We're Brothers Forever

I've noticed that my hit rate has been dropping over the last few weeks, perhaps indicative of the general malaise that has descended on the show and everyone associated with it, including the audience. Even I, your humble servant, am not as enthusiastic about this show compared to how I felt 5 months ago. It seems like Renaldo Lapuz's audition of “We're Brothers Forever” was 5 years ago. I will continue to press on though, especially since the Sharks have been eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs and left me without anything else to watch.

Maybe it is just the malaise talking, but Ryan’s hair seems to be getting pointier every week. Trained Seal opened the show by ordering us to vote and telling us that three of the final four have been Number 1 in the votes. Wonder Boy and Rocker Dude are the obvious choices, but I am having a hard time imagining either Yes In Her Name or Quiet Man being the top choice of any week this year.

Ryan introduced the judges as “guiding stars” before calling out the contestants. At first glance it looked to me that Jason’s hair is getting longer. I learn something tonight when Ryan told us that Ike Turner invented the distortion guitar when his amp was damaged falling from his car. Tonight’s theme is the songs from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Hopefully this won’t mean more Beatles songs. I think we have heard enough from the Lennon/McCartney songbook this season. To the relief of the judges and all of America, except for those hoping for another Paula meltdown, Ryan allowed the judges to comment after each performance.

David Cook, “Hungry like the Wolf” by Duran Duran: This song didn't immediately jump out at him as something to sing on Rock and Roll Night. That makes two of us. Of all the rock and roll songs that Rocker Dude could have chosen he selected a Duran Duran song. What about Led Zeppelin? Black Sabbath? Van Halen? Hell, even R.E.M. would have been more appropriate. I didn't even know that Duran Duran was even in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. During the song Paula bopped along with the sorority sisters in the Peanut Gallery. Randy and Simon, meanwhile, just sat there like rocks as usual, perhaps looking for their notes from the dress rehearsal. I liked how Rocker Dude added some edge to this flimsy song, but still it was a little bit flat and uninspiring. Randy was not impressed and got booed for saying so. Paula expressed her big appetite for Rocker Dude. Simon was not excited but thought it was good enough to get him through. Spontaneous cheers emerged from the Peanut Gallery when Ryan read the phone number.

Syesha Mercado, “Proud Mary” by Tina Turner: Before the break Ryan warned us that Syesha was going to “let it all hang out.” Ryan is such a tease. After the break Syesha was subjected to the Coca-Cola interview. Syesha told Trained Seal that she was soooo excited about the Idol tour because she will get to meet all of her fans. All 10 of them. Syesha told us in her video that “Proud Mary” has been covered over 100 times. What she didn't mention was that Ike and Tina Turner’s recording was one of them. Somebody send Yes In Her Name a Creedence album. Syesha is looking nice tonight. As the only girl left in the competition it makes sense that she would turn up the sex appeal. It may be the only thing that she can offer the producers, I mean voters, that the three dudes can’t. After the slow bluesy start Syesha pulls out the dance moves and the shouting. She didn't imitate Tina as much as she imitated Beyonce' imitating Tina. Well at least she had fun. Randy loved the theatrics, continuing his attempt to push Yes In Her Name to a career in musical theater. The Dawg also felt Syesha's heat, and with her short skirt it was easy for me to see why. Paula babbled for about 10 minutes and I lost track of what she was said, but no one winced so I guess it was somewhat sane. Simon put a damper on things by calling Syesha’s performance a “bad, shrieky version” of a “bad impression of Tina Turner.” Randy explained the difference in opinion between himself and Simon by telling us that he’s from Louisiana and Captain Jack is from England. Syesha didn't care about the difference; she just likes to have fun.

Trained Seal performed his first iTunes pimp #1 while showing off a Jason Castro mask. Then he handed it off to Ringer Girl, still haunting us after being kicked off two weeks ago.

