Five Minutes More

We have finally reached the Top 5. In years past this was when the contestants were asked to sing two songs instead of one, but because Fox is only giving them one hour this week so they can burn off the remaining episodes of Fringe each contestant this season only has to sing one song. You would think that the producers of America’s most popular show would have put up more of a fight with the network to make the show longer. However, I would venture to guess that these same producers still have nightmares about last season’s Top 5 show when Paula, under pressure from Trained Seal to make her comments quickly, had her vision of the future and critiqued Jason Castro’s second song before he sang it. So now without the pressure of time the producers can sit back and relax knowing that it is less likely that Drunk Chick is going to panic and break kayfabe again and spoil whatever mystique this show still has left.

Trained Seal starts the show by talking about evolving pressure while the contestants stand at attention behind him. Even though they have plenty of time this week there is still no unseen announcer introducing the judges, so I guess that means there is one more person collecting unemployment checks besides Lil Rounds and Anoop Desai. We find out that Ricky Minor and the band are not among the unemployment because they start playing some swing song while the judges are introduced. Sadly the contestants just get the canned Idol song for their intro.

Tonight’s theme is songs by the Rat Pack, which means that it will be de-facto Frank Sinatra night, though it would not surprise me if Broadway Boy sings a Dean Martin song just to be different. Since, as Kris reminds us in the opening video, all of the Rat Pack members are dead (though rumor has it that Angie Dickinson is still around) the producers had to be creative when choosing a tor-mentor, and since neither Harry Connick Jr. nor Billy Crystal were apparently available the producers put their extra strong creative caps on and chose Jamie Foxx. That is the only reason I can think of to explain this choice. Well that and Foxx has a movie to promote that, ironically, was not produced by Fox. I guess Rupert Murdock deserves that for forcing American Idol to stay within one hour.

It is so sweet when irony works on more than one level.

Kris Allen – “The Way You Look Tonight” by Frank Sinatra & others: For the first time that I can remember Kris has selected a song that I have actually heard of, which means of course that the other judges will likely think that it is a lousy song choice. Before he starts to sing Trained Seal asks Kris what he thinks he needs to do to stay in the competition and Kris gives a standard, pat answer that I didn't bother to pay attention to. Foxx is impressed that Kris is not competing in the “Throat Olympics” and thinks he is the best singer still in the competition. He is out this week without either his guitar or another instrument and his voice sounds rather weak. The screaming chicks in the crowd don’t seem to care though, perhaps because they cannot hear Kris above the din they are creating. Instead of changing the arrangement again Kris sings the song relatively straight, though he adds a short loud section just to keep me awake. Overall it was just OK for me, a bit pitchy in spots. Big Sexy can’t talk above the screeches, but then when they calm down he declares that this was Kris’ best performance to date, complete with solid story telling and nice stylings. Horny Chick thinks Kris has set the technical standard impossibly high tonight and declares Kris as “truly a dark horse in this competition.” Since we are down to just 5 contestants I think that it is probably a little late to declare anyone a dark horse, but that is just me. I am not a trained professional like Kara claims to be. Paula is amazed by Kris’s transition from the boy next door to a handsome sophisticated gentleman. I am amazed by Paula’s glow-in-the-dark lip gloss. Captain Jack only thought it was good and gets booed. He then reaches once again into the analogy bag of tricks and declares that Kris’ performance was “wet” and that Kris is like taking a very well trained spaniel for a walk, safe and nice but not incredible. Trained Seal asks Captain Jack for a clarification and gets none.

You know summer is near when Fox starts promoting So You Can Think You Can Dance during Idol. Another possible sign that Idol’s run is close to an end is that Fox has stopped running Cheyennis Doom’s Ford commercials during the show. I do miss them so. Speaking of promos, Trained Seal adds some excitement to his iTunes pimping by promising that this week you’ll get a signed autographed picture of an Idol contestant with your iTunes download. I guess they still have some Jorge Nunez portraits that they have to get rid of.

Allison Iraheta – “Someone to Watch Over Me” by Frank Sinatra & others: Allison gets the Coca-Cola treatment this week and she is actually dressed normally. It must be standards week. Allison talks about how scary it is that she is the only girl left in the competition. Allison has just turned 17, which prompts another 17 year old in the crowd, hopefully a dude, to ask for a date. Foxx talks about how innocent Allison sounds and since Allison is too young to have a boyfriend (since when is 17 too young to have a boyfriend? Unless you are the father of one…) Foxx recommends that she think about her family while singing the song instead. Allison plays it straight for once instead of trying to rock it up and she is still in fine voice, with lots of the grit that I have missed from Allison as of late. Damn, that was good. I think it was her best performance in quite some time, perhaps ever. That gentleman Kris just got blown out of the water by a 17 year old, but let us see what the judges say after heaping so much praise on him. Big Sexy was not sure about the song choice, so yes, he loved it. Kara is not nervous about Allison being in the bottom 3 this week with her deep beyond her years rendition. Paula was waiting forever for Allison to do a ballad and is proud of her tenderness. Simon asks Allison if she thinks she can win the competition at this stage. The crowd answers in the affirmative for her, of course, because they think that everybody can win the competition. After a slight hesitation Allison says that she thinks it can. However, Captain Jack cannot sense the confidence in Allison and despite it being a strong performance he thinks Allison is in trouble tonight. Horny Chick interrupts to declare that Captain Jack is crazy, and then Big Sexy interrupts to again tell Allison that she was the bomb and can take that home with her. Allison no longer looks very comfortable as Ryan gives out the phone numbers and I do not blame her.

Matt Giraud – “My Funny Valentine” by Frank Sinatra & others: If there is anybody who should be worried about being eliminated tonight it is not Allison, it is Piano Man. He too gets the Coca-Cola treatment, where Trained Seal asks Matt to describe how much he was looking forward to this week even though he got a B in jazz class. Foxx had no suggestions, really, but then he calls Matt back into the room after the cameras leave so he can claim to give him some advice. Matt is wearing hats all the time now, even while singing to Foxx, perhaps to hide that big zit on his forehead. I bet you 2o years from now when he loses most of his hair Matt will wear hats to bed. Perhaps the same ones he is wearing now. His voice sounds even weaker than Kris’ and he struggles a bit to get to that falsetto that Horny Chick loves so much. The crowd cheers for this but not as loudly as they did for Kris. Matt gets more in tune when he briefly goes into shouting mode, and then he ends the song with a weak glory note. I don’t know man; I think this dude is in trouble. Randy thought it was a little bit pitchy and that Matt tried too hard with some of his runs. Kara appreciates the runs but was not emotionally connected to the song. Drunk Chick loves what Matt did to the song and the advice that he took from Foxx and the audience cheers Paula’s unique insight. She felt the emotional connection that Horny Chick missed. Captain Jack has to disagree with Big Sexy and say that he thought it was the only authentic rendition that he heard so far tonight. He name drops Nat King Cole when praising Matt’s phrasing. I guess we know who Captain Jack wants to keep in the competition (Piano Man) and who he wants to send home (Allison) in order to justify his decision to save Matt two weeks ago.

