Eye of the Tiger

We have finally reached the grand finale of this long and arduous season, at least for the audience. It’s the bright lights, the big stage, the sappy contest songs, and 7,000 screaming teens in the Nokia (nee Kodak) Theater, or Theatre if you’re watching the show or reading this blog in the hundreds of other countries broadcasting the show.

But before we begin, let’s meet the contestants:

In the red corner, weighing in at 180 pounds; he’s a bartender originally from Blue Springs, Missouri but now calls Tulsa, Oklahoma home; he rocked through his Omaha audition with Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ On A Prayer”; he emerged from the amateur ranks and blew away the posers with Lionel Richie’s “Hello”; after twisting “Billie Jean” into a rock ballad Simon Cowell predicted that he could win the competition and now he is just three songs away from doing just that; here is “Rocker Dude” David Cook.

And in the blue corner, weighing in at around 100 pounds “wet”; he’s a 16 year old high school kid hailing from Murray City, Utah; he came into the competition having won the Star Search competition in 2004; he amazed the judges in his San Diego audition with John Mayer’s “Waiting for the World to Change”; he knocked everyone out with John Lennon’s “Imagine” in the semis, which Randy Jackson declared was the best performance in the history of the show; he emerged as the early favorite to win it all and has become the darling of teenage girls and middle age women from coast-to-coast; here is “Wonder Boy” David Archuleta.

Now, let’s get ready to rumble!!! (Trademark Michael Buffer, all rights reserved)

Honest, I thought of the boxing intro while walking to work today, only to see the Idol producers steal my idea. I knew I was in trouble when I saw the microphone dropping down to the stage. Of course none of you will believe me, but there is only so much I can say to convince you otherwise.

Trained Seal is actually wearing a suit, perhaps so that he is not out staged by the dapper Mr. Buffer. The audience shots show about 90 percent teenage girls. Randy and Simon are wearing jackets too, but sans ties because they think they are much cooler than Ryan.

In the intro video they carry on with the boxing analogy, which Wonder Boy seems so out of place with but at least seems to be enjoying. Chris Daughtry is passively identified as an Idol winner along with Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, even though he only finished fourth in Season 5. Tonight’s mentors (alright, another first that provides blog material for me) are Andrew Lloyd Weber, making a repeat appearance (another first I think), and Clive Davis, who returns to Idol after boycotting Season 6. Apparently Jim Lampley is serving as a mentor as well since he’s got more screen time in the intro than either Weber or Davis, a theme that continued for the rest of the show. During the Coca-Cola interview we see Rocker Dude playing to the crowd and Wonder Boy acting nervous as usual. Then came words of useless advice from Randy and Paula as usual. Simon urges the David’s to hate each other, so of course all they do is complement each other in an awkward ah shucks moment.

David Cook, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” by U2, chosen by Clive: I’ve always thought that there should be more U2 songs on this show instead of all the Whitney and Stevie (and now Beatles) songs, so Clive gets an at-a-boy from me for picking this one for Rocker Dude. Cook comes out looking like he lost a fight with a hair dryer. He starts out pitchy in spots but is putting some felling into the song. The vocals get better when the pace picks up. Cook tempts fate by roaming into the tweeners and then mounting the short wall behind the judge’s pit. Vocally it wasn’t that great. It was a bit pitchy in spots and a bit weak in others, but he performed it like a rocker should. The Dawg is “boyz” with Rocker Dude. Drunk Chick has found her second true love, her first being the screwdriver in her Coca-Cola cup. Simon thought Cook was phenomenal considering that he looked tense and emotional at the start. If that is what Captain Jack is using as criteria then he should love Wonder Boy no matter how bad he does.

David Archuleta, “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me” by Elton John, chosen by Clive: While Rocker Dude seemed pleased by the song chosen for him, Wonder Boy looks like he’s about to throw up. However, considering how often we’ve seen that look maybe he really is pleased and has an odd way of showing it. Weber makes a big deal about the closed eyes thing again. He too starts out pitchy but in slightly better voice than usual, though somehow his voice faded a bit when the backup singers jumped in. Maybe that too is just natural for him and I’ve been wrong to blame the mix engineer this whole time. Archuleta does pick it up at the end and actually showed some emotion in his performance, so much that he looks drained when he is done. It looks like somebody finally woke this kid up. Stage Dad is of course beaming now that his cash cow is actually acting like one. The Dawg declares it the best performance all season, only the third time he’s said that after a Wonder Boy performance. David is ready to collapse. The crowd goes nuts when Paula declares that she has chills in her arms. Simon actually agrees with Randy and David mouths “oh my gosh” in disbelief. I wonder how Wonder Boy is going to make it through the next two numbers.

I would give Wonder Boy a slight edge in this round. He was a little less pitchy.

Another new twist, instead of forcing the final two to sing the same sappy song that allegedly won the songwriting competition; the David’s get to choose a song that finished in the Top 10 of the songwriting competition. They’ll probably still be sappy but at least, unlike last year, one contestant won’t have an unfair advantage, in theory at least. Blake Lewis must be sitting at home ready to throw something at the TV. He’s probably thinking “I could have smoked these a**holes if I was in the competition this season” after all of the format changes that would have favored him. Weber is worried that Cook is losing his voice and then trashes Archuleta’s song choice. “I think Simon wrote this song,” he said, doing wonders to boost Wonder Boy’s shaky confidence as well as Captain Jack’s ego.