Jason Castro, “I Shot the Sheriff” by Bob Marley: Go figure, Rasta boy sang a Rasta song. Jason started off by emoting more than he has ever had before and, perhaps not coincidentally, by missing a bunch of notes. He settled down a bit once he picked up the guitar, only to go back to the pitchy emotional pitch at the end of the song. It was OK for what it was. If you like Quiet Man’s music you would like this thing. Otherwise it was rather flat. Randy was highly disappointed, to the extent that he pulled out the karaoke word before Captain Jack could. Paula admired how he performed for the audience (I guess for Drunk Chick over-emoting = connecting to the audience) then declared that she wasn't crazy about the Quiet Man’s singing. I guess this was the second song that Paula was commenting about last week. Maybe Ryan was right and she was seeing the future after all. Simon called it utterly atrocious and wondered what Jason was thinking. Dude, I would guess that he was thinking about his next bong hit. Can you guess which contestant the judges think will be eliminated after tonight? Or for you conspiracy minded folks out there, can you guess which contestant the producers want to eliminate tonight? Ryan came to Quiet Man’s defense and accused the male judges of being angry and then asked Drunk Chick to offer up some words of encouragement.

“Little” David Archuleta, “Stand by Me” by Ben E. King: No surprise Wonder Boy got the closer spot. He seemed embarrassed to tell us in his video that he sings this song in his room to his dog. Then again, he sounds embarrassed pretty much every time he says anything. I could comment on how this relates to David's Stage Dad but that would be too cruel, even for me. On the surface it sounded like a good song choice. Wonder Boy goes back to closing his eyes again but he still sounded pretty good, including a nice little falsetto run at the end. I wouldn't buy this recording but it was still pretty good. Best of the night so far at least. Do you think Randy would like it? Of course! The Dawg could hardly contain his excitement. Paula was more subdued but complimentary. After last week’s brain fart Drunk Chick appeared to trying to be less zany than usual. Either that or there was an intervention and she is now on a program. Simon thought Wonder Boy struggled a little bit at the end and Randy appeared ready to jump over Paula and attack Captain Jack along with the sorority chicks. Ryan noted that David always looks like he is about to pass out every time he listens to the judges’ comments. Wonder Boy thought it might be because the Guiding Stars’ faces scare him. I don’t know why, I don’t think Randy has said anything negative about Wonder Boy since he forgot the words to that Beatles song.

David Cook, “Baba O’Reilly” by The Who: David was subjected to Coca-Cola interview #2. David admitted that he was nervous this week because he was expected to perform well. He then admitted that the judges were right to criticize him after the first song. Next thing you know Rocker Dude will admit that he’s been stealing Chris Daughtry's act since the auditions. He chose this song because no one has ever done it on Idol. However, rather than take advantage of the possibility that no one in the audience had heard this song before and sing it straight, Rocker Dude instead put a whole different spin on the song and turned it into a ballad. Interesting. In the second verse he appeared to be slowing down to a Quiet Man-like crawl, and then thankfully he picked it up with the chorus. He tempted us with a fast tempo at the bridge, but he remembered that he only had 1:45 to sing a 5 minute song and immediately jumped to a big note ending. It was a rather abrupt and someone awkward ending. Overall, though, Rocker Dude had his moments. It was not as good as Wonder Boy but it was better than the others including his own first song. Paula wants more, more, more of David Cook and appeared ready to throw him her house keys. Simon was terse and positive.

Rascal Flatts was in the house and helped Trained Seal with his second iTunes pimping. I wonder what happened to that eye candy that could imitate Rascal Flatts and Britney Spears but could not sing in her own voice? Speaking of eye candy, we got a quick shot of Hugh Jackman look-alike Luke Menard lurking in the audience.

Syesha Mercado, “A Change is Gonna Come” by Sam Cooke: I liked the song choice, and for once Yes In Her Name was good enough for me to pay attention to her performance. She showed off her big voice at some rather awkward moments, but unlike her other vocal exercises Syesha actually shows some restraint this time. To be honest it didn't connect with me as well as Sam Cooke’s original did but it was more interesting than her usual bland performances. Randy, however, was not happy, I guess because Syesha wasn't pretending like she was in the cast of Hair. The Dawg also didn't like how Yes In Her Name changed the arrangement. Paula gave Syesha a standing seal clap and a 100% opposite critique from Randy, which actually elicited real tears from the Ford actress. I think this was the first time someone has cried after comments from Paula. Usually the contestants just look befuddled. Then everyone looked befuddled when Simon agreed with Paula. The Dawg felt isolated and alone without Captain Jack backing him up and tries to backtrack from his negativity like Drunk Chick usually does.