Danny Gokey – “Come Rain or Come Shine” by Frank Sinatra & others: Danny promises not to change it up tonight except to add a bluesy aspect to the song. That sounds like a change up to me. For some reason Foxx is staring a hole into Danny as he sings for him, which seems to shake Danny up a bit. Foxx claims that this is what Michael Mann did to him during the filming of Miami Vice and that only when he got up in Danny’s grill was he true, fresh, and pure. Danny walks out from backstage and the chicks in the audience greet him with a collective swoon. He is in decent voice tonight, deeper in pitch than either Kris or Matt but not as deep as Allison was. He works in some runs during the ballad section that are only semi-successful, but his pitch gets better when gets to the more dramatic portion of the song. Then comes the shouting and the Taylor Hicks imitation that was a bit over-indulgent. He is clearly trying to inject some emotion into the song but it sounds somewhat fake to me. Still, it was a decent performance. Big Sexy was again worried about the song choice, so of course he loves it. He even thinks that Danny can have “an album of songs like that and win!” Win what, a Grammy? A platinum album? A role in a Broadway musical? Big Sexy continues on and dismisses Captain Jack and Horny Chick’s comments about connections because it is a singing competition (6) and Danny can sing! After mailing it in last week Big Sexy is all fired up tonight for some reason. Horny Chick loves Danny’s “Rat Pack swagger” that apparently she has been missing from Danny all season, even though I doubt neither she nor Danny knew they were missing it before now. She also thought Danny’s shouting was the most creative Danny has been all season. Drunk Chick promises to keep it short but then babbles on about how stellar Danny’s performance was and how she thinks he can see the finish line from here. Well that doesn't necessarily mean that the finish line is the finale. This time Captain Jack agrees with Horny Chick and praises Danny’s confidence. Simon then thanks both the band and Jamie Foxx for bringing out Danny’s best. Danny forms the heart sign again as Ryan gives out both of his phone numbers.

Adam Lambert – “Feeling Good” (the Muse arrangement) by Sammy Davis Jr. and others: Leave it to Broadway Boy to be the only one to not select a song Sinatra covered. Foxx thinks Adam is going to knock everybody’s head off with his performance, which in the video promises to include a rock edge and some screaming. Foxx is amazed that Adam was not intimidated by having the famous Jamie Foxx standing three feet in front of him. Adam goes against convention once again and comes out with a white suit instead of the traditional black. After a soft start Adam kicks it into high gear with a wink and perhaps a prayer. Adam is in high drama mode now with lots of dramatics and lots of in-tune screaming, and then to top it all off he ends the song with the longest glory note in Idol history. I don’t think this is the way that Sammy recorded it but as usual Adam made that song his own. Big Sexy thinks he is sounding like a broken record by declaring that Adam is in the zone even though it sounded a little too theatrical to him. A little? Actually, I can’t remember Big Sexy ever saying anything about Adam’s theatrics even though it is true. Horny Chick has to pull up her mouth from the floor and then goes into a fake orgasm talking about how confused she is by Adam’s shocking, sleazy, over the top performance. She can’t seem to get over the fact that she lusts after a guy that she has no shot of sleeping with because he just doesn't lean that way. Words cannot describe Drunk Chick’s feelings for Adam until she compares him to Olympian Michael Phelps. Captain Jack loves Big Sexy’s complaints about Adam being theatrical, compared it to complaining that a cow moos. He then tells Adam that he loves how Adam wants to win this competition, once again tossing a back handed insult at Allison. Boy, what did she do to get Captain Jack in her grill? Simon concludes his babbling by praising Adam’s entrance down the stage stairs and tells Trained Seal that he can’t use those stairs for his entrance any more. Trained Seal promises that he won’t walk down the stairs like Adam did, even though rumor has it that he leans the same way Adam does.

And now the continuation of Fringe. Viewer discretion is advised. And despite there being only 5 performances the show still went about a minute or so past 9.

The Final Score: 11 shots at Captain Jack Simon; 10 shots at Big Sexy Randy; 9 shots at Horny Chick Kara; 8 shots at Trained Seal Ryan; 6 shots at Drunk Chick Paula, who was remarkably sober this week; 9 shots at the tor-mentor Jamie Foxx; 2 shots at Ricky Minor and the band; and 6 shots at the audience. 5 references to former Idol contestants and 9 references to other non-Idol performers, including 1 Olympian and 1 network executive. 2 Coca-Cola treatments, 2 iTunes plugs, 2 Olympic references, 2 plugs of other Fox shows, 2 colorful metaphors, 2 people in someone’s grill, 1 dark horse (2 if you count Captain Jack’s declaration back in the auditions that Allison was the dark horse), no K-word utterances, and Big Sexy’s sixth claim that Idol is a singing competition.

Your 3 Stars of the Night: Despite Captain Jack’s insistent criticism I loved Allison’s performance. Adam Lambert was his usual unique self. Danny Gokey gets the third star because he had a little bit more soul than either Kris or Matt, however fake it might have been.

Idol Gives Back: I pretty much covered this in my post last week, except to point out that Matt Giraud is one lucky fellow to still be in this competition.

The Fearless Prediction: It still looks like it’s between Danny and Adam with the others competing for third place, so that makes it easy to predict that Allison, Kris, and Matt will be in the bottom 3. I am a little fearful that Captain Jack’s whining may put Allison in trouble, but judging from past results as well as the relative performances tonight I predict that it will be Matt Giraud who will be going home tomorrow night.

David Heart Miley

You might remember at the end of last season that I predicted that Wonder Boy David Archuleta and Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus would become romantically involved? (in case you forgot it is at the end of this post, see, I told you so) Even though I can't seem to accurately predict who will get voted off I can say that I got this prediction partially correct, as Wonder Boy and Miley Cyrus have done a duet together on Cyrus' famous show:



You had to have known that this was coming. Now we shall see if the rest of my prediction comes true and Wonder Boy ends up in rehab.

The Polls Are Closed and We Are Ready to Make a Projection

In an blatant attempt to increase my hit rate I'm going to go ahead and comment about the eliminations now, even though here on the far side of America the results show has not aired yet. So those of you west of the Rockies plus in Alaska and Hawaii may want to come back in a couple of hours.


Don't worry, I can wait.


OK, now that my neighbors & family are gone, I am of course not surprised to see both Lil Rounds and Anoop Desai go home tonight. Let's be honest, Anoop has been playing with the house money ever since Captain Jack opened up a 13th spot in the finals for him. He has to feel lucky that he made it this far. And as for Lil, she has been all but daring America to not vote for her ever since the finals started, and while her sassy attitude was somewhat refreshing given how bland Idol contestants usually are it was starting to wear a little thin, as was her attempts to mimic the singers whose songs she chose to sing. At least her boys get their mommy back for the next couple of months until the summer tour starts. Now we'll see if either Anoop or Lil actually use Idol as a start of a money making career in the entertainment industry and continue the run of success of 6th and 7th place finishers.

So now we are down to the Top 5: Adam Lambert, Danny Gokey, Allison Iraheta, Kris Allen, and Matt Giraud. It should be no surprise that Adam, Danny, and Allison are still in the competition, and Matt is only there because of Captain Jack's save. Kris Allen though has to count as a surprise. When the semi-finals started who among you outside of the teenage girls who adore his looks thought that Kris would make it this far? I would guess most thought it would be Lil and Scott McIntyre who would still be here instead of Kris. I think it is fair to say that he hasn't backed his way in either. You would expect front runners Adam and Danny to not be in the bottom 3 yet but neither has Kris. In the tradition of Elliott Yamin and Phil Stacey Kris has stepped up to the plate in the finals and lasted far longer than what I and I imagine most people expected.

Be that as it may it still looks like it'll be Adam versus Danny for the title in 5 weeks time. Let's hope the producers don't bring Jim Lampley back to throw more boxing analogies at us like they did at last year's finale. There is only so much of that I can handle in one year.

Death To Disco

So last week the producers changed up the format and had only two judges make comments after each performance and they still ended up going several minutes past 9, just like the week before when they had one more contestant and all four judges babbling. So what will the producers do now that the judges exercised their save power and kept the contestant number at 7? Perhaps it is too much to ask for Trained Seal to do one less plug for iTunes or one less Coca-Cola interview.

