for him. A very interesting song choice, I wonder how he will pull this off. He shows off the good voice that we heard during his audition, but to me it was kind of bland. The tweener girls in the audience love it though, as does Drunk Chick. Sexual Chocolate has mad love for Anoop but was not turned on by the song choice. Horny Chick yet again agrees with Randy. Drunk Chick thinks “America has connected with you” but I don’t know if they will remember him after tonight. Simon thought the song was too grown-up and serious for him, but he still likes him. The other judges quickly agree but not Anoop, who instead defends his song choice. I’ll offer up an early fearless prediction, this dude won’t move on tomorrow but will instead be one of the wild cards.

Trained Seal works in iTunes pimp #2 as his makes his way up the stairs. This would seem to be an impossible task but Ryan is a trained professional. I bet you he even does it at home.

Casey Carlson – “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” by The Police: Oh yeah, this is the bubble tea girl and it is a song I actually own, though apparently she wants to sing it in another key. At least I hope it’s another key. She shows a little 'tude to get the audience on her side and gets no reaction. No wait, there are a few people clapping along. Randy says the magic word “karaoke” and a duck falls down from the ceiling. No, wait, that was another reality show, sorry about that. For a second there I was channeling Dennis Miller. Kara wonders why Casey even went near a Police song. Drunk Chick compliments Casey’s looks but eventually gets around to saying something critical. Simon seconds the magic word. Casey acknowledged to Trained Seal that the judges were right but that she still had fun, and isn't that why we are all here?

There’s my girl Cheyennis again, this time with a new commercial about her Ford Focus. And thanks to that reference there’s another 15 hits to this site. And on their next shows House M.D. has a heart attack and Chef Ramsey promises to cause one! Let’s see if that gets me some more hits…

Michael Sarver – “I Don’t Want to Be” by Gavin Degraw: Trained Seal calls Michael his twin. In your dreams homeboy. I guess it’s true that ambiguously gay guys love the roughnecks. Michael is having fun too but is more in tune than Casey. Up in the red room Stevie is in the groove but the other contestants look worried, maybe because he’s doing pretty well. Randy wanted to hear more soul and less bounce. Horny Chick again agrees with Randy. Drunk Chick drops her usual compliment and gets cheered, and then she name drops a number of former male contestants who sang the song and in the same sentence complains about how distracted she was by Mike’s mike tossing. Simon was on the fence but still likes him.

Anne Marie Boskovich – “Natural Woman” by Aretha Franklin: Hail is falling outside as I type this so I’m hoping the TV signal doesn't go out, or else this is the end of tonight’s recap. She has a nice voice and really nice legs but this song seems too big for her. That’s the danger of picking an Aretha song. The crowd gives her a standing O and she thought she did well, but then Sexual Chocolate disses the song choice and claims that Anne Marie is confusing him. Kara wanted her to sing a fun girly love song, “that’s not as good” Anne Marie replies. Touché! Drunk Chick thought Anne Marie did better than she did in Hollywood Week not because she sang better but because she took a chance. Captain Jack pulls out the hotel singer voice analogy and then gets back at the audience by accusing them of being easily pleased. Touché times 2! Anne Marie takes the awkwardness into the red room by complaining that she sat on a hard spot on the couch. Trained Seal, perhaps still distracted by the roughneck or the vague sexual reference, loses his train of thought and goes straight to giving out the phone number.

Steven Fowler – “Rock with You” by Michael Jackson: This time Steven promises not to forget the lyrics like he did the last night of Hollywood. I hope so because he sounded good before. Interesting song choice that he did alright with, but he may have been better doing a more soulful song than this one. Randy agrees with me once again. Kara thought he did better when he forgot the lyrics. Paula is disappointed by the song choice. Simon thought it would have been better if he had forgotten the lyrics. Probably in the running with Anoop for a wild card spot.

Tatiana Del Toro – “Saving All My Love for You” by Whitney Houston: And now here is the star of our show and right on cue the hail comes back to threaten my signal. I find it interesting that the other contestants are nowhere to be seen in the red room when Ryan announces that she is next. Tatiana is more subdued than the auditions but she is still determined to win this thing at all costs. Alright! She’s singing a Whitney song; this should be either really good or really interesting. The signal is holding and, well, she is surprisingly good. It would have been so easy to jump on her if she messed this up, but she is determined to make this interesting. Randy was happy with the moments. Horny Chick can’t figure out if she is an artist or a character. “I’m both” Tatiana replies. No doubt about that. Paula points out that she is the most talked about contestant so far and the audience cheers. I guess because Paula said it the audience assumed it was a compliment. Drunk Chick also complains that Tatiana is not acting like a drama queen. Captain Jack out and out calls her a drama queen and thinks that she is as desperate to be famous as Drunk Chick. The judges get on Tatiana’s case about being too reserved and not displaying her goofy laugh. She later tells Ryan that the wacky chick we saw in the auditions was not the real her, but before she convinces us all that she is actually a sane person she makes a classic psycho chick pitch to America to vote for her. I would guess that if Tatiana doesn't make it tomorrow, and there is a decent chance that she won’t, that the judges will get more of the drama queen behavior that they will be able to stand.