David Cook, “Dream Big” by Emily Shackleton: Rocker Dude rocks up the song with his guitar, which should help make it less sappy. He belts it out like a rocker should, complete with slurred lyrics and lots of shouting. I would guess that this not the way Ms. Shackleton had originally envisioned the song, though I would guess that it is an improvement. Rocker Dude wraps it up with a big note that sends the girls screeching. I think he did as well as he could have with that song, and it was better than his first song. Randy trashed the song but admired the singing. So much for that experiment. Paula is still mesmerized by Rocker Dude and/or what is in her cup. Simon thought it was lightweight and not a winning moment. Drunk Chick correctly pointed out to Captain Jack that “it was not the winning song.” You mean there’s going to be another one?

Somehow Trained Seal made it from the stage to the balcony during the commercial break to pimp the summer tour.

David Archuleta, “In This Moment” by Randall Moore: Gosh, another sappy ballad chosen by Wonder Boy, what a surprise. Gosh, he still can’t fill out the low notes, another surprise. He’s got an anchor on the back of his jacket and on the front too. Could this be some kind of signal? How did that get by Stage Dad? Actually, it was probably his idea. Archuleta is pitchier than his first song but he still sang it relatively well, at least well enough that I cannot trash it much. Again Randy trashes the song but praises the singing, claiming that Wonder Boy is “in the zone”. Paula repeats her comments again too. Simon loved the song choice and declares Wonder Boy the winner of Round Two.

I think this round was closer to a draw, but I would give a slight edge to Wonder Boy. To be honest, though, you had to know that Archuleta would have an advantage if the Idol producers forced the two dudes to sing a sappy competition song.

For Round 3 the David’s get to choose any song they want as long as the Idol producers can get clearance ahead of time, which reduces the available choices down to about 10 songs unless Stage Dad pushes Wonder Boy to break the rules again.

David Cook, “The World I Know” by Collective Soul, chosen by Rocker Dude: Cook goes unplugged to start and handles the low notes better than Wonder Boy. When the band comes in Cook keeps in under control and keeps it that way for the rest of the song. It was his best singing performance of the night but it was more subdued than his usual material. Rocker Dude then does a un-rocker thing and actually breaks down in tears. Well why not; every other contestant on this show has done that this season. Surprisingly, Randy didn’t criticize for the subtlety or take the blame for the tears. Paula tells Cook that he is “standing in your truth” on the stage. I lost track of the rest of Drunk Chick’s comments since I’m still trying to figure out what “standing in your truth” means. Simon praises Rocker Dude’s sincerity but didn’t like the song choice. He wanted Cook to do “Hello” or “Billie Jean” again. Rocker Dude responds by basically saying Captain Jack is an idiot, albeit politely because he is so sincere.

David Archuleta, “Imagine” by John Lennon, chosen by Wonder Boy: While Rocker Dude chose a song he’s never done before Wonder Boy fell back to the song that basically put him in the finale. That should make Captain Jack happy. This time Archuleta is accompanied by only a guitar to start and appeared to miss the entry by a beat or two. The sorority chicks screech at the first high note. Half way through it appears that Archuleta is fighting to keep his eyes open. I wish the director would stop doing all those close-ups on Wonder Boy’s goofy facial expressions, but since this is likely the last performance of his that I will ever see perhaps I shouldn’t worry. His performance was good, not as good as the one he did in the semis but still decent, provided that the audience wasn’t distracted by the facial expressions. Randy declares that Wonder Boy was “what this show is all about” and declares Archuleta the winner while falling out of his chair. Paula declares herself speechless but still manages to babble on. Simon declares the bout over by knockout and defends the show in the process, drawing praise from Trained Seal.

I give Round 3 to Rocker Dude, though again by a nose.

As has become a tradition on the show, the guy who sang the going home song puts in a live performance. In this case it’s the gentle giant Ruben Stoddard, whose rendition of his home song is accompanied by scenes from the season. Gosh it seems like these scenes were years ago.

And now, the continuation of Hell’s Kitchen… I wonder if I'm going to watch Chef Ramsey next week since I won't be typing any more recaps for a while.

The Final, Final Score: 8 shots at Drunk Chick, 12 shots at Captain Jack, 8 shots at The Dawg (can you believe it, Paula actually was the lowest one, I don’t think that has ever happened), 4 shots at Trained Seal, 2 shots at the audience, and 6 shots at the dueling mentors. 1 Chris Daughtry reference, 1 Kelly Clarkson reference, and 3 references to other former Idol contestants. 7000 screaming teens, 6 references to actual performers (8 if you count Jim Lampley and Michael Buffer), 3 references to Stage Dad, 2 format changes, 2 iTunes pimps, 1 summer tour pimp, and an infinite number of boxing references by both me and the show.

Your Star of the Night: I don’t agree with Captain Jack that it was a knockout, but David Archuleta was the better of the two tonight.

The Fearless Prediction: While the last two years the winner was fairly easy to predict, this one looked too close to call going in. David Cook looked to be the favorite but now it looks to be even close since David Archuleta was the better of the two tonight. It would not surprise me to see either one win, but I believe that Wonder Boy did just enough to eek past Rocker Dude to win the title and the record deal.