The Story of Innovators

I'd like to start tonight's recap with this photo that I took outside of a small bar in a small L.A. suburb:

YO, Lazaro, take a long look because this is your future...

Meanwhile, the chick Lee beat out to win the Clive Davis recording contract, Crystal Bowersox, will be appearing on Broadway in a musical about Patsy Cline. There are a lot of former Idol contestants who are or who should be on Broadway but I never thought Crystal would be one of them. It could be worse I suppose; she could be touring suburban night clubs instead.

Tonight's theme was the music of Detroit, not just Motown but all music from Detroit artists. However, the only non-Motown songs sung tonight were Kree's version of an Aretha song and a Madonna duet by Kree and Janelle that Nigel forced them to sing. While I'm glad no one sang a Kid Rock song I am disappointed that no one tried to take on Ted Nugent. I'm also surprised that no one tried a Bob Segar ballad given how popular ballads are on this show.

Both chick judges came out in matching short red dresses, but oddly enough Trained Seal never mentioned it the entire night. He did frequently talk about Glitter Girl's magic wand, Jaws' perfume, and the dude judges' wardrobe choices.

Detroit native Smokey Robinson was this week's tor-mentor, the first one of the season. Normally I love to make fun of the tor-mentors but Smokey deserves more respect than that so I feel like I have to retrain myself. Maybe it's those mesmerizing hazel eyes that he has.

Candice Glover was given the death spot tonight since she's not one of Nigel's favorites. Smokey admitted that he was in tears when he watched her performance of "I, Who Have Nothing" two weeks ago. He also admitted that the song Candice sang, "I Heard It Through The Grapevine", was first sung by The Miracles, which I confirmed by looking up Wikipedia since I always thought that Gladys Knight and The Pips did it first. Candice sang the song with a bluesy arrangement with lots of facial expressions, perhaps in response to Jaws' comments last week. It was a nice change of pace and was her usual quality self, but no goosebumps this time. Mr. Kidman disagreed with me and thought it was Candice's best performance ever. Jaws was proud that Candice "kept her eyes alive." Sole Survivor dropped a YO and did 2 fist pumps instead of just 1 like he did last week. Glitter Girl mentioned that she's been trying to persuade Candice to sing a churchy jazz song eventually, though she did like this performance, I think. It was hard to tell from all the rambling. Trained Seal made Candice nervous by pointing out that she was nervous during the group intro because she was going first.

Tonight's show featured group numbers that Trained Seal claimed didn't count in the standings, though he didn't instruct the audience to disregard the performances when they power vote. The first group act was Kree and Janelle, who teamed up on both their Coca Cola Treatment and a disco country version of Madonna's "Like A Prayer." Janelle and Kree both claimed it was a dream come true for them to sing together but only Kree sounded like a dream. Janelle's performance was more like a nightmare, way out of tune. Both Jaws and Sole Survivor pointed this out and got booed. Not even Randy's 3 YOs could hold the crowd back from their anger. Glitter Girl claimed that she didn't have enough time to say everything she wanted to say and then rambled on for 10 minutes about the chicks' "sisterhood moment." She along with Mr. Kidman also caught Janelle picking up a lyric that Kree forgot. A little bit of foreshadowing that we will get to later.

Next up was Lazaro Argos, who Smokey advised to just be himself while he sang "For Once In My Life." He chose to sing the first half as a pitchy ballad and then the second half as an uptempo karaoke version; good thing too since I was about to fall asleep during the ballad. It was competent and better than last week but still not great. Sole Survivor uttered yet another YO  and pointed out the pitchiness and got booed again, but he was just keeping it real. Glitter Girl admired Lazaro's courage yet again. Mr. Kidman gave Smokey props for the advice. Jaws declared that she wanted Smokey to be her sugar daddy, then took credit that "Fonzie" (i.e. Lazaro) was no longer listening to Andy Cap.

Janelle Arthur was back to sing "You Keep Me Hangin' On" in an arrangement that she wrote herself when she was 14. Smokey advised her to rise while she sang. Ironically right after the last white guy left the show she broke out her guitar. The fog machine was broken out too. It was a decent performance; much better than the Madonna duet with Kree. She did frequently drop the last note from some of the lyrics like a lot of country singers do, which doesn't work quite as well with an R&B ballad. Glitter Girl thought it was "Janelle at her finest", not once but 3 times. Mr. Kidman thought the arrangement brought out the angst in Janelle's voice. Jaws got booed because she couldn't hear the angst and instead thought Janelle smiled too much. Sole Survivor dropped 2 YOs and brought Janelle to tears by declaring that she was in it to win it. Trained Seal got Janelle to reveal that she was afraid to play her guitar in front of Keith.

