This Is Important Here!

Nothing to intro with tonight, except to say that I watched tonight's show after drinking a full bottle of Oregon Pinot Noir so this could be rather embarrassing, incoherent, or both. Kind of like Glitter Girl. Chances are though that this will take so long to write that I'll be sober by the time I get to the Fearless Prediction, which may or may not be a good thing.

Tonight's show began with a video recap of Burnell's dismissal from last week, when everyone was in tears except for Lazaro and Nigel. Even the judges were in tears, which leads me to wonder why they didn't save him if they were so sad to see him leave. I think we all know the answer to that question, don't we Nigel?

Tonight the contestants sang 2 songs, which means I'll likely be seeing Craig Ferguson's monologue before I'm done. I think this is the earliest point in the competition when Nigel has asked the contestants to sing 2 songs. Remember when Jason Castro was relieved to be eliminated so that he wouldn't have to sing 2 songs? Ahh, those were the days. At least that meant that there would be no torturous duets, which was good news for me and great news for the chicks who didn't have to sing with Lazaro.

Sadly the 2 songs meant that there would be 12 performances and thus not enough time for Andy Cap to make an appearance. There was still enough time for the chick judges to babble alot, but more on that later.

The first round of songs were from the Burt Bacharach - Hal David song book. I read a commentary this past week that claimed that one of the reasons why Idol's ratings are so crappy this year are because the themes are so outdated. Well here you go, it doesn't get more outdated than songs that were written before I was born. The second round of songs were songs that the contestants wish that they had written. It's one of those odd themes like iTunes night where we're dependent on the contestants and their handlers to choose the songs. Lord help us all.

Tonight's Death Spot went to Angie Miller. I guess Nigel doesn't like her anymore. Trained Seal didn't bother to name the songs during this round so I won't bother to identify them unless I recognize them. Angie's song I didn't recognize. She revealed in her video that she makes "embarrassing" You Tube videos with her BFF Lydia and likes hard core music. That's heavy metal for those of you old enough to remember Burt Bacharach. As is her usual style Angie stood there and stared down the camera for the entire song. Her performance was competent but dull, it wasn't even dramatic. Mr. Kidman thought Angie will be in the finale but he didn't feel the passion or the humanity in Angie's performance, but then excused the lack of passion by claiming that it was because Angie's singing was so effortless. No, Keith, it's because she's a drama queen; Andy Cap would have told you that if he didn't have the night off. Jaws and Sole Survivor agreed with Keith. Glitter Girl didn't want to be critical because it wasn't her style, so all she could come up with saying that Angie's pronunciation was too perfect. Jaws tried really hard not to laugh. Angie claimed to Trained Seal that she loved hearing the criticism that her singing lacked any passion, convincing no one except Ryan.

Before the next contestant Trained Seal announced that Idol had been inducted into the NAB Broadcasting Hall of Fame. I checked online and saw that Nigel and Sole Survivor were there to accept the award, and Chris Daughtry were there to play "a selection of chart-topping songs and fan favorites." Ryan was so impressed that he gave the trophy to a tweener chick in the audience.

Next up was Amber, whose shocking revelation was that she likes to eat frozen shrimp straight from the bag in the freezer. She took on "Say A Little Prayer", a bouncy little Dionne Warwick song that Amber flattened out with some odd bossa nova arrangement. Her singing was OK but the arrangement put me to sleep. Even Amber looked bored while she sang it. The judges meanwhile were listening to another song as they heaped all sorts of praise on Amber and her performance. Jaws declared that Amber was her favorite girl in the competition and thought Amber sang so well because "her boyfriend" wasn't around anymore. Everyone but Nicki was confused. Sole Survivor dropped 4 YOs. Glitter Girl forgave Amber's little mistakes because it's a live show. Mr. Kidman loved that Amber didn't oversing the song. Trained Seal tried to get Amber to elaborate on Nicki's boyfriend comment because Sole Survivor wanted to know.

After the break Trained Seal checked in with Anthony Hopkins, who was in the audience and declared his love of the "lady birds." Some sharp IT guy quickly set up a Twitter hash tag #AnthonyonIdol so you too can check in with Hopkins and his love of the lady birds.

Speaking of lady birds, now here's Lazaro Argos. He claimed in his video that he likes to hunt and ride 3-wheelers and he showed a picture of him with a chick and an ATV. I don't for a minute believe any of this but I admire his effort to try and convince everyone that's he's not gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that, though Lazaro apparently thinks that there is. Yes, I am avoiding describing his performance of "Close To You" because it was a karaoke train wreck of a sappy song.  I couldn't stop laughing the whole time, in between sips of wine. OK, gulps of wine. The only redeeming value to it was that Lazaro remembered all of the schlocky lyrics. Sole Survivor had the honor of going first and said it was horrible. Glitter Girl revealed that the "powers that be" told her that she was being too soft and should be more critical, so when given the golden opportunity to suck up to Nigel and be critical she instead babbled on for 10 more minutes about changing keys, song choice, and lots of other non-critical stuff. She still managed to admire Lazaro's struggle again. Mr. Kidman talked about keys too but was relatively brief. Jaws checked her watch and then said that she had no comment. Maybe there is something to the claims that the chick judges don't like each other. The strangest part of all this was that the audience was dead silent the entire time, not even a hint of a boo.

