Posing for Authenticity

The opening sequence is accompanied by an unusually loud audience today, including lots of little girl screams for David Archuleta. Ryan starts it out straight and then starts teasing Simon again. Pun semi intended.

Last week everyone sang 60’s tunes. Tonight we progress up the musical chain as everyone will be singing songs from the 70’s. Let’s see how many of the 20 songs I’ll be able to recognize. When they get to 90’s songs they better announce the song titles or I will be completely lost. Each of the contestants also reveal their most surprising secret before they sing. I can hardly wait.

Michael Johns, “Go Your Own Way”: Instead of revealing that he abandoned his band right after they signed a recording contract, he instead tells us that he’s a tennis player, a good one according to him of course. He starts out a little out of pitch. I’m not sure if he’s singing it in a different key or what exactly is going on, but he seems off his game for some reason. Maybe it’s the song selection. He’s really struggling with the pitch, more than we have ever heard him do thus far. Paula of course lauds him for his consistency. Randy and Simon both agree that it was his weakest performance. Simon agrees with me and gets booed by the audience and trashed by Paula. I am still pleased, though, because we've finally seen a chink in the armor of this poser.

Jason Castro, “I Just Want to Be Your Everything”: He really hates doing interviews apparently. Now we know why we didn’t see him during the auditions. I get the impression that he is a really quiet guy. He's got that quiet look, if there is such a thing. He’s back with the guitar again doing an Andy Gibb number. I thought it was pretty good, really smooth and clean and in tune. Randy trashes his vocals because “it is a singing competition.” Yeah right. Don’t get me started on that, Dawg. Paula actually gives constructive advice for a change. Simon trashes the song choice because it didn’t have enough pizzazz. It was an Andy Gibb song for Christ sakes, what do you expect?

Luke Menard, “Killer Queen”: He’s part of an all dude a capella group that’s traveled the world for the last 6 years. In the clip he is singing way off tune. If you can’t sing in tune even when you’re being paid to there’s not much hope for this guy. You would think that a guy with a high pitched voice would do well with a Freddie Mercury vocal but I don’t know about this one. His vocal was still pretty weak, though perhaps better than last week. Randy liked that he was a little theatrical. Simon hated it for the same reason. Paula thought it was a “great week for you.” Why, Paula, why? Was it because you fought to get Luke in the Top 24 as you so eloquently revealed to us? Are you hoping to sleep with him or something? Would you feel the same way if you found out that he is gay? He has been in an all boy band for 6 years, aren’t you a little suspicious? Especially after Ryan calls him Dawson Creek, one of those gay code words your dancer friends told you about?

Robbie Carrico, “Hot Blooded”: Ryan brings up the authenticity question in the Coca-Cola red room, of course using Simon as an excuse. To try and boost his authenticity Carrico tells us that he’s a drag racer, just like my Dad was when he was Carrico’s age. I don’t think Pop was in a boy band though. 5 notes into the Foreigner tune and it’s all clear to me now, he’s a poser. He sounds like Justin Timberlake trying to sing a Foreigner song. That’s so unauthentic on multiple levels. Still, it was in tune and on pitch, so it wasn’t all bad. All three judges latch on to the authenticity theme, even Paula, though she did so in her usual indirect style and right after criticizing Randy and Simon for questioning Carrico’s authenticity.

Danny Noriega, “Superstar”: Danny was a punk rocker and had a girl friend who was the drummer. I’m not sure which one surprises me more. He starts far away from the pitch and struggles to find it for the rest of the song. I’m trying to remember who first recorded this song because his performance isn’t keeping my attention. Randy urges Noriega to loosen up when he sings, which Danny listens to obediently without even half a snap. How much you want to bet Danny comes out with a Sanjaya Mohawk next week? I think Randy has told every contestant so far tonight to loosen up. Maybe he needs to get a copy of the book of witty criticisms that Simon is writing. Paula agrees with Randy and then identifies that it was a Carpenters song. Thanks Paula. I take back all those questions about your authenticity. Simon is actually somewhat complementary. Noriega is too stunned to snap back.

David Hernandez, “Papa Was a Rolling Stone”: He was a gymnast as a kid, eliciting screeches from a couple girls in the crowd who apparently share his childhood passion for cartwheels. Another interesting song choice, though he hasn’t monkeyed around with the arrangement as much this time. There’s only so much one should do with the classics. It’s a decent vocal, but to be honest it sounds like he’s singing in a musical. There might be a touring company of Grease out there that would love to have him. Still, it’s the best of the night so far. Simon has a mea culpa and admits that he now likes him.

