I Feel Like a Scratching Post

I'm typing this as I'm watching the Oprah - Lance Armstrong interview. I'll try not to get distracted by it as I type this. If you've seen it already don't tell me the results.

Tonight's auditions were in Chicago, hometown of Jennifer Hudson, so naturally Sole Survivor wasted no time dropping her name. In his defense though, Mr. Kidman upped him by dropping Lee Ann Womack, Dolly Parton, Carrie Underwood, and Gwen Stefani all within the first 15 minutes of the show.

The first contestant was a cute blonde haired, blue eyed chick from Tennessee country whose dad is a back up musician for some country singer whose name I didn't catch. So of course she's a shoo in for the Top 24 but there's no way the tweener chicks who vote a million times each will allow her to win. Just to make it fair, male eye candy Johnny Keyser from last season came back and was sent through to Hollywood.

There was some more polite bickering between the two chicks but the only one who seemed upset about this was Mr. Kidman, who was stuck in the middle pounding his head on the table and making cat references directed towards Nikki. When Nikki claimed that she said no to one contestant (when everyone else said yes) because the contestant wore the same eye shadow, Keith just about lost it. No wonder he ran off early, supposedly for a concert in Vegas (wink, wink).

Nikki's hit up on so many male contestants that I'm tempted to give her Kara's old Horny Chick nickname. I will consider it, though if she keeps up this habit of making up stupid nicknames for everybody I may be inclined to nickname her something else. Stupid nicknames are supposed to be my schtick.

Season 10 contestant and another Chicago native Haley Reinhardt made a cameo to remind everybody that she was once on the show. I don't remember where she placed though. For that matter I don't remember who won that season, except that it was some white guy.

The Idol small town bus tour brought in a guy from a small town in Iowa who brought cookies to his audition and belted out a Stones song that had Mr. Kidman reaching for his lighter. This dude is worth watching. The contestant, not Keith.

While there were no psychos featured in the New York audition show there was a medley of them on this show. The producers all blended them together into another lame parody titled "The Miserables". There was also one chick who like so many others refused to stop singing after she was told no, though the judges kept goading her to sing some more. I couldn't see Captain Jack ever doing that.

Things we learned tonight: There was an Idol small town bus tour, though apparently none of the judges rode the bus. We also learned that this gig is Glitter Girl's first real job, that Justin Beiber doesn't do it for Nikki and that her mom never heard her rap, and that nobody seems to be thrilled to meet Sole Survivor in person. I also learned which channel Oprah's network is on.

Tonight's sob stories: a woman who suffered from anorexia and had no friends in school, a girl who was adopted by her aunt because her birth parents had "issues", and a dude who had a serious stutter except when he sang. All three got 4 yeses and a ticket to Hollywood.

The final score (audition version): 46 golden tickets to Hollywood, 5 name drops, 2 mentions of former Idol contestants, 1 mention of a former Idol judge, 3 sob stories, 2 cat references by Mr. Kidman, and a number of cat fights and psychos that I didn't bother to count. I keep forgetting to count the number of yos from Sole Survivor.

Next Wednesday is the Charlotte auditions, "where it all happens" according to Trained Seal.