During her Coca-Cola Treatment Kree Harrison told Trained Seal that she was really happy that her brother got the day off from the pipelines to come to Hollywood to see her sing. She also loves rodeos. She began "What The World Needs Now" a capella and then kept the band down low for the rest of the song. She sang it very well. It was controlled, strong, and had a little bit of emotion. Now see Lazaro, that's how you sing a sappy song. Glitter Girl loved that Kree didn't try to produce an emotional response or make any faces, kind of like she does. Mr. Kidman felt that he can trust Kree because of how she sings. Jaws thought Kree was sweet and ready for the CMAs but was also "hella cocky." Sole Survivor dropped a YO and was really happy that Kree came after "the last performer."

Dear Lord, it's 11:30 and I'm not even halfway through this recap. I need Nigel in my ear to tell me to be brief and move along.

Janelle played a boy in an 8th Grade play. Perhaps she is mentioning this now to try and get the tweener chicks to vote for her after Lazaro leaves since she once played a dude. She began "Never Fall in Love Again" in the tweener chick mosh pit, then mozied over to serenade Mr. Kidman. It was a bit pitchy in spots but otherwise a decent performance, though she'll need more if she wants to stay on the show another week. Mr. Kidman loved to see another side of Janelle (i.e. not coun-tree). Jaws elicited a smattering of boos when she said that Janelle will be a commercial success but was still boring. Sole Survivor thought it was a little lackluster and wanted to hear more of the cookies in her voice.

After Mr. T declared his work was done in an Old Navy commercial Candace Glover talked in Geechee, a Southern dialect that I had never heard of before tonight. She still sang her song in English, no corny language gimmicks like that dude Devin. As usual there were lots of big notes but there was some emotion too. After a bunch of lackluster performances tonight the audience finally woke up after this one. The lighting guy helped out with some favorable lighting. The best of Round 1 for sure, earning 3 standing O's from the judges. Mariah's dress must be too tight again because she stayed seated. Jaws thought Candace was born to do this and thought there was a woman's revival going on. For the first time she didn't try to come up with an excuse to criticize Candace. Sole Survivor dropped a YO. Mr. Kidman admitted that he was moving Candace up into his top 3 after this performance, though he didn't say if it was Kree, Amber, or Angie who was being bumped down.

Angie wanted to write Kari Jobe's "Love Comes Down" because it helped her stay focused after she graduated from high school last year. Whatever works. Perhaps sensing she was in trouble Angie returned to the piano for this performance, and this time she stayed there for the entire song. She still kept staring down the camera though, just like she did without the piano. Her singing was better and more dramatic this go-around, even though the Asian chick backup singer came close to drown her out. She got two standing O's from the dude judges. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and loved it on so many levels but didn't really elaborate. Mr. Kidman loved the dove images that were floating in the background and thought Angie would eventually find the passion in her singing. Jaws, and "THIS IS IMPORTANT," urged Angie to not stray from emotional songs like this one.

During her Coca-Cola Treatment Amber was pushed by Trained Seal to reveal the boyfriend that Jaws referred to earlier, strongly implying that it was Burnell. Amber claimed that she and Burnell were "just friends." Poor dude, now there's a sob story for Burnell, right after he longer needed one. She chose Beyonce's "Love On Top" because she wanted to dance around to an up tempo number for once. She came out looking like Mrs. Jay-Z in her cutoff shorts and red pumps and sounding like Whitney until she started slurring her lyrics at the end. Still, it worked for me. The judges drooled all over her again. Jaws declared that Amber just gave her everything she ever wanted in her life.

Lazaro came back to sing "Angels" by Robby Williams. He explained in his video why he chose this song but I honestly couldn't interpret what he was saying. He slurred the lyrics of this song in such a low key that I couldn't tell what he was singing. Still, it wasn't a train wreck so it was an improvement. The consensus of the dude judges was that it was better than the first song but that he's way behind the chicks. Jaws once again refused to comment. Glitter Girl strained to say something positive, the best that she could do was say that his vocal was more in his range thistime compared to Round 1.

