Sudden Death, for the First Time Ever

No, I didn’t forget about last week. I had some other cases to adjudicate so I took the week off. Thanks to the magic of modern video technology I was able to view the Hollywood Week chick shows and see who got booted off, who got kept on, and why I hate Group Night so much.

For the “first time ever”, we get a Sudden Death round where the contestants sang in front of a live audience. In his rush to hyper promote the show Trained Seal appeared to forget that all of the performance shows are sudden death rounds in front of a live audience. Tonight’s show was at one of the five billion Cirque du Soleil theaters in Vegas, but unlike last year we probably won’t see one of the judges jump into a pool of water like Jagger Lite did last year.

Trained Seal also told us that these are the “most brutal cuts of the year.” Everybody take their first drink. When Ryan did his usual mindless banter with the judges to start the show he tried to get Glitter Girl to say whether or not she was satisfied with the Top 40. Mariah instead babbled about how she felt attached to certain people who didn’t get through because the other judges didn’t vote for them.

Since the performances were in front of a live studio audience and because Andy Capp was in the house, I’m going to recap this show like a live show. Besides, I could use the practice. I’m a little rusty after taking the last couple years off.

First up was Jenny Beth Willis, a high school junior from Kentucky. I don’t remember her from the auditions and she struggled with finding her pitch. Two words immediately come to mind, “cannon fodder.” She sang some country song that nobody bothered to identify so I won’t bother to either. She enunciated her words well and had a big note at the end, but it didn’t quite work for me. It didn’t quite work for the judges either. Mr. Kidman had mixed feelings, Jaws thought it was dead until the big note, and Sole Survivor thought it was jerky and got booed. Randy should be used to that by now. Glitter Girl thought it was good though.

Next up was Tenna Torres, the chick from Queens who went to Glitter Girl’s summer camp. She sang well in the low register and showed a nice range. Apparently she learned something that summer. It was a good performance that would have been very good if her hand movements weren’t so distracting. Mr. Kidman name dropped somebody. Jaws was scared of her. Sole Survivor dropped his first YO of the season, at least the first one that I caught. The YO count is ON! On a related note, we learned that Randy’s Twitter handle is @Yo_RandyJackson. That’s what I would have guessed. Trained Seal got Tenna to admit that she told her boyfriend to stay away so that she could feel the sadness of the song.

The third contestant was 17 year old Adriana Lotonio from Alaska. Apparently she is the first contestant from Alaska to make it this far. She’s not the first Pinay though, which Jaws felt the need to point out after the performance. I don’t remember her from the auditions either, but she had a nice voice, a big smile, and a built in fan base so she’s bound to go far. Sole Survivor gave her 3 YOs. Glitter Girl instructed us that she sang an Aretha song. Since Adriana is only 5 feet tall Trained Seal was happy to have a contestant that he could look into the eyes of.

Between performances Trained Seal pimped a new AT&T contest where you, yes you, can win 2 free tickets to an Idol taping and sit in special seats, maybe even next to Andy Capp. Unlike past AT&T Idol contests no one has to write a crappy song to win.

Brandy Hotard promised sass but then sang a bland ballad just like all the other contestants. The only thing I remember about her was that she was from Port Allen, Louisiana, a town that I have actually been to. Not only was her ballad bland but it was pitchy too. She has nice legs though. Indeed 9 out of the 10 singers wore short skirts or dresses tonight, no doubt encouraged by Nigel and the other producers who are so desperate to have a chick winner that they will resort to exposing lots of skin to get the dudes at home to start voting again. It won’t help Brandy though. Mr. Kidman delicately pointed out her “emotional connection inconsistency” because she looked happy when she sang a sad song. Jaws felt the same but was more direct, criticizing her “pageant delivery.” Both Nicki and Trained Seal were concerned that Mr. Kidman was in Jaws’ mind.

Shubha Vedula won $35,000 for her school in some singing contest, but because she competed as an amateur she wasn’t allowed to keep any of her earnings. I only remember her from the auditions because of her musical name. Her performance was mildly entertaining only because part of it was not a ballad. She sang a Lady Gaga number so I wondered if Jaws would be extra colorful in her critique and I was not disappointed. Nicki prodded the audience to boo her as well as any pro wrestling heel would, and then told Shubha that she sounded like a cross between Christina Aguilera and “that gangnam style guy.” Mr. Kidman was just as critical but skillfully worked the crowd by saying that she was confusing (boo) but still had a lovely voice (yeah). Both Sole Survivor and Glitter Girl tried to apologize for Shubha by saying that she’s just 17. Well, Adriana is just 17 and she didn’t need to be apologized for. Randy dropped a YO just for good measure.

