You Oughta Be In Pictures, Part Deux

Day 2 of Hollywood Week began right when Day 1 ended, but before we started the audience was promised tears, screaming, emotion, pathos, and “out and out sabotage.” No matter how hard Trained Seal tried, there was no way he or the Idol producers were going to make me feel better about Group Night.

The remaining 100 or so contestants quickly grouped together and we learned who the stars of tonight’s show would be. Tatiana Nicole Del Toro from the San Francisco auditions introduced all sorts of drama to not just her group but, as we found out later on, another one too. Bikini Girl Katrina Darrell hooked up with orphan Rose Fleck and Jasmine Murray and Rose was already bummed about it. And then there was Team Compromise, with ticking song bomb Nathaniel Marshall, some chick named Kristen whose last name I can’t really bring myself to remember, and Nancy Wilson, whose name I remember only because one of The Supremes had the same name.

Within a couple hours after the judges left for their warm beds, Tatiana was already in a paranoid rage and began searching for another group. She hung out with Team Compromise but after another panic attack Tatiana fled back to her first group. By 2:30 am Team Compromise had turned into Team Turmoil. Nancy bitched at Tatiana for flirting with joining the team and then ditching them, and then bitched at Kristen for wanting to take a break, and then Nathaniel bitched at anyone who would listen about all the other bitching. At the same time, Katrina has had enough with her group and headed off the bed. She broke down and cried to her roommate with the cameraman still lurking at the door. It finally hit her that perhaps Horny Chick was right all along and that should have appeared on stage nude after all.

The next morning Katrina’s teammates, now calling themselves The Divas, visited Katrina’s room and found her still in bed and ready to quit. The other chicks take all of about 10 seconds to get over this, only to discover to their horror soon thereafter that Bikini Girl was ready to go on after all. After making a dramatic appearance in the breakfast room the other divas could not even look at her. Meanwhile Nancy was still whining about her teammate’s unwillingness to rehearse all night long and Nathaniel was still whining about Nancy’s whining. Tatiana seemed in a good mood though. At least her group mates weren’t whining about her.

The well rested judges showed up and Captain Jack issued the standard warning about forgetting the lyrics. First up was White Chocolate, 3 pale dudes and sistah India Morrison from Kansas City. They hit a big fly with a hip hop version of The Jackson 5’s “I Want You Back.” The other contestants clapped tentatively, either because they were still half asleep or because they knew that they had just got served.

Austin Sisneros was one of many singers who forgot the lyrics to “Get Ready”. I only point him out because he was so annoying in his Salt Lake City audition and I was happy to see him go. However, Nick Mitchell, or “Norman Gentle”, or “Nick Norman”, made it through to the next round without so much as a snap.

Action Squad, featuring punk band singer Emily Hughes, Ryan Pinkston, and Anne Marie Boskovich (the chick who got a second chance in NYC), brought the moves but forgot the lyrics or how to sing in tune. Anne Marie survived to the next round but Emily and Ryan were sent packing. Emily cried on her mom’s shoulder once she realized she scuttled a trip to Europe for this. Ryan was not too happy either, and actually accused Paula of having “evil in her eyes.” To me it just looked like Drunk Chick was hung over, but since Paula doesn’t drink that couldn’t be true, could it?

We then learned that Captain Jack was hung over too when he called for a crate of Advil. Indeed, all of the judges looked like they only had two hours of sleep too. I could sympathize since I only had a few hours of sleep last night myself thanks to this blog and the virus that would not die.

The BFFs from Milwaukee, Jamar Rodgers and Danny Golke, teamed up with ringer Taylor Vaifanua and another chick to form the Rainbow Coalition. The chemistry was apparent from the start and they aced an a capella version of “Somebody to Love”, the Queen version. Even Captain Jack was happy and they all were sent to the next round. Also moving on were oil rig worker Jeremy Sarver, welder Matt Britske, and Wicked cast member Adam Lambert.

Last up tonight were our three featured teams, The Divas, Tatiana’s nameless group (how about Drama Queen and her Subjects?) and Team Compromise. The Divas were up first and Katrina was in fact there. They tried Duffy’s “Mercy” and it was the train wreck that Orphan Rose had predicted. It didn’t help that Rose forgot her lines and Bikini Girl sang so out of tune. The other divas quickly threw Bikini Girl under the bus and this time neither Captain Jack nor Sexual Chocolate believed her excuses. Jasmine survived but both Rose and Katrina were cut, and Horny Chick could barely contain her glee now that one of her competitors had been sent packing. The other rejects consoled each other but Bikini Girl was like, whatever.

Next up was Tatiana and her first team. They sang “I Want You Back” and were cutoff mid-lyric by the judges. Immediately Tatiana started begging and pleading to stay but Sexual Chocolate would have none of that, shutting Tatiana up with the evil eye. Even though the judges and producers did their best to suggest that the drama queen and her team were going home they were instead all sent to the next round. Tatiana thanked everyone except her teammates, though they didn’t seem to really care about Tatiana any more now that they were through.

At this point it became apparent to me that the contestants must have been given a very small list of songs to choose from, since they all sang the same 5 or so songs. Not one of them was an Aretha Franklin number though. Aretha must have talked to Obama’s people and gotten this taken care of.

The final group to take the stage was Team Compromise, who was portrayed as anything but. The team admitted that they were not getting along and Captain Jack pried Kristen for all of the juicy details. Like the divas they tried to sing “Mercy”. Nathaniel was bursting with energy, Kristen was uninspired but hit some high notes, and Nancy just stumbled her way through. Captain Jack accused the team of trying to sabotage their mate’s chances by deliberately singing badly when they were backing up the lead. It didn’t sound that bad to me, but then I wasn’t paying that much attention at this point. Kristen and Nathaniel went on but Nancy, the one who wanted to rehearse all night, was rejected. Nancy did not take the news well. She shrugged off Nathaniel’s attempt at a hug and shouted a bleeped word to Kristen before storming out of the theatre.

75 contestants, including most of the favorites, made it past Group Night and into the final Hollywood round. Sadly, the Osmond kid wasn’t one of them, and we didn’t even get a chance to hear why. I was able to make it through with the hope that it will be all downhill from here. Next week is the conclusion of Hollywood Week and the Chair Show, which I like because it is the easiest show to recap.

And now, the continuation of Hell’s Kitchen…