That Soul, Croaky, Cool Thing In There

Is it just me or does it seem like the live shows should have started like a month ago? Seriously, with the extra Hollywood Week and the 4 Vegas/chair shows I wondering if the producers will be able to get the finale in before Nigel's dance show starts in the summer. I hope this doesn't mean there will be three Idol shows a week. I'm barely keeping up with just 2.

Trained Seal began tonight's show like he always does, talking about the contestants singing for their lives and stuff, only this time the Mirage volcanoes were in the background. I remember how cool those volcanoes were when they were first put in. Now it's like ho-hum, kind of like American Idol...

It's the last 10 chicks singing for their souls tonight and first up is Melinda Ademi, whose sob story was featured in Season 10 when she was kicked out at Vegas in favor of Thia Megia, one of several Filipino chicks who always sing well in their Idol auditions but then burn out during the live shows. We'll see if Adriana Lotonio follows that same path or not. Yes, I know Jessica Sanchez made it all the way to the finale last season but that doesn't count since I didn't recap last season's shows. They were all just a dream...

Oh yeah, back to Melinda. Her sob story was that her family fled Kosovo during the civil war there. She was one of the few who didn't sing a ballad tonight, instead she did some up tempo Beyonce' type song. She was also one of the few who didn't sing a big note at the end. As you might expect Sole Survivor criticized her for not singing the big note at the end and for once I agreed with the audience who booed him for it. Melinda made the mistake of singing the same song as one of the contestants last week, Miley Cyrus lookalike Angela Miller, and Jaws thought Melinda's version didn't compare with Angela's. Glitter Girl tried to excuse that by claiming that Melinda was nervous.

Next to sing was Candace Glover, who was kicked out at the Vegas show last season to the astonishment of all of this season's judges, including Sole Survivor, the dawg who cut her last year. She has sang better so far this year, perhaps the new purple highlight in her hair has something to do with that. Tonight she sang Aretha's "Natural Woman" and it was technically good but kind of flat. Not her best performance this season among the ones we've seen. Mr. Kidman still loved it though and gave Candace a standing O. Jaws was "boggled" about how Candace was cut last year. Sole Survivor tried to justify that by dropping a YO and then claiming that last year was a different season and that Candace has grown since then. Actually, it looked like Candace lost weight from last season.  Glitter Girl proped Candace up by coaxing her to admitting that she did the song arrangement. I'm surprised Mariah didn't name drop Aretha like she has been doing a lot of this season. Trained Seal saw the dude contestants' reactions and thought that they felt like natural women. Some of them I'd guess did before Candace sang a single note.

We were next introduced to 15 year old Juliana Chahayed, whose dad is a professional musician who sings in Arabic. Perhaps because of nerves Juliana slurred so many of her words during her performance that I wondered if she was singing in Arabic. She also held and occasionally played a guitar that was almost as big as her. Mr. Kidman commented on both the nerves and the guitar, comparing the latter to a cello. Then before the audience could boo him Keith lauded Juliana's tone and name dropped Jewel and what sounded like Liv Taylor. No, not Jagger Lite's daughter, at least I don't think so. Jaws said the same thing as Mr. Kidman only without the name drops or comments about the guitar. Sole Survivor dropped 2 YOs and liked her honesty. Glitter Girl thought Juliana's voice sounded like an angel's and had a celestial quality. Trained Seal name dropped X-Factor judge Demi Lovato and got Juliana to admit that her vocal coach pushed her to sing the song.

After the break and Trained Seal's plug of the AT&T contest, we heard from Jett Hermano, a legal assistant from Seattle who abandoned her full ride scholarship at the University of Washington in order to be a singer. I'd be more impressed if she had done this recently rather than 6 years ago. Jett sang a slowed down version of a Rihanna song while playing, or at least sitting behind, a piano. Outside of the annoying runs it was a pretty good vocal, best of the night, though that's not saying much with this group. Mr. Kidman thought the arrangement brought out Jett's sexiness even though she wasn't wearing a short skirt. Both Jaws and Sole Survivor complained that she didn't climax the song well. Instead Jett built them up but didn't finish. Glitter Girl disagreed with both Nicki (no surprise) and Randy (big surprise) and didn't care that Jett "didn't have a fit on the piano." After Jaws revealed that Jett is Filipino she and Trained Seal talked about cool places to hang out in the Philippines.

Cristabel Clark got the Coca-Cola Treatment tonight, where she told Trained Seal that God gave the song lyrics to her while she was debating whether or not to come back to the show. I remembered her from the auditions as the chick with 3 kids and a Mohawk hairdo. Her performance tonight was full of lots of self indulgent runs that I wondered would Jesus do if he were an Idol contestant. Now there's a good theological discussion topic for you, would Jesus appear on American Idol? Lord knows (literally) a lot of contestants have claimed that Jesus was the inspiration for them to audition for the show. Mr. Kidman loved "that soul, croaky, cool thing in there." Jaws struggled to find the words to comment on Cristabel's performance and was made fun of by Keith for that. Eventually Nicki said that she loved the rasp but thought it was a little out of control and got booed. Sole Survivor praised her for being "a race horse singer" because she sang all those annoying runs and "that's what you're supposed to do."

Between singers Trained Seal pimped yet another AT&T promotion, where the viewers could Tweet whether or not they agreed with the judges and that the votes would be shown in real time. What Ryan didn't say was that the votes would only be shown when Nigel wanted them to rather than after every contestant's performance as was first implied.

