Get It, Papa Smurf, Get It!

Tonight's post is dedicated to my biggest fan who left us 2 years ago tomorrow for that great Idol theatre in the sky. I remember how she once got on my case for taking a shot at one of the Gibb brothers, until I reminded her that he once appeared as an Idol tor-mentor. Her words: "Carry on." This glass of Ravenswood Merlot is in your honor.

The TV listing in my local paper described tonight's show as "the grueling singing semifinals come to an end." Grueling in what way I wonder. The sad thing is that the semifinals haven't even started yet. Those shows are next week.

Trained Seal's intro was at the Mirage pool with dolphins jumping on cue. Ryan I'm sure can relate. i wonder if he fought with the dolphins over the fish reward.

First up tonight was Mathenee Treco, a dancer and entertainer from the Bahamas who was cut in Vegas last year. Damn, how many Vegas cuts were there last year? It seems like half of the Top 40 were cut in Vegas last year. Mathenee was dressed like a homeboy but he didn't fool anyone, not after that intro video. His performance of Elvis' "A Little Less Conversation" tonight was lots of spirited screaming that got Zoanette really excited. The rest of the audience, not so much. Mr. Kidman liked his range and power and revealed that he loves entertainers. Mathenee was nothing if not entertaining. Jaws used the K-word in a British accent to critique his performance and got booed. Sole Survivor hated the song choice and wondered who Mathenee was. Glitter Girl wanted to invite Mathenee to her house and revealed that she didn't recognize the song, even though she once bragged that Elvis played a guitar.

Trained Seal told us that the Idol mic will be touring the country between now and the Hollywood shows. I wonder if it'll draw more fans than the Idol summer tour.

Next up was Gurpreet Singh Sarin, the Turbanator from the NYC auditions. Tonight The Turbinator wore a bright yellow turban with matching yellow pants and sang a 70's style song that I didn't recognize. Sad to say it was very flat and karaoke. I might have liked the song better if Gurpreet had sung it better cuz it had a happenin' groove. Mr. Kidman liked Gurpreet's voice but thought it sounded better when he was playing a guitar. Jaws didn't know what was happening and felt that Gurpreet had left the intimacy behind in Hollywood. Sole Survivor thought it was terrible, just terrible. Glitter Girl was only "slightly disappointed." All four judges got booed.

Vincent Powell, one of many worship leaders still in the competition, revealed that he once was a backup singer for Whitney Houston and once lived in his car. He didn't say if he did both at the same time. Vincent looked like an African American Drew Carey after Drew lost the weight. Fortunately he didn't sing like Drew, it was actually pretty decent if you like big notes. Seriously though his falsetto was pretty good. Vincent got 3 standing O's, the only contestant tonight to do so. Mr. Kidman thought Brother Vincent was crazy. Jaws was surprised by Vincent's sexy old fashioned singing and thought that the cougars in the audience wanted to throw their panties at him. Sole Survivor named dropped 3 guys in quick succession, none of whom I recognized, and uttered his first "in it to win it" of the season. Glitter Girl just said "finally." Finally what I don't know but 70% of the Tweeters agreed. Trained Seal went into the crowd to get Zoanette's reaction. "Get it, Papa Smurf, get it!" she shouted. Neither Ryan nor Vincent could figure out who Zoanette was referring to or what Papa Smurf had to do with anything.

Nick Boddington is a New York bartender who began performing at the age of 5. There didn't seem to be very many words to his song since he mostly sang runs and utterances with an occasional note out of pitch. He did sing a nice soft ending to sort of redeem himself. He wore a nice looking hat too, which was matched by the 3 backup singers who wore the same style chapeau. Mr. Kidman liked the "timber" in Nick's voice but didn't feel the connection. Jaws liked the warmth in Nick's voice but also didn't feel the connection. Sole Survivor questioned the song choice and is still looking for his moments. He didn't say anything about his connection. Glitter Girl claimed that she did have a moment but still didn't get the connection. Somebody call the cable guy.

Josh Holliday is a WG with a piano who grew up on a cattle farm and was recruited from the Idol bus tour. Josh chose to sing an original song, which I didn't think Nigel allowed at this stage of the competition. His soft voice was pitchy and boring, so he got up from the piano to sing the chorus to the chicks in the audience and wake everybody up. This dude is a smart guy. Mr. Kidman thought Josh had a great voice, which might mean something if he didn't say that to every other contestant. Jaws thought that Josh was trying too hard to please the judges, which might mean something if she didn't say that to every other contestant. Sole Survivor dropped his first YO of the night, got cheered for saying that he liked the song, and got booed for saying he wasn't wowed by it. Glitter Girl was impressed by Josh's songwriting skills and thought that songwriters are some of the most successful people in the music business. Trained Seal was impressed by Josh's songwriting skills too, especially after Josh claimed he wrote the entire song in one day.