You remember how the producers promised to feature the contestants more this season? Neither do I. Honestly, the only difference I have noticed is that there are fewer tor-mentors this year compared to last year, but other than that I do not feel like the producers have made any additional effort to feature the contestant’s personalities, at least since Tatiana Del Toro was sent home. Here is what I remember about each contestant:

Allison Iraheta is 16 years old, her parents are immigrants from El Salvador, and she has pink hair.
Anoop Desai is studying southern American culture at the University of North Carolina, is an only child, and his parents are immigrants from India.
Adam Lambert has appeared in touring productions of Broadway musicals and is probably gay.
Danny Gokey is from Milwaukee, auditioned with his best friend, and his wife died last year.
Kris Allen is handsome.
Lil Rounds has two young boys and saw her apartment damaged in a tornado last year.
Matt Giraud makes a living playing a piano in a bar and sang in a church musical when he was a kid.

I think I knew more about the bland, plastic contestants last season than I do about the ones this season. Perhaps this is a good thing, but it is not what I was promised. Well that and flying cars.

Last week everybody except Broadway Boy sang their songs the same way. Start slow, build up to a loud section finished off by a long glory note, and then either end the song there or do a quiet verse or two to finish it. I said last week that I would have thought better of Kris Allen’s performance, which many other commentators thought was good, if only everyone else before him had not done their songs the exact, same, way he did. Even Allison Iraheta, who I had high hopes for at the start of the finals because she had a unique singing style, has drunk the Idol Kool-Aid and succumbed to this nonsense. I am no fan of Adam Lambert’s screeching, but at least he is daring to be different and that alone may be enough for him to win this singing competition. Hopefully since tonight is disco night we might see some more variation in the arrangements but my hopes are not high. If it gets too bad I’ll switch to recapping the Sharks-Ducks game.

Instead of a live dramatization by Trained Seal to start the show we get a video recap of last week’s history making save by the judges. At the time I didn't notice how strongly Horny Chick reacted to the saving of her boy toy but in retrospect it does make a lot of sense. It also appears that the unseen announcer has been laid off because for the third or fourth straight week there are no intros after the opening theme. The audience boos the fact that two people are going home tomorrow thanks to the judges saving Matt Giraud last week. Don’t those morons understand the premise of this show? Somebody has to go home or else this is just an exhibition, and who the hell wants to see that?

Lil Rounds – “I’m Every Woman” by Chaka Khan: Since Mary J. Blige doesn't do disco this is probably as close as Lil can get to selecting an artist that the judges might approve of. I guess the producers were not happy with Lil’s back talking last week so they put her in the curtain jerking spot tonight, or perhaps they want to give her more time to make a scene again without the pressure of pre-empting Fringe. Lil starts cold without an intro video and has a pretty standard outfit and hair-do this week. She shows lots of energy as she parades around the stage but it is not exactly an impressive vocal. Ricky Minor’s band and the back-up singers seem to have the more challenging parts. Despite the fact that the song is not a ballad Lil still manages to get a glory note in at the end. Big Sexy is once again not happy with the song choice, claiming that Lil still has not demonstrated her alleged vocal skills. It is pretty much the same thing he has been saying every week, only this time there was no Mary J. name drop. Kara was happy that Lil chose a Chaka Khan song but didn't think that the wait was worth it. She then says that Lil has been every woman except herself in this competition. Neither Lil nor her parents are pleased (no surprise there) but for once Horny Chick is right on the money (big surprise there). Drunk Chick tries to defend Lil by claiming that she had no voice yesterday, and then she criticizes Lil for not showing her inner goddess. Captain Jack thinks Lil looks sad, prompting Lil to defend herself and claim that she had fun and was happy since she got to show herself as an artist. The Captain is not impressed and tells Lil that this is the last week that we will see her because the performance was pure copy-cat. The producers prompt Trained Seal to ask Lil to defend herself and Lil obliges by defending her artist choice and claiming that she was “not karaoke” tonight, though none of the judges said the K-word in their criticism. Basically she once again blew off the judges and claimed that America will back her up. The only difference this time is that Lil showed a small degree of honesty by not promising to do better next week.

Kris Allen – “She Works Hard for the Money” by Donna Summer: Kris’ performances thus far have been mostly safe and boring. However, unlike Lil Rounds he has been showing some creativity in his song choices, like this one for example. Trained Seal has time to give Kris the Coca-Cola treatment. Kris was worried about this week’s theme and then claims that he chose this song because he has “something to say.” About what no one is sure, not even Kris. Trained Seal then sneaks in a plug for the summer tour before throwing it to Kris. An intersecting start to an interesting song choice, as Kris is going all acoustic and turning the song into an unplugged emo-esque number. I can even hear his guitar this time. David Cook is probably at home thinking that Kris stole his act. His singing is decent but not spectacular, but he deserves kudos for the original arrangement. Horny Chick is in love with the risk that Kris took with the song and cannot understand how Kris did that. Well, you start by writing some notes, then working with the musicians, and do all the other things that Kara claims to do for a living. Drunk Chick name drops Santana and then compares Kris’ performance to guys shopping in the women’s department. To their credit the audience is actually laughing at Drunk Chick even though Paula looks very serious as she said babbles on about shopping. This is not an example of laughing with somebody. Simon asks for a translator and Drunk Chick accuses him of shopping in the women’s department. Captain Jack then back handed insults Lil again by saying that Kris’ performance was the exact opposite to “the last performance”. Randy thinks Kris knows who he is and that he is ready for the big time. Trained Seal translates the judges’ comments by telling Kris that they like him.

Danny Gokey – “September” by Earth, Wind, & Fire: Danny comes out and channels Taylor Hicks, complete with the dancing and odd shouts. I bet that Danny will be dropped by his record company and end up in a touring Broadway production too. Unlike Taylor he is taking a lot of liberty with the lyrics. Danny has tweaked the arrangement and taking some of the disco out of the song and replaced it with a whole lot of shouting. Then when they get to the bridge Danny and the back-up singers suddenly start singing the lyrics to “I Can See Clearly Now” instead of his chosen song. David Archuleta’s dad is probably at home thinking that Danny stole his son’s act. Danny and the band are clearly having a good time but from a singing standpoint it was not all that good. I am impressed though with how he worked in about four different songs into his performance. Big Sexy starts by expressing his doubts about Danny’s song choice, so we all know what is coming next so I won’t bother to repeat it. Horny Chick was worried about Danny this week but thought Danny was an incredible vocalist with right-on pitch. I am wondering how Kara could have possibly heard which pitch Danny was singing. Drunk Chick admires Danny’s brilliance and, as a woman, she thinks Danny has one of the sexist voices she has ever heard and that woman of all ages will agree. I will have to take her word on that. Captain Jack thought the performance was technically good but that he didn't catch any star power from Danny. Drunk Chick of course has to interject to declare that she will see Danny in the finals. For some unexplained reason Danny forms a heart with his hands as Ryan gives out the phone number. Did he dedicate that song to his dead wife too or has someone else entered his life? Of course Trained Seal does not bother to ask.

Allison Iraheta – “Hot Stuff” by Donna Summer: Allison starts out the song very slow and sitting on the back stairs and I fear that she is doing the Idol pattern again along with again wearing Alexis Grace’s hot pants. Sure enough the song tempo picks up, but instead of keeping the disco ball spinning as Trained Seal promised Allison has turned this into a Pat Benetar song. After some more tough lyrics Allison ends with the requisite glory note. I don’t know about this one. The vocals were good as usual but the arrangement was so unoriginal that as a whole it felt kind of flat for me. Big Sexy thought the arrangement was over-indulgent but then to quiet the boos he declares that Allison is a great singer. Horny Chick copes out and agrees with Randy on everything he said and gives the singing a 9 out of 10. Drunk Chick thinks that Allison doesn't have compromise in her vocabulary and praises Allison for her authenticity. I seem to remember she said the same thing to both David Cook and Chris Daughtry. She must have a thing for rockers. Anybody know if she said the same thing to Bo Bice or Constantine Maroulis? Captain Jack thought it was a brilliant performance without a trace of irony and Allison is in tears.