Danny Gokey – “Hero” by Mariah Carey: The widower gets the coveted closer spot, to the surprise of virtually no one who thinks the Idol producers are trying to manipulate the vote. Of course we hear about his wife again. I sure hope this is the last time we will. He’s a good singer; he doesn't need the sob story. He’s taking on a pretty big song, even for him. It’s a bit pitchy in spots but he is laying it out there. The judges jump out of their chairs, except for Captain Jack of course. Horny Chick and Sexual Chocolate praise him for saving the show. Drunk Chick pulls out an air lighter and claims Danny can sell out arenas right now. He is good, but not Chris Daughtry good, at least not yet. Captain Jack dowses the audience with realism by saying that Danny is only good and that he’s not ready to jump on the Gokey bandwagon yet. Both Drunk Chick and Horny Chick are ready to punch Simon for being such a hater. Trained Seal then indirectly accuses Simon of not having a heart, “the organ the rest of us have.”

The Final Score: 16 shots at Drunk Chick Paula, 12 shots at Captain Jack Simon, 11 shots at Trained Seal Ryan, 8 shots at Horny Chick Kara, 7 shots at Sexual Chocolate Randy, and 10 shots at the audience. 4 direct and 2 indirect references to former Idol contestants. 2 Aretha songs, 1 Whitney song, 1 Mariah song, 3 ad references, 2 iTunes pimps, 2 weather reports, 1 reference to a NASCAR driver, and 1 channeling of a political comedian/talk show host.

Your 3 Stars of the Night: Danny Gokey took advantage of the closer spot and was the best of the show. Ricky Braddy was better than expected, as was drama queen Tatiana Del Toro. Alexis Grace gets an honorable mention because she was the only one that Captain Jack liked.

Idol Looks Back: Will return next week at this same time and same channel.

The Fearless Prediction: The top dude, the top chick, and the next highest vote getter get through so I can’t take the easy way out and predict that the 3 Stars are all moving on. Danny Gokey is an easy choice to be one of the three. The top girl is much harder to guess. Tatiana Del Toro sang well enough to move on but there are as many people who hate her as those who love her, so I will go with Alexis Grace instead. For the third spot it’s a toss-up between Anoop Desai, Michael Sarver, and Ricky Braddy. Ricky sang the best of the three tonight but Anoop and Michael have already made names for themselves during the auditions. Since I've already predicted that Anoop will be one of the wild cards and I suspect that Ricky has no name recognition thanks to the Idol producers, I predict that Michael Sarver will be the third choice.

Uprooted

First the headline: Joanna Pacitti, one of the top 36 contestants for American Idol Season 8, was disqualified today from the competition, Fox announced. Fox did not give details as to why. However, an unnamed source told the LA Times that it was to "avoid the appearance of impropriety."

As most of you who read this blog or watch the show know, Pacitti once had a record deal with Geffen/A&M Records, which lead to accusations that she was inserted as a ringer by the Idol producers. These accusations gained some traction after Pacitti made it to the Top 36 even after performing poorly during Hollywood Week. What may have finally led to her ouster, though, was the revelation in Star Magazine last week that Pacitti had ties with two producers at 19 Entertainment, the outfit that produces Idol for Fox. One of them in fact was her producer when she was under contract with Geffen and is credited in Pacitti's 2006 album for Geffen that sold all of 16,000 copies.

What is interesting to me here is not that Pacitti had a record deal or ties to the Idol producers, both of which had been known for some time, but the fact that she was disqualified one day after she was shown being in the Top 36. If Fox or 19 Entertainment were concerned about giving the appearance of impropriety then why was Pacitti allowed to stay as long as she did? The "controversy" surrounding Pacitti's past experience has been going on since she first appeared in Louisville, so what led the Idol producers to change their minds now? It is not as if she was the first contestant who once had a record deal or had ties to someone on the show.

One possible explanation for the sudden change of thinking may be that the Idol producers had been planning to dump her for some time, but they didn't want to embarrass Joanna by dumping her during Hollywood Week. So instead they allowed her to be awarded a Top 36 spot and then had her leave without having to appear on the live shows. That's my best guess anyway.

There are some, including myself, who believe that the Idol producers have more say into who gets on the show than they want us to believe. Joanna is but one piece of evidence to reinforce this line of thinking. The producers wanted Joanna in the Top 36 and despite an awful Hollywood Week there she was. It would also explain why Tatiana Del Toro is still on the show. Ken Warwick, the chief Idol producer, stated in the press previews that they wanted to present more drama and more character on the show this year to make up for last season's snoozefest, and if there is anything that Tatiana has it is plenty of drama and character.

