Everybody Can Blow Smoke Up Your...

I figured that I would generate some new hits to this blog by name dropping a bunch of former Idol contestants in my last post. Google, you are so predictable. Let's see how many of those who dropped by after Googling "William Hung" will be around to read one of my more regular offerings.

Trained Seal opened the show by promising lots of singing and an endurance test for the contestants. With all that singing and some of the more "colorful" comments from the judges tonight it'll be an endurance test all right, a test to see if I can make it through the day tomorrow after staying up past 2 am to write this.

Tonight there were two themes. The first was "contestant's choice", which meant it would be a bunch of ballads that I've never heard before. The second was the theme chosen by you in the AT&T contest, "One Hit Wonders", which meant it would be a bunch of ballads that I might have heard before. In between were two duets without a theme, likely chosen by Nigel.

The intro videos this week featured the 4 remaining contestants' visit to the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles. Out of respect for the kids I'm going to refrain from making any snide comments on the videos, except to question Amber Holcomb's assertion to one kid that she is "camera shy." Amber took the death spot tonight to sing Celine Dion's "The Power of Love". Gee, another big note ballad, no surprise on the song choice there. I would have been surprised if Amber had chosen the Huey Lewis and the News version. I would have been annoyed too since that song always reminds me of an ex-girlfriend. While the song choice was predictable Amber did take a chance and sang the first verse without any accompaniment and standing on top of Trained Seal's entry stairs. It actually worked pretty well for Amber. Her performance didn't excite me but it was solid, controlled, and showed a wider range that the other songs that she has sung. Jaws thought Amber was current and looked like a "big sexy class of milk" because her full length pants suit was white in the front. Sole Survivor thought Amber was a big sexy "black and white cookie" since her dress was all black in the back. He also claimed that Amber had shown the most growth of any contestant this season. I would tend to agree. Glitter Girl dropped her one and only #POW of the night. Trained Seal asked Amber what statement she was trying to make tonight since she seemed to confident. Amber's meek response: "It showed my range." After the break Andy Cap, still in solitary confinement, said that he heard some straining in Amber's voice but that it would still be tough for the other chicks to do better.

Trained Seal introduced Candace Glover's Coca-Cola Treatment by claiming that she had the "eye of the tigress." During her treatment Candace talked about how she met the singer Drake on February 21 of last year, which if memory serves was around the time Sole Survivor kicked her out from last season's competition. Drake came up because Candace chose to sing his song "Find Your Love". It was another ballad but rather than just belt out the notes like Amber did Candace was much more stylish in her vocal, with lots of note runs to get the crowd excited. The judges weren't as excited. Indeed they thought Candace sang too many runs. Jaws led off by saying that she talked to Drake yesterday and that she couldn't comment on the vocals any more but would instead speak on "where I see you in the real world today." Nicki spent about 5 minutes complaining about the runs and about how Candace should think about what her potential market is. For good measure she name dropped Kanye West (who allegedly wrote this song) and Luther Vandross. Sole Survivor wasn't too crazy about the runs either, claiming that the vocal sounded too churchy. Glitter Girl, who has been Candace's defender all season, came to her rescue again by dismissing the other comments. Mr. Kidman agreed with Mariah. Andy Cap agreed with Jaws "this time."

Kree Harrison promised the kids that there would be some dancing during her performance of "Hurts So Bad", a blues ballad by someone nobody bothered to say. Apparently Kree considered occasionally shaking her hips as dancing because that was the only movement she made in the entire song. Her performance was a little more animated than what she's typically done but it just kind of fell a little flat for me. I'm beginning to suspect that Kree is losing her endurance as she sounded somewhat tired. Sole Survivor dropped 3 YOs and claimed Kree was "in her element," then got booed for saying that the song felt disconnected at times. Glitter Girl listened to the song in her car on the way to the studio because she had never heard it before and felt that Kree connected with the audience. Mr. Kidman poured his heart out to Kree, crying out for more "frickin emotion" that would break his heart and lamenting that Kree didn't do that with this song. Jaws all but told Kree that she is going home tomorrow night, saying that the performance was not Top 4 worthy. She then ripped into the other judges, Nigel, and everyone who's been pimping Kree all season (including the censor at Fox) with this little line: "Everybody can blow smoke up your (bleep, bleep, bleep) but that wasn't it." Trained Seal seemed dazed and confused about Nicki's censored comment. Andy Cap didn't want to "contribute to any smoke blowing around here" but agreed with Jaws and got booed again.

