Songs of the South

Tonight's episode is from the Charleston, South Carolina audition, the only one in the South this year. Traditionally singers from south of the Mason-Dixon Line have dominated the competition. Idol winners Kelly Clarkson (Texas), Ruben Studdard (Alabama), Fantasia Barrino (North Carolina), and Taylor Hicks (Alabama) all came from there, as did other notable contestants such as Clay Aiken (North Carolina), Kimberley Locke (Tennessee), Diana DeGarmo (Alabama), Bo Bice (Alabama), Elliott Yamin (Virginia), Chris Daughtry (North Carolina), and Melinda Doolittle (Tennessee). And if you consider Oklahoma as part of the south you can add Carrie Underwood to this list, leaving only Jordin Sparks as the only Idol winner without a twang in her voice. So expectations were naturally high going into this audition.

A quick thought, if the producers are considering changes to American Idol to make it better how about using new theme music? Granted, the current stuff generates a Pavlov's Dog reaction among some Idol fans. How would they know to run to the TV without hearing "buhda-budha-budha-budha-waaa-waaa!"

Our first auditioner tonight was Rasharde Henderson from Atlanta, GA. He's a flamboyant fellow who claims everyone thinks he's the "black Clay Aiken." Uhh, sure. His first lyric of "I Can't Make You Love Me" is OK, the next not so much, and it only gets worse from there. Even his leaping and emoting can't convince the judges to let him through, bucking the usual format of featuring a winning audition first.

Next comes 26 year old DeAnna Prevatte (with a capital "A") from Albemarle, North Carolina, the same hometown as Kellie Pickler from Season 5. Prevatte is a waitress too, just like Pickler, but Prevatte's disposition couldn't be any more different from the Small Town Girl. She's feisty, angry, and talks about taking a basebell bat to the head of a boyfriend who leaves her with a smile on her face. Her apparently natural anger carries into the audition room, as she starts her audition with a rant about her waitressing job and then does a rather angry, but passionate, version of "Fancy". She's as over the top as Henderson but with a better voice, but not good enough to go to Hollywood. She somehow manages to restrain herself as she leaves.

Couples have a history of bad Idol auditions, and the next pair that we see continues that tradition. Crystal Ortiz, 26, from Raleigh, NC and Randy Stark, 27, from Abeline, TX, met on the Idol chat boards and fell in love even though they hadn't seen each other in person until the audition. Now how romantic is that? They both sing "She's More" by Andy Griggs. As a duo they sounded OK but individually they weren't so good. Stark's voice was really weak. Ortiz was a little better but she sings very little compared to Stark. She also sings the whole time looking at her new squeeze. Simon calls it torture and recommends that they check into a hotel. 6 nos and we're off to a crappy start.

Next comes two tons of fun in more ways than one, brother and sister Jeffrey and Michelle Lapkin from South Carolina. Jeffrey's a heavy guy decked out like Randy Jackson including the shoes, except for some reason he's wearing his tie as a headband. Michelle's not all that light herself but is at least dressed more sensibly. They try out "I'm Your Angel", the R. Kelly/Celine Dion duet (seriously, I didn't know those two did a duet. I need to get out more, at least I have heard of them both), and it's clear that Jeffrey is the much better of the two. I'll say this, it was one happy audition. Randy votes yes to his lookalike but no to the sister. Paula's a yes for both. Simon says yes to Jeffrey and wavers on Michelle before finally saying yes, claiming that he can't possibly split the two of them up. Both Jeffrey and Michelle run out, so to speak, and have a three ton collision with their equally mass challenged sister in the hallway.

At various points we see Oliver Hyman, who had to leave the audition early because his wife went into labor. We see them headed to the car, get lost on the way to the hospital, finally at the hospital, then post-delivery with their new bundle of joy.

After no Medley of Losers last night we get a special treat tonight, Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats." Ironically, I heard this song for the first time just today on the way home from work and I thought it was pretty good. The DJ didn't announce the song name so I was going to look it up online tonight anyway, only to have the Idol producers do it for me. Nice.

Our next contestant is 16 year old Amy Catherine Flynn (A.C. to her friends) from Knoxville, Tennessee. She's the captain of her high school dance team and also leads a school club that preaches abstinence from sex. At Simon's request she does her whole spiel, and Simon vows to change his evil ways. She sings Christina Aguilera's "Reflections." She has a decent voice but the song is way too big for her little voice. When Simon has the audacity to point this out she rebukes him. "I think that's a bit much to say," she tells him like a mother scolding her child. Simon predicts that half of America will like her (count Paula in that group, she "loves her"), and the other half will hate her (count me here, she's a stuck up as they come), then he rolls out the "you're not as good as you think you are" line again. I get the feeling that this will be Simon's catchphrase of the year now that "karaoke" and "cabaret" have worn out their welcomes. Still, three yeses and A.C. is off to brag to her friends that she's going to Hollywood.

The final contestant from Day 1 is London Weidberg, a 24 year old blond hair blue eyed lady from right there in Charleston. She's got the look for sure. After we learn that she recently lost her father to cancer she belts out Billie Holliday's "Good Morning Heartache" and shows that she's got the voice too. Even though she looks and sounds like a ringer she's by far the best audition of the night and she's off to Hollywood.

Day 2 starts with C-17 Air Force pilot Lyndsey Goodman, stationed at Charleston Air Force Base. She's got the look too and I thought she did a decent version of Alannah Miles' "Black Velvet", but the judges disagree. Paula thinks Goodman's nerves did her in, though is hard for me to believe that an Air Force pilot would have that problem. Three no's and she's off.

Then we get 22 year old Aretha Codner from Buffalo, NY. Yes, she was named after Aretha Franklin. Apparently that was the first American singer her mother heard when she came to America from Jamaica. She's got Aretha's chest size too, making Simon's eyes pop out of his head when she saunters into the room. She struggles mightily with Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing" and then can't believe it when the judges say no. She claims that she has a "beautiful, amazing voice" that "stops crowds." Codner continues to claim that she's got a great voice, and Paula, always looking for that silver lining, tells Codner that "I love your confidence." Thanks Paula, you were scaring me there for a while with how well you have been behaving this season. However, Randy tries to top her by asking "is she married?", I think in a mocking way.

As obnoxious as Codner was it was not good enough to be Psycho of the Night. That award goes to the next contestant, Joshua Bosen from Beaufort, South Carolina. He absolutely butchered "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going", the song from Dreamgirls that earned Jennifer Hudson an Oscar, and left the judges speechless. After they all critique his performance he goes off. Some of the choice tidbits from his rant: "I don't have a good voice?", "Y'all shouldn't come to South Carolina cuz this is what you're gonna get." Simon admires his attitude until Bosen claims that American Idol is "fake and rigged," at which point Simon does an 180 and accuses Bosen of being "rude and deluded." Nothing like questioning the legitimacy of the Simon's Cash Cow to get on his bad side. Paula, needing to restore the credibility of the show, reverts to form and tells Bosen that she liked his personality. She then starts with her final judgment but Bosen storms out of the audition room before she can finish. To seal his psycho status Bosen claims that "my talent is too big for this competition." I don't think one person who has claimed that or anything like that in the auditions has ever gone on to back up this claim.

After another parade of losers and "no's" we finally get to hear 27 year old Oliver Hyman from Cornelius, North Carolina, the father of the newborn baby girl. After all the build up you would think he would have a good audition (it did work for Phil Stacey last season) but sadly that didn't happen here. His rendition of "Get Here", a Justin Guarini song from the Season 1 American Idol album, had its moments but was all over the map. After the judges turn him down we get to meet the "Idol baby" Emma Grace Hyman (thankfully not named "Idol" like someone at the Dallas auditions named her baby), and Paula regrets saying no to a pretty nice guy.

The Final Score: 23 tickets to Hollywood, 5 digs at Simon, 4 at Paula (making a nice comeback), 3 at Randy, 17 references to former Idol contestants (does wonders for the search engine hit rate) including the obligatory Chris Daughtry reference (oops, make that 18).

The Stars of the Night: To be honest, the only audition that I thought was any good was London Weidberg's, though the Lapkins were lots of fun. The rest were OK to poor to God awful. So much for the South being the cradle of Idol winners, though there's still time for someone to emerge from Dixieland.