Taking Joanna's place in the Top 36 is Felicia Barton, a 26 year old bar singer from Virginia Beach, VA. Felicia was at the Louisville auditions and had about 10 seconds of airtime then and no screen time on the Hollywood Week shows. And here again we see potential evidence of producer involvement. No explanation was given as to why Felicia was chosen as opposed to one of the four who lost their "sing-off" on the chair show or for that matter Jamar Rodgers, who still has a lot of supporters if the blogs are any indication.

I guess for the Idol producers that old adage (and Chris Daughtry song lyric) about being careful about what you wish for may be becoming a realty, and the vote rigging hasn't even started yet.

Everyone Take Their Seats

Because of changes to the format for the chair show I actually have to recap it. Thanks a lot, guys. I was hoping for the night off. Even still, since most of the show was still the same stuff we are used to seeing - contestants make a long walk (and this time it was really long), the judges make a long spiel, the contestants learn their fate and then cry a lot – I can keep this relatively short.

54 contestants showed up at a plush mansion that Trained Seal claimed was the “judge’s mansion.” So do Captain Jack, Drunk Chick, Sexual Chocolate, and Horny Chick all live together or something? Is that why Kara was brought in? Such important questions were never explained.

There were 5 sing-offs between contestants that the judges claimed they were on the fence about. Each one was told to sing “for their lives.” I guess the firing squad was hiding in the fireplace. The results were:

- Alex Wagner-Trugman beat Cody Shelton, the high school guy who makes horror movies.

- Kristen McNamara defeated Jenn Korbee. Jenn auditioned with her husband and both of them made it to Hollywood Week, except that we never saw either of them until Jenn was taken down.

- Jessie Langseth beat Frankie Jordan, who was told by Captain Jack that she would not have won anyway just to cheer her up.

- Nathaniel Marshall defeated Jackie Midkiff, a dude we had not seen until now. We also learned that Nathaniel has been bouncing around from family member to family member after his mom was sent to prison on a drug charge.

- Blue collar guys Matt Breitzke and Michael Sarver battled to a draw. Both dudes were put through.

Among the 18 contestants who were sent home was Danny Gokey's BFF Jamar Rodgers, who judging from the reaction of the other contestants was very popular. I would bet if the producers had asked the contestants they would have put Jamar through and sent Tatiana Del Toro home instead, but then the producers have different priorities so Jamar is done and Tatiana moves on. TK Nash from the Jacksonville auditions was also sent home. The rest were all folks that had never been given TV time until they were told they were out. I imagine they would have a hard time convincing their friends that they were even on the show.

And now here is your Top 36:

Adam Lambert, 26, Hollywood, CA, from the San Francisco auditions. He is the “Wicked” cast member whose first concert he attended at age 10 was Paula’s.

Alexander Wagner-Trugman, 19, Studio City, CA, from the Phoenix auditions. He taught himself to sing in his closet and got sick from the mold.

Alexis Grace, 20, Memphis, TN, from the Louisville auditions. The father of her child was off at military school during her audition but she is now billed as a “single mother.”

Allison Iraheta, 16, Los Angeles, CA, from the San Francisco auditions. She had 10 seconds of air time at her audition and had no air time in Hollywood but showed a good voice. The judges consider her to be the dark horse.

Anne Marie Boskovich, 22, Nashville, TN, from the Jacksonville auditions. She was allowed to re-audition after finding a make-up artist in Jacksonville to help her overcome her shyness. She is one of many contestants that Horny Chick thought was “sexy.”

Anoop Desai, 21, Chapel Hill, NC, from the Kansas City auditions. He studied BBQ at the University of North Carolina as part of his thesis on myths in southern culture. Simon thought he was a computer geek.

Arianna Ayesha Afsar, 16, from San Diego, CA, from the Phoenix auditions. She sang in a karaoke bar at age 6 and started the “Adopt the Grandfriend” club at her school.

Brent Keith, 28, Blanchester, OH, from the Louisville auditions. His audition inspired Simon to use the word “buskerish” and inspired Kara and Paula to make out under the judges table.

Casey Carlson, 20, Minneapolis, MN, from the Kansas City auditions. She is the bubble tea maker that may fill the requisite country singer slot.

Danny Gokey, 28, Milwaukee, WI, from the Kansas City auditions. His wife died 4 weeks before his audition. His BFF Jamar Rodgers just missed the Top 36.

Jackie Tohn, 27, Silver Lake, CA, from the New York auditions. She sang like Tom Waits at her audition and like Amanda Overmyer during Hollywood Week. It was after her audition in New York that the window on the set fell on the judges.

Jasmine Murray, 16, Stockville, MS, from the Jacksonville auditions. She survived a rough child birth and then survived Bikini Girl on group night.

Jeanine Vailes, 27, Sherman Oaks, CA, from the San Francisco auditions. Never seen on TV before now.

Jessie Langseth, 25, Minneapolis, MN, from the Kansas City auditions. Never seen on TV until she beat Frankie Jordan in a sing-off.

Joanna Pacitti, 23, Philadelphia, PA, from the Louisville auditions. She is the ringer who once had a record deal with A&M. Despite butchering every song during Hollywood Week she was still put through.

