Praying for Divine Inspiration

Tonight the greatest talent pool in the history of American Idol took their shot at singing songs of inspiration and hope. This leads me to think about uninspirational this year’s performances have so far been. I can still recall performances from the last two seasons that gave me goose bumps when I heard them. Just a few examples: Jordin Sparks raising big bucks for charity by singing “You’ll Never Walk Alone”, Blake Lewis out singing J-Lo’s husband on J-Lo night with “I Need To Know”, Melinda Doolittle singing “I've Got Rhythm” with 2 key changes, LaKesha Jones outdoing Jennifer Hudson with “You’re Gonna Love Me”, Chris Daughtry doing a rock version of “I Walk The Line”, Katherine McPhee channeling Judy Garland singing “Over The Rainbow”, Taylor Hicks injecting white boy soul into Otis Redding’s “Try a Little Tenderness”, Elliott Yamin acing “Trouble” and eliminating Daughtry from the competition. I bet you can think of a few others that inspired you too. However, there has not been a single performance this season that I've gotten as excited about as I did these and others from Seasons 5 and 6, which if Ryan Seacrest is to be believed featured less talented contestants than what we have this season.

I mentioned in my last recap how I felt that David Archuleta was too polished and too professional for me to root for him to win. I think now that this is true for almost all of this year’s contestants. The only one who has even come close to a goose bump performance is David Cook, but even Rocker Dude hasn't blown me away as much as the ones I mentioned did. Perhaps it is not a coincidence, though, that David is the only one left in the competition without a prior record deal or reality show experience. The raw emotion that poured out from past seasons’ performances has been noticeably missing from this season’s group, replaced instead by polished professionalism and false sincerity. I would think that someone like Kristy Lee Cook or Syesha Mercado would realize that they have nothing to lose and go for broke at least once, but instead it’s the same thing week after week and always with a smile. Maybe these guys and gals are just holding back and saving their best performances for the end, and maybe I’ll win the lottery and do these recaps from my palatial estate overlooking Hanalei Bay.

Ryan has either caught the uninspiration bug or he has run out of catchy introductions to start the show. Paula’s wearing an interesting strapless dress that accentuates some of her more interesting assets. The contestants emerge from the big screen and we go right to Poser the Opener.

Michael Johns, “Dream On” by Aerosmith: To be honest, I have never thought of “Dream On” as being inspirational but Poser Mate tries to make the case in his video intro. Let’s see if he shouts this one like the other songs he’s done the last couple weeks. Yep, that didn't take long. He’s gripping the mike to perhaps avoid those strange hand movements that he keeps doing even when he sings. Man, he is really goes overboard with the shouting tonight. Pavlov was right, the more compliments Poser Mate gets when he shouts the more he’ll do it. I’m not all that inspired by this song choice or by the shouting. Neither is Randy, who engages in a heated debate with Poser about the inspirational aspects of the song. The Dawg also thought Michael was too pitchy, and I again ask how someone can be pitchy when they are not singing. Paula thought it was wonderful and apparently wants to join Poser Mate and her chihuahuas in a nasty three way. Simon thought it was alright but that Poser was impersonating a rock star. Paula shouts words of derision at Simon, while I shout words of praise for someone finally calling this poser out for what he really is.

Syesha Mercado, “I Believe” by Fantasia: With a smile on her face Syesha and Ryan chat about how much Yes in Her Name misses Ramiele Malubay. Apparently they were close, but then Pinoy's Lullaby was close with everyone on this show. Gee, what a surprise, Syesha's doing another ballad by an African American diva, though she’s taking a chance doing one by a former Idol winner. She struggles with pitch during the part that actually requires singing, which goes away when she gets to the shouting chorus. And yes, there was the big note with the big smile at the end. I don’t know, this one was all over the map for me. Randy repeats the same comments he made to Syesha last week when she did a Whitney number, only substituting “Fantasia” for “Whitney”. The Dawg then gets mad again when Syesha tries to justify her song choice like Poser Mate did. Simon comments on Syesha’s lack of emotion compared to Fantasia and that we really don’t know the real Syesha. She’s an actress, Captain Jack Sparrow; she may not even know who the real Syesha is. I’m amazed, though, with how real Simon has been thus far tonight.

Jason Castro, “Somewhere Over The Rainbow”: Instead of the traditional Katherine McPhee version Jason’s doing a Hawaiian version complete with a ukulele. It’s original, I’ll give him that. He’s singing it mostly on pitch and tune but it’s making me very sleepy. The uke is a bit of a distraction as well. Nevertheless it was alright but uninspiring. Quiet Man made a good choice to go with the Hawaiian version though. I doubt he could have done nearly as well with the traditional approach. The judges all loved it, even Randy, who seems relieved not to be yelling at someone. As it was pointed out last week, Quiet Man does have that effect on people.

Kristy Lee Cook, “Anyway” by Martina McBride: Will she go for broke or play it safe with another corny country number? And will it really matter? Inquiring minds want to know. Kristy is talking the talk in her intro; let’s see if she can walk the walk. She looks rather strung out to me for some reason, though Simon later thought she looked terrific. I guess the rumors that Captain Jack loves strung out blondes is true after all. I must admit, she did put some extra effort into this performance. The singing was actually pretty good, one of her best performances. Paula wants Randy to stop talking about pitch because this is a singing competition. Simon wants to keep talking about Paula’s chihuahuas. Captain Jack also loves Colt 45’s performance even though Paula keeps waiving her hands in front of him. Kristy thanks Ryan yet again even though all he was doing was reading the phone number. Give it up girl, he doesn't swing that way.