Aubrey Cleland is a 19 year old Jessica Alba lookalike who likes animals and tight fitting dresses with high hem lines. I know they didn't show Aubrey during the audition shows because I would have remembered her. Aubrey is another Beyonce' sound alike who actually sang a Beyonce' song, a sleepy little number about dreaming. Mr. Kidman talked about how diverse the performances were so far tonight, but because Aubrey sang a ballad like all the other singers tonight (not to mention last week) I wondered if Keith was referring to something else. Jaws was obsessed with Aubrey and vice versa. Sole Survivor was obsessed with Aubrey, himself, the other judges, even Trained Seal. He also dropped a YO and claimed he would sign Aubrey right now if he could. Randy then got into an argument with Nicki over whether or not the song was a perfect choice for Aubrey. Trained Seal agreed with Nicki that it was the perfect song. Glitter Girl only had time to say that Aubrey had limitless potential, as the rest of her time was taken by Sole Survivor's obsession with arguing with Jaws.

Rachel Hale was the first of two country chicks to perform tonight. She's the chick from the small town in Arkansas with the big smile and the accent that Glitter Girl loved. She sang some sultry country song to get the 10 guys in the audience to stand and not much else. It was dull for me but a good country performance. The country guy at the judges' table though was not as impressed. Mr. Kidman thought the song got on top of her and got booed. Keith, not the song. Jaws wondered how Rachel went from being shy to confident all of a sudden. No, it wasn't PEDs, apparently it was prayer that did it, or so she claimed. Sole Survivor dropped 3 YOs because he was happy that she didn't sing a ballad, and then concurred with Rachel that "prayer works."

Breanna Steer was tonight's new sob story along with Melinda's. Her family's house in Louisiana was damaged by Hurricane Isaac this past summer. Breanna wore a nice one piece outfit that was as tight as Aubrey's dress but without the high hem lines. She sang a ballad with a Latin arrangement that was about busting out the windows of some guy's car. Mr. Kidman had flashbacks to a past girlfriend but still liked the vibe. Jaws thought that Breanna was "sexy on a stick" and that her and Aubrey should form a group. I'm OK with that if all they do is wear tight fitting outfits. Sole Survivor gave her 3 YOs, name dropped Mary J. Blige, and praised her for representing Louisiana. Trained Seal asked Breanna'a advice about what to do with about bad boys.

Next was Janelle Arthur, the second country girl of that night who like Melinda and Candace was also cut before the live shows in a previous season. Janelle is the chick from Tennessee who played Dolly Parton in a school play. No, I'm not going there, she was just a kid. Her performance of a bland Lady Antebellum ballad was, well, bland but OK. Mr. Kidman didn't like the song choice because the melody was so limited. Jaws thought it was flat and disconnected and warned Janelle "not to do that again." Sole Survivor thought that Janelle was her favorite country contestant (much to the dismay of Rachel I'd bet) but he didn't like the song choice either. Glitter Girl repeated what the other judges said and the audience is stone cold silent rather than booing.

Last but certainly not least was the force of nature known as Zoanette Johnson, who sang the National Anthem at her audition in tribute to President Obama, played drums during her solo performance at Hollywood Week, cried throughout Group Night and still managed to make it this far. We learned that Zoanette is originally from Liberia and was hoping to inspire Liberians with her performance. True to her character she chose a Lion King song. I think that was the first time anyone has ever done that. I tried to objectively judge her singing but I just couldn't do it. She sounded too much like The Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz. She was in tune and on pitch I guess. Everybody but Glitter Girl gave Zoanette a standing ovation. Mr. Kidman declared her the "Queen of the Jungle" because he couldn't predict what she would do next. Jaws thought that Zoanette had "served it" and was brought to tears by her performance. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and then addressed why Zoanette had made it this far. It was her spirit, he claimed. Both Glitter Girl and two-thirds of the Tweeters at home agreed.

There were no split decisions tonight so Andy Cap got to chill in the audience with Spike Lee. Zoanette was first to learn her fate, and after Sole Survivor rambled on for about 10 minutes he shocked Zoanette and millions of viewers by telling her that she was through to the next round. The rest of the eliminations went pretty smoothly. The country chicks were saved to the end, when Rachel and sent home and Janelle was sent on.

Things We Learned Tonight: Sole Survivor is obsessed with everyone, thinks that prayer works and that last season was a different time in our lives. Glitter Girl talks to angels and doesn't care if contestants have fits on pianos. Mr. Kidman once had a girlfriend that could have busted out his car windows. Trained Seal is looking for places in the Philippines to hang out and needs help dealing with bad boys. I learned that "boggled" and "croaky" are real words and not something that Jaws and Mr. Kidman made up respectively.

Your Three Stars of the Night: Jett Hermano was the best singer tonight so naturally she got sent home. Aubrey Cleland was the best looker tonight so naturally she got sent through. Zoanette Johnson was the most memorable performer tonight for reasons that had nothing to do with her singing and was also sent through.

The Final Score (Vegas Edition): 8 ballads; 4 short skirts (though only 2 showed skin); 2 tight fitting dresses; 11 YOs from Sole Survivor; 2 name drops from Mr. Kidman, 1 from Sole Survivor, 1 from Trained Seal, and 2 by me; 2 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 1 mention of a former Idol judge; 1 mention of an X-Factor judge; 2 new sob stories; and 3 rejects from past seasons. Zoanette, Aubrey, Candace, Breanna, and Janelle were sent through. Melinda, Juliana, Cristabel, Jett, and Rachel were sent home. Interestingly the two chicks who claimed God told them how to perform their songs (Cristabel and Rachel) were both sent home. The Lord works in mysterious ways...