Kamaira Ousley showed all the sass that Brandy promised and not much else. Like Brandy I only remember her because she is from a city that I’ve been to, Oakland. She spent the whole song searching for the pitch, and then just settled for a big note at the end. Mr. Kidman tried to excuse it by claiming that her song choice was the problem. I’m surprised no one tried to claim that she was sick. Jaws discovered that she didn’t like Kamaira’s voice, while Sole Survivor re-discovered another of his favorite words besides YO, “pitchy.” Glitter Girl chose not to talk about the pitchiness because she knew that Randy would.

Next was Kree Harrison, the chick whose parents died when she was a kid. She was the only chick who wore clothes that covered up her thighs but that didn’t seem to affect Nicki’s opinion of her. Indeed, Jaws declared that she thought Kree was “sexy”. Kree revealed that she has worked in the country music “industry” in Nashville, raising the antennas of all those plant watchers out there. Kree sang like a plant with a nice voice, though it didn’t blend well with the backup singers. The other judges all thought that Kree was a natural and heaped nothing but praise on her, even though Trained Seal beforehand warned Kree that the judges were being tough on the country singers.

Trained Seal reminded us that both Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson were once contestants on the show, perhaps to take credit for their Grammy awards, or perhaps to remind everyone that chicks used to win this contest.

Angela Miller was the chick who knocked it out of the park with her original song during Hollywood Week, which three of the judges beat over all our heads when critiquing her performance tonight. The only one who didn’t was Mr. Kidman, who ran out of time to say that. This performance was admittedly not as good as her last one. That’s what happens when you peak too soon on this show. Angela kind of looks like former Idol tor-mentor Miley Cyrus before she started posing for Cosmo (on stands now).

Isabelle Pasqualone, who goes by her stage name Isabelle, was the chick who lost all that weight. She along with Kree were the two audition show sob stories to appear tonight. She sang “God Bless the Child”, the only song tonight that I own a copy of, but I can’t say that I recognized it because of the cruise show arrangement that Isabelle decided to use. Randy agreed with my cruise show analogy. Yes, it does happen sometimes. The other three judges chose instead to complement Isabelle for losing the weight.

Tonight’s closer was Amber Holcomb, who was cut during last year’s Vegas shows. She returned this year with a more extraverted look (including perhaps the shortest of the short skirts) and a more extroverted sound to match. It was pitchy in some spots, strong in some others. Mr. Kidman thought it was the best performance of the night. Jaws admired her “legs for days.” Sole Survivor dropped one final YO. Glitter Girl finally said something interesting. She wanted to smack Amber because of how well she sang the song.

Instead of a chair show we get 2 chair segments at the end, as each contestant walked out one at a time to hear their fate from the judges sitting in director’s chairs. The cold stools made their first appearance of the season, only this time they were reserved for the top 5 instead of the bottom 3. No tie breakers were needed so Andy Capp got the rest of the night off. Sole Survivor told one contestant that the judges had some “tense words” during their deliberations. I admire how these guys keep trying to suggest that the judges are at war with each other. Glitter Girl sarcastically told Kree Harrison that she didn’t like her as a singer and actually got some boos. She was just kidding guys. Nigel has got you all trained even more than he does Ryan.

Things Were Learned Tonight: The judges are having some tense words during their deliberations. Sole Survivor has a Twitter handle with YO in the title. Mr. Kidman can read Nicki’s mind, needs more time for adjectives, and has figured out how to keep the audience from booing him by mixing in praises with his criticisms. Glitter Girl can recognize an Aretha song and knows what Randy will say before he says it even though she can’t interpret his critiques. Trained Seal thinks the judges are tough on country singers, likes contestants that are only 5 feet tall, and forgot that the live elimination shows are before a live studio audience. Andy Capp is still part of the Idol cast. The audience is so anxious to boo any criticism that they’ll even boo ones that are a joke. Jaws isn’t afraid to have the audience boo her.

Your Three Stars of the Night: Adriana Lotonio introduced herself to her Filipino fan base in a big way. Tenna Torres sang well while swatting away invisible flies. Kree Harrison sang well enough to earn praise even though she was wearing pants.

The Final Score (Vegas edition): 9 short skirts, 9 ballads, 6 YOs from Sole Survivor, 2 mentions of former Idol winners, 1 mention of a former Idol judge, 1 mention of a former Idol tormentor, 2 Nigel Lythgoe mentions, 1 mention of the “gangnam style guy”, 2 name drops by Jaws and 1 by Mr. Kidman, and 4 chairs & 5 stools during 2 chair segments. Jenny, Brandy, Isabelle, Kamaira, and Shubha were all sent home. Tenna, Kree, Angela, Amber, and Adriana all moved on to the live shows, starting sometime after Easter.