It Takes Two To Tango

For the first time in Idol history, or so Ryan claimed, two separate auditions were featured in the same one hour show. After the obligatory reference to West Side Story, we first went to New York where Trained Seal told us “the crowd is full of it.” Confidence that is.

First up was 19 year old Adeola Adegoke from The Bronx, NY, though her accent suggested an African ancestry. She was not lacking for confidence. She compared herself to Mariah and Mary J and quit her job as a bank teller to go to Hollywood. Adeola attempted the Jennifer Hudson version of “And I’m Telling You” and it was clear from the offset that it was not a good song choice for her little voice. After Simon pointed that out she went into full begging mode, and when that did not work she just started singing again. That, as usual, did not work either. Simon felt sorry for her though, and called Adeola’s old boss and got her back her job.

The first entrant from San Juan was 20 year old Jorge Nunez from Carolina, PR. He sang the Spanish version of “My Way” and it was muy bueno, with lots of passion and rolling rrrrrs. Paula challenged Jorge to sing a song in English, just to show that he can. After a brief rendition of “Wonderful World” he was off to El Hollywood.

The New York auditions were held in some place next to the Hudson, so close that there was a sailboat parked just outside the window that kept bobbing up and down behind the judges. That had to have been a distraction to the singers. It sure was for me.

Back to San Juan we met 20 year old Jessika (with a K) Byer from Jackson, MI. So why did she travel all the way from Michigan to Puerto Rico to audition for Idol? Because she won the trip in a contest, that’s why. Indeed Jessika was quite the contest queen. She claimed that she was making a living out of winning over 400 contests and that she had what it takes to win this one. I suspect someone else has been paying her bills though. We will never know for sure because Jessika did a loud and sloppy version of Celine Dion’s “I Surrender.” Simon waved the white flag early and Jessika could not understand why. The other judges attempted to console her but Captain Jack just wanted them to give a yes or a no and get her out of there.

Melinda Camille, a 21 year old earth child from Stratford, CT, wanted to send a message of peace, love, and understanding to the world through her performance. Melinda emanated an enticing aura, especially when she revealed that she loved to dance naked. That certainly got Randy and Kara’s attention, and mine too. It helped that she was an attractive lady. Horny Chick wanted to know if Melinda wanted to be naked in front of them. Melinda said yes but only if the judges stripped down too. Kara seemed ready to go but could not get the others to join her. Instead, Melinda agreed to sing “Feeling Good” while imagining Sexual Chocolate naked. Surprisingly this didn't seem to faze her as it would have me. The judges are energized and send her off with 4 yeses.

In between takes Trained Seal rocked with a poser in New York and consoled a bunch of losers in San Juan.

From New York we next heard from 27 year old Jackie Tohm from Silver Lake, CA. Jackie claimed that she was a professional entertainer and sang Jason Moran’s “I’m Yours” as if she was Tom Waits’ sister. Captain Jack cut her off just before she got to the best part and asked her to actually sing her second song. She actually had a decent singing voice once we heard it but her facial expressions were scary. Randy liked the husky voice and said yes. Simon started into what sounded like positive criticism when the window behind the judges collapsed. I think the sailboat pushed it in or something. Jackie still got her Hollywood ticket despite the incident on the set.

Perhaps to make up for the bland Salt Lake City auditions we saw last night, the Idol producers treated us to two crazy folks tonight. From San Juan was 23 year old Jose Contreras, the Roquero Loco (“Crazy Rocker”). He throws himself into metal roll-up doors! He screams songs about ice cream! He roams the street dressed as a perro and a gato! Jose entered the audition room dressed as an iPod, and right away Horny Chick wanted to press Play. He actually had a decent singing voice but he hid it well behind a bunch of over the top antics. When Jose realized it would be a no he pulled out a finger puppet to plead his case. I've seen lots of beggars and pleaders, including many tonight, but that was the first time I've seen a finger puppet appear during one of these rants. After all his begging, he ran off to celebrate getting a no by doing a back flip into the pool.