Jorge Nunez, 20, Carolina, PR, from the San Juan auditions. He proved in his audition that can sing in both English and Spanish.

Ju'not Joyner, 26, Bowie, MD, from the New York auditions. He was not seen until Hollywood and flew under the radar all the way to the Top 36.

Kai Kalama, 26, San Clemente, CA, from the San Francisco auditions. He is the guy who has been taking care of his mom after her seizure. He showed off a classic jazz voice in his audition.

Kendall Beard, 23, Austin, TX, from the San Juan auditions. She was not seen until Hollywood. The judges accused her of singing boring songs but she was still put through.

Kristen McNamara, 22, Napa, CA, from the Louisville auditions. She too was not seen until Hollywood, but she more than made up for it with a dramatic Hollywood Week. She survived the tantrums of her teammates on group night and then won a sing-off versus fellow blond Jenn Korbee to get through, even after the two chicks criticized her wardrobe and Captain Jack told her that Jenn was more attractive.

Kris Allen, 23, Conway, AK, from the Louisville auditions. He got 5 seconds of air time at his audition and got 5 more tonight.

Lil Rounds, 23, Memphis, TN, from the Kansas City auditions. She lost her apartment in a tornado. She adequately fills the requisite diva slot and is considered an early favorite.

Matt Breitzke, 27, Bixby, OK, from the Kansas City auditions. He is the welder that pushed Paula to cut to the chase at the end of Hollywood Week but asking “so it’s a no, right?”

Matt Giraud, 23, Kalamazoo, MI, from the Louisville auditions. He is the dueling piano player who reminded Simon of Elliott Yamin.

Megan Corkrey, 23, Sandy, UT, from the Salt Lake City auditions. She is the stringy blond with an arm full of tattoos that got me in trouble for making assumptions about her being a stringy blond with an arm full of tattoos.

Michael Sarver, 27, Jasper, TX, from the Phoenix auditions. He is the oil rig roughneck with a decent tenor voice.

Mishavonna Henson, 18, Irvine, CA, from the Phoenix auditions. She was not seen until Hollywood and was cut last season at Hollywood Week.

Nathaniel Marshall, 18, Malone, NY, from the New York auditions. He was not seen until Hollywood but like Kristen McNamara he more than made up for it. He couldn't explain why he was so full of songs and then had a nervous breakdown during Hollywood Week when his teammates, including Kristen, kept bickering with each other. Like Kristen he too survived a sing-off with an unknown guy.

Nick Mitchell, 27, Brookfield, CT, from the New York auditions. “Norman Gentle” shocked the world by making it to the Top 36. Words cannot adequately describe him.

Ricky Braddy, 25, Nashville, TN, from the Louisville auditions. Never seen until tonight.

Scott MacIntyre, 23, Scottsdale, AZ, from the Phoenix auditions. He is the blind guy who graduated from Arizona State University at age 19 and was a shoo-in for the Top 36 even before Hollywood Week. Horny Chick told him that they “wanted to see him again.”

Stephen Fowler, 26, Beachwood, OH, from the New York auditions. He was not seen before Hollywood. He aced Stevie Wonder on Hollywood Day 1 but then fell apart on Day 4 when he couldn't finish his song.

Stevie Wright, 16, from Phelan, CA, from the Phoenix auditions. She claimed she named after Stevie Nicks. Captain Jack didn't think she was selfish enough at her audition.

Taylor Vaifanua, 16, Hurricane, UT, from the Salt Lake City auditions. She is the tallest female contestant (5’-11”) since Jordin Sparks. Her family moved from Samoa to further her singing career, leading some to suspect that she is a ringer.

Tatiana Del Toro, 23, San Juan, PR, from the San Francisco auditions. Along with Nick the biggest surprise of the Top 36. She is the designated lunatic who resorted to singing every time she thought she was being rejected and is being portrayed as the least popular person among the contestants. When she ran into the waiting room screaming that she was through only Nathaniel applauded, and it looked like it was only because he was on camera at the time.

Von Smith, 22, Greenwood, MO, from the Kansas City auditions. He looks and sounds like an older David Archuleta and was called an indulgent child by Simon after his first Hollywood Week song.

Next week we go live with the first 12 of the Top 36. Once again I’ll try and write the recap as I watch it. It will abuse my DVR remote but I will get to write in the present tense. I have spent countless hours editing my recaps from present to past tense so it will be nice to not do that anymore.

You Oughta Be In Pictures, Part Troi

And now, the continuation of Hollywood Week…

It was Day 4 at the Kodak Theater and tonight the Idol producers decided to play mind games not only with the remaining 72 contestants but also with the viewers as well. For most of the show the audience was bounced back and forth from the auditions at the start of the day to the room announcements at the end of the day. It was a definite challenge to keep up with the tennis match unfolding on my TV screen. I’m still not sure that I picked up everything even after hitting the pause button on my DVR about 50 times.

