Miami Vice

American Idol pays its first visit to Miami since Season 2 and opened the show Miami Vice style. This, and the rumored habits of one of the judges, reminds me of a memorable night from my college days.

You may have heard of a drinking game called "Chug Boat", associated with the TV show The Love Boat. Each person is assigned a character from the show and every time that character appears the assigned person has to take a drink. It works with any show that has an ensemble cast (Star Trek is another popular version) and, as my roommates and I found out, can be applied to any TV show, maybe even American Idol.

One Friday night back in the 80's my roommates and I were sitting around wondering how to spend our evening. One of my roommates had the idea of playing the TV drinking game while watching Miami Vice, but none of us knew any of the characters. So instead we choose to assign other things associated with the show like sex, violence, guns, drugs, white shoes, facial hair, stuff like that. Every time those things appeared on the screen someone had to drink. As you can imagine the definitions for sex, violence, and so on got broader and broader as the show went on. By the end of the hour everyone was extremely drunk. A couple of my roommates ended up paying homage to the porcelain god. We never played the Miami Vice Drinking Game ever again, and every time I hear that famous music I cannot help but think of that night, or at least the parts that I can actually remember.

After the opening we see Paula walking in with a short sun dress that impresses both Randy and Simon. Mr. Cowell labeled it "slutty", I think as a complement.

Continuing with the 80's theme is our first contestant, 18 year old Shannon McGough (now there's an Irish sounding name for ya). She's decked out in full 80's gear, complete with the teal blouse off of one shoulder and the overpermed hair. She works in her parents' meat market and desperately wants to get out. Her other claim to fame is her ability to out-belch, yes, belch, everyone. How endearing. She belches out Janis Joplin's "Cry Baby", and while there's a hint of a good voice in there it's drowned out by the "Hungarian Janis Joplin" according to Simon. She can't believe the criticism from the judges, neither can her mom when she comes out of the audition room. Yeah, I'm as shocked as you are. However, this is not even close to Psycho of the Night material, that comes later. Instead, McGough refrains from the insane rant and calmly states that she's done with American Idol.

Next up is Robbie Carrico, a former boy bander (or so Ryan Seacrest claims) from Melbourne, Florida. His former band was not named. He's doing the rock thing now, singing "Simple Kind of Man" by Lynard Skynard. He's got a really good voice and gets 3 quick yeses. Smells like a ringer. When he leaves the room he's greeted by a barrage of Silly String by his family, including about 3 or 4 young blonde chicks that look more like groupies than sisters.

After a parade of loser dudes we meet 27 year old Venezulean Ghaleb Emachah. I don't know, his name doesn't sound Venezulean to me but he's got the Latin look and accent, and claims to do everything with passion, so I'll give him a paso. He sings an unidentified Marc Anthony song. I only know one Marc Anthony song and it wasn't the one he sang, so I can't even look it up on Wikipedia. He sings it in tune but with an odd voice. Simon claims he would only like it if he were drunk. Paula attributes the sound to his accent and criticizes him for it, but can't say yes or no. Randy is a quick yes, putting the pressure back on Paula. Finally she says yes with a hug. Simon, who apparently reads Paula's press as well as his own, questions whether or not there's booze in Paula's Coke glass.

The floor gets reinforced for our next auditioners, Brittney Westcot and Corliss Smith, both 20 years old, both from Jacksonville, FL, and both weighing about twice as much as Ryan Seacrest. After making love sandwiches with every man in sight, they come into the audition room together and start flurting with Simon and Randy, especially Randy. Apparently Corliss has a thing for chunky dawgs. Brittney, on the other hand, like her meat to be lean, and tells the judges that Ryan is the "love of her life." Simon encourages Corliss to sing "Take Five" to Randy and she does it with a nice voice, though her technique could use some work. Brittney dedicates "My Guy" to Simon, I guess since Ryan wasn't in the room. Her voice and technique are a little better than her friend's. Paula is in full jealous mode cause she's not gettin' any love, but she votes yes for both of them anyway. The guys, of course, both say yes and get big hugs of thanks.

We now hear from tonight's One to Feel Sorry For, 21 year old Suzanne Toon from Clearwater, Florida. Seems she was in performing arts school 3 years ago when she got pregnant and had to drop out. The daddy ditched her and hasn't been seen since. Toon tells us that this audition is the first time that she has sang since getting pregnant. She sings an unidentified ballad (there were a number of these tonight) that was a little pitchy but still OK. Paula and Simon both thought her voice was sultry and she gets 3 yeses.