Angie Miller is a big fan of Jessie J so she chose her song "Who You Are". I had to Google Jessie J to find out who she is. According to Wikipedia "Jessie J is recognized for an unconventional musical and performance style that mixes soul vocals with contemporary R&B, pop, electropop, and hip-hop beats," basically everything Angie is not. What Angie is though is a performer and she was in full performance mode with this song. She was back at the piano, emoting and dramatizing so much that I wondered if she was actually playing the piano or just hitting the keys, and I mean literally hitting the keys. She was bouncing up and down pounding on those keys like Alex Van Halen on the drums. You can look Alex up on Wikipedia. If Mr. Kidman was looking for frickin emotion he found it here, but the singing was just OK. I'm sure Captain Jack would have described this performance as "self-indulgent" but sadly he's not in the house tonight. Instead we have judges that are suckers for emoting so of course Angie got 3 SOs. Glitter Girl didn't stand but claimed that it was because her dress got caught in the chair again. She apparently wanted Angie to chose an original song instead as she advised Angie that "songwriting is an asset that you have, and that can give you a career with longevity, TRUST ME." Mr. Kidman remembered that Angela Miller sang a Jessie J song at her audition and complimented Angie Miller for getting cooler and loser as the song went along, since "it's OK to not be OK." Jaws thought the performance was like a closing act of an awards show, though I think it was meant as a compliment. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and showed off his math skills by saying it was a "10 outta 10 outta 10." Trained Seal invited Angie's crying grandma to come on stage and receive some shout outs from the crowd. In true Angie fashion she still glared at the camera to flash her phone numbers while her crying grandma was hugging her.

OK, it was then duet time. First up was Amber and Kree trying Adele's "Rumor Has It". The two basically just stood there and sang in their usual style, which meant it was pitch perfect but boring. The only thing that got my attention was the camera finally spotting the cute Asian backup singer. Mr. Kidman wanted them to cut loose more and "throw a mic stand or something." Jaws pimped Amber and trashed Kree by telling Kree, and only Kree, that she should sing a duet like she's having a conversation with her favorite diva rather than just stand there and sing, even though both chicks were guilty of that offense. Trained Seal challenged Jaws on that comment, asking her how she would sing a duet with Glitter Girl. The response was the predictable fake attitude thing that we've come to expect from Nicki.

Candace and Angie sang the Rihanna ballad "Stay" featuring Mikky Ekko, another singer I had to look up on Wikipedia. I learned Mikky's a dude so I wondered which of the two chicks sang his part of the song. Apparently Candace and Angie were paying attention back stage because they looked at each other for most of the song, which became a real challenge at the end when the fog machine obscured their view of each other. There were lots of big notes and emoting in this song too, especially Angie who looked pissed off for most of it. If there had been a mic stand nearby Angie would have likely thrown it, especially after Keith's comment after the previous duet. Sole Survivor dropped 5 YOs and raved about how Angie had "come out." Take that for what you will. Glitter Girl backed Candace again by raving about how she respected the song and how she was able to sing it while at the same time deal with the fog machine and Angie.

With great fanfare Trained Seal announced that the winning theme selected by fans for the AT&T contest was "one hit wonders." One wonders why so many people voted for such a dull theme. Whatever happened to Disco Night anyway? An apropos question since Amber chose to sing the one hit wonder "MacArthur Park", which was so wonderful that it was a one-hit wonder twice, once by Richard Harris and once by Disco Queen and former Idol tor-mentor Donna Summer. Amber started the song as the Richard Harris ballad and then there was a somewhat awkward transition to the Donna Summer disco version. Amber sang both parts like she usually does, technically strong but lacking in emotion or depth. It was a fun little performance though, I'll give her that, and half of the song wasn't a ballad. The song choice was, well, interesting. Mr. Kidman thought that Amber was dominating tonight and that "summer had set in for you and it's here to stay." He stayed with the puns by trying a funny line about Richard Harris and disco music but that fell flat. Jaws loved that "Angie" "takes chances." I suspect it was a slip of the tongue, though in this case a Freudian slip would be a plausible explanation for Nicki's flub. Sole Survivor dropped 2 YOs and name dropped Rihanna. Trained Seal accused Amber of holding back until now, a charge that she didn't deny. Andy Cap, still hiding backstage, thought that the judges "missed the point" and that the song was too corny.

Candace selected the another two time one hit wonder, "Emotion" by Samantha Sang and by the Bee Gees. Not the Glitter Girl version, but then Mariah's not a one hit wonder. Her performance had a stylish start though the back up singers were out of tune. The rest of Candace's performance was OK, it was well sung and she stayed within the melody for the most part. Jaws was proud of Candace for sounding somewhat current while singing a 35 year old song, then ripped into Andy Cap for his comments about Amber. Sole Survivor dropped 5 yeses instead of YOs, loved how Candace marinated the vocals, then ripped into Andy Cap for his comments about Amber. Glitter Girl pimped up Candace yet again by pointing out that she sang that song with a bad cold. Mr. Kidman thought Candace could have selected a risker song and also wondered if there were any one-hit wonders in this past decade. Trained Seal stoked the fires by bringing Andy Cap out from exile to a chorus of boos. Jimmy accused the judges of smoking the green icing on Amber's cake and that they were afraid to admit that Candace was better this round than Amber. Jaws responded with "Candace was better!" "Then say it!" was Jimmy's retort. The judges then yell over each other so I had no idea if they were agreeing with Jimmy or still defending their comments about Amber. Jaws and Sole Survivor then both rushed the stage to get in Andy Cap's grill, only to do a group hug instead. Randy still tried to defend himself, but Trained Seal blew him off to read the phone numbers for Candace.