David Willis is yet another worship leader still in this competition. He was featured during the audition shows as the guy who grew up in a home with a lot of foster brothers and sisters. He sang an uptempo version of Peggy Lee's "Fever", and while I admired the fact that he didn't sing a ballad I wondered why he chose this song to take up tempo. "Fever" is not the kind of song that you would think would sound better up tempo. It was OK but kinda of flat and occasionally pitchy. Mr. Kidman felt a "thing" when David sang a big note at the end but didn't like the song choice. He then name dropped 3 other guys that I didn't recognize, though they were not the same three that Sole Survivor dropped earlier. Jaws first asked if Josh was married (he is), and then compared his performance to someone singing at Christmas with a guitar he just got from Santa. One wonders if the two comments were related. Sole Survivor was glad that it wasn't a ballad but was still bored.

Bryant Tadeo is a Pinoy from Hawaii who bragged about how great it was to grow up in the Aloha State, and then sang Billy Joel's "New York State of Mind". Made sense to me. It was an OK vocal with no pitch problems. Jaws loved Bryant's falsetto ending but hated everything else and got booed. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and got booed because he hated the ending even though he liked everything else. Glitter Girl thought Bryant sounded professional but got lost in a couple of spots, and didn't get booed.

Burnell Taylor was tonight's recipient of the Coca-Cola treatment. He was the sob story who lost his home to Hurricane Katrina and whose audition made Glitter Girl cry. He hadn't been seen since, though it's possible that I didn't recognize him in the Hollywood shows because Burnell lost 40 pounds since his audition. Zoanette was already giving him a standing O before he sang his first note. His pitch was rather flat but his performance had some moments. Mr. Kidman was so blown away by Burnell's originality that he forgot the words Nigel told him to say. Jaws would pay to see Burnell sing and could relate with his desire to get his family out of the hood. Sole Survivor bragged about Burnell being from Louisiana. Glitter Girl was almost brought to tears again but not quite.

Second to last was Lazaro Arbos, the stutterer who doesn't stutter when he sings. He took on a Mr. Kidman song that sounded more like a Glitter Girl song. Despite slurring through the bridge it was a decent vocal. Mr. Kidman was once again flattered by someone singing one of his songs and had all sorts of compliments for the songwriter, but then told Lazaro that he sang it too fast. Jaws greeted Lazaro in Spanish and liked the fact that he played it safe because that was who he was. Glitter Girl was worried that Lazaro would be an emotional mess and was happy that he didn't cry during the song. She also liked the purity of Lazaro's struggle. 56% of the Tweeters disagreed.

Tonight's closer was Cortez Shaw, who Jaws thinks has a sexy name. Zoanette ran to the front row and blocked everyone's view right after Cortez's first note. He showed off a good range, though one of the backup singers was doing her best to drown out his softer notes. All in all it was well sung for a ballad. Mr. Kidman asked "you guys love the big notes, don't you?" Then he went all over the place with his critique, which confused the audience so much that they didn't boo the negative comments. Jaws is feeling the heat again. Sole Survivor only wanted to talk about the singing. Glitter Girl bragged that she has been supporting him from the beginning.

Things We Learned Tonight: Victoria's Secret makes DDD bras. Jennifer Hudson hates getting up in the morning. Kim Jung Un and Dennis Rodman are friends for life. Nigel will permit original songs to be sung after the auditions. Glitter Girl wants to invite Mathenee to dinner at her house, didn't recognize an Elvis song, thinks songwriters are the most successful people in the music business, and hates doing the 2-person thing. Mr. Kidman loves entertainers, thinks everybody has a great voice, and needs to feel the connection. Sole Survivor is still looking for his moments. Jaws hates it when the contestants sing what the judges want to hear, is still looking for a husband, and thinks Cortez is a sexy name. Trained Seal admired Glitter Girl's "bungee jumping jewel."

Your 3 Stars of the Night: Vincent Powell took us to church and inspired Zoanette to channel her inner Smurfette. Cortez Shaw sang so well that Mr. Kidman got all confused and Jaws was ready to jump him. The third star has to go to Zoanette Johnson, who dominated the proceedings even though she didn't sing. Honorable mention to Burnell Taylor for losing 40 pounds and keeping his singing voice.

The Final Score: 7 ballads; 5 big notes; 1 mention of a former Idol contestant; 3 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 1 game show host mention; 2 K-word utterances; 40 lost pounds; only 2 YOs from Sole Survivor (he must know that I'm counting); 3 name drops each by Sole Survivor and Mr. Kidman, none of whom I recognized; 1 name drop of Papa Smurf by a current contestant; and no comments from Andy Cap. Vincent, Cortez, Burnell, Nick, and Lazaro (to lots of screeches) were put through. David, Mathenee, Josh, Bryant, and Gurpreet were sent home. The  cougars were not happy to see Bryant sent home, and 57% of the Tweeters disagreed with sending Nick through instead of The Turbanator.

The Top 20 going to the popular vote includes just 2 white dudes plus 1 white kid versus 17 other contestants. Hmmm, I wonder why? Keep in mind that one of the white dudes, Paul Jolley, only got through because of Andy Cap, the only judge that Nigel cannot control.

Next week the voting rounds begin, which means the return of the fearless predictions. I know, you can hardly wait...

Thank you, and goodnight.