Idol Gives Back - Postponed due to Nigel

So the surprise twist that was going to shake up the competition forever was, well, the one that everybody and their grandmother who is still watching Idol predicted. Because Nigel wouldn't let the judges use their save on a dude and Janelle Arthur was deemed not worth saving another week was added to the show so that they'll still meet their reservations for the Nokia on May 15 & 16. Assuming that the finale will be back at the Nokia of course; given how the ratings have tanked this year Fox might force the producers to move the finale to that community theater in the Valley where the Hollywood Week auditions were held.

Perhaps Trained Seal was really referring to the surprise appearance of Season 10 contestant Stefano Langone. Seriously, is that the best they can do? Didn't he finish in like 12th place that season? Does anybody even remember that he was even a contestant? Aren't Taylor Hicks and Kris Allen looking for a paycheck, what about one of them? Was Sanjaya was too busy? At least a few members of the remaining audience would have remembered him. Maybe Stefano was the only former contestant left who returned Nigel's call.

So everybody gets to come back and do it again next week. This was such a "surprise" that I didn't even bother to watch. I read instead that Candace and Amber were in the Bottom 2. The judges must be going insane in their respective mansions about this. After all, how much more can they possibly do to convince America that Amber deserves to win this competition? Maybe Nicki can just shoot the other contestants like she threatened to do to Mariah during the auditions.

I used to like Amber but given how much the judges have been trying to blow smoke up her *** I've become less enthusiastic about her. It hasn't helped that her performances have been putting me to sleep.

This will give Kree and Candace a second chance and a week to rest up since next week they'll likely be forced to sing three songs again and then listen to the judges rave about Amber and Angie again. I'll try to rest up too since I'll need to write up all those songs again next week and listen to all that raving again. I hear next week's theme is "Now and Then", which means we'll get 4 old and boring ballads, 4 new and boring ballads, and a couple of middle aged and boring duets.

Stefano Langone? Really?

Everybody Can Blow Smoke Up Your...

I figured that I would generate some new hits to this blog by name dropping a bunch of former Idol contestants in my last post. Google, you are so predictable. Let's see how many of those who dropped by after Googling "William Hung" will be around to read one of my more regular offerings.

Trained Seal opened the show by promising lots of singing and an endurance test for the contestants. With all that singing and some of the more "colorful" comments from the judges tonight it'll be an endurance test all right, a test to see if I can make it through the day tomorrow after staying up past 2 am to write this.

Tonight there were two themes. The first was "contestant's choice", which meant it would be a bunch of ballads that I've never heard before. The second was the theme chosen by you in the AT&T contest, "One Hit Wonders", which meant it would be a bunch of ballads that I might have heard before. In between were two duets without a theme, likely chosen by Nigel.

The intro videos this week featured the 4 remaining contestants' visit to the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles. Out of respect for the kids I'm going to refrain from making any snide comments on the videos, except to question Amber Holcomb's assertion to one kid that she is "camera shy." Amber took the death spot tonight to sing Celine Dion's "The Power of Love". Gee, another big note ballad, no surprise on the song choice there. I would have been surprised if Amber had chosen the Huey Lewis and the News version. I would have been annoyed too since that song always reminds me of an ex-girlfriend. While the song choice was predictable Amber did take a chance and sang the first verse without any accompaniment and standing on top of Trained Seal's entry stairs. It actually worked pretty well for Amber. Her performance didn't excite me but it was solid, controlled, and showed a wider range that the other songs that she has sung. Jaws thought Amber was current and looked like a "big sexy class of milk" because her full length pants suit was white in the front. Sole Survivor thought Amber was a big sexy "black and white cookie" since her dress was all black in the back. He also claimed that Amber had shown the most growth of any contestant this season. I would tend to agree. Glitter Girl dropped her one and only #POW of the night. Trained Seal asked Amber what statement she was trying to make tonight since she seemed to confident. Amber's meek response: "It showed my range." After the break Andy Cap, still in solitary confinement, said that he heard some straining in Amber's voice but that it would still be tough for the other chicks to do better.

Trained Seal introduced Candace Glover's Coca-Cola Treatment by claiming that she had the "eye of the tigress." During her treatment Candace talked about how she met the singer Drake on February 21 of last year, which if memory serves was around the time Sole Survivor kicked her out from last season's competition. Drake came up because Candace chose to sing his song "Find Your Love". It was another ballad but rather than just belt out the notes like Amber did Candace was much more stylish in her vocal, with lots of note runs to get the crowd excited. The judges weren't as excited. Indeed they thought Candace sang too many runs. Jaws led off by saying that she talked to Drake yesterday and that she couldn't comment on the vocals any more but would instead speak on "where I see you in the real world today." Nicki spent about 5 minutes complaining about the runs and about how Candace should think about what her potential market is. For good measure she name dropped Kanye West (who allegedly wrote this song) and Luther Vandross. Sole Survivor wasn't too crazy about the runs either, claiming that the vocal sounded too churchy. Glitter Girl, who has been Candace's defender all season, came to her rescue again by dismissing the other comments. Mr. Kidman agreed with Mariah. Andy Cap agreed with Jaws "this time."

Kree Harrison promised the kids that there would be some dancing during her performance of "Hurts So Bad", a blues ballad by someone nobody bothered to say. Apparently Kree considered occasionally shaking her hips as dancing because that was the only movement she made in the entire song. Her performance was a little more animated than what she's typically done but it just kind of fell a little flat for me. I'm beginning to suspect that Kree is losing her endurance as she sounded somewhat tired. Sole Survivor dropped 3 YOs and claimed Kree was "in her element," then got booed for saying that the song felt disconnected at times. Glitter Girl listened to the song in her car on the way to the studio because she had never heard it before and felt that Kree connected with the audience. Mr. Kidman poured his heart out to Kree, crying out for more "frickin emotion" that would break his heart and lamenting that Kree didn't do that with this song. Jaws all but told Kree that she is going home tomorrow night, saying that the performance was not Top 4 worthy. She then ripped into the other judges, Nigel, and everyone who's been pimping Kree all season (including the censor at Fox) with this little line: "Everybody can blow smoke up your (bleep, bleep, bleep) but that wasn't it." Trained Seal seemed dazed and confused about Nicki's censored comment. Andy Cap didn't want to "contribute to any smoke blowing around here" but agreed with Jaws and got booed again.

Angie Miller is a big fan of Jessie J so she chose her song "Who You Are". I had to Google Jessie J to find out who she is. According to Wikipedia "Jessie J is recognized for an unconventional musical and performance style that mixes soul vocals with contemporary R&B, pop, electropop, and hip-hop beats," basically everything Angie is not. What Angie is though is a performer and she was in full performance mode with this song. She was back at the piano, emoting and dramatizing so much that I wondered if she was actually playing the piano or just hitting the keys, and I mean literally hitting the keys. She was bouncing up and down pounding on those keys like Alex Van Halen on the drums. You can look Alex up on Wikipedia. If Mr. Kidman was looking for frickin emotion he found it here, but the singing was just OK. I'm sure Captain Jack would have described this performance as "self-indulgent" but sadly he's not in the house tonight. Instead we have judges that are suckers for emoting so of course Angie got 3 SOs. Glitter Girl didn't stand but claimed that it was because her dress got caught in the chair again. She apparently wanted Angie to chose an original song instead as she advised Angie that "songwriting is an asset that you have, and that can give you a career with longevity, TRUST ME." Mr. Kidman remembered that Angela Miller sang a Jessie J song at her audition and complimented Angie Miller for getting cooler and loser as the song went along, since "it's OK to not be OK." Jaws thought the performance was like a closing act of an awards show, though I think it was meant as a compliment. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and showed off his math skills by saying it was a "10 outta 10 outta 10." Trained Seal invited Angie's crying grandma to come on stage and receive some shout outs from the crowd. In true Angie fashion she still glared at the camera to flash her phone numbers while her crying grandma was hugging her.

OK, it was then duet time. First up was Amber and Kree trying Adele's "Rumor Has It". The two basically just stood there and sang in their usual style, which meant it was pitch perfect but boring. The only thing that got my attention was the camera finally spotting the cute Asian backup singer. Mr. Kidman wanted them to cut loose more and "throw a mic stand or something." Jaws pimped Amber and trashed Kree by telling Kree, and only Kree, that she should sing a duet like she's having a conversation with her favorite diva rather than just stand there and sing, even though both chicks were guilty of that offense. Trained Seal challenged Jaws on that comment, asking her how she would sing a duet with Glitter Girl. The response was the predictable fake attitude thing that we've come to expect from Nicki.

Candace and Angie sang the Rihanna ballad "Stay" featuring Mikky Ekko, another singer I had to look up on Wikipedia. I learned Mikky's a dude so I wondered which of the two chicks sang his part of the song. Apparently Candace and Angie were paying attention back stage because they looked at each other for most of the song, which became a real challenge at the end when the fog machine obscured their view of each other. There were lots of big notes and emoting in this song too, especially Angie who looked pissed off for most of it. If there had been a mic stand nearby Angie would have likely thrown it, especially after Keith's comment after the previous duet. Sole Survivor dropped 5 YOs and raved about how Angie had "come out." Take that for what you will. Glitter Girl backed Candace again by raving about how she respected the song and how she was able to sing it while at the same time deal with the fog machine and Angie.