The show began with the judges already sorting through the photos, and then we were transported to 7 am that morning for the final performances. For this round each contestant performed a song solo with band and back-up singer accompaniment if they wished. The contestants were also allowed to play their own instruments for the first time, continuing the format change from last season. To the contestant’s delight and to my dismay the judges were not allowed to comment after each audition was over.

First up was the guy from “Wicked”, Adam Lambert, who did a ballad version of Cher’s “I Believe.” He had a good voice but it still sounded like a musical theatre performance. Next up was dueling pianist Matt Gerald, who like a number of contestants sang “Georgia on My Mind”. Of course he sang while playing a keyboard. He too had a good voice but it still sounded like something you would hear in a piano bar. After them came the BFFs from Milwaukee, Jamar Rodgers and Danny Cokey. Both did fine with their songs though Jamar wasn't feeling it afterwards.

During the first break there was another Ford commercial, which reminds me to mention that I've gotten a number of hits due to Google searches for Cheyennis Doom, who I mentioned in my recap of the Jacksonville auditions. One could argue that it was the highlight of that show. One of those hits was from Cheyennis herself (no joke!), who did a search of her name and found my little blog. She too did not know the origin of her surname, but she was a very good sport about having it mentioned here. If you are reading this, Cheyennis, thank you again!

And yes, that is her real name and she still enjoys driving the Ford Focus featured in the spot. Take that all you pessimist haters out there….

Back to the future, we were treated to a rapid fire montage of good performances from the morning, including from Anoop Desai, Jorge Nunez, Kendall Beard, Stevie Wright, Lil Rounds, Miskavenna Hanson, and Scott McIntyre. Scott was kind of off tune during his rendition of Chris Daughtry’s “Home” but he still got a standing O from Drunk Chick either because he is blind or because Paula is deaf. Also in this package was Kristen McNamara, who endured the rants of Nancy Wilson and the panic attacks of Nathaniel Marshall during the group round and did a semi-soulful version of “Because of You” in her last audition. We also learned that she has a last name (though not the origin, I would guess it is Irish) and that she is from just up the street in Napa. These folks made up the bulk of Group 1, who was the first to be sent from the main holding cell to their own special holding cell.

Group 2 included Alexis Grace; Kenny Hoffpauer; Jasmine Murray, who also endured group night hell dealing with Bikini Girl; the dramatic Nathaniel Marshall; the ringer Joanna Pacitti; the oil rigger Michael Sarver; Kai Kalama; Casey Carlson, the bubble tea maker who forgot her lyrics in her final audition; and Steven Fowler. Steven was the guy who aced the Stevie song on Hollywood Day 1, but it was a different story on Day 4. Despite rehearsing all night and being allowed to stop and restart ala Brooke White last season, he still couldn't get through his song and walked off the stage ready to pack his bags. The lovable Tatiana Del Toro, who the Idol producers clearly favor as the next Sanjaya, was initially placed in Group 2 but then was called out of the room and sent back to the main hall. Everyone she left behind breathed a sigh of relief.

After playing it somewhat straight on group night, Nick Mitchell brought back “Norman Simple” for his final solo performance and sang “Georgia on My Mind” Liza Minnelli style. He was placed in Group 4 and Trained Seal did the full-on tease by suggesting that the other people in this group were afraid that they were being cut when they saw Nick in there with them. If this were in fact true, imagine how they felt when Tatiana walked through the door to join them. I couldn't help but notice that no one sat within 10 feet of Tatiana. You could really sense that Ryan was trying hard to make this group look like the losers. Also in Group 4 were Anne Marie Boscovich, the welder Matt Brietzke, and Juno Joiner, another guy who used his young son during his initial audition to get a ticket to Hollywood.

Kaylan Loyd, as creative of a name as I've heard, was doing fine during her final number until Captain Jack cut the band off mid-lyric. She was a bundle of nerves as she was assigned to Group 3 along with India Morrison, the KC rapper who is tight with her sister; Jason Castro’s brother Michael; and Laneshe Young, the Sob Story from the Louisville auditions. You might remember how the Idol producers played up how poor her family was. Laneshe was still bound and determined to succeed and showed some soul during her last audition.

It was now announcement time, but suspiciously Captain Jack had to bail to catch a plane for the UK so it was left to the other three judges to tell each group their fate. Since Simon was not around to force the others to just come out and make the announcement, both Drunk Chick and Sexual Chocolate went on and on about how difficult it was for them to decide and how uneven the performances were and how each of them should not give up on their dreams no matter what happens and so on and so on and so..... Every once in a while Horny Chick chimed in, but it was clear that she didn't know the drill and was leaving it to the pros. Group 2 was first and after the rambling they were told that they were through to the next round. While the folks at Vote for the Worst must not have been pleased that Joanna Pacitti passed, I for one was happy to see Steven Fowler go through. Group 3 was next and they got a shorter version of the spiel, which of course meant that for them it was the end of the line.