Adam Lambert – “If I Can’t Have You” by Yvonne Ellman: I will be surprised if Broadway Boy does this song straight, but Adam has been nothing but surprising thus far this season so it is within the realm of possibility that he will. He is wearing a suit so who knows. But before we find out Adam gets a quick Coca-Cola treatment. Adam starts the song as a slow ballad and shows off his singing skills. Boy is he milking it. He looks like he is on the verge of tears. Drunk Chick has already beaten him to it. Adam tosses in a couple of mild screams but that is all this week, and sure enough he did not sing it straight. Not even close. But you know, that was one good performance, enough for me to forgive him for his screeching for at least a week. Best of the night so far, and yes, I think that was a goosebump I just felt. Big Sexy thinks Adam is ready “right now” but for what he doesn't say. Horny Chick is speechless but still manages to ramble on for several minutes, comparing Adam to “that guy from Saturday Night Live meets Clark Kent.” If you understand who Kara is referring to please let me know. Drunk Chick felt Adam’s pain and is so overcome with emotion (the “pool of Abdul” as Trained Seal put it) to say anything else coherent. Captain Jack thought Adam would do a Donna Summer number and was thankful that he didn't and then gives Adam all sorts of positive comments. Adam credits Michael Orelens, whoever he is, for the arrangement. Good thing since that arrangement may have won this competition for Broadway Boy.

Matt Giraud – “Stayin’ Alive” by The Bee Gees: Perhaps an appropriate choice for the guy who was voted off the show last week but is still alive thanks to Captain Jack. Matt is back with the hat and immediately starts into the shouting. He has also tweaked the arrangement to make it more white soul funky, which is clearly pleasing the ban and is the closest to an original version that anyone has tried tonight. Matt’s singing is a little on the sloppy side but he is staying in tune and on the beat. It was decent but sounded kind of cruise ship like, including the requisite glory note at the end. Big Sexy didn't like the song choice or the arrangement but thinks that Matt can really sing. He then goes on to claim that this group of 7 kids is the most talented group of 7 that the show has ever had, and all this time Trained Seal was telling us that was last season’s group of 7 was the most talented group ever. Horny Chick was happy that Matt brought the disco group back (I guess close counts for her) and compliments Matt on “his moves” because this is a singing competition. Drunk Chick thinks that Matt picks songs like she bowls: “sometimes you pick gutter balls and sometimes you pick strikes.” And this week it was a strike that "saved" Matt’s life. Seriously, I cannot make stuff like this up. Captain Jack puts a damper on things by criticizing the performance, claiming that if Matt went outside of “Idol World” he would see that his performance was desperate and unoriginal, and someone in the crowd besides Drunk Chick and Horny Chick screams in horror.

Before the final performance Trained Seal pimps the Coca-Cola cups but doesn't mention the cup contest. Come to think of it, there has been no mention of a song writing contest this year. Too bad, I loved how Andrew Lloyd Webber trashed it last year during the finale. That alone almost made it interesting, which may explain why there has been no mention of it this season.

Anoop Desai – “Dim All the Lights” by Donna Summer: I bet you that he follows the Idol pattern that I pontificated about at the start of this recap because this song would seem conducive to that kind of treatment, as is Anoop. Anoop is sporting some facial hair for the first time, I guess to show off his attitude. Sure enough, he starts out slow and then picks up the tempo. He is staying more or less in tune but there is not much richness to his voice. It sounds thin to me. I don’t know if this has been the case all along and I just haven’t noticed it or if somehow the mustache has taken away his cajones. Anoop tries to end with a glory note but suddenly stops as if he is out of breath. Big Sexy “thinks that sometimes we forget that this is a singing competition” (everyone take a drink!) before criticizing the arrangement and claim that Anoop is a good singer. I think the count for the number of times Big Sexy has said that Idol is a “singing competition” is up to 5 now I think. Admittedly I have lost track and I am too tired to go back through the old recaps and recount. I’ll leave that to you if you are so inclined. It also sounds like Big Sexy is mailing it in this week. Horny Chick liked the song choice and thinks Anoop’s performance could be on the radio. Talk radio maybe. Drunk Chick loves the facial hair, the beautiful vocals, and Anoop’s pink sweater. Simon disagrees with the others and thought the performance was mediocre at best and Anoop’s worst to date. He was also sad that the tempo picked up, though Captain Jack did refrain from saying anything about the pink sweater. Must be because it is close to 9 pm.

And now the continuation of Fringe. Viewer discretion is advised. And can you believe it; they actually managed to finish right on time even though Drunk Chick commented on every performance.

The Final Score: 13 shots at Drunk Chick Paula; 11 shots at Horny Chick Kara; 10 shots at Captain Jack Simon; 10 shots at Trained Seal Ryan; 9 shots at Big Sexy Randy; 3 shots at Ricky Minor and the band; and 4 shots at the audience. 8 references to former Idol contestants and 6 references to other non-Idol performers. 8 songs by 7 contestants, Sharks 4, Ducks 3, 2 Coca-Cola treatments, 2 iTunes plugs, 2 Fringe plugs, 2 Idol pattern performances, 2 tear appearances, 2 references to imaginary Idol competitions, 2 broken promises, 1 K-word utterance, 1 name drop, 1 shop till you drop, 1 bowling reference, 1 trip outside of Idol World, 1 goose bump, and not a single disco arrangement on disco night. I guess the rumors of disco’s demise are not greatly exaggerated after all.

Your 3 Stars of the Night: Adam Lambert took Danny Gokey’s place as the front runner with his performance tonight. Kris Allen continued with the interesting arrangements and put himself in line for at least a Top 5 finish. I’ll give the third star to Allison Iraheta because her vocals were good even though everything else was not.

Idol Gives Back: Since the judges saved Matt Giraud last week I too was saved from yet another incorrect pick, though again I had him at least in the bottom 3. I don’t know if I were an official judge if I would have voted to save Matt and I have my doubts as to the claim that the decision last week was “historic”, but at least we no longer have to endure the awkward moment on the results show when after the last song the doomed contestant and Trained Seal stand there and watch the audience demand that the judges use their save power. And now that the power has been used it will be interesting to see the audience’s reaction when someone else besides Matt ends up with the lowest vote total the next two weeks.

The Fearless Prediction: Unless Lil Rounds’ appearance in the bottom 2 last week was solely because her rant was cut off by badly programmed DVRs I have to agree with Simon that Lil is on her way out tomorrow, despite her belief that America, or at least fans of Vote For The Worst.com, will once again save her. The second goner is harder to predict. I suspect that Matt Giraud will be back in the bottom group again but won’t need another judges’ save until next week. I would not be surprised to see Allison Iraheta or even Danny Gokey there too, which will cause Captain Jack to worry that he used the judges’ save too soon. However, I will again dare to predict that Anoop Desai will be going home tomorrow night. I figure if I keep predicting his departure I will eventually get it right.

Everybody's in Movies, and Everybody's a Star

I wonder whatever happened to the simple show themes, like country night, great American songbook night, Elvis night, and so on. Instead we get iTunes night and now movie songs night. Are the producers really that desperate for themes or has this show finally jumped the shark? Of course, I've heard some claim that the show jumped the shark when they had Celine Dion sing with a virtual Elvis a couple seasons back. Then again, there was a Queen week in Season 5, a British Invasion without the Beatles week in Season 6, and two Beatles weeks last year, so I guess one can argue that this show is immune to shark attack, at least until Drunk Chick or Captain Jack leave Idol.

