It's Amazing Because It Matters

Let's see if anyone is reading this...

After a 3 year abstention, bypassing the entire J-Lo/Tyler era, yours truly has decided to resume my seat on the Idol bench. We'll see how this goes.

One change from my earlier term is that I won't be fully recapping the audition or Hollywood Week shows. Those recaps took so long to write, and I'm older now so I need my beauty sleep. So instead I'll offer some random thoughts on these shows and save the full recaps for the live shows, that is if I last that long.

Is it really Season 12? It seems like only yesterday that my mom was swooning over Chris Daughtry and I was wondering if a guy would ever win this competition.

The season began with Phil Phillips, last year's winner, singing his multi-platinum home song. Any bets on whether or not this song will be the goodbye song this season?

Trained Seal Ryan claimed that Idol contestants have sold 200 million records and have had 371 Number 1 hits. Sounds pretty impressive until you realize that Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, and Chris Daughtry account for about 3/4 of those numbers. Ryan also claimed that songs that Randy Jackson was involved in have sold over 100 million records. I'm not nearly as impressed as I am surprised that Sole Survivor has been involved in that many songs. They must be counting the sales of all the artists that Randy has named dropped over the years on this show.

After introducing the judges and showing the crowd of auditioners that the producers still want you to think are just outside the door, Glitter Girl and PLWJ politely argue about Nikki's drum major hat and the movie Mean Girls. Later on the two chicks bantered about the lighting and we heard Nikki toss a back handed insult at Miriah's 6-octave range. Apparently the confrontation that ended up on Barbara Walters' show was during the Charlotte auditions. I'm looking forward to seeing what the producers will choose to show.

Everybody but Sole Survivor showed off a British accent tonight. Of course it makes sense that Mr. Kidman (from Australia) and PLWJ (from Trinidad & Tobago) would have such accents, but last I checked they don't speak the Queen's English on Long Island where Glitter Girl comes from.

Sole Survivor made a field visit to Staten Island to invite a bar singer to audition after her mother sent in a video of her singing in said bar. Of course she got 4 nos.

A guy from India who owns 50 turbins was nicknamed "The Turbinator" so of course the producers couldn't resist creating a stupid bit about it. He got three yeses so we'll be seeing him again.

I do enjoy trashing Trained Seal, but after painfully watching all of Captain Jack's hosts on The X-Factor I have a new appreciation for Ryan Seacrest. Not enough to stop making fun of him though.

Things we learned tonight: Glitter Girl had a singing camp in the woods and knows how to say hello in Hebrew, Mr. Kidman once sang on a train, PLWJ wanted to be a bus driver, and Sole Survivor wanted to be a NASCAR driver. I'll let you fill in your joke here. I also realized that I need to come up with a better nickname for Nikki.

Tonight's sob stories: a woman who once weighed 200 pounds but is now down around 120 I'd guess (she got a yes), a guy who was adopted and makes his living by singing on the NYC subway (yes for him too), a girl with 40% hearing loss in one ear and 20% loss in the other (yup, she got a yes), a girl whose parents have 4 foster children with disabilities (yes too), and a one legged tap dancer who lost his leg from cancer (sadly it was a no for him).

The Final Score (audition version): 41 tickets to Hollywood, 0 yos or name drops from Sole Survivor, 4 cat fights between Glitter Girl and PLWJ, 3 British accents (1 fake, 1 real, & 1 in between), 5 sob stories, 0 psychos (in New York, go figure), 1 reference to a former Idol judge (there will be more, I'm still rusty), and 0 goosebumps, but it is early.

That wasn't too bad. It only took an hour to write this, so I'll see you tomorrow night.