Jason Castro, ”Mr. Tambourine Man” by Bob Dylan: Go figure, Quiet Man sang a folk song. Going back to the coffee house style that has helped keep him on the show along with his dreads and blue eyes, Jason ditched the band and went acoustic with only his guitar. However, he made the cardinal sin and forgot about two or three lyrics of a Bob Dylan song. If the average age of the American Idol audience is in fact in their 40’s Quiet Man is in big trouble for that mistake. You don’t pull on Superman’s cape and you don’t mess around with Dylan’s lyrics within earshot of Boomers unless you are Bob Dylan. Now I have heard Bob Dylan. Bob Dylan is a friend of someone, and Quiet Man is not Bob Dylan. I know, that was a long way to go for a predictable punch line, but like Jason I’m reaching here. The rest of the song was typical Quiet Man stuff. Ringer Girl gave him a standing O but the judges were not so generous. Randy was ready to slug him. Paula struggled to say something positive. Simon told Quiet Man to pack his bags. Not even Ryan was willing to bail him out this time.

David Archuleta, “Love Me Tender” by Elvis Presley: Again Wonder Boy filled us in on musical history as if none of us knew who Elvis was. David wanted to do this song since he’s never done a romantic song on stage yet. Somebody better alert the paramedics because someone in the Peanut Gallery might pass out. It was an odd choice of song for a 16 year old. He put a slightly different arrangement to the song, which was smart since there was no way Wonder Boy could have hit Elvis’s low notes without wheezing. His odd mouth positioning and eye squinting were accentuated when the camera slowly zoomed in for an extreme close up. Still, it was very well done, especially if you didn't watch what was on the screen. The Peanut Gallery somehow survived without a fatality. Simon thought David crushed the competition. Wonder Boy almost fainted after hearing that.

And now the continuation of Hell’s Kitchen...“bleep” off, and get some sleep.

The Final Score: 12 shots at Drunk Chick, 5 shots at Captain Jack, 12 shots at The Dawg, 10 shots at Trained Seal, and 5 shots at the Peanut Gallery. 1 obligatory Chris Daughtry reference (2 if you count Ryan’s) and 3 references to former Idol contestants, all from this season. 8 references to Rock and Roll performers (not counting the ones who originally performed these songs), 3 references to current performers who may or may not make it into the Hall, 3 scary Guiding Stars, 3 hair references, 2 iTunes pimps, 2 Coca-Cola interviews, 1 superhero, 1 Broadway musical, 1 short skirt, 1 cardinal sin, 0 fatalities, and I learned two things about rock and roll music that I didn't know before, neither of which I learned from Wonder Boy.

Your Three Stars of the Night: David A and Syesha all gave some of the better performances of the competition. David C was alright, and finally we saw some real emotion from Syesha. At least I thought it was real. She can't be that good of an actress.

Idol Gives Back (One Night Only): I brought this back because I forgot to point out last week that with Snow White’s elimination all of the contestants who had recording contracts have been eliminated, leaving only Rocker Dude and the reality show vets. Interesting how all four of them were eliminated one right after the other and only after four of the five amateurs were taken off. Oh yeah, this show is not supposed to be rigged, right?

The Fearless Prediction: I would guess that David Cook will be in the Bottom 2 because his performances were weaker than usual and because this is the week when someone surprising gets in the Bottom 2. However, Jason Castro was so embarrassingly awful compared to the others that it would be embarrassing if he were to move on and Cook were to go home. So I boldly predict that Quiet Man will be sent out to the weeds tomorrow night.

And just in case you forgot "We're Brothers Forever":