The second loco of the night was 27 year old Nick Mitchell, a.k.a. “Norman Gentle”, from Brookfield, CT. “Norman” is what my Pop would call a “flamer”, and he ain't talking about matches. He too tried “And I’m Telling You” and Simon kept whining about Nick’s attempts at humor. From here I’ll let Captain Jack and “Norman” speak for themselves:

Simon: “You told me you weren't going to make this funny.”
Nick: “You hurt me where, you get kicked sometimes. That was very hard.”
Simon: “I’d thought you’d quite like that.”
Nick: “You mean the way you like it when Seacrest does it?” (With a dramatic pose)
All the judges: “Woooh!”
Nick: “What do you say now Simon?”

“Norman” agreed to sing something seriously, but needed a chair and glasses before he could start “Amazing Grace”. The seriousness lasted about 5 seconds as everyone pretty much expected. Paula blurted out a yes, Kara wanted to see him again, Simon was an expected no, and the pressure was on Randy to decide “Norman’s” fate. Though he will probably regret it come Hollywood Week, Sexual Chocolate said yes and Nick was off to Hollywood.

Much of the show featured quick medleys of both winners and losers, mostly losers. To save me some sleep time I've given up trying to recap them all. If they were good you’ll see them after Hollywood Week.

16 year old Monique Garcia Torres from San Juan, PR, brought a not so-secret weapon into the audition with her, her precious 9 year old brother Christopher. Christopher and Paula bonded in the lobby beforehand, and he came into the audition room with a seashell gift for Drunk Chick. The other judges wanted gifts too, and the quick thinking kid claimed the shell was for all of them. Little Christopher was confident that his sister would sing well, assuring the judges that he thought they would love it. Monique first tried The Supremes’ “You Can’t Hurry Love”, which was clearly not Christopher’s song choice. Simon asked Monique to sing Christopher’s choice, Christina Aguilera’s “I Turn to You.” I thought she had potential, but both Randy and Kara thought she was not ready. Paula blurted out a yes as if she just downed a shot, and now it was Simon who was on the hot seat. Unable to bring himself to say no to Christopher’s sister, that old softy Captain Jack said yes and gave Monique her golden ticket.

Just before we said goodbye to the auditions this season we were treated to a return visit from one of last year’s more memorable psychos, Alexis Cohen from Philadelphia, PA. You might remember last season Alexis came into the Philly auditions all dolled up in heavy eye shadow and glitter everywhere, and then after her inevitable rejection she went off on a long, bird flippin’, cuss swearin’ rant about how evil Simon was. This time it was an all new Alexis. No make-up, no glitter, lots of politeness, and even wearing a dress. Her singing, though, appeared to have gotten worse and she was quickly rejected. No rant this time, but for old time sake she gave Captain Jack the double bird as she left.

Our last contestant was 20 year old Patricia Lewis Roman from Caguas, PR. She brought her entire 20-person family to her audition including her parents, who were married in the same room that was hosting the auditions. She belted out a loud and just over-the-top version of Whitney’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody”, a song choice that was panned by both Randy and Simon as they always do when someone tries that song. Patricia was given a second chance and did a nice rendition of a ballad in Spanish. Randy said sí but Paula, without explanation, said no. It appears Drunk Chick doesn't like it when contestants sing in español. Who knows what Kara and Simon thought but at least one of them said yes because Patricia came out with a ticket to lead a conga line that Sexual Chocolate rushed out to join.

Only 9 golden tickets were issued in San Juan, confirming the rumors about how bad that audition was. New York made up for it with 26 golden tickets, the highest of any of the audition sites this season.

For the fifth straight show the Idol producers closed the show with the same Hollywood Week promo with Simon saying how confident he was that they will find a star this season, applause for the blind guy from the Phoenix auditions, and lots of shouting, tears, and people behaving badly. Hopefully I’ll be able to keep up with all the fun and games.