Trained Seal opens the show by talking about how the performers are legends of the small screen, and then hands off the honor of the intro to another “legend”, Quentin Tarentino. Like last week there was no intro of the judges or Ryan from the unseen announcer. There is one change tonight as Ricky Minor and the band have been moved down from the nose bleeds to the stage. Big Sexy is sporting a sport striped sweater tonight in honor of some rugby team somewhere. Trained Seal calls Horny Chick “provocative” and she pretends to act surprised. Drunk Chick does not act surprised when Trained Seal calls her “hot”. Neither does Captain Jack mind being called “His Highness”. Trained Seal also refers to Simon as “Sir” and Horny Chick asks Paula if Simon really has been knighted. That’s Sir Captain Jack to you my dear. Ryan and Simon briefly touch on the controversy over the fact that last week’s show ended 6 minutes late, and after blaming the chick judges Captain Jack explains that only two judges will get to give comments after each contestant’s performance to try and have this week’s show end on time, as opposed to going back to 90 minutes or reducing the number of iTunes and Coca-Cola plugs.

Finally this season there is a tor-mentor that I can torment without guilt. What kind of singing advice could Quentin Tarentino possibly give these contestants? I can see where he would be a decent mentor if this was that movie contest that Fox aired a couple of years ago, but according to Big Sexy this is supposed to be a singing competition, so either Mr. Pulp Fiction bribed the producers to get on the show again (he was a guest judge in Season 3, back when Idol had guest judges) or Big Sexy is one big liar. I wonder why Idol no longer features guest judges, even before they hired Horny Chick to audition for Paula’s spot.

I guess it could be worse; Miley Cyrus could have been the mentor instead. Plus there is a good chance that I’ll be able to get plenty of shots in and work on my acumen for irony and dark humor, two things judging from his movies that Tarentino knows very well.

Allison Iraheta – “I Don’t Want To Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith (from Armageddon): Allison must have upset the producers because she keeps getting assigned curtain jerking duties instead of the pimp closer spot. Quentin didn't like Allison’s original version of the song, but the version he wanted her to sing didn't sound much different. Her hair has gotten pinker; something that I did not think was possible. Allison starts out slow and with her usual grit, but as she and the band start to build to the loud part the crowd gets all excited as if on cue. They continue the screaming for the rest of the song, as does Allison. I will say though that she is starting to challenge Broadway Boy’s claim to being the best screamer on the show. Drunk Chick gets to go first and thinks that Allison has drank the same special sauce as Adam Lambert. Perhaps it goes without saying that Paula would know something about that. Captain Jack thought Paula was referring to barbecue sauce, and then tells Allison that she is the girl’s best hope to win this year, a compliment to Allison and a back handed insult of Lil Rounds that confuses the audience so much that they don’t know how to react. Simon then declares that he can see Allison go all the way to the finals and Allison reacts as if she cannot believe it.

Trained Seal gets the first iTunes pimp in early tonight, after almost running out of time to do this last week.

Anoop Desai – “(Everything I Do) I Do for You” by Bryan Adams (from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves): Thankfully Anoop Dawg did not revert back to a sloppy hip hopping song after coming this close to being eliminated last week. Quentin advises Anoop to “roughen it up” and kill the song, tapping into Anoop’s inner 'tude. I guess he has nothing left to lose now. Anoop struggles initially to find the pitch and eventually sort of settles on one. Again the audience goes nuts for the build up to the shouting. Anoop adds a nice note and a dramatic pause at the end just to be different. Vocally it was OK; it was a little pitchy, but Anoop sang it like he had nothing to lose so I will give him points for that. Big Sexy tries to be affectionate and tells Anoop that he was worried about the song choice but “worked it out”. I have noticed that every time Big Sexy starts with “dude, when I first heard that you were doing this song I thought it might be a train wreck” or something like that, he always follows that up by saying that he liked the song, usually by telling the contestant that they “worked it out”. If I were a contestant then I would be worried if Big Sexy ever starts his critique by saying that he liked my song choice. Horny Chick thinks that pop songs with soul are Anoop’s place and how connected she felt to Anoop during his performance. I hope Matt was not listening. Anoop cannot answer Trained Seal’s question about who he was thinking about when he sang the song.

Adam Lambert – “Born to Be Wild” by Steppenwolf (from Easy Rider): Considering how often Broadway Boy likes to surprise people this song choice was no surprise at all. Quentin thinks that Adam is the real deal but is not sure what Adam will do. So Quentin was not lying when he said that he watches the show. Adam comes out with a sort of techno-beat version of the song and all sorts of Euro-trash make-up. He also starts screaming from the first note and keeps it going all the way to the final note, as if to send a message to Allison that no one will out-scream him. Well, this is one of those love it or hate it kind of performances. At least it was interesting and I betcha that the band loved it. Of course Drunk Chick loved it and can’t stop screaming. Neither can the audience. Paula declares that Adam “dares to dance in the path of greatness” and that Adam is one of the bravest contestants ever. Somewhere in a richly appointed room both Chris Daughtry and David Cook are screaming at their TVs. Captain Jack thought the vocal was incredible even though it sounded like a Rocky Horror kind of performance. Simon them repeats what I said about Adam’s performance being a love it or hate it kind of thing and the audience and Drunk Chick are all beside themselves in anger even though even I could have predicted that he would say that. The tweeners are screaming so loud after the bumper music that I can’t hear Ryan give out the phone number.

Matt Giraud – “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?” by Bryan Adams (from Don Juan DeMarco): Have you ever wondered why so many Bryan Adams songs end up in the movies or on American Idol? I also wonder why Bryan Adams is not the tor-mentor tonight instead of Tarentino. Matt G gets the Coca-Cola treatment after Trained Seal gives Coke and the Idol website a plug. Ryan asks Matt about his confidence level and Matt doesn't seem so sure about himself even though he says he is. Quentin thought Matt did a good job with the song and gives him the same advice he gave Anoop about roughening the vocal. Now that Wonder Boy is gone Matt is back behind the keyboards without fear of comparison. Like everyone else so far Matt starts slow and slightly off pitch, and then he starts singing louder to the delight of the audience. Matt manages to keep the screaming under control until close to the end when just a little bit of screaming comes out. All in all it was not bad but not great. Randy thought it started good but then got pitchy when Matt got to the bridge. He then gets on Matt’s case for trying too hard with this song. The audience is strangely silent. Kara thought the song choice was one step back for Matt since he took away part of the melody by trying to introduce too much soul into the song. Again, little reaction from the audience. Maybe they were afraid to challenge Horny Chick again after she lashed out at them the last two weeks.

Danny Gokey – “Endless Love”, by Diana Ross & Lionel Richie (from Endless Love): I performed this song in my high school band and I have hated it ever since, so hopefully this will not affect my judgment of Danny’s performance. It’s back-to-back Coca Cola treatments. With Coke bottles floating behind him Danny tells Ryan that he bought a guitar this week because he was bored and was afraid he will be bored while on the summer tour. Now there is an idea, give away guitars to the audience on the tour so they won’t be bored either. Danny tells Quentin that this song means more to him than any other song he has performed this season. Even though he stops short of saying why I think we all know. Nevertheless I admire Danny’s restraint, though he sure looked like he wanted to say why. Quentin advises Danny to sing with his hands in his pockets. Danny copies the others and starts out slow and pitchy, but unlike the others he really is pitchy. The crowd screams when Danny gets off the stool and then really screams when he hits the big notes. Danny does manage to overcome the pitchiness by singing louder, but on the positive side he did also convey a lot of emotion into the song. I would guess that the emotions got the better of Widower’s Peak early on, so I will give him some credit for reining them in at the end. Paula repeats what I just said, though in her own special way. Simon is disappointed by Danny’s traditional version of the song in comparison with David Cook’s version of “Hello” last season. So I guess now every contestant who attempts a Lionel Richie song will have to change the arrangement or face the wrath of Captain Jack. Simon then withdraws his negativism once he realizes he is criticizing Danny for singing a song for his deceased wife, though like Drunk Chick Captain Jack does so in his own special way.

Trained Seal pimps the iTunes from Randy’s seat while Big Sexy and Captain Jack wrestle behind the judges’ bench.