With great fanfare Trained Seal announced that the winning theme selected by fans for the AT&T contest was "one hit wonders." One wonders why so many people voted for such a dull theme. Whatever happened to Disco Night anyway? An apropos question since Amber chose to sing the one hit wonder "MacArthur Park", which was so wonderful that it was a one-hit wonder twice, once by Richard Harris and once by Disco Queen and former Idol tor-mentor Donna Summer. Amber started the song as the Richard Harris ballad and then there was a somewhat awkward transition to the Donna Summer disco version. Amber sang both parts like she usually does, technically strong but lacking in emotion or depth. It was a fun little performance though, I'll give her that, and half of the song wasn't a ballad. The song choice was, well, interesting. Mr. Kidman thought that Amber was dominating tonight and that "summer had set in for you and it's here to stay." He stayed with the puns by trying a funny line about Richard Harris and disco music but that fell flat. Jaws loved that "Angie" "takes chances." I suspect it was a slip of the tongue, though in this case a Freudian slip would be a plausible explanation for Nicki's flub. Sole Survivor dropped 2 YOs and name dropped Rihanna. Trained Seal accused Amber of holding back until now, a charge that she didn't deny. Andy Cap, still hiding backstage, thought that the judges "missed the point" and that the song was too corny.

Candace selected the another two time one hit wonder, "Emotion" by Samantha Sang and by the Bee Gees. Not the Glitter Girl version, but then Mariah's not a one hit wonder. Her performance had a stylish start though the back up singers were out of tune. The rest of Candace's performance was OK, it was well sung and she stayed within the melody for the most part. Jaws was proud of Candace for sounding somewhat current while singing a 35 year old song, then ripped into Andy Cap for his comments about Amber. Sole Survivor dropped 5 yeses instead of YOs, loved how Candace marinated the vocals, then ripped into Andy Cap for his comments about Amber. Glitter Girl pimped up Candace yet again by pointing out that she sang that song with a bad cold. Mr. Kidman thought Candace could have selected a risker song and also wondered if there were any one-hit wonders in this past decade. Trained Seal stoked the fires by bringing Andy Cap out from exile to a chorus of boos. Jimmy accused the judges of smoking the green icing on Amber's cake and that they were afraid to admit that Candace was better this round than Amber. Jaws responded with "Candace was better!" "Then say it!" was Jimmy's retort. The judges then yell over each other so I had no idea if they were agreeing with Jimmy or still defending their comments about Amber. Jaws and Sole Survivor then both rushed the stage to get in Andy Cap's grill, only to do a group hug instead. Randy still tried to defend himself, but Trained Seal blew him off to read the phone numbers for Candace.

I'm exhausted just typing that paragraph out. So I'll try and abbreviate the summary of the final two performances. Kree sang Procol Harum's "A Whiter Shade of Pale", an interesting song choice that I would bet Kree didn't mediate on very much like Jaws recommended, especially since Kree told Trained Seal afterwards that she heard Percy Sledge sing this song many times when she was little. Perhaps Kree thought she was singing "When A Man Loves A Woman", the Percy Sledge song that sounds a lot like "A Whiter Shade of Pale", at least according to Wikipedia. This is the kind of mistake that an exhausted person has been known to make. So is singing a decent but uninspiring vocal like Kree did. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and loved it. Glitter Girl also loved it and wanted to download her performance to her phone. Mr. Kidman didn't like the song choice because it was too "middle ground" and got no boos. Jaws thought it was pretty and angelic but also strongly suggested that Kree was in danger because "something inside of you is dimming." Andy Cap must have been exhausted too since he wasn't allowed to comment. Instead Trained Seal pimped the Idol app.

Angie Miller closed the show with the Julie London song "Cry Me A River", which was a one-hit wonder in 1955, one year before Sole Survivor was born. If Julie London's name sounds familiar perhaps it is because in addition to being a one-hit wonder during the Eisenhower administration she also played the nurse on Emergency in the 1970's, 5 years before Jaws was born. Yes, I looked all that up on Wikipedia too. Angie sang without the piano on this number, which meant the usual big notes, faux emoting, and constant staring at the camera. Glitter Girl wondered why the song wasn't a classic rather than just a one-hit wonder and praised Angie for her note selection. Mr. Kidman was told to limit his comments to 3 words, "mystical and celestially powerful." Yes, Jaws pointed out that it was 4 words, then used much more than 3 or 4 words in her critique, including accusing Angie of snatching some wigs tonight. Sole Survivor dropped 2 final YOs and declared Angie's performance to be the best of the night.

Somehow Trained Seal managed to send us off to our local news right at 10:00 and still find time to promise that a "surprise twist" will be announced tomorrow night. More on that in a moment.

Things We Learned Tonight: Patrick Willis' feelings are hurt. Togo's mission is to save the world, one sandwich at a time. Fake Vikings think Alec Baldwin can act. Trained Seal thinks Candace has the "eye of the tigress." Mr. Kidman thinks of Richard Harris whenever he thinks of disco and is looking for someone to throw a mic stand and show some "frickin emotion" that will break his heart. Jaws has resumed her wars with both Jimmy Iovine and the Fox censor. Glitter Girl believes that songwriting is the key to a long career and favors dress that don't allow her to stand up. Andy Cap believes Nicki is in love with him and thinks the other judges are favoring Amber. All the other judges disagree with Jimmy.

Your Three Stars of the Night: Amber's first performance was good, especially since she sang part of it without accompaniment and while standing on top of the stairs. Too bad it was wasted on the death spot. I'll still give her a star though. I liked Candace's runs in her first performance so she gets my second star. The third star gets split by Candace and Angie for their duet that was actually sung like a duet as opposed to two singers just standing there.

The Final Score: 8-1/2 ballads (Amber's "MacArthur Park" was 1/2 ballad, 1/2 disco); 7 big notes; 4 short skirts; 13 YOs & 5 Yeses from Sole Survivor; 1 #POW from Glitter Girl; 11 standing Os; 3 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 7 mentions of former Idol contestants; I mention of a former Idol judge; 5 name drops: 2 by Jaws and 1 by Sole Survivor, plus 2 by me; 3 references to food; 2 singers I had to look up on Wikipedia; 3 other Wikipedia references; 2 Google references; 1 presidential reference; 2 cute Asian back up singer sightings; 1 app pimping; and no goose bumps.

The Fearless Prediction: Tamyra Gray. LaToya London. Chris Daughtry. Lakisha Jones. Michael Lynche. James Durbin. What do these former Idol contestants all have in common? They were all among the favorites to win coming out of the semi-finals in their respective seasons, and they were all eliminated at this point in the competition. There's a pattern here, and I have a feeling that it'll be repeated again this year with Kree Harrison. She was one of the pre-live show favorites, if not the favorite to win, and she's been slipping while the others have been gaining. On top of that, even though she was in the Bottom 2 last week the judges weren't trying to pimp her up this week. Instead they were focusing their love on Amber as if they were trying to save her. I have a feeling that Kree may be eliminated tomorrow night. I say may because the "surprise twist" that Trained Seal promised at the end of the show tonight likely has something to do with the fact that the Idol season will end one week early unless they do something since Nigel wouldn't let the judges use the save on a dude. That something could well be that no one gets eliminated tomorrow and instead they'll be eliminated next week. While Kree would no doubt be grateful I don't know if she has the stamina to last another week.

My Favorite Idols

I've been thinking (dangerous I know), who have been my favorite contestants on American Idol? Who would be in my Top 16 over all 12 seasons? Well, here's my all star lineup, and not all of them are here because of their vocals.

Christina Christian, Season 1

They say you never forget your first, and for me and Idol the first was Christina Christian. Though I only caught snippets of Idol in its first season I do remember this young lady with the cute voice and the even cuter look. I remember checking the Idol web site each week to see if she was still in the competition. I also remember that she was eliminated while in the hospital for exhaustion, which at the time made me sad because I thought she had a chance to win.

William Hung, Season 3

In 2004 I worked in an office with several engineers from Asia, and every one of them talked about this dude. Not in a derogatory fashion mind you, but rather out of admiration. William was living their dream. Even though he couldn’t sing a single note in key he still managed to gain fame and a record deal, just because he did his best. Only in America.

LaToya London, Season 3

Some of you cynics out there might not believe Idol’s promos about how much support the contestants get from the people in their hometowns. I can tell you from LaToya’s experience though that they really do. Even though she wasn’t a small town girl, everyone in her hometown of Oakland knew about LaToya while she was on the show. There were signs of support everywhere and she was the talk of every bar and restaurant in the city, whether you watched the show or not. Indeed, even Oaklanders who didn’t watch Idol were calling in and voting for her. I was living in Oakland at the time and I thought it was really fun to have one of our own do so well, even though I wasn’t watching the show at this point.

