No Dudes Allowed

Let's get right to it since I don't want to stay up until 1:00 am again...

The opening intro promoted the success of Nigel's grand plan to have a chick winner this year following the departure of the last dude standing last week. Too bad Lazaro is gone, he was born for one of this week's two themes, divas! But before we got to the Mariah Carey tribute we had to get through the first theme of the night, the ever popular Song from the Year They Were Born. After last week's dead crowd tonight's crowd was so amped up with screeching that Trained Seal had to hesitate before giving a shout out to Boston.

Candace Glover rocked the house last week in the closer spot so naturally Nigel made her the curtain jerker tonight. Her intro video featured her parents taking about how Candace bossed everybody around when she was a kid. Continuing her hits from the 80's motif Candace made my day by choosing Drunk Chick's "Straight Up" from 1989. Why the hell not? She was in the death spot so she might as well have sung a forgettable song and get it out of her system. Like that guy a few seasons back who wanted to be a janitor Candace changed up the arrangement to this song into some smooth jazz number rather than the forerunner of hip-hop arrangement that Paula had sung. It was good but not great, though I did like how she played with the song and with the camera. Mr. Kidman discovered that Drunk Chick's song was a great song and compared Candace's run singing to a slow wink across the bar. Jaws thought Candace was the boss. Sole Survivor dropped his first YO, praised the arrangement, and gave a shout out to his former dance partner. Glitter Girl thought it was a genius song choice. Trained Seal revealed that Janelle picked the song for Candace.

After the break we heard from Andy Cap, hiding somewhere backstage all by himself. Jimmy didn't like Janelle's song choice for Candace because it was too limiting for her voice. This of course was not an issue with the original singer.

Janelle Arthur was born in either 1989 or 1999. Her accent was too thick for me to tell. When she was a baby she used to stop crying whenever she heard the Vince Gill song "When I Call Your Name", so she chose that song to sing tonight. She took my advice and went full bore old school country with the arrangement, complete with her own guitar and a slide guitar on the side. Janelle seemed to be on the verge of tears throughout the song, so I guess the trick that worked when she was a baby doesn't work anymore. Her notes were weak in spots but was more or less OK. Jaws thought it was pretty and angelic. Sole Survivor and Janelle exchanged YOs. Glitter Girl complemented Janelle for not listening to the judges' comments. Mr. Kidman was the downer. He loves the song because of the emotion but didn't think that Janelle brought enough emotion into her performance. Naturally, Janelle smiled when she heard that. Glitter Girl on the other hand was not happy to hear that and shouted out that she was brought to tears, darling. Andy Cap compared Janelle's first verse to "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." With comments like that no wonder he was in hiding.

Kree Harrison was called Snow White by her now deceased parents when she was born in 1990. From that year she chose "She Talks to Angels" since no one would expect her to sing that song. Well she was right on point there, but before we thought that was just crazy she started singing the song in a bouncy country pop arrangement like she always does. I heard a few missed notes here and there, which is unusual for Kree. Still it was OK, but not her best. Sole Survivor dropped 2 YOs and loved her "natural, blues, soulful kind of thing." Glitter Girl loved Kree's emoting. Words from the master. Mr. Kidman thought Kree felt awkward because she had to sing to the camera. Jaws declared it the best of the night in her annoying faux British accent and declared that both Mariah and Keith were wrong to think that Kree sounded uncomfortable. Glitter Girl immediately fought back claiming that she never said anything about being awkward. Jaws continued to claim that Mariah was wrong straight through the bumper music. Andy Cap didn't think Kree's performance was a strong one. He had more criticism but that was drowned out by the audience's boos. Trained Seal threatened to send the chick judges to track down Jimmy and beat him up.