Kris Allen – “Falling Slowly” by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova (from Once): If anyone out there has ever heard of this song, or these artists, or this movie, please give yourself a high five, and then consider getting outdoors more often. Quentin thinks that Kris lives up to the spirit of American Idol more so than any of the other contestants, though I challenge anyone to tell me what the spirit of American Idol is anymore. The two then debate whether or not Kris should perform with an instrument. I guess they decided that he shouldn't because Kris came out naked again, metaphorically of course unless your nickname is Horny Chick. Again, Kris starts the song slow, but to his credit Kris is staying mostly in pitch even though he is so close to the mic that I fear that he might bite it mid-lyric. He keeps it slow for most of the song, but when Kris finally reaches for the big note he gets drowned out by one of the back-up singers. Like all the others it was alright but not great. I would have thought it was better if everyone else but Adam had not already sung their songs the same way that Kris just did. If Adam wins this competition it’ll be because he is the only one that is not doing power ballads every week. Randy never caught on to the song and thought it was pitchy from note one. Horny Chick thought it was one of Kris’ best moments and was impressed that he overcame the challenge of singing an obscure song. How many times have the judges said how hard it is to sing a song that everyone has heard before? Now it is a challenge to sing an obscure song? No wonder Scott McIntyre dismissed the judges’ comments.

Lil Rounds – “The Rose” by Bette Midler (from The Rose): Speaking of dismissing the judges’ comments, Lil has again selected a song not sung by Mary J. Blige. It is as if she wants the judges to criticize her. Quentin was thrilled by being in the presence of Lil and loved how she was switching the song halfway through from power ballad to power gospel. Thankfully Lil did not dress or change her hair style to look like Bette Midler tonight. Quentin advised Lil to sell the soft ballad portion as much as the loud gospel portion, and of course Lil ignores that advice and only sells the loud gospel portion. Even still, she does manage to show off some of the vocal range that the judges have claimed since Hollywood Week that she has. Paula name drops Amanda Bloom, the woman who originally wrote the song, and then gets philosophical about how the song lyrics describe what each contestant goes though on the show. Captain Jack again gets on Lil’s case for singing a song that was too soft and middle of the road instead of angry hip-hop number, and Lil looks like she is ready to beat the crap out of him. Trained Seal gives Lil a chance to respond and boy does she ever. She tells Simon that the judges told her to be an artist and that she was doing exactly that, putting the soul, R&B, and gospel into the song because that is the kind of artist that she is. Captain Jack then points out in response that “it was a Bette Midler song” as if that should somehow disqualify Lil from singing it. Lil acknowledges that Bette Midler is not the kind of artist that Simon (or Big Sexy, who is strangely quiet right now after getting Lil upset the last few weeks) would normally see her do but that she still put her own feel to it and should get credit for that. While Lil is passionately defending herself Drunk Chick jumps in and tells Lil not to be afraid to say what she feels, even though we couldn't hear what Lil feels because Drunk Chick was talking over her. All Trained Seal can do is tell Lil that he appreciates her honesty and give out her phone number.

Despite the fact that only two judges got to speak after each performance and there was one less contestant on the show this week Idol still went 6 minutes over, which means that everyone with DVRs who did not think ahead and set the stop time for 15 minutes after the hour missed the last part of Lil defending herself. In fact, I think Captain Jack’s criticism ended right at the top of the hour. Come on people, if you don’t know by now that Idol goes past its allotted time pretty much every week then you don’t deserve to have a DVR.

And now the continuation of Fringe. Viewer discretion is advised.

The Final Score: 12 shots at Captain Jack Simon; 10 shots at Trained Seal Ryan; 10 shots at Drunk Chick Paula; 7 shots at Horny Chick Kara; 7 shots at Big Sexy Randy; 3 shots at Ricky Minor and the band; 10 shots at the tor-mentor; and 11 shots at the audience. 3 references to former Idol contestants and 10 references to other non-Idol performers, though only 1 was name dropped by the judges. 8 legends, 7 shouting contestants, 6 power ballads, 2 back-to-back Coca-Cola treatments, 2 iTunes plugs, 2 unspoken song dedications, 2 Bryan Adams’ songs, 2 shark references, 1 website plug, 1 knighthood, 1 back handed insult, 1 Euro-trash reference, 1 dancer in the path of greatness, no K-word utterances, and another 6 minutes taken away from my late local news.

Your 3 Stars of the Night: This is a hard choice this week because in my mind no one really stood out. They all pretty much sang the same song the same way, with one notable exception. I still like Allison Iraheta so I will give her a star. Danny Gokey deserves a star for the parts of his performance that were not overcome with emotion. Finally, Lil Rounds deserves a star for finally releasing her pent-up frustration with the judges, though I’m not sure how much it will help her since all the morons who do not know how to properly set their DVRs did not see it.

Idol Gives Back: Once again I only get partial credit for not guessing the right loser but seeing someone I thought would be in the bottom 3 sent home. You can read my previous post for my thoughts on the departure of Wonder Boy. I thought Anoop had done well enough to stay out of the bottom 3 but I’m not surprised to be proven wrong. Lil Rounds is just killing her chances with her song choices and her insistence on daring the judges to criticize them.

The Fearless Prediction: You can put me in the “hate it” category regarding Adam Lambert’s performance, but I doubt the majority of Idol voters feel the same way so I do not think he will be in the bottom 3. Lil Rounds will likely get enough sympathy votes to stay at least one more week. I suspect that this is the week we will finally Kris Allen in the bottom 3, and I think even though Scott McIntyre is no longer around to siphon votes away we will see Matt Giraud there to. It would not surprise me to see either of them go home. However, I suspect that Anoop Desai will be the one going home tomorrow, not because his performance was bad this week but because it was not noticeably better than any of the others and that is what I think he needed to stay on the show.

Just Paying Attention

I don't normally jump in here between shows but there was something in the trades today that caught my attention. Katie Byrne from MTV interviewed just-eliminated Scott McIntyre and his answer to one of the questions was quite interesting:

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1608922/20090409/story.jhtml

Q: "Were you surprised when Paula suggested you come out from behind your piano a few weeks ago?"

A: "Simon said it all that night. ... He replied, "I don't think you'd ever see Billy Joel come out from behind his piano." ... That's really where my heart is, when I'm at the keyboard, and it's not that it takes the place of my vocals. It's actually just another layer of expressivity that I can place beneath my vocals and carry my vocal with it. My decision to play the guitar this last week was more based on the fact that I wanted to shock America a little bit than Paula's comment about coming out from behind the piano. [The judges] tell you one thing one week, and they tell you the opposite the next week. I don't take what the judges say to heart. I actually stand by my performance. ... Some of the criticism is undue, but I respect the judges, and I'm so glad at least two of them were tempted to keep me on yesterday. I have no regrets leaving the show. I'm so happy I brought my shredder out, to go out in a blaze of glory the last night. [Laughs.] It's all good things from here."

It was so nice of him to not blame Drunk Chick for his elimination and declare his respect for the judges, and at the same time declare that the judges are idiots that are not worth listening to. I have never been one of Wonder Man's fans but I would have reconsidered my opinion if it wasn't for the fact that the rest of his comment was so self-indulgent. He sure did shock America, so much so that he scared America away from voting for him....

I also want to take advantage of your time to point out that perhaps the most interesting rounds of eliminations are now coming up, 7th and 6th place. Consider if you will the contestants in previous seasons who finished in either 6th or 7th place:

Ryan Starr, 7th in Season 1
Kimberly Caldwell, 7th in Season 2
Jennifer Hudson, 7th in Season 3
Constantine Maroulis, 6th in Season 4
Kellie Pickler, 6th in Season 5
Sanjaya Malakar, 7th in Season 6
Carly Smithson, 6th in Season 7

Outside of the winners and a few other exceptions such as Clay Aiken and Chris Daughtry, this group has been more successful and/or more notorious than any other group of contestants on this show. Hudson has won an Oscar and a Grammy and appears in feature films. Pickler has two albums that made it to #1 on the country charts. Nary a reality show or personal appearance goes by that doesn't include Starr, Caldwell, or Maroulis (especially when Caldwell started dating last season's winner David Cook). Malakar has had a quiet post-Idol career so far but was one of the most controversial performers in the show's history. The same can be said for Smithson, though for different reasons. By comparison, most of the performers who were eliminated after these guys were not all that memorable while they were on the show and have all but disappeared from the public scene since they left Idol.