Kellie Pickler, Season 5

This blog and everything about it all exist because of this little ol’ car hop who lived in a trailer in North Carolina. It was her audition on the season premiere of Season 5, which I was only watching because I was cooped up at home cleaning my living room of ants, which got me hooked into watching this show. After seeing and hearing her audition I was inspired to watch the next show, and the next one, and… well, you know the rest of the story.

Chris Daughtry, Season 5

While Kellie was who first got me to watch Idol, it was Chris Daughtry that got me to watch it every week. Here was a guy who just had a natural voice for rock songs and wasn’t afraid to deviate from the Idol template of ballads, ballads, and more ballads. Even though he didn’t win Chris provided the template that David Cook followed to win Idol 2 seasons later. He proved to me that there was a place on Idol for singers that I would like. To this day Daughtry’s albums are the only ones recorded by a former Idol contestant that I have ever bought.

Elliott Yamin, Season 5

Elliott was the James Brown of American Idol, the hardest working man in the history of the show. Nobody worked on his singing during the season as much as he did, and it was that hard work that led to Chris Daughtry getting eliminated before him and almost led to Katherine McPhee getting eliminated one week later that would have put Elliott in the finale. Nobody gave this dude much of a chance to win and he came this close to pulling it off.

Melinda Doolittle, Season 6

I would argue that Melinda Doolittle was technically the best singer in the history of Idol. Key changes, chord changes, runs, flats, sharps, slow songs, dance songs, Melinda could sing them all and then some. I don’t think she missed a single note the entire season and I don’t remember any of the judges ever saying anything critical of her singing, even Simon. She was that good. As good as Jordin Sparks was that year, Melinda would have won it all if only she hadn’t been so afraid to show her personality.

Jordin Sparks, Season 6



How good was Jordin Sparks that year? This good. There is only one reason why Jordin is on this list. It's because her performance of "You Never Walk Alone" on the first Idol Gives Back show was my favorite single performance in the history of the show. I can't think of any other performance that not only gave me goosebumps but left me crying at the end. As long as this is still up on You Tube, just press play and hear for yourself just how good Jordin was.

Ramiele Malubay, Season 7

Speaking of chicks that were too shy, there was this cute little Pinay with a great voice that she was too afraid to show. However, that’s not why she is on this list. Well, cute is part of the reason why, but the main reason why she’s here is because she was the first person on the show that I gave a nickname to (Pinoy’s Lullaby, because she once said that she didn’t want to be known as “Ramiele Lullaby” by singing too many ballads). It worked so well that I started giving nicknames to the other contestants that season. Soon thereafter I started giving nicknames to the judges, the mentors, and Ryan, a practice that continues to this day.

Amanda Overmyer, Season 7

Ah yes, the rock and roll nurse, who sounded like Janis Joplin, rode a Harley, and called everyone “chiel.” She was only on the live shows for a short time but it was a fun time while it lasted. In a season full of oh so serious singers with prior record deals trying to get back in the biz, Amanda was an amateur that was off the cuff and just didn’t give a damn. It was really refreshing and a real shame that she was eliminated so early.

Jason Castro, Season 7

Speaking of contestants who didn’t give a damn, we have Exhibit A in the dreadlocked Jason Castro. I loved how he wasn’t afraid to speak his mind. He was relieved to be eliminated before he had to sing 2 songs, he laughed at Andrew Lloyd Webber because he wrote a musical about cats, and after butchering both “I Shot the Sheriff” and “Mister Tambourine Man” on the same night he admitted on the results show that he had read somewhere that he had “shot the tambourine man” and thought the comment was funny. He’s also the guy who inspired Paula Abdul’s infamous brain fart when she critiqued one of his performances before he had sung it, but more on that another day.

Allison Irahata, Season 8

I’m not sure what it was that I liked about Allison. Maybe it was her bright red hair, or her song choices that tended towards rock, or perhaps because she showed so much maturity for a 16 year old. Perhaps what drew me in the most was that she seemed so genuine and because she was the clear underdog that year compared to eye candy Kris Allen, Broadway Boy Adam Lambert, and the heavily pimped Danny Gokey. Allison was like the daughter I wished I had.

Siobhan Magnus, Season 9

She was quirky, she was shy, she had a large and strange tattoo on her shoulder and really odd tastes in hair styles, she argued with the judges, she chose to sing some strange songs, and she could scream like a banshee. Siobhan was one of the most unique finalists that Idol has ever had. Her glory notes were unlike anything Idol had ever heard either before or since; they were loud enough to break glass. I’ve liked the contestants that are distinctive and Siobhan was that alright, perhaps like none other. I always looked forward to her performances because I never knew what to expect. If I had to name my all-time Three Stars it would be Chris Daughtry, Melinda Doolittle, and Siobhan.

Crystal Bowersox, Season 9

With all due respect to Lee DeWyze, who was a decent singer and seemed like a cool guy, but Crystal really should have won that season. She was so consistent week in and week out and was a really good singer. She also filled a very unique niche; no one on this show has embodied the folk rock/chick rock genre like Crystal did. She never reached for the glory notes or tried to “perform” rather than sing. She just did her thing and did it well.

Joshua Ledet, Season 11

Like Crystal two seasons before, Joshua really should have won in Season 11. This kid held nothing back every time he performed. Every song was strong and passionate, it really did seem like he was singing for his life as Ryan so often claims Idol contestants do. He liked Ryan's comparisons to Mandisa from Season 5, but Joshua was actually better than her. Mandisa may have wanted to cleanse of our sins but Joshua’s performances actually did.

Candice Glover, Season 12

I believe technically Candice was the best singer on the show since Melinda Doolittle. There was nothing that this chick could not sing. I was worried that she would follow in Melinda's footsteps and be eliminated before the finale, but then she started showing some personality and creativity in her performances and my fears went away. I didn’t mind that she was shy and a little overweight. I am too so I could sympathize with Candice whereas I couldn't with anyone else on the show that season. I was so happy that she won Season 12, since for the first time in a long time the best singer actually won a singing competition rather than the best looking or most marketable contestant.

Idol Gives Back - CounTree Edition

Well, this was in retrospect probably the least daring fearless prediction of the season. The only drama was whether or not the judges would decide to save Janelle, now that Nigel had lifted the ban on using the save now that there were no more dude contestants. The drama only heightened when the camera showed not just the dude judges talking during the Sing for the Save but also the chick judges. Usually Sole Survivor and Mr. Kidman exchange recipes while Jaws and Glitter Girl just sit there like Simon used to do. This time around Mariah was in on the conversation from the start. Nicki was her usual self but eventually even she exchanged a few words with Randy. The final vote was 2 and 2, but of course Sole Survivor didn't say which were yes and which were no. Well, at least he revealed the vote this time.

I was surprised to see Kree in the Bottom 2, Maybe she has gotten a little too predictable. Or maybe people got turned off by the caked on make-up she had last night. No matter, she's the only country chick left now so she still has a shot.

I do like that they did a feature on hometown chick LaToya London from Season 3. She's gotten lost in the shadows compared to her divamates Fantasia and Jennifer Hudson so I'm happy that Nigel was able to track her down and give her a video, as opposed to just a shout out from Trained Seal that Jordin Sparks got tonight.

Since this may be Idol's last season I thought I might do some reminiscing of my own. First up will be a post to my favorite Idol contestants of seasons past and present. Yes, LaToya's on that list, as well as a few others that you might be able to easily guess from checking out the archive, if you care. I'll also list my least favorite Idol contestants and perhaps a special tribute to the judges and tor-mentors. If I have the time and mood I might even check my fearless predictions of the futures of Idol contestants from my season recaps and see how close I came.

No Dudes Allowed

Let's get right to it since I don't want to stay up until 1:00 am again...

The opening intro promoted the success of Nigel's grand plan to have a chick winner this year following the departure of the last dude standing last week. Too bad Lazaro is gone, he was born for one of this week's two themes, divas! But before we got to the Mariah Carey tribute we had to get through the first theme of the night, the ever popular Song from the Year They Were Born. After last week's dead crowd tonight's crowd was so amped up with screeching that Trained Seal had to hesitate before giving a shout out to Boston.

Candace Glover rocked the house last week in the closer spot so naturally Nigel made her the curtain jerker tonight. Her intro video featured her parents taking about how Candace bossed everybody around when she was a kid. Continuing her hits from the 80's motif Candace made my day by choosing Drunk Chick's "Straight Up" from 1989. Why the hell not? She was in the death spot so she might as well have sung a forgettable song and get it out of her system. Like that guy a few seasons back who wanted to be a janitor Candace changed up the arrangement to this song into some smooth jazz number rather than the forerunner of hip-hop arrangement that Paula had sung. It was good but not great, though I did like how she played with the song and with the camera. Mr. Kidman discovered that Drunk Chick's song was a great song and compared Candace's run singing to a slow wink across the bar. Jaws thought Candace was the boss. Sole Survivor dropped his first YO, praised the arrangement, and gave a shout out to his former dance partner. Glitter Girl thought it was a genius song choice. Trained Seal revealed that Janelle picked the song for Candace.

After the break we heard from Andy Cap, hiding somewhere backstage all by himself. Jimmy didn't like Janelle's song choice for Candace because it was too limiting for her voice. This of course was not an issue with the original singer.