There was only 5 minutes left in the show and there were still two groups to inform. Group 1 was next and it was pretty obvious from the start that this group was going through given who was in it. The last group to hear was Group 4, and we learned why the Idol producers moved Tatiana to this group from Group 2. They clearly want drama from Miss Del Toro to close the show and she did not disappoint, as she started to have a nervous breakdown while the judges were doing their spiel. Finally Matt Brietzke raised his hand and asked “so it’s a no, right?” to try and stop the madness. I liked that guy at his audition and I like him even more now. I do wonder, though, how he will deal with Trained Seal’s teases should he make it to the Top 12. We may yet find out because Group 4, including Tatiana, Matt, and Nick/Norman, were through to the next round, which is….

The Chair Show!

50 contestants remain and they were invited back to “the judges’ mansion” to sit in the chairs and find out if they are in the semi-finals. Yes, that’s right, instead of folding chairs and folding tables in some abandoned dance studio somewhere, the chair show this year is being held in a plush mansion complete with plush chairs and presumably plush tables. Trained Seal didn't say, though, which judge’s mansion will be used for the shoot. We can probably rule out Horny Chick since she is new and still can’t afford a plush estate. Wouldn't it be ironic if they have it at Paula’s house, right after she complained to Barbara Walters about how Fox told everybody, including her former stalker, where she lived? Trained Seal did tease that there was a surprise waiting for the contestants. Apparently Captain Jack is going to ask one of them to sing while sitting in the chair. More manufactured drama awaits us all tomorrow night.

You Oughta Be In Pictures, Part Deux

Day 2 of Hollywood Week began right when Day 1 ended, but before we started the audience was promised tears, screaming, emotion, pathos, and “out and out sabotage.” No matter how hard Trained Seal tried, there was no way he or the Idol producers were going to make me feel better about Group Night.

The remaining 100 or so contestants quickly grouped together and we learned who the stars of tonight’s show would be. Tatiana Nicole Del Toro from the San Francisco auditions introduced all sorts of drama to not just her group but, as we found out later on, another one too. Bikini Girl Katrina Darrell hooked up with orphan Rose Fleck and Jasmine Murray and Rose was already bummed about it. And then there was Team Compromise, with ticking song bomb Nathaniel Marshall, some chick named Kristen whose last name I can’t really bring myself to remember, and Nancy Wilson, whose name I remember only because one of The Supremes had the same name.

Within a couple hours after the judges left for their warm beds, Tatiana was already in a paranoid rage and began searching for another group. She hung out with Team Compromise but after another panic attack Tatiana fled back to her first group. By 2:30 am Team Compromise had turned into Team Turmoil. Nancy bitched at Tatiana for flirting with joining the team and then ditching them, and then bitched at Kristen for wanting to take a break, and then Nathaniel bitched at anyone who would listen about all the other bitching. At the same time, Katrina has had enough with her group and headed off the bed. She broke down and cried to her roommate with the cameraman still lurking at the door. It finally hit her that perhaps Horny Chick was right all along and that should have appeared on stage nude after all.

The next morning Katrina’s teammates, now calling themselves The Divas, visited Katrina’s room and found her still in bed and ready to quit. The other chicks take all of about 10 seconds to get over this, only to discover to their horror soon thereafter that Bikini Girl was ready to go on after all. After making a dramatic appearance in the breakfast room the other divas could not even look at her. Meanwhile Nancy was still whining about her teammate’s unwillingness to rehearse all night long and Nathaniel was still whining about Nancy’s whining. Tatiana seemed in a good mood though. At least her group mates weren’t whining about her.

The well rested judges showed up and Captain Jack issued the standard warning about forgetting the lyrics. First up was White Chocolate, 3 pale dudes and sistah India Morrison from Kansas City. They hit a big fly with a hip hop version of The Jackson 5’s “I Want You Back.” The other contestants clapped tentatively, either because they were still half asleep or because they knew that they had just got served.

Austin Sisneros was one of many singers who forgot the lyrics to “Get Ready”. I only point him out because he was so annoying in his Salt Lake City audition and I was happy to see him go. However, Nick Mitchell, or “Norman Gentle”, or “Nick Norman”, made it through to the next round without so much as a snap.

Action Squad, featuring punk band singer Emily Hughes, Ryan Pinkston, and Anne Marie Boskovich (the chick who got a second chance in NYC), brought the moves but forgot the lyrics or how to sing in tune. Anne Marie survived to the next round but Emily and Ryan were sent packing. Emily cried on her mom’s shoulder once she realized she scuttled a trip to Europe for this. Ryan was not too happy either, and actually accused Paula of having “evil in her eyes.” To me it just looked like Drunk Chick was hung over, but since Paula doesn’t drink that couldn’t be true, could it?

We then learned that Captain Jack was hung over too when he called for a crate of Advil. Indeed, all of the judges looked like they only had two hours of sleep too. I could sympathize since I only had a few hours of sleep last night myself thanks to this blog and the virus that would not die.

The BFFs from Milwaukee, Jamar Rodgers and Danny Golke, teamed up with ringer Taylor Vaifanua and another chick to form the Rainbow Coalition. The chemistry was apparent from the start and they aced an a capella version of “Somebody to Love”, the Queen version. Even Captain Jack was happy and they all were sent to the next round. Also moving on were oil rig worker Jeremy Sarver, welder Matt Britske, and Wicked cast member Adam Lambert.