Angie Miller talked about how fat a baby she was when she was born in 1994 and how she was so loud and obnoxious as a child. Not much as changed except that she lost some weight. She started The Pretender's "Stand by You" from the piano by dedicating the performance to her hometown of Boston. I thought she was from small town outside of Boston, but given the events of Monday I won't rag on that too much more. While she sang the song she chased the camera around with her glare, doing her best to show emotion since that's what the judges told her to do last week. As a result Angie's singing was sloppier than usual, but she was quite successful with the emoting. How much of it was real was anybody's guess. Everybody but Jaws gave Angie an SO and all the judges loved the dedication to Boston. Interestingly Jaws thought it was a "smart choice." Glitter Girl spent her entire critique talking about Chrissie Hynde. Sole Survivor dropped yet another YO. Andy Cap gave Angie his first compliment of the night.

Amber Holcomb spent her Coca-Cola treatment session with a groupie who followed her from Vegas and had a mean shoulder bounce. Amber made the gutsy move to take on one of Glitter Girl's songs, her 1994 cover of "Without You". Sadly for her it's wasn't all that gutsy, she still played it safe by singing the song as a boring power ballad. The slow parts were really boring, the power parts were somewhat better. The judges of course fawned all over Amber with more standing ovations. Mr. Kidman declared an Amber alert. Sole Survivor dropped 2 more YOs and gave her props for singing a Mariah song in front of Mariah herself. Glitter Girl talked about how her mom sang her this song when she was a baby and only performs this song in concerts outside of the United States. Jaws threw everyone a curve ball by actually criticizing Amber for being too stoic, too scared, and not that impressive with the big notes. Naturally she was booed. Andy Cap agreed with Jaws and didn't think Amber was emotive enough.

Between games of the doubleheader Trained Seal interviewed Jessica Malvoy, a former winner of Australian Idol. She had the most delightful Aussie accent.

It was now diva time, and Candace decided to go for broke and take on not only Glitter Girl but also Whitney Houston with "When You Believe", which won the Oscar in 1999. Candace was initially afraid to sing a Mariah song but changed her mind after Glitter Girl glittered her last week. Unlike "the last performer", Candace wasn't afraid to sing a Mariah song in front of Mariah, indeed she was much more expressive. And of course the notes were pitch perfect. I don't know where she found that emotion switch but it's working for her now big time. Best of the night. This time all 4 judges gave her SOs. Jaws talked about female empowerment again. Sole Survivor bowed in respect, dropped 2 YOs, and declared that Candace had "one of the best voices in the whole world." Glitter Girl cried. Mr. Kidman stopped in his tracks. Trained Seal gave Candace a hug for America.

Janelle chose the Dolly Parton song "Dumb Blonde" because she's "smarter than the average bear." This wasn't quite the Dolly Parton I had in mind when I suggested that Janelle sing her songs. This one was uptempo country pop that Janelle performed in an un-country like short skirt. Emphasis on "performed" since that's what she did instead of singing. She sure had fun with all of that struttin' and emotin' and fireworks crackin' behind her. The singing was just so-so. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and agreed with me to a smattering of boos. Glitter Girl declared that it was "#pow" because Janelle connected to the song, but agreed with Randy by pointing out (indirectly, Glitter Girl style) that America didn't hear her chops. Jaws was afraid to say anything critical because all the chicks have "super powers" but still declared that Janelle was likely going home tomorrow night. Believe it or not, I agree with all four judges. Must be those super powers at work.

Say, wasn't Kellie Pickler eliminated at Top 5? I think Skyler Laine was too. I have a funny feeling about this...

During Kree's intro video before she sang Celine Dion's "Have You Ever Been in Love" Nigel showed the duet Celine did on Idol with the virtual Elvis. Remember how big a deal that was supposed to be? No, neither do I. Now this is the song that I wouldn't have expected Kree to sing instead of the Black Crowes song, especially since she sang it straight instead of as a country pop number. Her performance was impressive, I didn't realize that Kree's voice had that kind of range. The only thing that kept it from being best of the night was that her voice had a slight wobble to it like she had a marble in her mouth. Mr. Kidman thought Kree would inspire little girls to sing country. Jaws name dropped Adele and Celine and had an epiphany by realizing that Kree wasn't country but "worldly." Another YO from Sole Survivor.