Janelle Arthur was born in either 1989 or 1999. Her accent was too thick for me to tell. When she was a baby she used to stop crying whenever she heard the Vince Gill song "When I Call Your Name", so she chose that song to sing tonight. She took my advice and went full bore old school country with the arrangement, complete with her own guitar and a slide guitar on the side. Janelle seemed to be on the verge of tears throughout the song, so I guess the trick that worked when she was a baby doesn't work anymore. Her notes were weak in spots but was more or less OK. Jaws thought it was pretty and angelic. Sole Survivor and Janelle exchanged YOs. Glitter Girl complemented Janelle for not listening to the judges' comments. Mr. Kidman was the downer. He loves the song because of the emotion but didn't think that Janelle brought enough emotion into her performance. Naturally, Janelle smiled when she heard that. Glitter Girl on the other hand was not happy to hear that and shouted out that she was brought to tears, darling. Andy Cap compared Janelle's first verse to "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." With comments like that no wonder he was in hiding.

Kree Harrison was called Snow White by her now deceased parents when she was born in 1990. From that year she chose "She Talks to Angels" since no one would expect her to sing that song. Well she was right on point there, but before we thought that was just crazy she started singing the song in a bouncy country pop arrangement like she always does. I heard a few missed notes here and there, which is unusual for Kree. Still it was OK, but not her best. Sole Survivor dropped 2 YOs and loved her "natural, blues, soulful kind of thing." Glitter Girl loved Kree's emoting. Words from the master. Mr. Kidman thought Kree felt awkward because she had to sing to the camera. Jaws declared it the best of the night in her annoying faux British accent and declared that both Mariah and Keith were wrong to think that Kree sounded uncomfortable. Glitter Girl immediately fought back claiming that she never said anything about being awkward. Jaws continued to claim that Mariah was wrong straight through the bumper music. Andy Cap didn't think Kree's performance was a strong one. He had more criticism but that was drowned out by the audience's boos. Trained Seal threatened to send the chick judges to track down Jimmy and beat him up.

Angie Miller talked about how fat a baby she was when she was born in 1994 and how she was so loud and obnoxious as a child. Not much as changed except that she lost some weight. She started The Pretender's "Stand by You" from the piano by dedicating the performance to her hometown of Boston. I thought she was from small town outside of Boston, but given the events of Monday I won't rag on that too much more. While she sang the song she chased the camera around with her glare, doing her best to show emotion since that's what the judges told her to do last week. As a result Angie's singing was sloppier than usual, but she was quite successful with the emoting. How much of it was real was anybody's guess. Everybody but Jaws gave Angie an SO and all the judges loved the dedication to Boston. Interestingly Jaws thought it was a "smart choice." Glitter Girl spent her entire critique talking about Chrissie Hynde. Sole Survivor dropped yet another YO. Andy Cap gave Angie his first compliment of the night.

Amber Holcomb spent her Coca-Cola treatment session with a groupie who followed her from Vegas and had a mean shoulder bounce. Amber made the gutsy move to take on one of Glitter Girl's songs, her 1994 cover of "Without You". Sadly for her it's wasn't all that gutsy, she still played it safe by singing the song as a boring power ballad. The slow parts were really boring, the power parts were somewhat better. The judges of course fawned all over Amber with more standing ovations. Mr. Kidman declared an Amber alert. Sole Survivor dropped 2 more YOs and gave her props for singing a Mariah song in front of Mariah herself. Glitter Girl talked about how her mom sang her this song when she was a baby and only performs this song in concerts outside of the United States. Jaws threw everyone a curve ball by actually criticizing Amber for being too stoic, too scared, and not that impressive with the big notes. Naturally she was booed. Andy Cap agreed with Jaws and didn't think Amber was emotive enough.

Between games of the doubleheader Trained Seal interviewed Jessica Malvoy, a former winner of Australian Idol. She had the most delightful Aussie accent.

It was now diva time, and Candace decided to go for broke and take on not only Glitter Girl but also Whitney Houston with "When You Believe", which won the Oscar in 1999. Candace was initially afraid to sing a Mariah song but changed her mind after Glitter Girl glittered her last week. Unlike "the last performer", Candace wasn't afraid to sing a Mariah song in front of Mariah, indeed she was much more expressive. And of course the notes were pitch perfect. I don't know where she found that emotion switch but it's working for her now big time. Best of the night. This time all 4 judges gave her SOs. Jaws talked about female empowerment again. Sole Survivor bowed in respect, dropped 2 YOs, and declared that Candace had "one of the best voices in the whole world." Glitter Girl cried. Mr. Kidman stopped in his tracks. Trained Seal gave Candace a hug for America.

Janelle chose the Dolly Parton song "Dumb Blonde" because she's "smarter than the average bear." This wasn't quite the Dolly Parton I had in mind when I suggested that Janelle sing her songs. This one was uptempo country pop that Janelle performed in an un-country like short skirt. Emphasis on "performed" since that's what she did instead of singing. She sure had fun with all of that struttin' and emotin' and fireworks crackin' behind her. The singing was just so-so. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and agreed with me to a smattering of boos. Glitter Girl declared that it was "#pow" because Janelle connected to the song, but agreed with Randy by pointing out (indirectly, Glitter Girl style) that America didn't hear her chops. Jaws was afraid to say anything critical because all the chicks have "super powers" but still declared that Janelle was likely going home tomorrow night. Believe it or not, I agree with all four judges. Must be those super powers at work.

Say, wasn't Kellie Pickler eliminated at Top 5? I think Skyler Laine was too. I have a funny feeling about this...

During Kree's intro video before she sang Celine Dion's "Have You Ever Been in Love" Nigel showed the duet Celine did on Idol with the virtual Elvis. Remember how big a deal that was supposed to be? No, neither do I. Now this is the song that I wouldn't have expected Kree to sing instead of the Black Crowes song, especially since she sang it straight instead of as a country pop number. Her performance was impressive, I didn't realize that Kree's voice had that kind of range. The only thing that kept it from being best of the night was that her voice had a slight wobble to it like she had a marble in her mouth. Mr. Kidman thought Kree would inspire little girls to sing country. Jaws name dropped Adele and Celine and had an epiphany by realizing that Kree wasn't country but "worldly." Another YO from Sole Survivor.

Angie didn't get a word in during her Coca-Cola Treatment as Trained Seal showed Angie scoring a goal on ice against the L.A. Kings mascot goalie and then gave a shout out to Kings player Jared Stoll and his arm candy Erin Andrews in the audience. Angie chose Beyonce's "Halo" because she thought it would be a huge risk for her, or so she claimed. I suspect she really chose this song so that Amber couldn't sing it. She's wearing the same short skirt that she wore for the first song so it doesn't count towards her final score. Like the first song Angie did lots and lots of emoting but not much singing, including one stretch when all she sang were notes instead of words. She sang it well but it still sounded phony. Mr. Kidman put Angie back in his Top 3. Jaws thought Beyonce would hear about this. Sole Survivor dropped still another YO.

Amber used the closer spot to sing "What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life," a Sarah Vaughan song that Barbra Streisand sang once in concert in 1994 and subsequently got credit for. The song was written in 1969 but Amber went old school jazz circa 1939 with a long skirt, a harpist, and chandeliers hung from the ceiling. The slow parts were really boring, the power parts were somewhat better. The judges of course fawned all over Amber with more standing ovations. Stop me if you heard this before. Jaws name dropped Whitney again. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and a Rihanna. Glitter Girl reminded us that she was an American. All four judges again wondered why America wasn't getting her. I've given up trying to explain this. Trained Seal was afraid that the chandeliers would fall on his and Amber's head.

Trained Seal sent us off to our local news straight up at 10:00.

Things We Learned Tonight: Tickets for the summer tour go on sale May 3. Nate Montana has his father's eyes. The mini-series The Bible is based on a book. Carly Rae Jepsen's Coca-Cola contest song now has a name. Mr. Kidman realized how good of a song "Straight Up" is and wants to cry every time he hears Angie's voice. Sole Survivor loves Vince Gill. Glitter Girl is an American, can be feisty some nights, isn't afraid to steal arrangements from Idol contestants, doesn't sing "Without You" in the USA, and was sung "Without You" by her mother when she was a baby. Jaws loves strong women, cried when she first heard the Whitney/Mariah duet, and "Straight Up" makes her happy. Andy Cap is in solitary confinement backstage, and will likely stay there since Trained Seal wants to beat him up. Trained Seal can do the shoulder bounce and is excited that the chicks all like each other.

Your Three Stars of the Night: For two weeks in a row Candace was the best of the night with her second song. Candace's performance last week laid down the gauntlet and only Kree seemed to respond so she gets star #2. I'll give Candace the third star for selecting a Paula song

The Final Score: 7 ballads; 7 big notes; 5 short skirts; 12 YOs from Sole Survivor (every song had at at least 1 - Randy was en fuego) plus 1 from Janelle; 21 standing Os; 3 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 1 mention of a former Australian Idol winner; 2 mentions of former Idol contestants; 1 former Idol song; 1 Whitney song; 2 Mariah songs; 1 pro hockey player with some Fox eye candy by his side; 8 name drops: 3 by Jaws, 2 by Sole Survivor, 2 by Trained Seal, and 1 from Glitter Girl; 2 rows amongst the judges, darling, 1 virtual Elvis sighting, and 1 contestant who took my advice. Of course it was the one with the least chance of winning.

