Love Is In the Air

Your friendly neighborhood Armchair Idol Judge has come down with an armchair idol flu. Since I need my rest in order to get healthy in time for Hollywood Week I’m going to keep this recap as short as I can. Just in case you noticed…

The show began with Simon and Ryan sharing a limo, a police escort, and the show intro, once again daring the audience and viewers like me to bring up rumors of the two of them being romantically involved. As it turned out pseudo-love was a popular theme on tonight’s show. We also saw Randy in his Kid N’ Play hairdo jammin’ with Journey back in the 80’s. Don’t Stop Believin’ baby! Trained Seal made a considerable effort to use Sexual Chocolate as the theme tonight since he shares his last name with the audition city. That lasted all of about 5 minutes.

22 year old tile layer Josh Ulloa from Beverly Hills, FL (who knew there were 2 cities with that name?) sang Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On”, complete with sound effects. Kara was sexually aroused (no surprise there), Randy was laughing (ditto), and Simon looked annoyed (ditto times 2). We didn't see what Paula was doing, so fill in your favorite drunk joke here (I’m too sick to think of one). Even so, Josh got 4 yeses and a Hollywood ticket.

25 year old Sharon Wilbur of Jacksonville, FL, did some vocal gymnastics with The Carpenters’ “Superstar”. You wouldn't think anyone could do vocal gymnastics with a Carpenters song, but somehow Sharon managed to pull it off. Not one of the judges thought it was as over the top as I did. Captain Jack was too preoccupied with Sharon’s dog, who came with her to the audition, Sexual Chocolate was too distracted by what the two chicks were doing, as suddenly and without warning Drunk Chick jumped on Horny Chick and made out with her. Then just as suddenly Paula jumped off Kara and said yes, even though she also said that Sharon’s dog was bored by her audition. Kara straightened her top and then tempted Simon to make out with her too. Thankfully Captain Jack took a rain check. Drunk Chick was on fire tonight and my heart skipped a beat.

Dana Moreno butchered a Chaka Khan song and Kaneswa Finnie butchered an Anita Baker song.

Next up was Miss Florida Latina USA, 19 year old Julissa Velez from Orlando, FL. Perhaps in order to emphasize her performance experience, Julissa walked into the audition room with a tiara on her head and a sash with “candidata” (Spanish for “candidate”) on her chest. She sang a decent version of an unidentified Whitney Houston song. Simon, Kara, and Randy all give their comments but Randy (not Simon, mind you) called for a vote before Paula could say anything. Paula demanded the floor to speak but then abruptly got up and left the room, taking Julissa with her. Drunk Chick poured out her sorrows, both real and imagined, to Julissa, and again threatened to quit right then and there. Julissa just stood there, but that was good enough to convince Drunk Chick to return to the set and to get 4 yeses.

Darin Darnell was too sad about his friend being rejected to sing a Boyz 2 Men song and got rejected himself.

25 year old food server Naomi Sykes from Tampa, FL, claimed that she sang like Mariah Carey because she could hit the high notes. She sang the classic high note song “Loving You” by Minnie Riperton, and the high note was the only one Naomi hit. After being rejected Naomi couldn't figure out what she did wrong, but it may have had something to do with the love fest that took place behind the judges’ table during her audition. After Naomi claimed her friend Samantha had a crush on Sexual Chocolate, her friend got invited in and sat on Randy’s lap. Horny Chick wanted Paula to sit on her lap but Drunk Chick went for Captain Jack instead. Kara had to settle for Trained Seal, who sat rigidly on Kara’s lap while Horny Chick groped him. If the rumors are true Ryan’s back was probably the only thing that was stiff (rim shot!). It was a no from Naomi.

During the break Fox aired the Ford commercial featuring Cheyennis Doom. I've never heard of anyone with the last name of Doom that is not a comic book character wearing a suit of armor with a green cape. What is the origin of the last name Doom? I know it’s big in Latavia but this Cosby kid look-alike doesn't resemble someone from a fake country in Eastern Europe. Just thought I ask…

16 year old Jasmine Murray from Stockville, MS, is the youngest of 5 kids and the closest that we got to a Sob Story of the Night. Her mother had a disease when Jasmine was born that almost took them both out. She sang “Big Girls Don’t Cry” (the Fergie version) and sang it well, and she was pretty too, if I am allowed to say that about a 16 year old. 4 yeses and a Hollywood ticket, and in my opinion the best singer of the night.

George Ramirez, an 18 year old physics student, was a classic case of what one of my former college roommates used to call a Science Buddy, complete with a scraggly beard and a quirky personality. He sang “Walkin’ on Sunshine” so badly that it took me a long time to recognize it.

Another university student, T.K. Nash, returned after being rejected at last year’s auditions. Simon said no for that reason alone. The other judges gave him a chance to sing John Lennon’s “Imagine” and like Chikezie Eeze last season I wondered why he was rejected before. Sexual Chocolate thought it was too over the top even though it was much more restrained than Sharon Wilbur’s. He voted yes anyway as did the two chicks. Captain Jack had no comment.

Michael Perrelli, an 18 year old singer from Orlando, FL, was bothered before his audition because he hadn't planned on singing without his security blanket/guitar. So there are audition rules that are actually enforced. Michael tried Third Eye Blind’s “Jumper” anyway and did a decent job, but not good enough to overcome his nerves or the judges’ comments.

Our final contestant was Anne Marie Boscovich, a 22 year old waitress. She claimed that Horny Chick was her hero and started her audition by singing one of Kara’s songs, probably better than Kara did at the Nashville performance where Anne Marie first heard it. Captain Jack was bothered that Anne Marie was not pretty enough, and told her to leave and come back “as someone else”. Anne Marie wasn't able to find any blond hair dye but she was able to find a make-up artist who was just wandering around the waiting room. Coincidence? I think not. She came back to sing “Bubbly” (your guess as to who recorded it, I have no clue) and turned Horny Chick on, about the 100th auditioner to do this in Jacksonville alone. Simon was still not turned on but was satisfied enough to give her a ticket to Hollywood.

In all, 16 golden tickets were issued in Jacksonville, about average for the audition sites so far. Thankfully the Idol producers saved the Medley of Doom, “Walkin’ on Sunshine”, until the end of the show.

What do you know; this only took me an hour to write. Maybe I’ll stick with this Reader’s Digest version when I’m healthy again, at least until Hollywood Week. Hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow from Salt Lake City, where we were teased with a cameo by Wonder Boy David Archuleta. I can already hear the pre-teen screeching.