It's All About The Artistry

What happens when you have a host who claims that the contestants on this show are the most talked about singers in the country? Lots of screaming from the audience and lost of snickers from the folks at home. Welcome to this week’s recap and let’s get right to it so I can go to bed before Carson Daly’s show comes on. Drunk Chick comes out wearing a ballet tutu for a skirt. One thing about these new intros is that you get to see all of goofy outfits that the judges wear. For some reason during Trained Seal’s intro the judges are otherwise preoccupied. Oh, I see, they are paying props to Smokey Robinson and Barry Gordy, who are in attendance this evening. Trained Seal is so upset about being ignored that he admonishes the judges to get in their seats. After some pointless banter with Randy and Kara Ryan and Paula exchange cheerful hellos and Drunk Chick hits Ryan up for a date. Trained Seal accepts Paula’s offer with a nervous chuckle. Captain Jack cannot admit that he is looking forward to tonight’s songs after surviving country week last week or hearing about Paula and Ryan’s date.

Ryan gives us a history lesson on Motown Records, and I wonder if any of the kids are paying attention to what must be ancient history to them. The kids got a tour of the original Hitsville U.S.A. building in Detroit. During the tour Barry Gordy gives props to the City of Detroit even though he moved Motown out of that building and out of The Motor City decades ago.

Tonight’s tor-mentor is Motown legend Smokey Robinson, and again it will be hard for me to make fun of him even though he claimed that this season’s contestants were “special”. One nice thing about tonight’s theme is that there is a decent chance that I will recognize all of the songs and not have to use Google or depend on Trained Seal to tell me who originally sang them.

Matt Giraud – “Let’s Get it On” by Marvin Gaye: And this week the last shall be first. Let’s see if this affects Matt’s performance at all or the judges’ reaction to it. Smokey’s best advice was “Marvin would love that.” Easy to say now since Marvin Gaye is not around to object. Matt is back behind the keyboards, turning a funky soul song into a piano bar ballad. He quickly comes to his senses and ditches the piano to make sensual love with the microphone and the audience. This must be an important week for Matt because he shaved for the first time since the semis. Thankfully there was no shouting, that would be sacrilegious with this song and Matt paid it the proper respect. It was a little on the karaoke side but there was enough soul in his performance to make it alright. Big Sexy is happy tonight and declares Matt to be one of the front runners. Horny Chick claims there are a lot of girls ready to get it on after that performance, starting with her. Drunk Chick says that Matt’s “ripping” is “respectable” and compares Matt to well-worn jeans. Simon praises the song choice and acknowledges Randy’s comments about being a front runner. I find myself slowly agreeing with both of them. He reminds me a lot of Elliott Yamin from Season 5 with his white soul voice and slow but steady rise up the charts.

I’m tired of typing Sexual Chocolate after every singer so I am changing Randy’s nickname to the much shorter but equally adapt Big Sexy. Hope you don’t mind.

Ryan pimps the iTunes early tonight, and then to tease you to keep Steve Jobs rich Trained Seal claims that the contestants sang their songs this week with the original Motown band mixed in instead of Ricky Minor and the Idol Orchestra.

Kris Allen – “How Sweet It Is” by Marvin Gaye: Smokey was really excited about Kris’ song choice, much like he was with Matt’s, perhaps because they are choosing Marvin Gaye’s songs instead of his own. Kris starts his song like Matt’s too, only with a guitar instead of a piano. He quickly picks up this pace, again like Matt did, but once again I cannot hear the guitar. He should have a serious talk with the sound mixer if he hopes to defy the producers and stay on the show. Kris is more or less in tune and on pitch, though he seems insistent on inserting a bunch of runs into a pretty simple song. They seem to be working on Drunk Chick and the audience so I guess I can’t complain too much. Again like Matt he keeps it cool but still manages to get the big note at the end. The camera finds Kris’ wife again to remind the tweeners at home that he is not available and give them a reason not to vote for him. Horny Chick claims that Kris didn't sound like either James Taylor or Marvin Gaye, though now that she mentioned it he did sound a lot like James Taylor. She then goes on the praise his artistry with a very serious look on her face. Drunk Chick of course has a completely opposite look but says mostly the same thing. Captain Jack also liked his version but thinks Kris is not acting confident enough. Randy thinks everything is good and Kris is in the zone. Trained Seal and Captain Jack trade some uncomfortable banter about self-confidence while Kris insists that he had fun even though the judges were all complimentary.