The Fearless Prediction: Angie's really starting to annoy me but all her emoting and her dedication to Boston will probably keep her out of the Bottom 2. Kree should be safe and I hopeful that Candace will be too, so I predict that it'll be Amber and Janelle in the Bottom 2, as I predicted a month ago. I think after last week it's Amber's turn to get the sympathy votes so I will again fearlessly predict that Janelle will have the lowest votes, and again not dare to predict if the judges will use their save. It'll be their last chance to use it and it'll be a chick who will be singing for her life so you would think that they would use it, and if it's Amber you can guarantee that they will. I'm not so sure about Janelle though. We'll find out tomorrow night.

It's 12:55, time to say good night...

Directions Home

In light of today's events I could use some cheering up. So for my benefit, and perhaps yours, here's a mildly entertaining, somewhat humorous, and semi-intelligent handicap of the 5 chicks remaining in the competition.

Unlike Trained Seal's method of announcing the results, this is in a particular order. I'll leave to you to guess how...

Janelle Arthur: I feel sorry for Janelle, I really do. She is a sweet kid who is trying really, really hard to sing well, unlike Lazaro who didn't seem to give a s*#t once he realized he was getting by on his looks. The problem with Janelle is not her looks, it's that she doesn't have the voice to compete with the other chicks, not to mention a few of the dudes that Nigel chased off the show. She couldn't have picked a better song for her than the Garth Brooks song that she sang last week and she couldn't have sang it any better than she did, but it still came up short. I admire her effort and determination, though. Too bad she doesn't have a sob story that she could milk.

My advice to Janelle: Go old school country, like Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn, Patsy Kline, and alike. Your voice is built for those types of songs like no one else's, including Kree, so that's what you should be singing. Avoid Shania Twain, Faith Hill, and other country pop songs like the plague because that's Kree's yard and you will just look bad trying to live there no matter how well you sing those songs. At this point that's about the only chance you have of winning, unless you can find a sob story.

Amber Holcomb: The judges keep crying every week wondering why America doesn't "get" Amber. Even Andy Cap does this, which surprises me because he's (usually) the most honest of the judges in his critiques. Honestly, in their efforts to try and pimp her the judges are doing Amber a disservice by not being honest with her about why she doesn't have a lot of support. She's boring and predictable, she sings the same types of songs every week, and she is playing it safe. Yes, she sings them well and looks great, but so have about 2-dozen other Idol contestants over the years who all try to sound like Beyoncé like she does. It seems like Amber asks her handlers how Beyoncé would sing the song and then that's how she sings it.

My advice to Amber: Do what Candace did, pick a song that no one would expect you to sing and sing it in a way that no one would expect you to sing it. Forget about Beyoncé, and don't even think about doing a Whitney song until the finale. Try something different, like a U2 song or something. I know, you should sing "One". It's different for you but it's a ballad so you should still be able to sing it. Take a chance and see what happens. At this point you have nothing to lose except getting eliminated before Janelle.

Angie Miller: Ah, yes, our little drama queen, who doesn't sing her songs as much as she performs them. The judges, in particular Mr. Kidman, have been dancing around the passion issue, or lack thereof, with Angie but no one in public has been telling her that she's coming across as phony because of how she keeps playing to the camera as if she were on a reality TV show. Oh, wait... well you know what I mean. Yes, she has a strong voice and apparently has some songwriting skills, but that will only get you so far if the cougars stop buying your acting.

My advice to Angie: Stop staring down the camera. Look around while you're singing. Look at the audience, the band, the judges, Trained Seal, anyone but the camera. The audience might actually think you're being sincere if you weren't trying so hard to act like you are. It's OK to pick dramatic songs like the Evanescence number you did two weeks ago, though I'm beginning to think the reason why you sang that song so well was because you were too busy trying to keep your blouse from blowing off to pay attention to anything else. You might considering giving the fan guy a little something extra on the side to do that again.

Candace Glover: I must admit that Candace is my personal favorite. She is the best singer in the competition hands down, and she's shy and slightly overweight and I can identify with both of those. So I've been sad to see her so disregarded by the judges and the audience. She's the one that I've been crying about not getting enough attention rather than Amber. I think her problem is that while she connects to the songs she hasn't been connecting to the audience. She's been the exact opposite of Angie and as a result her personality hasn't shown through. That is, until "Love Song". Perhaps she was motivated by the fact that she was only in Glitter Girl's Top 3 two weeks ago and felt the need to change her strategy. Perhaps she was the one who was inspired by Burnell's departure rather than Amber. Whatever it was it sure as hell worked.

My advice to Candace: Do what you did last week, pure and simple. Stay focused on whatever it was that inspired you to sing a Cure song as a torch ballad and you'll make it to the finale and not have to sing the group numbers with the losers. Last week you got the audience to cheer for you and got Jaws to stop trying to find ways to criticize you, and you can't ask for more than that.

Kree Harrison: If I were a bookmaker then my odds would be lowest for Kree. She is the front runner right now and has been since Simon Cowell was a judge, or so it seems. She had been in danger of drifting into the same predictable zone that Amber finds herself trapped in but she maneuvered clear of that last week by not trying to turn that sappy song "What The World Needs Now" into a country pop song. I think it's also helped that she has avoided singing glory notes like everybody else; it's stood her out in a positive way.

My advice to Kree: Your spot in the finale is pretty much set as long as you don't pull a Lazaro and forget the lyrics and/or act like a spoiled brat. I'd like to suggest though that you mix up the song arrangements a bit. It's OK to keep doing the Shania Twain, Faith Hill arrangements most of the time but it might help you to venture out just a little bit. Just do my a favor and not sing any glory notes when you do venture out. And wear more dresses and less slacks.

Idol Gives Back - Adios Edition

Sure enough, the first week that I pick Lazaro to not be eliminated is the week where he is eliminated. However, as I said last night (or should I say earlier today), I'm happy to have been proven wrong. I'll take one for the team.

All the judges (even Andy Cap) were surprised that Amber was in the bottom group again. Even though I didn't pick her for elimination this week I'm still not surprised. She's a great singer and looks like a million bucks, but that'll only get you so far when you're playing it safe while your competitors are not. She needs to do what Candace did last night; pick a song that no one would expect you to sing and then sing it like its never been sung before. Sing a U2 song instead of a Beyonce song. She's got the voice to do this, but only if she's willing to try. So far she hasn't been, and that's why she keeps getting fewer votes than what the judges think she should. Just do it Amber, you'll thank me later.

So Nigel's master plan is complete, all the dudes are gone. Well played Nigel, well played. Too bad you sacrificed half your audience in the process. So now the question is, will the judges use their save next week now that only chicks are left and they'll lose it if they don't use it? We've got a week to contemplate that deep thought. Til then...

This Is Important Here!

Nothing to intro with tonight, except to say that I watched tonight's show after drinking a full bottle of Oregon Pinot Noir so this could be rather embarrassing, incoherent, or both. Kind of like Glitter Girl. Chances are though that this will take so long to write that I'll be sober by the time I get to the Fearless Prediction, which may or may not be a good thing.

Tonight's show began with a video recap of Burnell's dismissal from last week, when everyone was in tears except for Lazaro and Nigel. Even the judges were in tears, which leads me to wonder why they didn't save him if they were so sad to see him leave. I think we all know the answer to that question, don't we Nigel?

Tonight the contestants sang 2 songs, which means I'll likely be seeing Craig Ferguson's monologue before I'm done. I think this is the earliest point in the competition when Nigel has asked the contestants to sing 2 songs. Remember when Jason Castro was relieved to be eliminated so that he wouldn't have to sing 2 songs? Ahh, those were the days. At least that meant that there would be no torturous duets, which was good news for me and great news for the chicks who didn't have to sing with Lazaro.

Sadly the 2 songs meant that there would be 12 performances and thus not enough time for Andy Cap to make an appearance. There was still enough time for the chick judges to babble alot, but more on that later.

The first round of songs were from the Burt Bacharach - Hal David song book. I read a commentary this past week that claimed that one of the reasons why Idol's ratings are so crappy this year are because the themes are so outdated. Well here you go, it doesn't get more outdated than songs that were written before I was born. The second round of songs were songs that the contestants wish that they had written. It's one of those odd themes like iTunes night where we're dependent on the contestants and their handlers to choose the songs. Lord help us all.