Trained Seal pimped the results show tomorrow when both Kelly Clarkson and Scotty McCreery will perform. It's funny, every time Kelly tries to separate herself from Idol she still ends up coming back. Yes, you can tell that I'm starting to run out of energy. Either that or the wine buzz is wearing off.

Kree went back to country with the Kris Kritofferson song "Help Me Make It Through The Night," including a slide guitar and violin accompaniment. For the first time, she wore a short skirt instead of slacks, and it wasn't as embarrassing as she might have thought it would be. Her performance was more country than her first song but not sung as well. I do love how subtle her singing is though, not a single glory note. Jaws gave a shout out to the musicians and then talked about how much better Kree was than Janelle, who was next to sing and must have been pissed to hear that. Well, maybe not Janelle but I would have been. Glitter Girl claimed that she tried and failed to sing this song and name dropped Willie Nelson, the one and only name drop all night. Mr. Kidman thought "that was a buckle polisher right there" and predicted that she'll be at the Grand Ole Opry soon.

Janelle sang Garth Brooks' "The Dance" because it blew her mind at age 11 when she first heard it. She too wore her first short skirt of the season and actually looked good. Janelle sang her little ol' heart out as much as she could muster and it was a decent performance. Sadly it was still not as good as some of the other chicks' lackluster performances. Yes, Nicki was right. It's hard for me to believe too. Sole Survivor got 1 or 2 boos when he said that it wasn't Janelle's best ever performance. Glitter Girl apologized to Garth Brooks for not knowing the song. Mr. Kidman gave a shout out to the songwriter and thought Janelle could have done better with just her and a guitar.

Tonight's closer was Candace, and not a moment too soon since Craig Ferguson's show just started. She wished that she would have wrote The Cure's "Love Song". Now there's a song choice that I wouldn't have guessed ahead of time. In her video Candace revealed that she could still relate to the song even though she doesn't have a boyfriend. I have heard this song before (thank you KROQ) but not like this. She sang the song as a torch ballad that Glitter Girl has been asking her to do for weeks, and boy did she sing it well. Even better, Candace was actually connecting with the audience who cheered every big note, which they've done with the other chick contestants and Lazaro but not with Candace until now. Yes, I felt a goose bump. All of the judges gave her a standing O, even Glitter Girl who also sprinkled glitter on a now crying Candace. I bet she's been saving that glitter all season. Mr. Kidman bowed down on his knees in respect. The audience applause went so long that only Sole Survivor got the chance to critique, and dropped 6 (yes, 6) YOs and declared that it was one of the greatest performances in the 12 season history of the show. I'm not sure it was that good but it may have been good enough to make her a contender to win. Usually it's around this point in the season when someone makes a move up the leader board, like Saturday at the Masters, and we may have just seen that here.

Trained Seal saluted us off to our local news at 10:01.

Things We Learned Tonight: Nigel doesn't have time for Jimmy Iovine. Anthony Hopkins loves the lady birds. Mr. T's work is done. There's a dialect known as Geechee. Amber and Burnell are "just friends." Mr. Kidman is missing the humanity but can still trust Kree. Sole Survivor wants to see more cookies from Janelle. Glitter Girl is being told by the "powers that be" to be more critical and wants Garth Brooks' forgiveness for not knowing all of his songs. Jaws does her own makeup, may not like Mariah after all, and now has everything she ever wanted in life thanks to Amber. Trained Seal is not impressed that Idol is in the broadcasting hall of fame, or perhaps he was just upset that Randy was invited to the reception instead of him.

Your Three Stars of the Night: Candace and Kree stole the show but taking it up a notch when no one thought that they could. In Candace's case it might have saved her from imminent elimination. Even if the tweeners give her the lowest number of votes I can guarantee after tonight that the judges will save her. The others were all just OK though Amber continued to get pimped by the judges. Since I need to name 3 stars I might as well give one to her.

The Final Score: 8 ballads; 4 big notes; 4 short skirts; 13 YOs from Sole Survivor; 9 standing Os; 8 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 2 mentions of former Idol winners; 3 mentions of former Idol contestants; 1 K-word mention; 1 Whitney mention; only 1 name drop by Glitter Girl of all people; 1 award announcement; 1 shout out to an LA radio station; and 1 goose bump.

The Fearless Prediction: It's all but certain that Lazaro will be in the bottom 2, the questions are which chick will join him on stage with Trained Seal at the end of the show and whether or not Laz will finally be sent home. I suspect that it will be Janelle again since Kree's sapping away her country fan base because, to be blunt, she's a better singer. Angie and Amber are still being pimped and there's now hope for Candace thanks to her performance tonight. As much I would like to see Lazaro go the logic says that it'll be Janelle. There are just too many parameters to ignore. I would love to be proven wrong, but I'm predicting that Janelle will be the bottom vote getter. But will the judges save her? That's something I'm too fearful to predict...