Last up tonight were our three featured teams, The Divas, Tatiana’s nameless group (how about Drama Queen and her Subjects?) and Team Compromise. The Divas were up first and Katrina was in fact there. They tried Duffy’s “Mercy” and it was the train wreck that Orphan Rose had predicted. It didn’t help that Rose forgot her lines and Bikini Girl sang so out of tune. The other divas quickly threw Bikini Girl under the bus and this time neither Captain Jack nor Sexual Chocolate believed her excuses. Jasmine survived but both Rose and Katrina were cut, and Horny Chick could barely contain her glee now that one of her competitors had been sent packing. The other rejects consoled each other but Bikini Girl was like, whatever.

Next up was Tatiana and her first team. They sang “I Want You Back” and were cutoff mid-lyric by the judges. Immediately Tatiana started begging and pleading to stay but Sexual Chocolate would have none of that, shutting Tatiana up with the evil eye. Even though the judges and producers did their best to suggest that the drama queen and her team were going home they were instead all sent to the next round. Tatiana thanked everyone except her teammates, though they didn’t seem to really care about Tatiana any more now that they were through.

At this point it became apparent to me that the contestants must have been given a very small list of songs to choose from, since they all sang the same 5 or so songs. Not one of them was an Aretha Franklin number though. Aretha must have talked to Obama’s people and gotten this taken care of.

The final group to take the stage was Team Compromise, who was portrayed as anything but. The team admitted that they were not getting along and Captain Jack pried Kristen for all of the juicy details. Like the divas they tried to sing “Mercy”. Nathaniel was bursting with energy, Kristen was uninspired but hit some high notes, and Nancy just stumbled her way through. Captain Jack accused the team of trying to sabotage their mate’s chances by deliberately singing badly when they were backing up the lead. It didn’t sound that bad to me, but then I wasn’t paying that much attention at this point. Kristen and Nathaniel went on but Nancy, the one who wanted to rehearse all night, was rejected. Nancy did not take the news well. She shrugged off Nathaniel’s attempt at a hug and shouted a bleeped word to Kristen before storming out of the theatre.

75 contestants, including most of the favorites, made it past Group Night and into the final Hollywood round. Sadly, the Osmond kid wasn’t one of them, and we didn’t even get a chance to hear why. I was able to make it through with the hope that it will be all downhill from here. Next week is the conclusion of Hollywood Week and the Chair Show, which I like because it is the easiest show to recap.

And now, the continuation of Hell’s Kitchen…

You Oughta Be In Pictures Part 1

So as it turns out I am not yet fully recovered from the virus that attacked me last week. It seems to have morphed from the flu to tonsillitis. But I am still hanging in there and the virus is, unlike some of the losers we saw tonight, showing signs of going away. So, now that we've taken care of business let us get on with the show.

It’s Hollywood Week on American Idol, and if it is anything close to the hype that Trained Seal and the Idol producers have been pushing for the last few months it should be one of the best ones ever! OMG! 147 unbelievably talented (Ryan’s words, not mine – he did stop short of “most talented ever” though) contestants arrive in Hollywood and discover that the Hollywood tryouts would not be held in some back alley warehouse in Pasadena but at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood, where all of the finals except, for reasons left to be explained, last season’s were held. The auditioners got the usual spiel from the judges, including Captain Jack’s vain attempt to put the fear of God in the contestants by saying that it was without a doubt the most important day in their lives. Well, let’s see, some of these folks have kids and there are a lot of high school and college grads in the house, so I don’t know about this most important day stuff. Besides, if today was the most important day ever then what did that make tomorrow? Or the next day? Or for one of the 147 the Idol finale?

Turned out the venue was not the only new twist for Hollywood Week. The producers set up a boot camp where the contestants meet with stylists, make-up artists, and vocal coaches. Kind of like junior college. They even have a mentor, Barry Manilow. I was so syked at first about this since I've never had a mentor to bash this early in the season before, but as it turned out after acknowledging his presence and letting him say a few words we never saw Barry again. He did leave us with one juicy tidbit of advice: “What makes a star? Preparation meets opportunity.” This dude should write a book.

For this first round the contestants appeared on stage in groups of 8, sang a short ditty a capella, dealt with comments from the judges, and then learned their fate. Unlike last year when there was a loser’s bracket after the first round, it was go or go home right from the beginning. In the first group were possible ringer Lil Rounds and the mildly entertaining Dennis Bingham, both from the KC auditions. Lil was the woman whose apartment was taken out by a tornado, and Dennis was the one whose begging actually succeeded in getting him a golden ticket. Lil was an easy green light but Dennis was sent home. This came as a surprise to him and this time the begging didn't work. Naturally Dennis’ opinion of the judges did a complete about face from the auditions as he ranted about their competency and questioned their wardrobe as he ran out of the theatre.