I suggest that we all pay attention to who gets eliminated the next two weeks, because chances are one of them will actually have the kind of career that Paula promises everybody who gets eliminated will have.

Lost In America

After subjecting America to the overexposed clan known as the Osborne’s last week Fox told the producers of Idol that they will have only one hour this week so they can air Fringe instead of those wacky Brits. So after having to rush to fit 9 contestants in 90 minutes last week Trained Seal will have to push 8 contestants through in only 60 minutes tonight. If he actually manages to do that without going over I promise to call him by only his birth name next week.

Tonight each contestant has to sing a song recorded in the year each of them was born. Since the producers continue to insist on discriminating against everyone under the age of 16 or over the age of 28 that means that it is de-facto eighties night on Idol. Now, will anyone select a Paula Abdul song? In the last three and half seasons I have been paying attention to this show I cannot think of one time when a contestant sang “Forever Your Girl” or “Cold Hearted Snake” or even that song that Drunk Chick did with the cartoon cat. Yes, I realize that knowing these songs does date me.

Trained Seal starts the show by telling us all that the remaining eight contestants’ lives are in our hands. Well God help them if that is true. There is no announcer or formal intros tonight to save time. Instead Ryan comes out un-introduced and the judges are already in their seats. Trained Seal is immediately in a hurry, as instead of engaging in mindless banter with the judges Ryan shows their baby photos. The judges try to act embarrassed of course, but I would think that they would have known that the producers had these photos, or else how did they get them? Captain Jack’s photo is the only interesting one because it shows Simon in a soldier outfit complete with a toy pistol pointed at the photo shooter. Trained Seal’s photo is shown too, which leads Drunk Chick to ask Ryan if he liked carrots as a kid. Only Trained Seal seems to understand the joke.

Danny Gokey – “Stand by Me”, Mickey Gilley’s version: Danny is our oldest contestant, having been born in 1980, so he gets to go first, or at least that is the excuse that Trained Seal uses. Danny’s dad is back on the video and he and Danny both talk about how amazed they all were that Danny could sing when he was like 2 or 3 or something. I did not catch the actual age nor did I care to rewind the DVR to check. We also get another quick shot of the singing Gokeys. For the second straight week Danny tries a slow country song, but unlike last week it is just a little off-key to start. The audience doesn't seem to care since they still scream for the emoting. Danny’s pitch gets better when the band jumps in to help drown him out. He throws in a nice riff before rolling into the shouting part. The last part of the song has a nice arrangement to it, despite the shouting. Ah, it was OK I guess. Not his best. Big Sexy didn't like the arrangement but loved him anyway, and then declares that Danny is a vocal star on “a vocal talent show”. That is three now, I think. Kara was impressed by the multiple levels Danny put into the song and how he turned the song on its head. Drunk Chick loves the arrangement and thinks the bar has been set too high for the other contestants, though she stops short of calling it the best first ever this time. Captain Jack can’t understand what Paula said, but then more or less repeats what Paula said. Trained Seal is in too much of a hurry to verbally jostle with Captain Jack and instead just reads the phone number.

Kris Allen – “All She Wants to Do Is Dance” by Don Henley: Kris is in the Coca-Cola chair to the delight of the tweeners in the crowd. Kris talks about how he went to the beach on his one day off and rode the Ferris wheel, though he neglects to mention if his wife accompanied him or not. The kid is finally starting to catch on. He tells the story about how the wheel operator recognized him from being on Idol but then asked about Adam Lambert. Any guess as to the gender of the carny? In the video Kris and his mom related his dream of being a taxi driver when he was a kid because he wanted to travel a lot, not because he wanted to speak a foreign language or milk tourists for their money by getting them lost. The song starts with lots of horns like an Earth, Wind, & Fire song, which is totally different from how the ex-Eagle did it. Kris is playing his guitar again and again I cannot hear it over the horns and the screams. He is trying what Matt attempted last week by performing inside a crowd of tweeners who are so close that one or two of them appear to be touching him. Kris has given this sort of an upbeat R&B feel to it, which I am kind of digging. The singing was just so-so but the arrangement was good. Kara was happy to see Kris pick up the tempo but she thought it was like “jazz-funk homework” and had no youth. The crowd of course boos this semi-negative comment but this time Horny Chick does not fire back at the boo birds. Paula thinks Kris is likeable. Captain Jack thought it was indulgent and boring and the crowd is extra hard on him this week. Somebody in the crowd shouts out that Kris is hot and Captain Jack thinks the comment is about him. Both he and Big Sexy did not like the song choice. Big Sexy also claims that he lost Kris. Kris claims that he understands what Big Sexy was talking about even though he lost me. Trained Seal takes a precious moment to tell Captain Jack that his critique was self-indulgent and to trade some sexual banter.

Lil Rounds – “What’s Love Got to Do with It?” by Tina Turner: Lil’s mom clears up her name choice. She claims that Lil was named after her grandmother Lilly and that it is her real name. Once again this week Lil comes out with a hair-do resembling the artist she is imitating, though instead of the wild hair-do that Tina had in the mid-80’s Lil has chosen the 60’s version that Tina wore when she was hanging out with Ike. She does have an 80’s style Tina dress on though. Lil’s singing is more melodic than what she usually does, though she does work in some shouting. It was OK I guess, better than her usual work to date but it still sounded cruise ship-like. Definitely not the Mary J the judges have been begging for. Paula is visibly disappointed that Lil did not go outside the box and lead the band instead of letting the band leading her. She even utters the K-word. You know it is an ominous sign when Drunk Chick starts making sensible comments, and if I were Lil I would start packing my bags. Simon thought it was a copy-cat performance and that he has lost her. Maybe she is hiding with Kris. Captain Jack is again begging her to be more original, as all of the judges have been doing for the last month. Drunk Chick even claims that she said that. Randy agrees with both Paula and Simon and the crowd has stopped booing. Horny Chick is back pushing the artistry thing again and claims that Lil has proven that she is a singer but not an artist. Lil is not in a happy place as she listens to the judges bash her yet again, but she still tells Trained Seal that she is listening to the judges’ advice. Big Sexy calls her a liar but in a polite way. Lil also politely disagrees with Horny Chick and tells Ryan that she considers herself an artist and hopes America will give her yet another chance to prove it.

Anoop Desai – “True Colors” by Cyndi Lauper: Coca-Cola treatment number 2 comes at the half hour mark before the first iTunes plug. They really must be in a hurry to keep Steve Jobs waiting like that. Trained Seal brings up the Tar Heels’ win last night to the UNC alum and then tries to start a fight between Anoop and Horny Chick. Proving he is a lover and not a fighter, Anoop quickly backs down and apologizes for acting like a spoiled child last week. He also claims that he is not really like that even though he is an only child, and then in his video Anoop tells us that he hates his picture taken because his parents did it so much because he was an only child. This is an interesting song choice, and right away Anoop makes it less interesting by changing the arrangement. It is for the better though, don’t get me wrong. At least he is not doing the R&B nonsense again and instead has chosen a ballad that he is honestly much better at doing. His singing is a bit pitchy in spots but he is generally in good voice, and there is no ‘tude or the shouting that typically accompanies it. His performance was not memorable but still good, best of the night so far. Big Sexy was happy that Anoop pulled it back and actually sang, even after pushing Anoop to turn it up for the last month or two. Kara liked Anoop’s soul and his originally. Paula thought it was flawless and beautiful. Captain Jack compares Anoop to a singing yo-yo; last week he was awful, this week he was good but not fantastic and the crowd boos. Captain Jack also tells Anoop that it is OK to be horrible to the judges since they can be horrible to him, and Horny Chick takes offense. Anoop doesn't seem to care one way or the other and Trained Seal does not have enough time to react. While Ryan was reading the phone number there was one tweener in the crowd who declared her love for Anoop instead of Kris. Anoop does not react to that either.