Scott McIntyre – “You Can’t Hurry Love” by Diana Ross & The Supremes: Scott gets the Coca-Cola treatment as Trained Seal grills him about the argument Captain Jack and Drunk Chick had last week about whether or not Scott should take a risk and try to perform without the piano. Scott claims that he loves Paula but is ignoring her advice for now in favor of Simon’s. Scott sings the song as a ballad to Smokey, who lauds it as contemporary. Smokey enjoyed him “all the time” even though they only spent about an hour together. I’m telling you this guy has magical powers; even Smokey has drunk the Kool-Aid. Scott duplicates both Matt and Kris by starting the song slow and then quickly picking up the tempo. After three times this is getting annoying. The backup singers have come up to the piano this time, though Scott plows through as if they are not there. It was a typical Scott performance but it was more controlled than his previous two until the shout at the end. Bland but OK. Drunk Chick loves how Scott took a risk by bringing the back-up singers up to the piano. Yeah, now that is a sign of creativity if I have ever seen one. Hey, the girl who cried for Sanjaya Malakar is back, or at least a reasonable facsimile. Captain Jack immediately contradicts Paula and claims that Scott’s performance was terrible honky-tonk. He also trashed the song choice and Drunk Chick looks like she is trying to shoot laser beams from her eyes into Captain Jack. Simon is just laying into Scott about his bad song choices and his inability to make an impact and Paula is beside herself. It only gets worse for Drunk Chick when Big Sexy agrees with Simon. Kara was happy to hear some tempo but was not crazy about the execution of Scott’s creativity. Maybe Scott should consider doing something else during the week besides think about how creative his interpretations can be, because all of this thinking is not serving him well. Trained Seal challenges Paula to judge Scott’s performance compared to Matt’s and Kris’ and Captain Jack and Horny Chick debate whether or not Paula will be honest in her judgment. You can guess which one thought what and which one of them I agree with. Drunk Chick refuses to answer the question directly, as expected, and when Simon calls her out for that, as expected, Drunk Chick reaches under the table and gives a box of crayons and two coloring books to the “6 year old.” I wonder how long she has had those props under the table. Trained Seal has to explain Paula’s actions to Scott and I wish he would explain them to me too. As we go to break Captain Jack has pulled out one of the crayons and started drawing on Drunk Chick’s face, which reminds me of a stunt my friends in college did once when they were drunk. No, not to me. That was shaving cream.

We are back from the break that featured the first Cheyennis Doom commercial and Ryan asks what else Paula has under the table. Drunk Chick replies that “it’s under my skirt” without any embarrassment at all. Horny Chick reveals here naiveté about all things Idol by muttering “Dear God” on live television in response to Paula’s comments. Trained Seal, who is clearly used to this and is after all a trained professional, continues on without skipping a beat.

Megan Joy Corkrey – “For Once In My Life” by Stevie Wonder: No one has yet explained to me why Megan Joy dropped her last name so I will continue to use it until I am told otherwise. Hopefully she has recovered enough from her flu so that she can’t use it for her out-of-tune singing. Megan slurred the lyrics like a drunk chick while singing for Smokey. Smokey loves how different Megan is and she takes this as a compliment. I’m sure he meant it that way. Smokey declares that “Megan is one of the most original contestants in the history of the show.” Yup, I’m sure about the Kool-Aid thing now. Megan again is out-of-tune and I again wonder if the judges will actually point that out this time. I guess that is what makes her “original.” She roams behind the judges table, winking at Simon as she passes by because she knows like I do that Captain Jack is her ace in the hole when she inevitably has the lowest vote total. This type of wandering is usually annoying but it does prevent her from doing that even more annoying tummy shimmy. I will say, though, that she got better as the song went along, saving it from being a total train wreck. She even manages to add some whiskey soul into the song and avoid shouting an animal noise at the end. It still wasn't great to me but it was her best performance so far in the finals. Big Sexy prefaces his comments by saying that he still has mad love for Megan but then declares over a chorus of anticipatory boos that it was a train wreck. It was so bizarre to Randy and I wonder why he thinks that only because she has been signing this way since the start of this season. Kara agrees with Randy and wanted her to sing “My Guy” instead. Horny Chick misses the old Megan who “dominated” her songs. Paula surprisingly agrees with both Randy and Kara. Simon is checking his watch and recommends that Megan fire whoever is advising her. That would be the Motown legend sitting about 10 feet away, wouldn't it? Of course Megan responds to this criticism by claiming that she had a good time.