Jason Yeager, “Long Train Runnin’”: This dude prevented me from entering this week with a perfect record. Judge for yourself if I’m bitter about this. There’s a fascinating video of a country music show here that features Yeager. Try to guess which one is him. I don’t think he’s the guy in drag but you never know, it is Branson after all. Jason tells us that he is a self-taught player of the piano, guitar, and drums. This guy is a regular Mozart. He’s singing one of my favorite songs so he better not screw it up. Unlike the original Doobie Brothers version you can understand all the words though he avoids the section that Tom Johnston really slurs through. Despite navigating around the nasty bridge, it’s clear that this is not the best song choice for him. It’s a really gritty song and he sang it like a lounge singer. Or like Justin Timberlake maybe. Paula’s having a tough time finding words to criticize him. Simon looks like he’s in pain, and not just because he thought the performance was bad or because of Paula's inability to say anything critical. It’s almost as if he sympathizes with poor Jason. The audience, of course, has no sympathy for Simon. The jeers from the audience that come up every time Simon criticizes someone are really getting annoying. Jason claims that he’s “all about” the soul of the song, but honestly I didn’t hear that at all. I don’t understand it either.

Chikezie Eeze, “I Believe to My Soul”: We finally learn a useful secret, the origin of his name. Chikezie is a Nigerian word that means “something well created by God.” Ryan said beforehand that it was a Donny Hathaway song but I don’t recognize it. Bet you Paula does though. Unlike last week he starts this one strong and it never lets up. Gosh, this was a million times better than last week and the best of the night so far by a mile. It was the first goosebump song from the guys this year. Old school soul is clearly his strong suit. Chikezie and Simon get into a tête-à-tête about each other’s fashion sense for the second straight week that gets so personal that it scares Chikezie’s mom.

David Cook, “All Right Now”: The rocker is a “word nerd,” “a geek for vocab.” That confirms it, he’s a poser too. Betcha Chris Daughtry doesn’t do crossword puzzles. Cook breaks out the electric guitar to do Stanford’s fight song. Last week I thought Cook had lost his rocker, he seems to have found him this week. Maybe it was hiding in his guitar. He was the only rocker tonight who actually sounded like one, but he’s still a poser until he proves me otherwise. Like Chikezie he too was much, much better than last week. Simon can’t seem to get passed the word thing, though, claiming that the video showed that Cook lacks charisma. Cook challenges Simon’s credibility as a judge (only the umpteenth millionth contestant to do this) and then retreats like the poser that he is. The audience of course loves the challenge. Paula tries to defend Cook by claiming that “women like smart men.” If only that were true, my dear Paula. From the way she said that it, though, it sounded like Paula didn’t quite believe it either. Wasn’t she married to Emilio Estevez once? Yeah, now there's a guy with an off the chart IQ...

David Archuleta, “Imagine”: The mere mention of his name by Ryan elicits screeches from the audience. Oh dear God, we’ve got another Blake Lewis on our hands. I guess it’s better than another Sanjaya. How long before Paula predicts that he’ll be in the Final Two? Archuleta’s secret is that he got to meet the contestants on the first season of Idol. I hate to break it to you kid, we already know your dirty little secret thanks to the Idol producers. The kid’s got guts for trying this song, and doing it as an acoustic ballad no less. He’s got the pipes and he’s showing them off well here. Man that was good, no wonder the girls are screeching. Make that two goosebump songs tonight. Randy claims it was one of the best vocals he’s ever heard on the show and David almost collapses in shock. Paula is equally blown away. Even Simon was impressed and declares David is the one to beat. After that performance I would tend to agree. He might actually make it to the Final Two.

The Final Score: 9 digs at Paula, 3 at Simon, 2 at Randy, 3 at Ryan and 1 at the Idol producers. 1 Chris Daughtry reference, no Kelly Clarkson reference (though she was featured in Archuleta’s secret video), 3 other references to former Idol contestants, 2 references to Britney Spears' ex, 1 reference to Paula Abdul's ex, yet another reference to my Dad, 1 song that I had to look up on Wikipedia, and one final reference to Leif Garrett. Garrett, we hardly knew ya.

The 3 Stars of the Night: They saved the best for last. David Archuleta, Chikezie Eeze, and David Hernandez were the best of the night, with David Cook close behind. The rest were miles behind. It was like there were two different shows tonight. The first half of the show sucked, the second half rocked with one notable exception.

Idol Looks Back: I was 1 for 2 on the dude’s side; I correctly predicted Ellen look-alike Colton Berry was a goner but I thought Garrett Haley’s resemblance to Leif Garrett would keep him around another week. Once again I learn that I am apparently older than the average Idol viewer, who likely has no idea who Leif Garrett is. You could say worse things about America’s youth.

The Fearless Prediction: Jason Yeager stood out like a sore thumb and not just because of the blonde patch in his hair. Everyone around him sang so much better, and it’s not like he has a lot of strong performances to fall back on. He’s gotta be a goner now. I can’t be wrong two weeks in a row. I suspect Robbie Carrico will be joining him. David Cook out rocked him and Michael Johns out posed him so he’s the odd rocker out. I bet though that Amanda Overmyer can kick all their asses.