Somebody Call A Lawyer

Well, once again my non-Idol live interfered with my Idol life, and once again my DVR decided not to cooperate. It seems that it thought Idol began and ended at 5 PM today, so that is what it recorded. To make matters worse, it seems the DVR has forgotten how to pause or rewind during the show, at least on Wednesdays. Since I did not get in until 9:30 I only got to see half the show and thus can only offer up half a recap. The DVR does seem to work on Tuesdays, so thank goodness this is the last Wednesday live show.

Casey James, joined in progress: … his tone and pitch are good albeit a bit boring. A little bit of pitchiness at the end but otherwise it was OK, at least the 45 seconds or so that I was allowed to see. Big Sexy thought the song choice was safe and name drops Stevie Ray Vaughn will telling Casey what type of artist he should be. Don’t listen to him Casey… Little E thinks Casey sings better singing down. Horny Chick tries to hide her hormones by claiming she is only “partially” back on board the Casey train because he didn't act like a poser like last week. I guess that means Casey is getting to second base after striking out last week. Captain Jack thought the performance made him sincere (i.e. not a poser) but that it was still forgettable. Casey made have hide his poserness this week but it is only a matter of time before it rears its ugly head again. Maybe that is what he is keeping in the box.

Aaron Kelly, “I’m Already There” by Lonestar: The BBC mentioned that a Lonestar song was a big hit 10 years ago today and I’m thinking “who the bloody hell is Lonestar?” Then young Aaron decides to sing a Lonestar song tonight. Who are these guys? Aaron’s vocal is very weak to start, but I am not sure if it is because of nerves or a bad song choice. The big vocal chorus is not so big, sad to say. Overall the vocal was decent but for me rather flat. The tweener girls of course love it, so I won’t be selecting him to go home tomorrow. Big Sexy thought it was great except for the low notes at the start. I guess he stopped listening after the first verse. Little E loves little Aaron and for the third straight week asks Aaron how old he is. He’s 16! Pay attention! Clearly Little E is not since she then talks about how Aaron stands on stage like he is 30, but then she says that the song was too big for him and gets booed. Me thinks Aaron will go far in this competition in spite of his lack of vocal talent. Horny Chick doesn't think Aaron can relate to the song because he is 16 and is trying to sing a song about a father talking to his children over the phone. Aaron tries to explain to Trained Seal that he was only trying to tell a story. Captain Jack goes on the offensive and calls Kara’s comment “rubbish.” He did not like the vocal but admired Aaron’s effort to show some emotion even though he’s about 15 years away from being able to relate to the song.

Todrick Hall, “Somebody to Love” by Queen: This is the song that Captain Jack thought Allison Iraheta should have sung last season instead of the Jefferson Airplane one or the Janis Joplin song she ended up singing. Todrick starts off really pitchy, but so did the back-up singers so it does not stand out as much. He gets only slightly better as he moves through the song. Todrick also avoids taking after Horny Chick and try and dance, though he gets on his knees to milk some squeals from the tweeners. He is no Freddie Mercury, but unlike Freddie I can understand all of the words that he is signing, so he deserves some kudos for that. Big Sexy declares that “Todrick is back” and finally realizes that Todrick can sing. He must have been daydreaming or something. Little E thought it was a brave song choice and praised him for making it sound “sort-of” gospel. Horny Chick could not decide whether she should laugh at his performance or love it, and then tried to claim that this was a compliment. Captain Jack was happy that Todrick didn't play a guitar sitting on a stool, a backhanded shot at Casey, and then tells Todrick that he should be a Broadway performer because he can sort of sing and sort of dance.

Michael Lynche, “This Woman’s Work” by Maxwell: Big Mike keeps tempting fate by selecting songs with titles that could offend feminists, not to mention Little E. I guess he does not realize that women and their tweener daughters control the voting on this show. Michael starts with a really good falsetto that should not be coming out of the mouth of someone who weighs more than me. Mike amazes me more by getting all dramatic with the chorus and ending with big note. Damn, that was good soulful R&B; best of the 4 I heard by a country mile. Unlike scary Lilly last night Michael took the closer spot and ate it for lunch. Big Sexy cannot believe that Michael sang so well, really! Ellen thought it was beautiful. Horny Chick plays the Drunk Chick part and starts crying because the song was so relevant to him because he has a baby and so relevant to her because she does not. I can so easily imagine Paula saying something like that. Captain Jack gives Kara a hug and seems relieved that someone finally gave a good performance. Trained Seal tries to make fun of Michael’s stage movements by running around the stage while giving out the phone number. Be careful Ryan, that guy can probably knock your pansy ass out.
Here is a quick recap of the performances I missed based on the 10 second recap of their performances. I’ll keep them short for obvious reasons.

Lee Dewyze: Sounded decent, though going first may hurt his chances for advancement.

Alex Lambert: Still sounds nasally and nervous. If we aren't hearing his allegedly wonderful singing voice by now when will we hear it?

Tim Urban: Nothing spectacular.

Andrew Garcia: Tries to make lightning strike twice by singing Christina Aguilera's “Genie in a Bottle” instead of a dude song. I couldn't tell if he changed up the arrangement or if Little E mentioned the Paula song again.

The Abbreviated Final Score: 6 shots at Captain Jack Simon; 6 shots at Little E Ellen; 6 shots at Horny Chick Kara; 4 shots at Big Sexy Randy; 2 shots at Trained Seal Ryan; 1 shot at Ricky Minor and the band, and 3 shots at the audience. 4 references to former Idol contestants including 1 reference to Chris Daughtry, 6 references to other non-Idol performers, and 4 references to Drunk Chick Paula. 1 Coca-Cola treatment (assumed), 0 iTunes plugs (hopefully Steve Jobs is not watching), 1 name drop, 5 guitars, 1 backhanded judge shot, 1 feminist reference, and 4 performances that I missed and plan to sue my DVR maker for emotional distress for.

Your 3 Stars of the Night: Michael Lynche has a good voice, a good back story, and no credible challengers among the dudes for favorite status. Right now it’s between him and Crystal Bowersox, but then these contests are never decided at the semis or else Chris Daughtry would be in the show intro graphics instead of Taylor Hicks. None of the other guys that I saw were really stars and I didn't see the rest, so it is only 1 star on this night.

Idol Gives Back: Poor Jermaine, he really thought God would keep him on the show, only to find out the hard way that God works in mysterious ways. Jermaine though is still a God fearing man so he should be alright, though we’ll never find out if Captain Jack took Jermaine up on his offer to go to church with him. John Park really had no chance, though I appreciate his help in getting my average up.

The Fearless Prediction: This will again prove to be a bigger challenge than it should be thanks to my cranky DVR. None of the 4 guys I saw would appear to be in danger of leaving, though only in Michael’s case is this due to his singing performance. I’m getting tired of hearing that Alex Lambert has a great voice so, much like Paige Miles, I am predicting that he will be joining her tomorrow on the plane ride home. Tim Urban has been playing with house money since Chris Golightly got himself canned, but everybody has to pay the dealer eventually and I have the sense that Tim’s time is up tomorrow.