Tonight's Death Spot went to Angie Miller. I guess Nigel doesn't like her anymore. Trained Seal didn't bother to name the songs during this round so I won't bother to identify them unless I recognize them. Angie's song I didn't recognize. She revealed in her video that she makes "embarrassing" You Tube videos with her BFF Lydia and likes hard core music. That's heavy metal for those of you old enough to remember Burt Bacharach. As is her usual style Angie stood there and stared down the camera for the entire song. Her performance was competent but dull, it wasn't even dramatic. Mr. Kidman thought Angie will be in the finale but he didn't feel the passion or the humanity in Angie's performance, but then excused the lack of passion by claiming that it was because Angie's singing was so effortless. No, Keith, it's because she's a drama queen; Andy Cap would have told you that if he didn't have the night off. Jaws and Sole Survivor agreed with Keith. Glitter Girl didn't want to be critical because it wasn't her style, so all she could come up with saying that Angie's pronunciation was too perfect. Jaws tried really hard not to laugh. Angie claimed to Trained Seal that she loved hearing the criticism that her singing lacked any passion, convincing no one except Ryan.

Before the next contestant Trained Seal announced that Idol had been inducted into the NAB Broadcasting Hall of Fame. I checked online and saw that Nigel and Sole Survivor were there to accept the award, and Chris Daughtry were there to play "a selection of chart-topping songs and fan favorites." Ryan was so impressed that he gave the trophy to a tweener chick in the audience.

Next up was Amber, whose shocking revelation was that she likes to eat frozen shrimp straight from the bag in the freezer. She took on "Say A Little Prayer", a bouncy little Dionne Warwick song that Amber flattened out with some odd bossa nova arrangement. Her singing was OK but the arrangement put me to sleep. Even Amber looked bored while she sang it. The judges meanwhile were listening to another song as they heaped all sorts of praise on Amber and her performance. Jaws declared that Amber was her favorite girl in the competition and thought Amber sang so well because "her boyfriend" wasn't around anymore. Everyone but Nicki was confused. Sole Survivor dropped 4 YOs. Glitter Girl forgave Amber's little mistakes because it's a live show. Mr. Kidman loved that Amber didn't oversing the song. Trained Seal tried to get Amber to elaborate on Nicki's boyfriend comment because Sole Survivor wanted to know.

After the break Trained Seal checked in with Anthony Hopkins, who was in the audience and declared his love of the "lady birds." Some sharp IT guy quickly set up a Twitter hash tag #AnthonyonIdol so you too can check in with Hopkins and his love of the lady birds.

Speaking of lady birds, now here's Lazaro Argos. He claimed in his video that he likes to hunt and ride 3-wheelers and he showed a picture of him with a chick and an ATV. I don't for a minute believe any of this but I admire his effort to try and convince everyone that's he's not gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that, though Lazaro apparently thinks that there is. Yes, I am avoiding describing his performance of "Close To You" because it was a karaoke train wreck of a sappy song.  I couldn't stop laughing the whole time, in between sips of wine. OK, gulps of wine. The only redeeming value to it was that Lazaro remembered all of the schlocky lyrics. Sole Survivor had the honor of going first and said it was horrible. Glitter Girl revealed that the "powers that be" told her that she was being too soft and should be more critical, so when given the golden opportunity to suck up to Nigel and be critical she instead babbled on for 10 more minutes about changing keys, song choice, and lots of other non-critical stuff. She still managed to admire Lazaro's struggle again. Mr. Kidman talked about keys too but was relatively brief. Jaws checked her watch and then said that she had no comment. Maybe there is something to the claims that the chick judges don't like each other. The strangest part of all this was that the audience was dead silent the entire time, not even a hint of a boo.

During her Coca-Cola Treatment Kree Harrison told Trained Seal that she was really happy that her brother got the day off from the pipelines to come to Hollywood to see her sing. She also loves rodeos. She began "What The World Needs Now" a capella and then kept the band down low for the rest of the song. She sang it very well. It was controlled, strong, and had a little bit of emotion. Now see Lazaro, that's how you sing a sappy song. Glitter Girl loved that Kree didn't try to produce an emotional response or make any faces, kind of like she does. Mr. Kidman felt that he can trust Kree because of how she sings. Jaws thought Kree was sweet and ready for the CMAs but was also "hella cocky." Sole Survivor dropped a YO and was really happy that Kree came after "the last performer."

Dear Lord, it's 11:30 and I'm not even halfway through this recap. I need Nigel in my ear to tell me to be brief and move along.

Janelle played a boy in an 8th Grade play. Perhaps she is mentioning this now to try and get the tweener chicks to vote for her after Lazaro leaves since she once played a dude. She began "Never Fall in Love Again" in the tweener chick mosh pit, then mozied over to serenade Mr. Kidman. It was a bit pitchy in spots but otherwise a decent performance, though she'll need more if she wants to stay on the show another week. Mr. Kidman loved to see another side of Janelle (i.e. not coun-tree). Jaws elicited a smattering of boos when she said that Janelle will be a commercial success but was still boring. Sole Survivor thought it was a little lackluster and wanted to hear more of the cookies in her voice.

After Mr. T declared his work was done in an Old Navy commercial Candace Glover talked in Geechee, a Southern dialect that I had never heard of before tonight. She still sang her song in English, no corny language gimmicks like that dude Devin. As usual there were lots of big notes but there was some emotion too. After a bunch of lackluster performances tonight the audience finally woke up after this one. The lighting guy helped out with some favorable lighting. The best of Round 1 for sure, earning 3 standing O's from the judges. Mariah's dress must be too tight again because she stayed seated. Jaws thought Candace was born to do this and thought there was a woman's revival going on. For the first time she didn't try to come up with an excuse to criticize Candace. Sole Survivor dropped a YO. Mr. Kidman admitted that he was moving Candace up into his top 3 after this performance, though he didn't say if it was Kree, Amber, or Angie who was being bumped down.

Angie wanted to write Kari Jobe's "Love Comes Down" because it helped her stay focused after she graduated from high school last year. Whatever works. Perhaps sensing she was in trouble Angie returned to the piano for this performance, and this time she stayed there for the entire song. She still kept staring down the camera though, just like she did without the piano. Her singing was better and more dramatic this go-around, even though the Asian chick backup singer came close to drown her out. She got two standing O's from the dude judges. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and loved it on so many levels but didn't really elaborate. Mr. Kidman loved the dove images that were floating in the background and thought Angie would eventually find the passion in her singing. Jaws, and "THIS IS IMPORTANT," urged Angie to not stray from emotional songs like this one.

During her Coca-Cola Treatment Amber was pushed by Trained Seal to reveal the boyfriend that Jaws referred to earlier, strongly implying that it was Burnell. Amber claimed that she and Burnell were "just friends." Poor dude, now there's a sob story for Burnell, right after he longer needed one. She chose Beyonce's "Love On Top" because she wanted to dance around to an up tempo number for once. She came out looking like Mrs. Jay-Z in her cutoff shorts and red pumps and sounding like Whitney until she started slurring her lyrics at the end. Still, it worked for me. The judges drooled all over her again. Jaws declared that Amber just gave her everything she ever wanted in her life.

Lazaro came back to sing "Angels" by Robby Williams. He explained in his video why he chose this song but I honestly couldn't interpret what he was saying. He slurred the lyrics of this song in such a low key that I couldn't tell what he was singing. Still, it wasn't a train wreck so it was an improvement. The consensus of the dude judges was that it was better than the first song but that he's way behind the chicks. Jaws once again refused to comment. Glitter Girl strained to say something positive, the best that she could do was say that his vocal was more in his range thistime compared to Round 1.

Trained Seal pimped the results show tomorrow when both Kelly Clarkson and Scotty McCreery will perform. It's funny, every time Kelly tries to separate herself from Idol she still ends up coming back. Yes, you can tell that I'm starting to run out of energy. Either that or the wine buzz is wearing off.

Kree went back to country with the Kris Kritofferson song "Help Me Make It Through The Night," including a slide guitar and violin accompaniment. For the first time, she wore a short skirt instead of slacks, and it wasn't as embarrassing as she might have thought it would be. Her performance was more country than her first song but not sung as well. I do love how subtle her singing is though, not a single glory note. Jaws gave a shout out to the musicians and then talked about how much better Kree was than Janelle, who was next to sing and must have been pissed to hear that. Well, maybe not Janelle but I would have been. Glitter Girl claimed that she tried and failed to sing this song and name dropped Willie Nelson, the one and only name drop all night. Mr. Kidman thought "that was a buckle polisher right there" and predicted that she'll be at the Grand Ole Opry soon.

Janelle sang Garth Brooks' "The Dance" because it blew her mind at age 11 when she first heard it. She too wore her first short skirt of the season and actually looked good. Janelle sang her little ol' heart out as much as she could muster and it was a decent performance. Sadly it was still not as good as some of the other chicks' lackluster performances. Yes, Nicki was right. It's hard for me to believe too. Sole Survivor got 1 or 2 boos when he said that it wasn't Janelle's best ever performance. Glitter Girl apologized to Garth Brooks for not knowing the song. Mr. Kidman gave a shout out to the songwriter and thought Janelle could have done better with just her and a guitar.

