Are You Laughing At Me?

No, I didn't forget about last night. I was busy with another engagement. No worries though, I have it on the DVR so I'll watch Wednesday's show tomorrow and then decide if I want to post anything on it or skip it and wait until Hollywood Week.

Tonight's episode began at 5:18 AM in Oklahoma City, where 9,000 auditioners showed up to chase their cowboy hats in the wind and sing Broadway show tunes. Trained Seal promised us that things will never be the same in OKC now that Idol has come to town. The same thing was said about the plague. Ryan also claimed that Oklahoma City was "the epicenter of all things down home and wholesome," which must have come as a shock to viewers in Omaha and David Cook's hometown of Kansas City.

Naturally since we're in Oklahoma Trained Seal had to name drop OK native Carrie Underwood, "the greatest Idol ever" according to Sole Survivor. He oughta know. Mr. Kidman also name dropped OK natives Vince Gill, Garth Brooks, and some other guy. Keith is quickly surpassing Sole Survivor as Idol's prime name dropper. I'm surprised he didn't mention Mickey Mantle.

The first auditioner is a dude from Joplin, MO who was recruited by the now infamous Idol small town bus tour. He was a goofy kid that I didn't think had a chance to move on, but then again he was a WGWG who could sort of sing and sort of dance like James Brown. Ladies and gentlemen, your next American Idol.

Another auditioner was a chick who was a ventriloquist. A good one at that since her lips didn't move. She did a duet with the dummy (insert your favorite judge here) that confused everyone since she was actually a good singer. The dummy, not so much. So rather than real critique the judges instead made jokes about the dummy. Glitter Girl wondered if the dummy will open for this girl while Mr. Kidman sincerely told the chick that the dummy was holding her back. The judges gave her a ticket to Hollywood on the condition that the dummy stayed home, so of course the producers set up a dumb skit about it and got Trained Seal involved by agreeing to adopt the puppet.

The surprise of the night was provided by some psycho chick who sang the National Anthem because Obama won the election. When she sang some high note Mr. Kidman fell out of his chair and Sole Survivor declared "set yourself free Oklahoma." Salute when you say that soldier! The camera also caught Glitter Girl mouthing the words as this chick was belting out the anthem in a very unique arrangement. The surprise of the night came at the end when she was given 4 yeses and a ticket to Hollywood. Every year it seems that the judges put through at least one psycho just for fun, at least since Captain Jack left the show.

Speaking of Mr. Cowell, one of the last contestants was a woman who claimed she was told by God to audition for American Idol instead of The X Factor. This of course meant another cheap skit by the producers at the chick's expense. As is his tendency, Sole Survivor laughed throughout the entire audition, which annoyed the contestant not to mention the viewers at home. She seemed more upset at Jaws though, claiming as she stormed out that Nicki was a devil worshiper. That would explain a lot...

The audition shows ended by a guest appearance by Jagger Lite, who walked into the audition studio in drag (the dude looked like a lady, get it?) and exchanged mindless banter with Sole Survivor while the other judges seemed more annoyed than amused. I was just annoyed. I would have rather seen Drunk Chick.

Things We Learned Tonight: Jaws likes Oklahoma accents, is a southern belle sometimes, and rumor has it might worship the devil. Stevie Wonder is Glitter Girl's favorite artist. She also knows the words to the National Anthem and that Elvis had a guitar. Trained Seal learned how to say "superstar" in sign language and can use a break from all that emotion. Everybody is confused by a ventriloquist. Most important of all, I learned that Idol is much more fun to watch while drinking a full bottle of wine.

Tonight's Sob Stories: A guy whose parents are both deaf and have never heard him sing, and a 14 year old boy with cystic fibrosis. Both are going to Hollywood. Even though the kid with CF was really pitchy there was no doubt he was going to Hollywood.

The Final Score (audition edition): 44 tickets to Hollywood; 2 mentions of former Idol winners; 1 guest appearance by a former Idol judge; 2 mentions of other former judges plus their "other" show; 1 mention of a baseball Hall of Famer; 3 name drops by Mr. Kidman; Sharks 2, Oilers 2; 1 White Guy With Guitar; 1 excerpt from a Glitter Girl song ("Emotion"); 2 shots of people chasing cowboy hats blown away by the wind; and 1 shout out to Omaha, Nebraska. I've actually been to Omaha, it's a nice place with really good steaks.