Anoop Desai – “Oh Baby Baby” by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles: Smokey is actually happy that someone has chosen to sing one of his songs, or at least he puts on a good show about it. Smokey shares the history of the song with Anoop and the rest of America and I for one appreciate it. So does Anoop. I also appreciate that Anoop again picked a song that he can sing instead of just bounce and shout at. He is managing to hit the high notes that Smokey made famous but it is coming across as somewhat flat and emotionless, which is not the way to sing a sensual song as Smokey called it. Anoop does manage to throw in a couple of nice riffs towards the end. It was OK but not memorable. Horny Chick talks about how this song is supposed to go from your chest to your head and how she connected with Anoop’s chest, but not with a lot of conviction. She does praise his skill set though. Read that for what you will. Paula loves Anoop’s sweet phrasing, but she took so long to get that out that the audience hesitated before cheering. Simon thought it was a great vocal but that Anoop looked like he was bored singing it. I was bored listening to it. Big Sexy urges Anoop to turn it up next week even though that was what put him on the verge of elimination after Michael Jackson week. Anoop answers Trained Seal’s question about whether he thinks he can win this competition with more confidence than he did the last time he was asked that question. Well, not if he listens to Big Sexy.

Michael Sarver – “Ain't Too Proud to Beg” by The Temptations: Coca-Cola time for the Blue Collar Man. Trained Seal tells us that Michael was so sick last week that he missed out on the Detroit trip and I wonder why Ryan didn't bring this up after Michael’s performance last week like he did with Megan’s. In fact, he was so laid up that Smokey even had to make a house call. Gee, I wonder which one the producers favor more, Megan or Michael? Actually, this was pretty obvious about 6 weeks ago. Michael promises to “church it up” and have a good time and I worry for this boy because this is what got him in trouble last week. Even the ever-positive Smokey tries to pound the seriousness of the song into him. Michael starts out by putting some interesting phrasing into the first lyric. He then starts to lose the lyrics a bit when he starts to shake hands with the mosh pit that has already sold their souls to Kris Allen. Michael ends with a churched up staccato vocal that I’m sure he had fun with. To me it was a decent vocal but on the sloppy side. The performance was too tough for Drunk Chick to say anything about and that gets everyone nervous, especially Paula. She finally gets out that she thought Michael’s performance was too Vegas loungey and almost has a heart attack when the audience boos her. Captain Jack tries to make it easier on Michael by claiming that he could not wait for his performance to end and that Michael has no chance of winning if he keeps singing like that. Simon gets all serious like he did with Scott but still manages to work in a shot at Paula. Michael admits that he knew it would be a train wreck before he got on stage but that he still tried his best because he loves “these friggin people”. Randy thought the song was too big for Michael because he does not have that R&B thing going on. Horny Chick claims “that at this point in the competition it is not about the singing, it is about the artistry.” Really now, and I have always been told that Idol is a singing competition, not an art competition. Kara wants an artist and Michael is not yet fitting that stereotype. Trained Seal thinks it must be tough for Michael to stand there and listed to these comments, but Michael just shrugs it off and describes how much fun he is having begin in the Top 10 of American Idol. I hope he is taking it all in now because if he keeps this up he won’t last much longer.