Nathaniel Marshall, Anoop Desai, Jasmine Murray, and Rose Flack were all part of a group of 8 who all passed. Rose, the orphan from the Jacksonville auditions, almost had a nervous breakdown during boot camp but still managed to get through Round 1. We got our first look at Nathaniel, who was so full of music that he couldn't help himself but to sing, otherwise it would just burst right out of him. That would not be a pretty sight I’m sure.

Stephen Fowler, who I don’t remember from the auditions, pulled a rare trick and out sung Stevie Wonder on one of Stevie’s songs. I’m keeping my eye on this cat. VFTW favorite Von Smith was so over the top in his two minutes that it was actually funny watching him do it. Despite Captain Jack’s disgust for Von’s “indulgent nonsense” Von still went though.

After we learned that Nick Mitchell had promised to leave “Norman Gentle” back in New York, Norman was back and fully unfurled in Hollywood. He did some high energy shtick that included a shout-out to Trained Seal hiding up in the balcony and got everyone but Captain Jack laughing. Sexual Chocolate seemed to think that “Nick Norman” actually had a voice. Drunk Chick wanted to hear Nick sing a song “all stripped down” but quickly corrected herself when Nick reached for his shirt buttons. Not even Horny Chick wanted to see that. Nick will be back for another round, with or without Norman or his shirt.

After a video full of product placements for Ford we heard Jackie Tohn channel Amanda Overmyer again, this time wearing a panther print and acting like a flake. BFFs Danny Golke and Jamar Rodgers from Milwaukee both made it through and we again heard about how well Danny is getting over the death of his wife.

During the break we saw another of those new commercials for Las Vegas. Apparently Vegas is so desperate for tourists now that they are appealing to stoners who want to burn the place down.

The first round had been a pretty dull one with the exception of Norman and angry reject Dennis Bingham. Business picked up, though, when Bikini Girl Katrina Darrell stepped onto the stage. She did not come nude as Horny Chick asked her too in the Phoenix auditions. Instead she wore a black summer dress with a high hem line to show off her still tanned legs. Katrina warbled through Faith Hill’s “Breathe” and then the predictable hijinks behind the judges’ table began. Kara started with a complement but then said that Katrina’s performance badly deteriorated towards the end. Katrina had told Trained Seal how rude and insecure Horny Chick had been before and tried to frame Kara’s criticisms as being that again. Katrina had a partner in Captain Jack, who started making rude cat hissing sounds in the middle of Kara’s comments. Drunk Chick tried to explain to Kara what Simon was doing but as usual it made so little sense. Horny Chick was so desperate to get Katrina out of Hollywood that she begged Paula to back her up. Paula sort of did but in her usual disjointed way. Perhaps someday Kara will see the futility of this request and learn how hard it is to get Drunk Chick to say anything negative about anybody except Simon (and sometimes she even struggles with that). Randy and Simon both praised Katrina and bought her excuse that it would have sounded better if she had musical accompaniment. Bikini Girl was sent to the next round, and this time Horny Chick wanted Katrina to bring a pole with her. I so hope this girl makes it to the Top 12.

Jeremy Sarrer, the oil rig guy, got through as did Donny and Marie’s nephew David Osmond and the blind guy Scott McIntyre. However, Jesus Valenzuela, the dude with the two cute little boys, was sent home. Emily Hughes, who scuttled her band’s European tour to come to Hollywood for Idol, changed her song at the last minute from “I Put a Spell on You” to No Doubt’s “Excuse Me Mister.” The judges, even Paula, saw through Emily’s attempt to play it safe (and anytime you switch from Nina Simone to Gwen Stefani you are playing it safe, even I know that) and got all over her for it, but Emily still got through anyway.

Our last featured contestant was Erika Wesley, an FBI agent from Portland, OR who was not shown in the audition shows. She was rejected (in favor of Emily among others) and she too begged and pleaded with the judges. Paula pointed out that she had voted yes for Erika and thus attempted to absolve herself from blame, until Captain Jack showed Drunk Chick the paper that she had written “no” on. You see, Paula has the ability to see into the future but can seem remember something she did 5 minutes ago, and she claims not to be an alcoholic despite showing the classic signs that get people into AA meetings. Rather than accept her amnesia Paula fought back “tooth and nail on this one.” No one, not even Captain Jack, had the guts to tell Paula that it didn't matter how she voted because Erika was going home anyway since all the other judges had voted no. G-woman Erika saw an opening during Paula’s rant and went into full begging mode, including claiming that it was her cousin’s birthday and that no one should be voted off American Idol on their cousin’s birthday. I don’t even know when my cousin’s birthdays are. The judges stood firm though, except for Drunk Chick who still insisted that she had voted yes even after Erika had left the theatre.

43 contestants were cut in Round 1, a rather disappointing low number for me since there are still 104 contestants I have to write something about. Tomorrow night is my least favorite part of Hollywood Week, the return of Group Night! Everybody stays up all night and bitches at each other! What fun! I think the over/under on the number of attempts at an Aretha Franklin song is around 7.