Angie didn't get a word in during her Coca-Cola Treatment as Trained Seal showed Angie scoring a goal on ice against the L.A. Kings mascot goalie and then gave a shout out to Kings player Jared Stoll and his arm candy Erin Andrews in the audience. Angie chose Beyonce's "Halo" because she thought it would be a huge risk for her, or so she claimed. I suspect she really chose this song so that Amber couldn't sing it. She's wearing the same short skirt that she wore for the first song so it doesn't count towards her final score. Like the first song Angie did lots and lots of emoting but not much singing, including one stretch when all she sang were notes instead of words. She sang it well but it still sounded phony. Mr. Kidman put Angie back in his Top 3. Jaws thought Beyonce would hear about this. Sole Survivor dropped still another YO.

Amber used the closer spot to sing "What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life," a Sarah Vaughan song that Barbra Streisand sang once in concert in 1994 and subsequently got credit for. The song was written in 1969 but Amber went old school jazz circa 1939 with a long skirt, a harpist, and chandeliers hung from the ceiling. The slow parts were really boring, the power parts were somewhat better. The judges of course fawned all over Amber with more standing ovations. Stop me if you heard this before. Jaws name dropped Whitney again. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and a Rihanna. Glitter Girl reminded us that she was an American. All four judges again wondered why America wasn't getting her. I've given up trying to explain this. Trained Seal was afraid that the chandeliers would fall on his and Amber's head.

Trained Seal sent us off to our local news straight up at 10:00.

Things We Learned Tonight: Tickets for the summer tour go on sale May 3. Nate Montana has his father's eyes. The mini-series The Bible is based on a book. Carly Rae Jepsen's Coca-Cola contest song now has a name. Mr. Kidman realized how good of a song "Straight Up" is and wants to cry every time he hears Angie's voice. Sole Survivor loves Vince Gill. Glitter Girl is an American, can be feisty some nights, isn't afraid to steal arrangements from Idol contestants, doesn't sing "Without You" in the USA, and was sung "Without You" by her mother when she was a baby. Jaws loves strong women, cried when she first heard the Whitney/Mariah duet, and "Straight Up" makes her happy. Andy Cap is in solitary confinement backstage, and will likely stay there since Trained Seal wants to beat him up. Trained Seal can do the shoulder bounce and is excited that the chicks all like each other.

Your Three Stars of the Night: For two weeks in a row Candace was the best of the night with her second song. Candace's performance last week laid down the gauntlet and only Kree seemed to respond so she gets star #2. I'll give Candace the third star for selecting a Paula song

The Final Score: 7 ballads; 7 big notes; 5 short skirts; 12 YOs from Sole Survivor (every song had at at least 1 - Randy was en fuego) plus 1 from Janelle; 21 standing Os; 3 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 1 mention of a former Australian Idol winner; 2 mentions of former Idol contestants; 1 former Idol song; 1 Whitney song; 2 Mariah songs; 1 pro hockey player with some Fox eye candy by his side; 8 name drops: 3 by Jaws, 2 by Sole Survivor, 2 by Trained Seal, and 1 from Glitter Girl; 2 rows amongst the judges, darling, 1 virtual Elvis sighting, and 1 contestant who took my advice. Of course it was the one with the least chance of winning.

The Fearless Prediction: Angie's really starting to annoy me but all her emoting and her dedication to Boston will probably keep her out of the Bottom 2. Kree should be safe and I hopeful that Candace will be too, so I predict that it'll be Amber and Janelle in the Bottom 2, as I predicted a month ago. I think after last week it's Amber's turn to get the sympathy votes so I will again fearlessly predict that Janelle will have the lowest votes, and again not dare to predict if the judges will use their save. It'll be their last chance to use it and it'll be a chick who will be singing for her life so you would think that they would use it, and if it's Amber you can guarantee that they will. I'm not so sure about Janelle though. We'll find out tomorrow night.

It's 12:55, time to say good night...