Tonight's closer was Candace, and not a moment too soon since Craig Ferguson's show just started. She wished that she would have wrote The Cure's "Love Song". Now there's a song choice that I wouldn't have guessed ahead of time. In her video Candace revealed that she could still relate to the song even though she doesn't have a boyfriend. I have heard this song before (thank you KROQ) but not like this. She sang the song as a torch ballad that Glitter Girl has been asking her to do for weeks, and boy did she sing it well. Even better, Candace was actually connecting with the audience who cheered every big note, which they've done with the other chick contestants and Lazaro but not with Candace until now. Yes, I felt a goose bump. All of the judges gave her a standing O, even Glitter Girl who also sprinkled glitter on a now crying Candace. I bet she's been saving that glitter all season. Mr. Kidman bowed down on his knees in respect. The audience applause went so long that only Sole Survivor got the chance to critique, and dropped 6 (yes, 6) YOs and declared that it was one of the greatest performances in the 12 season history of the show. I'm not sure it was that good but it may have been good enough to make her a contender to win. Usually it's around this point in the season when someone makes a move up the leader board, like Saturday at the Masters, and we may have just seen that here.

Trained Seal saluted us off to our local news at 10:01.

Things We Learned Tonight: Nigel doesn't have time for Jimmy Iovine. Anthony Hopkins loves the lady birds. Mr. T's work is done. There's a dialect known as Geechee. Amber and Burnell are "just friends." Mr. Kidman is missing the humanity but can still trust Kree. Sole Survivor wants to see more cookies from Janelle. Glitter Girl is being told by the "powers that be" to be more critical and wants Garth Brooks' forgiveness for not knowing all of his songs. Jaws does her own makeup, may not like Mariah after all, and now has everything she ever wanted in life thanks to Amber. Trained Seal is not impressed that Idol is in the broadcasting hall of fame, or perhaps he was just upset that Randy was invited to the reception instead of him.

Your Three Stars of the Night: Candace and Kree stole the show but taking it up a notch when no one thought that they could. In Candace's case it might have saved her from imminent elimination. Even if the tweeners give her the lowest number of votes I can guarantee after tonight that the judges will save her. The others were all just OK though Amber continued to get pimped by the judges. Since I need to name 3 stars I might as well give one to her.

The Final Score: 8 ballads; 4 big notes; 4 short skirts; 13 YOs from Sole Survivor; 9 standing Os; 8 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 2 mentions of former Idol winners; 3 mentions of former Idol contestants; 1 K-word mention; 1 Whitney mention; only 1 name drop by Glitter Girl of all people; 1 award announcement; 1 shout out to an LA radio station; and 1 goose bump.

The Fearless Prediction: It's all but certain that Lazaro will be in the bottom 2, the questions are which chick will join him on stage with Trained Seal at the end of the show and whether or not Laz will finally be sent home. I suspect that it will be Janelle again since Kree's sapping away her country fan base because, to be blunt, she's a better singer. Angie and Amber are still being pimped and there's now hope for Candace thanks to her performance tonight. As much I would like to see Lazaro go the logic says that it'll be Janelle. There are just too many parameters to ignore. I would love to be proven wrong, but I'm predicting that Janelle will be the bottom vote getter. But will the judges save her? That's something I'm too fearful to predict...

Idol Gives Back - Rock and Roll Edition

Rather than wait a week to comment on the eliminations and my fearless predictions I'm going to start posting my Idol Gives Back segments after the results shows. That way it's still fresh in my mind, earns me a few extra minutes of sleep on Wednesday nights, and perhaps could get this site a few more hits. Not like hits really matter though, kind of like Lazaro and song lyrics.

I guess there are still a fair number of tweener chicks and cougars who are still watching and power voting Idol this season. How else can anyone explain why Lazaro was not only still safe but in the Top 3 this week. After tonight I can all but guarantee that one of the chicks will be eliminated before Lazaro is, no matter how many lyrics he forgets or how whiny he is when Sole Survivor or Trained Seal question him about it.

With the tweener/cougar power block asserting itself like North Korea this week it's no surprise that Burnell was sent home instead of Lazaro, and it's no surprise that the judges didn't use The Save on him. I could easily imagine Nigel screaming in the judges' earpieces that they were only allowed to use their save on a chick. Not even Trained Seal sounded all that disappointed. That being said, I'd say the odds are better than 50/50 that The Save will be used next week and it won't be for Lazaro.

Has anyone else noticed that while the lowest ranked contestant is singing for his life that only the dude judges are talking and only to each other? I have yet to see either Jaws or Glitter Girl debate saving any of those eliminated so far. I'm not sure if it's because they both would vote yes no matter who it was or if there is some agenda going on here. I'd guess the latter is likely with Nicki and the former is likely with Mariah, but then what do I know?

See you next week. Trained Seal didn't announce the theme, perhaps he's waiting for someone to submit one as part of the latest contest.

I Am Done, Go Away Song! Ole!

A lot of noise has been made about Idol's ratings this year, so I did some research just to see how bad it really is. Naturally I turned to Wikipedia. I compared the Top 9 ratings over the last 12 seasons and here are the results:

Season 12: 11.65M viewers (The Beatles)
Season 11: 17.87M viewers (Their Personal Idols with Stevie Nicks)
Season 10: 23.03M viewers (Rock & Roll Hall of Fame with will.i.am)
Season 9: 20.84M viewers (Lennon-McCarthy songbook)
Season 8: 24.41M viewers (iTunes downloads)
Season 7: 26.12M viewers (Dolly Parton)
Season 6: 26.67M viewers (American Classics with Tony Bennett)
Season 5: 28.83M viewers (Country)
Season 4: 24.5M viewers (Classic Broadway)
Season 3: 23.5M viewers (Elton John)
Season 2: 21.2M viewers (Disco with Verdine White)
Season 1: 10.77M viewers (1960's)

So contrary to what has reported this season doesn't have the worst ratings in Idol's history; that honor still goes to Season 1. However, when we consider that Season 1 was during the summer and was before American Idol: The Search for a Superstar became Idol, then yes, they are really sucking wind this season.

I know y'all want to blame Nicki Minaj for this, but me, I blame Nigel. His quest to get a chick winner this year knows no bounds or reason and as a result the tweener chicks who used to adore this show have left in droves. Not only are the total viewers half of what they were just two years ago so are the 18-45 ratings that Fox executives love so much. Maybe that's why the dudes are getting eliminated so quickly.

To illustrate Nigel's evil plans there is tonight's theme: Rock and Roll songs with no ballads allowed, otherwise known as Nigel's blatant attempt to get tweener chick fave Lazaro off the show. Nigel knows this bambino can only sing sappy ballads so what better way to mess Lazaro up than by banning sappy ballads?

The show tonight began with a video history lesson on rock and roll for all you kids out there who think rock started with John Mayer and Maroon 5. The video included a list of the rock artists whose songs would be butchered tonight, including such cutting edge artists such as Queen, Billy Joel, and Heart. I'm surprised no one sang an Elton John or Bryan Adams song.

Trained Seal name dropped Carrie Underwood and Michael Jackson when introducing Orianthi, some Aussie guitar chick who sat in with the band tonight. Apparently she's a big deal or something. After all, she is part of Alice Cooper's band and has appeared as a guitarist at James Durbin's stage shows. You might remember James as the dude from Idol Season 10 who loved pro wrestling and was that season's designated poser.

Each contestant's video featured their fellow competitors talking trash about them. To save me some time I'll save those comments until the end. Andy Cap was neither seen nor heard in any of the videos. He must be on vacation this week.

Tonight's Death Spot went to Burnell since Nigel smells blood and sees an opportunity to get rid of both dudes as soon as possible. His version of Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name" was decent; borderline karaoke but not as screechy as his other recent efforts. Indeed his screeching fit in well with the song. The backup singers are in fine leather tonight in line with the theme, in particular the Asian chick who seems to be getting as much airtime as the contestants this season. Works for me. Mr. Kidman thought Burnell looked uncomfortable singing rock and roll. Jaws thought Burnell looked like a teddy bear. Sole Survivor dropped 2 YOs and got booed for giving Burnell technical advice on how to sing up tempo songs. Glitter Girl traveled down Memory Lane and was proud of Burnell for learning all the lyrics. Burnell admitted to Trained Seal that his chose this song because it's the only rock song he knows.

Next was the first duet of the night, Lazaro and Angie taking on Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love". The first half of the song featured Lazaro slurring his words and Angie flirting with the mic in her hot shorts. Then of course Lazaro forgot the lyrics again and Angie gave him a nasty look, perhaps fearing that Lazaro is going to sink her chances of winning like he did Devin's. The performance came short of a train wreck but it was not good, very karaoke. If he keeps this up then no one is going to want to sing with Lazaro ever again. Both Glitter Girl and Trained Seal made excuses for Lazaro again by pointing out that he only learned the song yesterday. Glitter Girl also name dropped Freddie Mercury. Mr. Kidman thought the performance was too klitchy and variety show-ish. Jaws butted in to claim that this was the effect that Lazaro and Angie were going for. Keith did compliment Lazaro for not looking like a Candy Man like he has been the last several weeks. Neither Lazaro nor Angie were willing to tell Trained Seal what Lazaro had whispered in Angie's ear when they were done singing. Betcha it wasn't an apology.