Lil Rounds – “Heatwave” by Martha Reeves and the Vandellas: I guess after last week’s scare the producers are back to putting the favorites on in the second half of the show. Lil is totally into the theme this week, even down to her retro Motown hairdo and dress. Smokey brings up the singing out of the phone book thing that Kara brought up last week. Trained Seal says that it was an emotional week for Lil after she saw the pictures back in Detroit. Since Lil is the only African American left in the competition I guess she is entitled to that without snide comments from me. This week figured to be grooved right into Lil’s wheelhouse and she does not disappoint, bringing out the big vocals right from the get-go. It was loud and proud but Lil goes a little overboard with the emotion and the shouting. Randy thought that the end was cool but that the beginning was torture. He sensed, like I did, that she was rushing through the song and Big Sexy is clearly disappointed in little Lil. So is Lil after hearing that. Kara thought Lil should have nailed it this week but didn't, and now Horny Chick is not sure about Lil’s chances of winning the competition. When the audience starts to boo her Horny Chick chastises them, saying that she is only trying to give Lil constructive criticism. That actually manages to stop the booing; funny how that never works when Captain Jack tries that line. Paula of course disagrees with Kara and Randy (aka “those two”) and of course the audience cheers. Captain Jack though it was an authentic tribute to Motown but it was a bad sing choice, again with lots of seriousness even with Drunk Chick constantly sniping at him. Captain Jack is clearly bored tonight. Simon thought Lil would have had a “moment” if she had sang “I Heard It Through the Grapevine” instead, which prompts Drunk Chick to interrupt by claiming that she did have a moment and prompts Horny Chick to interrupt and claim that Lil didn't. Simon finally reclaims his time and says that Lil has the best singing voice in the competition and thought she should choose songs that accentuate that voice. Trained Seal asks Lil whether she agreed with Kara or Paula (though not Randy and Simon interestingly) and Lil gives a diplomatic answer that leads Drunk Chick to say that Lil could run for president right now.

Adam Lambert – “Tracks of My Tears” by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles: Trained Seal promises a surprise from Broadway Boy, and as we go to break we see Adam wearing a gray suit and sporting slicked back hair. Nothing this dude does surprises me any more. You would think Smokey would have been scared to learn that Adam of all people is singing one of his songs but again he reacts surprisingly well. Smokey even admires Adam’s interpretation. Adam comes out with only a small acoustic trio and actually starts singing instead of shouting. Even during the loud chorus he keeps it subdued and does well with the high notes, and this song has a lot of them. You can see the emotion too as Adam is almost crying at the end. Man, that was good, best of the night so far by a lot. Even Smokey gives it a Standing O. Kara says it was one of the best performances of the night. Paula babbles some compliments. Simon disagrees with Kara and says that it was the best performance of the night. Randy praises the tender moments. I just noticed that the better the performance is the shorter my recap of it is. I would be able to get to bed a lot sooner if there were more performances like this.

Danny Gokey – “Get Ready” by The Temptations: Smokey gets on Danny’s case about leaving a hole in his singing for the background singers, which brings up something that has been in the back of my mind the whole show, and that is how these solo singers can do justice to a song originally sung by a group. Wouldn't they have to leave gaps in the song? Wouldn't it sound weird if they didn't? So far I haven’t noticed it too much but that may be because the performers and the judges have been distracting me with other things to write about. So what does Danny do at the start of the song? Leave gaps for the back-up singers. He starts out doing the same thing that Lil did, speeding through the song with lots of shouting. He is bringing a lot of emotion to the number and injects some Temps style dancing with the back-up singers just to upset Captain Jack. It was a good song choice for him but it was verging on being over the top. Drunk Chick claims that she has to talk fast even though there are still 15 minutes and only one singer left before your late local news. Not that I am complaining mind you. She still manages to babble incoherently. Captain Jack thought it was clumsy and amateurish, referring to Danny’s performance and not Paula’s comments, but nevertheless Drunk Chick is beside herself yet again. Big Sexy name drops Levi Stubbs even though he didn’t sing this song. That was the other Motown group, dawg. Kara thought it was good but not great. I would agree with her.