I'm exhausted just typing that paragraph out. So I'll try and abbreviate the summary of the final two performances. Kree sang Procol Harum's "A Whiter Shade of Pale", an interesting song choice that I would bet Kree didn't mediate on very much like Jaws recommended, especially since Kree told Trained Seal afterwards that she heard Percy Sledge sing this song many times when she was little. Perhaps Kree thought she was singing "When A Man Loves A Woman", the Percy Sledge song that sounds a lot like "A Whiter Shade of Pale", at least according to Wikipedia. This is the kind of mistake that an exhausted person has been known to make. So is singing a decent but uninspiring vocal like Kree did. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and loved it. Glitter Girl also loved it and wanted to download her performance to her phone. Mr. Kidman didn't like the song choice because it was too "middle ground" and got no boos. Jaws thought it was pretty and angelic but also strongly suggested that Kree was in danger because "something inside of you is dimming." Andy Cap must have been exhausted too since he wasn't allowed to comment. Instead Trained Seal pimped the Idol app.

Angie Miller closed the show with the Julie London song "Cry Me A River", which was a one-hit wonder in 1955, one year before Sole Survivor was born. If Julie London's name sounds familiar perhaps it is because in addition to being a one-hit wonder during the Eisenhower administration she also played the nurse on Emergency in the 1970's, 5 years before Jaws was born. Yes, I looked all that up on Wikipedia too. Angie sang without the piano on this number, which meant the usual big notes, faux emoting, and constant staring at the camera. Glitter Girl wondered why the song wasn't a classic rather than just a one-hit wonder and praised Angie for her note selection. Mr. Kidman was told to limit his comments to 3 words, "mystical and celestially powerful." Yes, Jaws pointed out that it was 4 words, then used much more than 3 or 4 words in her critique, including accusing Angie of snatching some wigs tonight. Sole Survivor dropped 2 final YOs and declared Angie's performance to be the best of the night.

Somehow Trained Seal managed to send us off to our local news right at 10:00 and still find time to promise that a "surprise twist" will be announced tomorrow night. More on that in a moment.

Things We Learned Tonight: Patrick Willis' feelings are hurt. Togo's mission is to save the world, one sandwich at a time. Fake Vikings think Alec Baldwin can act. Trained Seal thinks Candace has the "eye of the tigress." Mr. Kidman thinks of Richard Harris whenever he thinks of disco and is looking for someone to throw a mic stand and show some "frickin emotion" that will break his heart. Jaws has resumed her wars with both Jimmy Iovine and the Fox censor. Glitter Girl believes that songwriting is the key to a long career and favors dress that don't allow her to stand up. Andy Cap believes Nicki is in love with him and thinks the other judges are favoring Amber. All the other judges disagree with Jimmy.

Your Three Stars of the Night: Amber's first performance was good, especially since she sang part of it without accompaniment and while standing on top of the stairs. Too bad it was wasted on the death spot. I'll still give her a star though. I liked Candace's runs in her first performance so she gets my second star. The third star gets split by Candace and Angie for their duet that was actually sung like a duet as opposed to two singers just standing there.

The Final Score: 8-1/2 ballads (Amber's "MacArthur Park" was 1/2 ballad, 1/2 disco); 7 big notes; 4 short skirts; 13 YOs & 5 Yeses from Sole Survivor; 1 #POW from Glitter Girl; 11 standing Os; 3 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 7 mentions of former Idol contestants; I mention of a former Idol judge; 5 name drops: 2 by Jaws and 1 by Sole Survivor, plus 2 by me; 3 references to food; 2 singers I had to look up on Wikipedia; 3 other Wikipedia references; 2 Google references; 1 presidential reference; 2 cute Asian back up singer sightings; 1 app pimping; and no goose bumps.

The Fearless Prediction: Tamyra Gray. LaToya London. Chris Daughtry. Lakisha Jones. Michael Lynche. James Durbin. What do these former Idol contestants all have in common? They were all among the favorites to win coming out of the semi-finals in their respective seasons, and they were all eliminated at this point in the competition. There's a pattern here, and I have a feeling that it'll be repeated again this year with Kree Harrison. She was one of the pre-live show favorites, if not the favorite to win, and she's been slipping while the others have been gaining. On top of that, even though she was in the Bottom 2 last week the judges weren't trying to pimp her up this week. Instead they were focusing their love on Amber as if they were trying to save her. I have a feeling that Kree may be eliminated tomorrow night. I say may because the "surprise twist" that Trained Seal promised at the end of the show tonight likely has something to do with the fact that the Idol season will end one week early unless they do something since Nigel wouldn't let the judges use the save on a dude. That something could well be that no one gets eliminated tomorrow and instead they'll be eliminated next week. While Kree would no doubt be grateful I don't know if she has the stamina to last another week.