As dependable as death and taxes there's always one chick who sings a Janis Joplin song during Idol rock week, and this year it was Kree Harrison who did "Piece of My Heart." Despite the fact that she had a pinched nerve she sang her song well as usual. I must say though that Kree's performances are starting to get repetitive, even down to her motions on stage. This is not promising for her chances of winning. Lord help her if she ever gets stuck singing a duet with Lazaro. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and thought Kree was interesting. Glitter Girl laid out Kree's future career. Mr. Kidman felt uncomfortable criticizing Kree after her intro video talked about how she liked to iron the other contestant's shirts. He then asked Kree how it was like to perform in the heeled boots she was wearing, which left everyone confused since she's been wearing the same boots every week. It was then that Kree revealed that she had a pinched nerve in her back. Jaws told Kree "your outta here" and meant it as a compliment. Trained Seal asked Kree to talk about the fact that she was born in the same hospital as Janis and how her grandma was one of Janis' classmates.

Burnell came back with Candice Glover to do a jazzy duet of Joe Cocker's version of "The Letter". Burnell's nasally screeching returned along with Candice's loud belting. Still, Burnell managed not to get too overpowered by his tag team partner, even without his Urkel glasses to distract the audience. Jaws claimed she had run out of words to describe Candice's voice so she made a few of them up so she can keep criticizing her, but then screamed "excellent job" to avoid getting booed. Sole Survivor thanked God for Candice's voice.

Janelle Arthur gave a shout out to her fans at Lincoln's Grill in Tennessee during her Coca-Cola Treatment. While I'm saving the video descriptions until the end I should mention here that Lazaro thought Janelle would be the kind of girl that you would find standing on the road in the middle of a corn field. Lord help Lazaro if he ever gets stuck in a duet with Janelle after that comment. She sang Billy Joel's "You May Be Right" in glittery stone boots and a perm. The sort of country arrangement was OK, though I wondered while Janelle was singing whether or not she understood that the song is about a bad boy trying to win over a good girl. Janelle is no bad girl. For example, she told Mr. Kidman that she wore the boots because it "fit the whole rock thing cuz they're stone." Keith though Richie Sanbora would want those boots for some odd reason, maybe it's the whole rock thing. Jaws told Keith that he was no longer allowed to comment on clothes and then asked Janelle if she could wear her boots. Sole Survivor continued the trend by asking if he could wear Janelle's vest. After the break, we saw Jaws wearing the boots and Sole Survivor with the vest draped over his shoulders.

Even though ballads were banned Lazaro outsmarted Nigel by singing the rock ballad "We Are The Champions". This time it sounded like he knew all the lyrics but he slurred about half of them so it was hard to tell for sure. He also laid on the Cuban accent really thick to remind the cougars of one of his sob stories and pranced around the stage to remind the tweener chicks why they should keep voting for him. Jaws loved the "Hispanic tease" and compared Lazaro to crack juice. Surprisingly the Fox censors didn't bleep that comment. Mr. Kidman loved Lazaro's matador move at the end of the song, as if he were saying "I am done, go away song!" Jaws interrupted Keith to name drop Ricky Martin. Sole Survivor asked Trained Seal to do some meringue. Ryan's response was that "no one's going under the bus tonight."

The last group number was the trio of Janelle, Kree, and Amber Holcomb singing "It's Still Rock and Roll to Me". It was very much like the group numbers during the results shows that I always fast forward through, competent but karaoke. Janelle missed a lyric but no one but me caught it. Amber rocked the stage with torn jeans that showed more skin than denim. Sole Survivor dropped 6 WOWs but no YOs. Both Glitter Girl and Mr. Kidman raved about Billy Joel's lyrics. Jaws name dropped Jem and the Holograms (though not identifying which of the three was Jem) and compared Amber's look to Naomi Campbell's. Despite all that Nicki thought the song was cheesy and boring and got booed.

Candice Glover talked about Lazaro's special powers during her Coca Cola Treatment. Burnell had talked Candice into playing an April Fool's joke on Lazaro by trying to convince him that the group house was on fire. Not only was Lazaro not fooled but somehow during the joke Candice broke one of her toes. That makes two chick contestants tonight that played through pain. Candice showed off her low register as well as her usual power notes while singing the Stones' "Satisfaction". While doing the research on the ratings I learned that Candice was cut each of the last three seasons before this year, which of course Sole Survivor would just as soon we not remember. It was the usual awesome stuff from Candice, though like Kree I worry that she's becoming too repetitive. Glitter Girl still wanted Candice to sing a sappy ballad. Jaws was still bored and booed herself. Sole Survivor name dropped Tina Turner again and claimed that the key to singing rock songs was having the right attitude.

Amber Holcomb came back with tight shorts and another ballad on No Ballad night, Heart's "What About Love". Both the fog machine and the fireworks in the back were working so hard that Amber and her hot legs could hardly been seen. She could definitely be heard with her power notes but her pitch was all over the place. For me it was not one of her best, so of course the judges drooled all over it. Mr. Kidman loved Amber's song choice and her shoes. Jaws name dropped Lil Wayne and claimed she sampled this song years ago. Sole Survivor dropped both a YO and a Whitney. Trained Seal gave a shout out to Amber's sister Lisa, on leave from the Army and in the audience tonight.

After the break Trained Seal interviewed Joshua Ledet and Hollie Cavanaugh from last season's cast. Joshua will be performing at the White House next week. Hollie showed off yet another accent.

Tonight's closer was the dramatic Angie Miller, who sang a dramatic song "Give Me To Life" by Evanescence. Kudos to Angie for selecting a song that was written in this century. To please the judges she started at the piano, then to have fun she stood up and got blown around by the stage fan that blew down Amber a couple weeks ago. I still don't like this chick but it was a good vocal and an inspired song choice. Somebody did their homework. All the judges agreed with me on the song choice. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and two names that I didn't recognize. Mr. Kidman was his usual indirect critical self by advising Angie to feel the songs more. Trained Seal reminded everyone that Andy Cap was still in the cast when he asked Angie about Jimmy's comments about how dramatic Angie is.

Trained Seal saluted us Dick Clark style and sent us off right at 10:00.

Things We Learned Tonight: Lots tonight since the contestants were asked to trash each other in their video intros. Burnell is infatuated with Amber and has a NOLA accent so strong that none of the other contestants can understand what he's saying. Kree knows "everyone", is a hugger, likes to iron the other contestant's shirts, and was born in the same hospital as Janis Joplin. Janelle is "counnntree", is a drama queen, gets laughed at by Burnell, and wears a size 6 cowboy boot. Lazaro has special powers and is impressing la chicas with his bright clothes, but is not Elvis. Candice has her own room and a love/hate relationship with both Burnell and Nicki. Amber talks to herself, loves taking pictures of herself, has a sister in the Army, and is uncomfortable about Burnell's infatuation. Angie is a champion speed clapper and can stare down anyone. Sole Survivor would wear a vest with fringes and thinks the secret to singing rock songs is having the right attitude. Glitter Girl can visualize careers. Mr. Kidman can't critique a chick who irons other people's shirts, is no longer allowed to critique the contestants' fashion sense, thinks Billy Joel wrote some cool songs, and can spot physical ailments from a distance. Trained Seal can spot chemistry from a distance, knows the full name of "Satisfaction", and is stronger than he looks. Jaws has a clothing line and wears a size 5 shoe. Rihanna is taking on the world. Jennifer Hudson has got the power. The Rolling Stones are coming to town. I've become infatuated with the Asian chick backup singer.

Your Three Stars of the Night: Angie Miller finally put her dramatic style to good use with a dramatic song choice. Kree and Candice fought through the pain to stay on pace as the front runners. Honorable mention to Amber and her wardrobe choices.

Idol Gives Back: No surprise that Devin was headed out the door after Lazaro had sabotaged their group number. The only surprise was that Burnell was in the Bottom 3 along with them. I would have never guessed that the tweener and cougar chicks would have allowed the show to go this far without a chick eliminated.

The Final Score: 2 ballads on No Ballads night; 6 big notes; 4 short skirts; 5 YOs and 6 WOWs from Sole Survivor; 4 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 1 mention of a former Idol winner; 4 mentions of former Idol contestants; 3 K-word mentions; 12 name drops: 4 from Sole Survivor, 4 from Jaws, 2 from Trained Seal, 1 from Mr. Kidman, and even 1 from Glitter Girl; 2 physical injuries; 2 vests; 3 comments about shoes; Giants 5, Dodgers 3; Sharks 4, Wild 2; and no sign of Andy Cap.

The Fearless Prediction: This week may be the true test of how many tweener chicks still watch this show since Lazaro's future will be on depending on it. Burnell is likely to be in the Bottom 3 again as his performances tonight weren't really all that inspiring and he was dropped into the death spot by Nigel. There has to be a chick in the Bottom 3 since there's only 2 dudes left. My guess is that it will be Janelle since Angie is still getting pimped, Amber is still getting pushed, and both Kree and Candice may get sympathy votes for playing through the pain, though to be honest I wouldn't be surprised if either Kree or Candice end up in the bottom 3 because they're starting to be repetitive. Good, but repetitive. But neither of them are going home, because even if they get the lowest number of votes Nigel will demand that the judges use their save to keep them on the show. The same may apply to Janelle too. No matter, my prediction is that the judges save will be saved for another week and it'll be Lazaro's time to go.

Adios!