Day 1 ends with Ramiele Malabay, 19 years old from Miramar, Florida. Like Jasmine Trias from Season 3 she's of Filipino decent and wants to be the first Asian-American Idol. She's got a big voice for such a little girl, belting out Aretha Franklin's "Natural Woman". She had a little trouble at the edges of her range but it was pretty good. Simon disagreed, claiming she sounded like a "hotel singer". He can't seem to bring himself to say "cabaret" anymore. Randy loves her voice, only to have Simon claim that Randy's approval was only because Malabay was short. The vertically challenged Paula then shouts out "what!" not once but twice. 2 yeses, 1 no, and she's off to Hollywood.

Day 2 begins with 20 year old Syesha Mercado from Miami. She states that she is at "the happiest place in her life" and has a big smile to prove it. She's got a sad story too. Her father just got out of drug rehab and was with her at the audition. She shouts out "Think Freedom", which I think was called "Think" when Aretha Franklin first sang it. All three judges, though, loved it and said yes, even Simon. Randy goes so far as to claim that hers was the best audition he heard in Miami. Honestly, she was OK but not even close to the best in Miami.

We get quick snippets of Natasha Blach and Ilsy Pinot, who must have been good because they only got 15 seconds of air time. More time is paid to the next round of losers, including a woman who sang with her finger in her ear the whole time.

19 year old Richard Valles from Tampa does a Rascal Flatts song singing through his nose. Even though Paula made a career by doing this the judges don't put him through.

Next strolls in Julie Dubela, 16 from Stratham, New Hampshire. No stranger to these types of competitions or to Ryan Seacrest, she was a Top 20 finalist on American Juniors 3 years ago. After building up a rather impressive resume in New England Dubela is convinced that she's ready to play with the big dogs now. She sings another Janis Joplin song, "Me and Bobby McGee". Her voice has some potential but it's clear that she's not quite ready to sit at the adult's table. She's got an adult size attitude though. Simon accuses her of being precocious, a word that apparently has never been on any list of vocabluary words that Dubela had to memorize in English class. After all three judges say no Dubela starts singing again, perhaps thinking that the judges were only kidding before. She simply refuses to believe that they turned her down. She was an American Juniors finalist after all! She sings at Red Sox games and has her own web site! How can the judges say no to her! Simon is convinced that it's all an act and bluntly accuses her of it, sending Dubela into an even greater tizzy. Paula, ever the optimist, tries to convince her that "it's all good" but Dubela is having none of it and storms out. She goes off on a Valley Girl style rant that earns her tonight's Psycho of the Night award. Both Simon and Paula conclude that no one has ever said no to her before. You know when even Paula thinks someone is spoiled it must be true. Interestingly, Dubela's doting parents are never shown.

Our final Miami contestant is stand-up comedian Brandon Black, 20 years old from Pompono Beach, Florida. He literally slides into the audition room and immediately launches into what appears to be his stand-up act, though it was hard to tell exactly what it was. Seeing that the judges were unimpressed he claims that he will demonstrate his talents by singing "I'll Make Love to You" directly at a frightened Paula. Funny, she didn't seem to mind the stalker in Philadelphia but for some reason this guy puts the fear of God in her. I'll say this, Black knows how to read an audience, because he quickly stops singing to Paula and starts into his own composition "I Am the Next American Idol", then after being ordered to stop by Simon he goes back to his opening routine, driving both Randy and Simon to get up and leave the room. Paula, sweet Paula, sticks around to say goodbye mere minutes after she was ready to run away.

The Final Score: 17 tickets to Hollywood out of 10,000 plus contestants. 7 digs at Paula, perhaps not unexpected since booze was one of tonight's themes. 3 digs at Simon, just 1 dig at Randy, an untold amount of unidentified songs, and only 1 reference to a former American Idol contestant, neither of which was Chris Daughtry or Kelly Clarkson.

The Stars of the Night: Quite a bit for only 17 Hollywood tickets. Robbie Carrico, Brittney Westcot, and Suzanne Tom were all good. Corliss Smith, Ramiele Malabay, and yes Syesha Mercado all show promise.

By the way, if you or your friends decide to play the Miami Vice Drinking Game I am in no way responsible for your actions. Please drink responsibly and remember, 21 means 21.