Scott McIntyre – “The Search Is Over” by Survivor: Scott wanted to be a train engineer when he was a kid, which reminds me of a crazy kid that I was friends with in fifth grade. He came to school every day with a train engineer’s cap on, the same type of cap we see Scott wearing in his baby photo. He (my friend, not Scott) was certifiably nuts, but he was cool to hang out with until he went insane when some other kids started touching his Space: 1999 action figures and was taken away to parts unknown. Now that really dates me. Scott and his mom brag about how Wonder Man used to stage eerie performances every Halloween that mesmerized the neighborhood kids. Even then it appears that Wonder Man had magical powers, kind of like Superboy. I wonder if Scott named his dog Krypto? Uh oh, Scott has taken Drunk Chick’s advice and ditched the piano in favor of a guitar that he is not even playing. The ballad part was OK but he lost the key when he went to the shouting part. At least the shouting reminded me of who originally sang this song. Scott works in a falsetto run that scares the audience into silence, so much so that they are not screaming for him as much as they usually do when the song is over. Horny Chick commends his bravery for picking a power ballad but thought it was so-so, OK in parts but too over ambitious in others. Drunk Chick is proud that Scott listened to her but then says that she was confused that he was playing an electric guitar instead of acoustic. Scott claims that he wanted to bring out his punk side. Now that is eerie. Paula gives him a bravo, but for the first time all season she actually says something negative, telling him that the high parts were verging on screeching. The crowd boos Captain Jack for criticizing Scott for listening to Drunk Chick, and then Simon and Scott debate about how whether “The Search Is Over” is a good song or not. Scott may have magical powers but even they are not strong enough to make this song good. Captain Jack even trashes the guitar playing even though I for one did not hear it. Big Sexy though it was all OK but not indicative of the best undiscovered talent in America. Scott responds by bragging about his versatility.

Allison Iraheta – “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bonnie Raitt: When Allison was a kid, about a year or two ago, her mom was afraid that her daughter talked too much, so much that she took Allison to the doctor so see if there was something wrong with her physically. Allison is the only 90’s baby still in the competition, which is why this is the first song that I don’t recognize. Thankfully Trained Seal helps me out this time by announcing the song title and the singer. Allison tones it way down from the rocker girl stuff that she has been doing, even with her hair-do and wardrobe. Now that I can hear her singing instead of screaming I can hear the vocal tones that made her my favorite in the semis. She has a knack for sounding like she cares about what she is singing. Her performance was not memorable but it was better than Anoop’s, or anyone else so far tonight. Paula loves Allison’s tenderness and gut-wrenching performance. Simon thought it was very good and the crowd cheers, Captain Jack then claims that Allison is not likable enough and needs a makeover, perhaps trying to explain why Allison keeps ending up in the bottom 3. Big Sexy name drops Kelly Clarkson without using her name and compares Allison to the original Idol. Horny Chick praises her for making an adult song sound young and is ready to make a record with her right now. And all this time I thought she only had eyes for the boys.

Matt Giraud – “Part Time Lover” by Stevie Wonder: Speaking of guys Horny Chick has eyes for, here comes Piano Man. Matthew was a constant singer as a kid and had a lead role in a church play when he was young. They show a video of his church performance and I am creeped out by the cult-like nature of it. Now I see this guy in a whole different light. I also no longer wonder how he ended up making a living playing a piano in a bar. Matt starts this fast R&B song very slowly and then quickly picks up the pace. I think he has done this with pretty much every song he has sung this season. He is in decent voice and tone, much better than he was last week, even throwing in a nice growl in lieu of shouting. Big Sexy thought vocally it was one of the best of the night, with emphasis on “vocally”. Horny Chick is in love again. Drunk Chick shouts “two words, standing O,” and I am impressed that she got the word count right and didn't have to make up any words to do it. Simon thought it was well done. Poor guy does a good performance but because the producers tried to cram 8 singers into 1 hour he only gets about 10 seconds on comments for the judges. Well, maybe that is not such a bad thing. It does mean less bad advice for Matt and less typing for me.

It is now 9 pm and Adam has not even shouted a note. Since Fringe is shown with “limited commercial interruptions” I guess this means the late local news will be a little bit shorter than usual tonight. You know Fox is not going to take the time out of the commercial blocks. Indeed this block seems longer than the others. Maybe it just seems that way because none of them features my girl Cheyennis. Trained Seal still manages to squeeze in an iTunes plug though.

Adam Lambert – “Mad World” by Tears for Fears: Both Adam and his normal looking parents talk about how he loved to dress up but was not into sports when he was a kid. Could they be any less subtle about Adam’s sexual preference without actually using the word “gay”? Broadway Boy starts it out slow and in the blue light like he did with the Elvis tune two weeks ago. He has lost the pompadour though. He makes it halfway through the song before taking a breath, perhaps because he keeps singing the same note. He does eventually get to the shouting, though it is more subdued than his usual scream fests. It was very, shall we say, theatrical. The vocals were good and the lack of shouting was great but to me it was kind of eerie. Captain Jack is the only judge who gets to make a comment and he gives Adam a standing ovation.

I managed to make it though the entire hour without having to stop the DVR once, maybe because this time I didn't bother to correct my spelling mistakes as I was typing. So if you caught a few typos in this recap I apologize, but because it means I get to go to bed early tonight I am not that sorry...

And now the continuation of Fringe. Viewer discretion is advised.

The Final Score: 16 shots at Captain Jack Simon; 13 shots at Trained Seal Ryan; 12 shots at Drunk Chick Paula; 10 shots at Horny Chick Kara; 10 shots at Big Sexy Randy; and 10 shots at the audience. 1 direct reference to a former Idol contestant and 7 references to other non-Idol performers despite only 1 name drop from the judges. Take a guess which judge did that. 4 lost contestants, 3 lost judges (including me but not Paula), 3 plugs of other shows, 2 quick Coca-Cola treatments, 2 tardy iTunes plugs, 2 standing O’s, 2 eerie performances when the contestants were kids, 1 eerie performance tonight, 1 K-word utterance from an unlikely source, 1 billionaire reference, 1 reference to a grammar school friend, 1 cartoon cat reference, 1 comment from a carny, 1 reference to a comic book character and his dog, 0 introductions, and 6 minutes of time taken from my late local news.

Your 3 Stars of the Night: This week the producers saved the best for last, and not just because the judges were not allowed to say much about their performances. Allison Iraheta, Matt Giraud, and Adam Lambert were all about equally as good, and Anoop Desai was not that far behind them.

Idol Gives Back: I was not completely surprised about the bottom 3 last week or that Megan Joy Corkrey was voted off. What did surprise me was how Megan went from the “great hope of American Idol” to “we are not even going to bother to talk about saving you” in only 4 weeks. Who did she piss off? Actually, I think I know the answer to that question, and I think you do too.

The Fearless Prediction: Kris Allen is still too likeable to go home now, so I suspect that he will not be in the bottom 3 this week. I think Anoop Desai did well enough to stick around another week. Scott McIntyre will probably end up in the bottom 3 because he chosen to listen to Drunk Chick’s advice. I have a nagging suspicion that Allison Iraheta will still end up here too even though she was one of the stars of tonight. Maybe Captain Jack is right about her likability after all. But my prediction is that Lil Rounds will be the one at the bottom of the vote total tomorrow night. The real question is whether or not Captain Jack will elect to save her or not, and they may be enough incentive to actually watch the results show. Well, maybe not.