Smokey got all excited when Devin Valez told him that he was singing "The Tracks of My Tears." Smokey talked about how he came up with the lyrics to that song and Devin pretended to be impressed, trying really hard to keep from yawning. Devin sported a bright red jacket that Smokey may have worn to his high school prom in 1958. Devin sang with a nice tone and pitch but fought the rhythm throughout the song. He did add a nice falsetto at the end though. Mr. Kidman loved Devin's style. Jaws compared Devin to a ripe banana and drew 2 YOs from Sole Survivor. Randy dropped another YO during his own critique and thought it was Devin's best performance in weeks. Glitter Girl kind of liked it (I think) but thought that Devin would have done better with another Smokey song, "Ooh Baby Baby". Smokey thought it was awesome.

Amber, Candice, and Angie sang The Supremes' "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me". During the group Coca Cola Treatment no one wanted to be Diana Ross and Candice admitted that she can't flirt as well as Angie. Nobody on this show can flirt as well as Angie; that's pretty much all she did during the song. Amber didn't flirt as much but rocked it with her glittery gold pumps. Glitter Girl did another of her "#pow" things.

Smokey thought Burnell Taylor's raspy voice was soulful and advised him to sing "My Cherie Amour" more intimately. Burnell looked sharp with his white suit and contact lenses and sang more in pitch this week compared to last, but I kept busting out laughing because he kept mispronouncing "cherie amour". It sounded like "chevree amorm" or something like that. Since he's from NOLA he should know how to pronounce French words, like "Orleans" for example. None of the judges seemed to notice; instead they heaped more praise on the dude. Jaws thought Burnell looked like a sexy doctor. Sole Survivor dropped yet another YO. Mr, Kidman name dropped Ron Burgandy for some odd reason but he still liked the performance.

Angie Miller came back with a different short dress to sing another Smokey song, "Shop Around". Smokey told Angie that he wrote the lyrics to that song in about 30 minutes. Angie told Andy Cap that she performed in a high school production of My Fair Lady after Jimmy told her not to sing the song as if she was in My Fair Lady. Angie wanted to show her fun and crazy side so she sang the song like a rock and roll song instead of a ballad. The judges were not pleased by this, even though it was more or less an OK vocal. Sole Survivor thought it was strange, pitchy, and in the wrong key and got booed even though he also dropped 3 YOs. Glitter Girl liked some moments but would have preferred that Angie sit at the piano and sing "I'll Be There" instead. She got booed too. Mr. Kidman felt for her because he thought the melody was keeping her down. Jaws complained that Angie showed a different side when she didn't need to do that. Angie told Trained Seal that she just wanted to have fun (standard Idol language whenever a contestant messes up but doesn't want to admit it) after Ryan asked for her plans "if" she will be back next week.

Like the judges Smokey was surprised that Amber Holcomb was in the Bottom 3 last week. You all need to read this blog where I clearly explained (for free) why she was. Like last week she picked an obscure song by one of my favorite artists, Stevie Wonder's "Lately". Like Angie she too changed from one short dress to another for her solo performance. Unlike Angie Amber sang a ballad with passion and style to go along with good tone and pitch. Best of the Night by someone who needed that big time. All 4 judges gave her an SO, the only one of the night. Glitter Girl declared it to be a "tour de force", asked everyone if they knew what "tour de force" means, and then got bleeped by the Fox censor by saying that it was "in-fu**ing-credible", as best as I could tell from reading her lips through the TV. Sole Survivor dropped 2 more YOs and kept saying "Oh my God" during the song.  Jaws pushed the light pink lipstick again.

The 3 remaining dudes tried the Four Tops' "I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)" and it was a train wreck thanks to Lazaro, who completely forgot his lyrics after the first verse. He must have learned the words the night before again like he claimed he did last week. Devin ended up singing Lazaro's lyrics instead and then pointed at Lazaro after the song was over as if he was deliberately trying to sabotage the song and along with it any chance Devin has of staying on the show for another week. Burnell threw both dudes under the bus by telling Trained Seal that he did what he was supposed to do. Jaws ordered the dudes to leave the stage in shame.