Allison Iraheta – “Papa Was a Rolling Stone” by The Temptations: After being in the bottom 3 last week the producers try to prop up Allison by putting her in the closer spot tonight. Interesting song choice for a 16 year old rocker chick. Smokey has to explain the rather adult song theme to Allison, who is having trouble remembering the lyrics. Ricky and the band bring the groove on and Allison slurs the opening lyrics like a good rocker chick should. She also comes out with a dirty girl outfit that she may have borrowed from Alexis Grace now that she no longer needs them. Allison is certainly adding some unique interpretations to the song with some interesting runs here and there and a big note at the end. The vocals are a bit sloppy but it was a solid performance nonetheless. Karaoke it was not, and even I am starting to wonder if Allison really is 16 years old. Big Sexy dropped the dope and said it was blazin’ hot. Ecstatic does not do justice to Horny Chick’s reaction to the song, when she claims that Allison sounds like she has been singing for 400 years and that her talent came directly from God. Depending on your religion I think it’s fair to say that about everybody, even Paula. Especially Paula. During Horny Chick’s orgasm Captain Jack pulls out the crayon again and draws a mustache on Drunk Chick’s face. Paula tries to cover up Simon’s artwork and still say nice things to Allison. Simon thinks Allison is a survivor and thought it was a good performance.

It is not yet 10 pm so Trained Seal kills time by asking Barry Gordy and Smokey what they thought of the performances. Barry acts like Drunk Chick and not only praises the performances but also the judging. Smokey still has the positive attitude he displayed during the rehearsals. Trained Seal promises performances from Smokey, Josh Stone, Ruben Stoddard, and Stevie Wonder during the results show tomorrow night (even though I still won’t watch), and it occurs to me that only one singer chose a Stevie song tonight. I hope you all took the under.

The Final Score: 24 shots at Drunk Chick Paula, who is still hiding things under her skirt; 16 shots at Captain Jack Simon; 20 shots at Trained Seal Ryan; 11 shots at Horny Chick Kara; 8 shots at Big Sexy Randy; 16 shots at the tor-mentor and his old boss (that was easier than I thought); 2 shots at Ricky Minor and the Band; and 8 shots at the audience. 4 direct references to other former Idol contestants, 8 references to other non-Idol performers, 2 references to billionaires, 2 Kool-Aid references, 4 props to the Motor City, 3 shouting contestants, 3 contestants who claimed to have fun, 2 contestants recovering from the flu, 1 name drop, 1 dope drop, 2 Coca-Cola treatments, 2 iTunes pimps, 2 K-word utterance (both by me), 1 bored judge, 1 judge who found religion, 1 judge on life support, 3 crayon incidents, 1 retro hairdo, 1 train wreck, 1 church-up, 1 chest X-ray, 1 piece of betting advice, 1 moment of reminiscing, and 1 search under Paula’s skirt. And remember “that at this point in the competition it is not about the singing, it is about the artistry.”

Your 3 Stars of the Night: Adam Lambert went from self-indulgent nonsense to tender rich excellence in only one week. Trained Seal is right after all; this guy (Adam, not Ryan) is still surprising me. Matt Giraud still won’t win but he is slowly cementing a place in the top 5 and jeopardizing Scott McIntyre’s place in the process. Allison Iraheta is still my favorite so the third star goes to her.

Idol Gives Back: I guess I should get partial credit since the only person I correctly predicted would be in the bottom 3 last week was the one voted off. What concerns me is that Horny Chick will think Alexis Grace’s departure validates her ridiculous advice, since the one week that Alexis didn’t play the dirty girl was the week she was voted off. I would argue that Alexis was doomed to go anyway because she was following Kara’s advice up until that night. I was not too surprised that Michael Sarver ended up in the bottom 3 even though I thought others were worse. I was surprised to see Allison Iraheta there but she can take comfort in the fact that in the last two weeks she has seen the only other dirty girl, the only other Hispanic, and the only other teenager who can take votes away from her have been sent home.

The Fearless Prediction: It is still too early to predict that Scott McIntyre will be in the Bottom 3 even though his performances justify him being there now. It’s not too early to predict that Lil Rounds will be there and I have a sneaking suspicion that she will be this week. I don’t think she will be gone though. I also believe that we will see Megan Joy (nee Corkrey) there along with Michael Sarver. Since the producers still seem to want Megan around (as does Vote for the Worst.com) and I am still convinced that Captain Jack will use the judges’ rescue power to save her I predict that Michael Sarver’s good time will come to an end tomorrow night. Too bad, he seems like a nice guy.