The judges were joined by the Fox exec (Mike Darnell) who helped create this monster. He looks like one of the contestants. He’s probably a poser too.

David Cook, “Innocent” by Our Lady Piece: I’m still waiting to be inspired. Let’s see what Rocker Dude can do for me with a song that I've never heard of. Rocker Dude is going naked this week, singing without the guitar. The song is somewhat of a departure from his usual stuff. It’s less rocky, less gritty, more Idol like I'm sad to say. David does the Taylor Hicks move by walking through the crowd and singing to Paula, then closes the number by showing “give back” on his hand. Aww, how sweet. Frankly, I’m disappointed. He was my only hope for inspiration tonight and he didn't quite do that for me, even with the hand message. Randy thought it was weak, the singing not the hand writing. Paula thought it was wonderful as usual. Simon thought it was pompous and forgettable. “Pompous?” Paula shouts back incredulously. You know, the drunk chick has developed a recurring pattern of screaming at either Randy or Simon whenever they say anything even remotely negative about any of these wonderful contestants. I hope if Paula ever reads this blog that she won’t start shouting at me too.

Carly Smithson, “The Show Must Go On” by Queen: She’s back to complaining about how difficult her life has been. From what I've heard Ringer Girl has no reason to complain. Carly is back to her angry face again this week. Maybe she’s wearing the girdle again. She was in tune and on pitch but it was very stiff for me. This is not good for inspiration week, not unless you count anger as an emotion. Paula actually agrees with Randy’s comment that she didn't feel engaged with Carly, her only negative comment all night. Simon thought “it came over…quite strangely, as an angry performance, which kind of felt out of kilter with the evening.” I highlighted this because Simon is 100% spot on. Captain Jack is on one hell of a roll tonight. A dramatic hush falls over the room. Everyone, even the drunk chick, is silent. Simon thinks that Carly may be in a “bit of trouble” after tonight and no one boos. Carly then tries to blame Captain Jack’s evil scowl for throwing her off her game. I’m not sure if she really believed this or if she only said it to lighten up the funeral parlor like atmosphere.

David Archuleta, “Angels”: Somehow I don’t think the slick professional known as Wonder Boy will inspire me to donate any money, but I’m willing to have an open mind about this only because I am so desperate now for inspiration. David starts at the piano; let’s see how long he stays there. As usual he struggles to get out the low notes but does much better with the louder ones. The tweeners love it of course. I thought it was his usual stuff. Considering his usual stuff has made Wonder Boy the front runner to win this competition that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Randy thought it was better than “Imagine”, which he previously thought was the best Idol performance ever. Paula is actually subdued in her praise, but it’s still praise nonetheless. Simon thought it was a bit nasally and that the end was better than the beginning, again right on target.

Ryan is hanging with security while he’s pimping the iTunes.

Brooke White, “You've Got a Friend” by Carole King: Snow White was inspired to start singing by Carole King. I could think of more inspirational singers but I could think of less ones too. Aerosmith for one. Brooke leaves the piano playing to someone else this time. As usual, it’s a little pitchy but safe at the start. It’s a little more emotional in the middle, but then it descends back into sleepsville. The cello player, though, is pretty cute. Despite being a lackluster performance Snow White is milking it for all the emotion she can muster. Randy thought it was “OK”, Brooke thought Randy’s comment was “OK”. Paula reminisces about her sister. Simon thought it was a nice, pleasant walk in the park and that’s all. Snow White doesn't seem happy about being called pleasant. I guess it’s hard to agree with a criticism when it is worded as a compliment.

And now, the continuation of Hell’s Kitchen….

The Final Score: 9 shots at Paula, only 3 shots at Dead Eye Jack (he earned his millions tonight), 6 shots at Randy, and 5 shots at Ryan. 2 Chris Daughtry references, 0 Kelly Clarkson references (sorry, I lied last week), and I lost count of the number of references to other former Idol contestants. 2 iTunes pimps, 2 show recaps, 2 arguments between Randy and a contestant, 2 references to a tropical paradise, 1 reference to a scientist, 1 three-way dance, 1 appearance by a Fox executive, and not one moment of inspiration on Inspiration Night.

Your 3 Stars of the Night: David Archuleta was alright, Jason Castro was alright, and for once Kristy Lee Cook was alright.

The Fearless Prediction: Since there will in fact be a results show this week there’s no week off for me. Emboldened by the events of last week I will boldly predict that Brooke White will be in the Bottom 3 but will not be eliminated. This will instead be a true test to see if the results are true or if the contest is as rigged as I suspect. If the producers use the actual vote then Carly Smithson is a goner given the gloomy reaction her performance received tonight. But since she is clearly one of the Idol producers' favorites I would not be surprised to see Syesha Mercado eliminated instead. I’m going to try and stay optimistic here and predict that Ringer Girl will be rung out.

I’m not going to recap tomorrow’s Idol Gives Back extravaganza because, let’s be honest, I likely won’t have much material to work with. Actually, I will do a recap: Lots of celebrates asked you to donate your money, Ryan played up how wonderful the show is, and a bunch of singers show just how talented they are and how untalented this year’s contestants are. So there you go, see you on Thursday.

I'll leave you with some actual inspiration from an actual Idol contestant: