Don't Sing Notes That Aren't in the Chords

This week's show began with a video showing everybody hugging last week after Trained Seal announced that no one was going home. I'm wondering, if everybody is so happy when no one gets sent home then why should anybody be sent home? Why don't we just have the top 10 or 12 or whatever just sing every week and have Trained Seal announce the winner at the finale? That way everybody's happy. Well, maybe not the bean counters at Fox, but who cares about them? At this point even they might be willing to give this idea a try.

I will say this, if Nigel does decide to do that next season, assuming that there is a next season, then I'm not going to recap it. Having to recap 12 performances every week for 3 months would be the end of me.

Tonight Nigel threw me a bone and presented a tor-mentor for me to pick on, Harry Connick, Jr. He was there to tor-mentor the contestants on tonight's themes, songs from 2013 and standards. No doubt Harry knows something about the latter but even he admitted that he knew nothing about the former.

First up was Angie Miller, who thought that Harry was the funniest person ever because of his dry sense of humor. She was back at the piano to sing an original arrangement of Rihanna's "Diamonds". Angie looked more at the audience than she did at the camera, likely because the director figured out that during Angie's performances he needs to pull the cameras way back so she can't stare at them. The soft first half was actually pretty good, but of course Angie had to pull out the dramatic big notes and runs because that's just who she is. Mr. Kidman likes the original song because of its "percussive muscular arrangement" so he didn't like how Angie changed the arrangement. He got booed for his efforts, as did Jaws who called the performance bland and lackluster and accused Angie of looking too much at the audience. Sole Survivor dropped a YO, agreed with Keith, and heard no boos as the audience started to figure things out. Glitter Girl thought Angie looked more at the camera than the usual "lost in the song Angie." then got interrupted by Jaws since she sensed that Mariah might actually be agreeing with her. I was left wondering if the judges had recently discovered my blog since I've been complaining about Angie's glaring at the camera ever since she changed her name from Angela.

Next was Amber Holcomb, who admitted during her Coca-Cola Treatment that she was surprised by last week's surprise that everyone was staying another week. I think she was the only person in America who was surprised; I'd bet even J-Lo wasn't surprised. She chose Pink's "Just Give Me A Reason" even though neither she nor Harry knew the words to the song. It's only the current Number 1 hit single on the Billboard charts so of course she wouldn't know the lyrics unless Nigel picked the song for her again. She managed to sing all of the words but Amber performed it as if she was afraid that she wouldn't. She sounded very tentative and her big notes sounded stiff. Jaws got booed because she thought Amber was more spirited in her video with Harry than she was on stage tonight. Sole Survivor also got booed because he didn't think that Amber had any fun. He also reminisced about all the contestants in Idol seasons past who suddenly got nervous at this stage in the competition, though he didn't name any names. Glitter Girl got cheered for excusing Amber because the song is new and thus it should be expected that she wouldn't know all the lyrics. Mr. Kidman also got cheered for excusing Amber because it's hard to get comfortable singing in front of cameras and a live audience.

Carol Bayer Sager and Babyface were in the house to hear Trained Seal pimp the summer tour. Andy Cap was conspicuously absent tonight though.

Candice Glover chose Bruno Mars' "When I Was Your Man" because she felt the emotional connection of the song even though it's sung by a dude. Because of that connection Candice chose to keep the male pronouns in the song even though Harry advised against it. Her performance was well styled and well sung; not her best performance but much better than the two that preceded hers. I think it would have been better if she had changed the pronouns though. Sole Survivor dropped 4 YOs and ranted about Idol being a singing competition for the umpteenth time. Mr. Kidman didn't care about the man thing and thought Candice could have sung "When I Was Your Giraffe." Jaws got all 4 judges to give Candice and standing O and then raved about how Candice listened to her advice last week about not being too old fashioned.

During her Coca-Cola Treatment Kree Harrison relived last week's criticisms from the judges about how she didn't connect enough. This week she promised to do that with Carrie Underwood's "See You Again". Since Carrie sang that song on Idol just a few weeks ago Kree had to really connect with the song or else the judges would play the comparison game with her and Carrie. Harry thought Kree sang it better in rehearsals than Carrie did, so that was promising. I didn't feel that much of a connection, but I did like how softly she sang the song. I don't think it was better than Carrie's but it was better than Kree's performances the last couple of weeks. Glitter Girl felt Kree, her words not mine. Mr. Kidman didn't feel connected because Carrie sang the song as a power ballad and Kree didn't. He ended up playing the comparison game after all. Jaws loved that Kree sang with her eyes. Again, her words not mine. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and felt Kree too. Harry was so inspired that he came out and gave Kree a hug. No, he didn't feel her up.

After the break it was back to Angie for the first of the four standards. She chose "Someone to Watch Over Me" because her mom sang it to her. In the rehearsals Harry thought Angie was oversinging the song and told her "don't sing notes that aren't in the chords." At first Angie paid heed to Harry's advice, signing the first half of the song nice and soft though a bit airy. Then like her first performance Angie burst out the big notes and got very dramatic for the second half of the song. It reminded me of a death scene in a Broadway musical even though it's supposed to be a love song. The song was in a musical though (Gershwin's Oh, Kay! in 1926) so I guess it sorta made sense, I guess. Mr. Kidman asked Angie why she chose the song even though she had said twice in her video that she chose it because her mom sang it to her. Jaws compared Angie to a Disney Princess and thought she could have a career on Broadway, and again I wondered if she has been reading my blog. I hadn't thought of the Disney Princess analogy though but it definitely worked here. Sole Survivor dropped 2 YOs and thought Angie got lost in the arrangement but it was still an amazing vocal. Glitter Girl revealed that her mom sang her that song too, and oh yeah she's in the audience tonight. She too thought Angie would be comfortable with the theatrical, which again prompted Jaws to jump in. This time Nicki claimed that Mariah wasn't listening to her critiques and pulled a Q-Tip out of her purse to clean Mariah's ears. Trained Seal had to pull the car over to break up the spat between the chicks.

Harry didn't think Amber understood the meaning of the lyrics of "My Funny Valentine" (from the 1937 musical Babes in Arms), so during her rehearsal Harry grilled her on the words, line by line. This despite the fact that Amber sang this same song during one of the Vegas shows. Her performance sounded like someone who knew the words cold but didn't know the meaning. Technically it was brilliant, perhaps from that standpoint the best that Amber has ever done. However, there was no emotional connection. It was basically a vocal exhibition, albeit a very good one. All four judges gave her a standing O and then proceeded to prop Amber up again, especially since she started crying and looking like someone who thought she was going home. I remember several shows back Jaws had blasted a dude contestant for acting the same way on stage, but of course since it was Amber it was all positives and rainbows instead.

Harry urged Candice to connect with her song, "You've Changed", even though 14 year olds might not get it. Perhaps Harry's been reading my blog too. The first half of the song was the usual Candice style with runs and such but not much emotion. It wasn't until the second half of the song where I felt that Candice was actually connecting to the anger and despair of the song. It was during that second half that Candice sang a big note and then immediately went to a soft note. I felt the need for a neck brace after that whiplash. All 4 judges gave Candice a standing O and this time Glitter Girl was the first one standing. I guess Mariah was wearing a different dress than usual or somebody finally fixed her chair so the dress wouldn't get caught if she stood. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and a #inittowinit and then name dropped Miles Davis who gave Randy some advice about singing. The rest of the judges all said positive things except for Jaws, who didn't saying anything at all but with a smile on her face.

Tonight's closer was Kree, who sang "Stormy Weather". She wanted to sing the Etta James version but Harry wanted her to sing the Lena Horne version instead since he was there to speak the truth and not blow smoke up Kree's keyhole. This included not singing any of those "crap" runs. Kree started out singing it without the runs and the audience was dead silent since they clearly like the runs, so Kree threw some in at the end to send them home happy. Much like Amber's performance, it was technically strong but emotionally flat. Glitter Girl tried to be critical but just couldn't do it, so instead she settled for saying that she would have rather heard Kree sing something bluesy like "God Bless The Child". Mr. Kidman wasn't crazy about the song choice but admired Kree's musical instincts. Jaws claimed that Kree and all the other chicks were thrown off emotionally from the songs because they were cooped up with Harry all week. Sole Survivor felt disconnected since he wanted Kree to sing the Etta James version of the song. This time it was Harry that butted in, claiming that Randy didn't make any sense by telling Kree to sing the song her way and at the same time to sing it like Etta James. Trained Seal had to pull the car over again, this time to deal with the LA boys.

Since there were no duets tonight the show ended with a group number filler that I won't bother to recap except to point out that it was the only song that wasn't a ballad and also featured Amber wearing some very short shorts. Instead of ending 10 minutes early Trained Seal signed off the show 1 minute late so he could pimp tomorrow's results show.

Things We Learned Tonight: JC Penney has learned from their mistakes. VMS has incompetent employees. In the pursuit of fabulous the savvy always win. Miles Davis gave Sole Survivor advice about singing even though Miles never sang on any of his recordings. Harry Connick Jr. wants to look like Candice if she were a man and wasn't there to blow smoke up the contestant's a**es. Trained Seal thinks we're officially in the home stretch and wasn't sure if 1 or 2 chicks were going home tomorrow. Jaws thinks we're all part of this diva game and expanded her military campaign to include Harry since Jimmy Iovine wasn't there. Glitter Girl can't get past Angie's piano situation. Mr. Kidman thinks it's pretty bizarre for people to sing in front of an audience, doesn't pay attention to the pre-performance videos, and is the stig, though nobody cares what the stig is.

Your Three Stars of the Night: Candice once again was the best of the night with her first song and with the whiplash moment in her second song. She has a knack for taking dude songs and making them her own. Amber was technically strong with her second performance so she gets the second star. The first half of both of Angie's songs were good enough for a half a star each, so she gets one full star for the night.

The Final Score: 8 ballads, a clean sweep; 7 big notes; 4 short skirts; 13 YOs from Sole Survivor; no #POWs from Glitter Girl; 12 standing Os; 4 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 1 mention of a former Idol winner; 1 mention of a former Idol judge; 3 name drops: 1 by Sole Survivor and 2 by the tor-mentor; no cute Asian back up singer or Andy Cap sightings; 1 Q-Tip sighting; Sharks 3, Canucks 1; 1 animal reference; 3 spats at the judges table, 2 between the chick judges and 1 between a judge and the tor-mentor; and no goose bumps.

The Fearless Prediction: Nigel's little surprise makes this week's prediction much more difficult since I have to guess what the tweeners and cougars did last week and this week and do so while keeping the two weeks separate. It gave me a headache just typing that. Candice gave the best performances this week but was in the bottom 2 last week. Amber was in the bottom 2 last week but may have cried her way out of elimination this week. Kree and Angie were both in the top 2 last week but were not as good as either Candice or Amber this week, though Kree was better this week than last. I think I will stick with my prediction from last week and say that Kree will be going home tomorrow night. Amber has fluctuated between top 2 and bottom 2 and if the pattern holds then this week is an up week so I think she's staying for that reason alone. I don't want Candice to go home now. I would like to see Angie go home now but I don't see that happening. So by process of elimination that leaves Kree. I could go on but it's past my bedtime, though I did manage to beat the Ferguson deadline this week by 3 minutes.

P.S. The Stig is the faceless driver on the BBC show Top Gear. So now you know, though you probably still don't care.