This week's closer was last week's opener, Kree Harrison. She took on the Aretha song "Don't Play That Song" because she wanted to bring some attitude to the stage. Smokey claimed that Aretha lived around the corner from him in Detroit and was so amazed by Kree's rehearsal that he was going to call Aretha and tell her to watch the show. I guess we'll find out tomorrow if the Queen of Soul actually did. It was another solid performance, a nice R&B not-so country arrangement that Kree made her own, which is not easy to do with an Aretha song. Sole Survivor dropped his last 2 YOs of the night. Glitter Girl was interested to see how both Kree and the band would perform this song since she herself tried and failed to do this at the beginning of her recording career. Mr. Kidman thought Kree's performance reminded people of the soul in country. Jaws was impressed that Kree took on not one but two "queen" songs like a queen.

Trained Seal bid us all good night at 10:01.

Things Were Learned Tonight: The Idol reject appears on The Tonight Show the next night. Kate Moss is eating better, or at least eating. Ashley Judd was apparently contemplating running for the U.S. Senate. Not everyone from New Orleans knows how to pronounce French words. Smokey grew up around the corner from Aretha Franklin, is working on a duets album with former tor-mentor David Foster, was the first to record "I Heard It Through The Grapevine", and doesn't know how many hit songs he's associated with. Trained Seal is obsessed with Glitter Girl's magic wand and is no longer pimping the iTunes because Carson Daly is pimping them on The Voice instead. His dad's favorite song is "Sugar Pie Honey Bunch". Glitter Girl knows what "tour de force" means and like Jaws has a potty mouth too. Sole Survivor is just keeping it real. Jaws wants Smokey to be her sugar daddy. Andy Cap likes his singers restrained.

Your Three Stars of the Night: Amber was the best of the night and wore two different tight dresses to boot. Candice and Kree were their usual strong selves. Honorable mention to Devin for being the best of the boys and calling out Lazaro for blowing up their group number.

Idol Gives Back: Nigel's plan has come to fruition. With Paul sent back to Tennessee because he refused to pretend to play a guitar there will be no white guy American Idol this year. Instead it'll be a tone deaf, ambiguously gay, Cuban American with a speech impediment. I hope Nigel is happy cuz Fox sure as hell ain't, not with these ratings.

The judges and the tor-mentor were shocked, SHOCKED, that Amber was in the Bottom 3, but as you know I wasn't. I like Amber a lot, but unless something drastically changes she is doomed to battling against Janelle to be the first chick eliminated since Kree and Angie are being heavily pimped and Candice is too good a singer to be sent home now, despite Jaws' attempt to derail her.

Usually once a year I manage to predict the entire Bottom 3. This likely means that I'll be mediocre the rest of the season.

The Final Score:  3-1/2 ballads; 6 big notes; 6 short skirts: 2 judges & 2 contestants twice; 18 YOs by Sole Survivor, his high water mark of the season; 1 YO by me; only 1 name drop when Mr. Kidman mentioned Ron Burgundy; 5 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 1 mention of a former Idol contestant; 1 mention of another singing competition show host; 1 K-word mention; 2 Broadway show mentions; 1 more bleeped word uttered by a chick judge; 2 mispronounced French words; Sharks 4, Ducks 0; 1 train wreck; and no goosebumps this week.

The Fearless Prediction: Clearly all 5 chicks were better than all 3 dudes tonight, but I don't know if it's safe to predict that all 3 dudes will be in the Bottom 3 this week, not with those power texting tweeners and their cougar moms still lurking out there. I think there will be at least 1 chick in the cold stools just to make the judges mad again, either Janelle or Angie I suspect. The bettors choice would be Janelle but I'm going to pick Angie instead because I'm beginning to like Janelle and I know I will never like Angie. Not personally of course, just professionally.

The way the judges keep pimping Burnell I'd guess he's one of Nigel's favorites too, so I suspect it'll be Devin again in the Bottom 3 along with Lazaro. Yes, even though the tweeners still screech for him and the cougars still love his sob story Lazaro may be starting to lose his fan base because of how badly he's botching his songs and how much he making excuses for it, not to mention how much Trained Seal is making excuses for it. Still, I don't see him going home, not yet anyway. Instead I think will be Devin that will have the lowest vote total and will dare the judges to use their save on a dude instead of on a chick like Nigel wants them to. If this happens then I might actually watch The Tonight Show Friday night since I'll be interested to see how much Devin blames Lazaro for his ouster. I don't think they will be sharing dressing rooms on the summer tour.