Self-Indulgent FAQs

Since the president again pushed American Idol back a day (and BTW, who does he think he is delaying Idol twice within a month? Why isn't he doing these TV appearances on Mondays and pushing back Dancing with the Stars instead? ;) I thought I would take advantage of the potential lurkers coming here looking for the latest recap to answer some viewer mail, or at least the viewer mail I would expect to get if there were actually any viewers out there.

So why are you doing this blog, especially when you complain about staying up late all the time?
I enjoy making fun of silly things and I like writing, so a blog about American Idol seemed like a natural fit. It is also a nice release from my day-to-day struggles. Some people garden or drink a lot of booze to get away, my release is to write about a woman who does the latter as part of her job.

What attracted you to American Idol, especially when you only started watching the show in Season 5?
You can blame ants and Kellie Pickler. Seriously. I came home from work one Tuesday night in January 2006 to find about a thousand ants making 2 trails through my living room and into my kitchen. It took several hours to stop the ants' march and clean up the trail of dead ant bodies so since I was stuck at home when Idol Season 5 premiered I decided to turn it on and see what the fuss was all about. I remember Kellie Pickler's audition was on that show. I have rarely missed a show since.

(BTW, window cleaner and detergent work great on ants, as does borac acid mixed with sugar and water. Works much better than those traps you find at the store and are not as poisonous as the ant poison)

So what inspired you to recap the show?
I found myself yelling comments about the contestants' performances at the TV, comments that the judges weren't making but should have, such as Taylor Hicks' song choices, Katherine McPhee's arrogance, and Chris Daughtry's awesomeness. At the time I had a social blog that I was searching for topics to write about, so I had the bright idea to use that blog to express my judgments that otherwise were being ignored by my TV. The Armchair Idol Judge was born. Over time the blogs evolved from simple two sentence comments about each contestant's performance to a full fledged recap of the entire show. When I took down the social blog I still wanted to keep writing about Idol so I set up this blog. I was surprised that thearmchairidoljudge.blogspot.com had not been taken yet. I know there is a newspaper in Detroit that uses this title for its Idol recaps but that came after I started using it. I would consider selling it to them for the right price...

What's up with the nicknames?
Last season I came up with the idea of handicapping the field of contestants as if it were a horse race, so naturally each contestant had to have a race horse name. Some were rather dull and boring, but a few I thought were clever. My nickname for Ramiele Malubay, Pinoy's Lullaby, was my favorite.

(BTW, one of my Filipino friends pointed out that technically Ramiele is a Pinay, not a Pinoy, but I thought it made more sense to use Pinoy and it was too late to change it anyway)

So as Season 7 progressed I started giving nicknames to the judges too, since it only seemed fair. Simon Cowell was Mr. Happy, a nickname Randy Jackson gave him during the semis; Randy Jackson was The Dawg; Paula Abdul was and still is Drunk Chick; and Ryan Seacrest was The Ambiguously Gay Host, named after the Ambiguously Gay superheros sometimes seen on Saturday Night Live. Ryan's name soon proved to be too long to type so I changed it. You know how you sometime see seals trained to do stupid things for a reward, like balance a beach ball on the noses? I noticed that Ryan was doing the same thing, saying stupid things like how talented last season's contestants were for a cash reward. So hence the name.

Then on one of the Beatles weeks last year Carly Smithson (aka Ringer Girl) sang "Blackbird", and Simon Cowell felt it was worthy of mentioning that Paul McCartney originally called the song "Sparrow." Then a couple of weeks later after a David Cook performance Simon brought up the sparrow thing again, and that is when it dawned on me to nickname him Captain Jack Sparrow, after the British pirate played by Johnny Depp in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. I later shortened it to just Captain Jack and the rest is history.

This season there was a contestant at the auditions that wore a shirt with "Sexual Chocolate" on it and Randy claimed that was his nickname, so I just followed what the man said. As for Kara, Vote for the Worst.com pointed out how often Kara sounded like she was in heat when she made her comments, so for lack of a better name I just picked up on that and started calling her Horny Chick. If something better comes up I'll change it.

Why do you keep score?
It all started when my sister pointed out during my Season 6 recaps how often I mentioned Chris Daughtry even though he was not competing. So I started to count the number of Chris Daughtry references in my recaps just to annoy her. Soon that evolved into counting the number of insults I make towards people on the show, the number of references to other contestants, and anything else that strikes my fancy.

(BTW, it takes about 45 minutes just to count everything in a full field recap, one reason it takes me so long to type them)

Your 3 Stars of the Night?
It's a hockey thing used to designate the best players in a particular game. Since I often mention the San Jose Sharks in my recaps and needed something to designate who I thought were the best performers of the night, it just seemed appropriate.

Why do you make fun of the mentors so much?
Because it is so much fun, and unlike the judges and Seacrest it is a rich source of fresh material. I will admit that it is difficult to make fun of mentors that I respect like Tony Bennett and Stevie Wonder or who provide such great advice such as Andrew Lloyd Weber did last season. It is so much easier when the mentor is someone like Gwen Stefani or that guy from Herman's Hermits. I live for those shows.

What is "breaking kayfabe"?
It is a term originally used by carnival workers ("carnies") for the stories they would tell to get people to believe what they were selling instead of the truth, such as the boy who had six arms because his mother was impregnated by a spider. Today it is most commonly used in pro wrestling. As an example, there is a pro wrestler called The Undertaker who claims to be from Death Valley, has the power to resurrect from the dead, and has a brother named Kane who is also a pro wrestler. In fact The Undertaker is a mortal named Mark Calloway from Houston, Texas and his brother Kane is played by a guy named Glenn Jacobs whose previous character was a psychotic wrestling dentist. By telling you the truth about these guys I "broke kayfabe". So whenever someone on the show reveals something that goes against the illusions that the show likes to present (such as the judges hearing all of the auditions, the producers have nothing at all to do with deciding who goes home, and that Idol is a singing competition) I feel I am duty bound to break kayfabe and note this in my recaps.

(BTW, I have no idea how to correctly pronounce "kayfabe")

Why do you have so much trouble with verb tense?
I know, my AP English teachers from high school would be so ashamed... I usually write these recaps as I watch the show so they are in present tense when I write the recaps but in past tense when I post them. I tried during the auditions this year to correct the verbs but that just took too long and I always missed a few anyway, so I just gave up.

I have noticed some other typos, do you edit your recaps before posting them?
Yes, I do. I read through everything at least once, sometimes twice, before posting. I do notice, though, that I still miss a few errors here and there. I suspect it is because usually it is around midnight when I do the read-throughs so my mind is already half-asleep.

You do not seem to use a lot of contractions. This seems awkward.
You can thank Blogger for that. Their spell checker has problems with contractions that are imported from Word, and sometimes if I don't correct them the apostrophe sometimes appears as an empty box in the post. I try to limit the amount of contractions so that I can limit the amount of corrections I have to make at the end. It is not because I'm a pompous ass or anything like that. I really don't talk that way.

Do you read other recaps?
Not while I type mine. I don't want to be unduly influenced. After I post my recaps I check out the ones on Vote for the Worst and Spasm's American Idol blog to see if I missed anything or see if they agree with my fearless predictions, plus they are entertaining reads in their own right. I think I agree with them about half the time, but that is one thing I don't keep score on.

Why are you so cynical?
Believe it or not I try not to be, at least with the contestants. If a performer does well I try and point that out. I figure that it takes some guts and ability to get on that stage every week, much more than I have, so I try to be fair to them. Everyone else, though, is open season, otherwise I wouldn't watch the show.

Are you and Cheyennis Doom dating?
I wish :) Anyone who looks as good as she does and can be such a good sport while peons like me make fun of her is definitely date worthy material, but I would bet that she probably has a boyfriend and I'm pretty sure that she lives somewhere far away from where I do, so as the Magic 8 Ball says the prospects don't look good.

How long are you going to do these recaps?
Probably as long as American Idol is on the air, though if Paula leaves after this season (and her contract is up for renewal) I may reconsider that.