A Box of Nilla Wafers

After a lackluster opening round the dudes stepped it up for Round 2, at least some of them anyway. Now let's see how the chicks respond after clearly outclassing the dudes last week.

Ryan introduces the girls and then criticisms them for their lack of enthusiasm. Ohh, snap! He then introduces Randy by revealing his shoe size (13-1/2, BTW). Paula can’t stop praising the guys last night, even though only 4 of them were any good. Ryan and Simon get into a philosophical discussion on the nature of criticism, though this time Ryan refrains from commenting on Simon’s haircut.

Carly Smithson, “Crazy on You”: She reveals that she works in an Irish bar and loves to clean and cook. I would say that it sounds like an Irish lass to me but I’m part Irish and thus resent the stereotypes. Fortunately she’s not wearing green. For the first time that I can remember she breaks out the rocker voice, and it’s much better than her ballad voice. She’s letting it all out tonight for sure, so much so that she’s nearly breathless at the end. Carly reveals that “Crazy on You” is her favorite song and it showed. The best opening performance thus far this season. While Randy was getting all technical I thought for sure that she would pass out. Simon still thinks she’s not living up to her potential but thought it was better than last week.

Syesha Mercado, “Me and Mr. Jones”: She’s done a lot of commercials in Miami. How is this a secret? She did tell us that she was an actor. She tastefully changes the gender of the song subject. It starts off slow and quiet, far different from the original, and then she belts out the chorus like one should. I don’t know if it was the best song choice but she did show off a nice voice. It was alright. Surprisingly, both Randy and Paula agree with me. Simon thought it was a “silly” choice of song. Essentially he says the same thing as Randy and Paula but because it’s Simon he gets jeered. Thankfully Paula spares us another “s-yes-ha” moment.

Brooke White, “You’re So Vain”: No, her secret isn’t that she’s had sex at age 16, but that she went to beauty school, which she ditched when she went for singing instead. She breaks out the guitar for an acoustic start, exposing lots of pitchy notes. It started to sound like it was getting better as she built up to the chorus, but then suddenly it got worse. It seemed to improve again after she stopped playing the guitar, like B.B. King. Randy asks if the song was about Simon. Paula thinks that it was the perfect song choice. Then why didn’t she sing it better? Simon loved it, probably because he too thinks the song was about him. Make that definitely after Ryan calls him on it. The judges clearly liked it much more than I did.

Ramiele Malubay, “Don’t Leave Me This Way”: Ryan breaks out the Tagalog and then talks to Ramiele about how sad she was when two of her buds left last week. Apparently she and Colton were tight. Hard to picture. She was a hula dancer when she was little. She’s still little so it must not have been that long ago (yeah, I know, I resist the Irish stereotype but jump right into the height stereotype. Me bad. At least I stayed away from Asian stereotypes). It’s not as good as last week but as usual she’s on point with tune and pitch. I think we’ve found this year’s Melinda Doolittle. This time she has added a little bit of an edge to it. Randy criticizes the song choice big time. Apparently the Dawg wants her to belt out ballads every week. Granted it wasn’t the best choice to show off her chops but it wasn’t that bad. Even Paula was critical, though in a nice way. Astonishingly Simon agrees with both Paula and Randy. Even more amazingly he doesn’t get booed for it. To complete this mind blowing experience Ryan agrees with Simon. What did they all hear that I didn’t? Ramiele later reveals that she changed her song choice 4 times because she didn’t want to do yet another ballad and be known as Ramiele “Lullaby”. Well, at least Ryan would have found it easier to pronounce her name.

Kristy Lee Cook, “You’re No Good”: Kristy thinks we would be surprised that she’s a tomboy. Let’s see, she rides horses, lives in a log cabin, wrestles, I’m not sure who would be surprised by this (though interestingly the MMA stuff hasn’t been mentioned since her audition). She starts out much stronger than last week, then hits some rough spots midway in. She pulls it out at the end. It didn’t blow me away but it was much better than last week. Song choice seems to be the theme of this week as all three judges yet again bring it up, only in Kristy’s case in a good way. Simon is still seeking to label her, which would annoy me but seems to be OK for her, so much so that she pledges to follow Simon’s advice and try country next week. Fight the power, Kristy! Don’t let them stereotype you! It’s a sure ticket to watching the Final Two in the audience.

Amanda Overmyer, “Carry on Wayward Son”: Speaking of typecasting. The Rock and Roll Nurse reads books and believes that knowledge is power. Well she is the only one that seems to have a job requiring a skill set beyond high school level. The Idol hairdresser went wild with the highlights this week, too wild perhaps. She looks about 50. The interesting anti-Idol song choices continue. It may or may not be the first time a Kansas song has been sung on Idol but I’m willing to bet no chick has ever done this number. However this time it’s a little flat. Make that a lot flat. The band blew down the doors but not Amanda. I was expecting better, and so was Randy, who gives some very good advice and gets jeered. Paula delivers off the wall advice, something about her dancing, and the audience is silent. Can’t be in shock after all they've heard Paula say for the last 7 years. The judges are clearly disappointed by this performance, and frankly so am I.

During the break we see the strange water commercial with Kelly Clarkson charming snakes. That’s what happens when you sue the producers of Idol to get out of your recording contract.

Alaina Whitaker, “Hopelessly Devoted to You”: She likes to keep the food on her plate separate from each other. What’s so weird about that? I feel the same way. I must admit I hate this sappy song, so I will try and not be biased. She’s got the full Carrie Underwood wavy hairdo thing going on. She does a decent job with this crappy song. It was good in spots, shouted in others. Randy jumps on the song choice yet again. Paula loved it for reasons she can’t explain. Simon thinks her grandma dressed her for the show. Since it’s 70’s night she might have. The fashion discussion continues until the break and again Ryan’s masculinity comes into the mix after he claims that he’s no expert on women’s fashions, eliciting lots of guffaws from the judges and the audience.

Alexandréa Lushington, “If You Leave Me Now”: Ryan nails her name correctly this time. She was a poster child for the Atlanta fire department and went around singing on their behalf. Quite a different song choice from the bouncy number last week. Nice vocal but nothing to write home about. She ended it with an original phrase that made it a little more interesting. Randy thought it was too safe. Paula lauds her for taking a chance with the arrangement. And these two are the ones that are supposed to agree with each other. Simon thought she was OK but the song was awful. Her father the Atlanta firefighter shakes his head in disbelief. You can imagine what he was thinking: “How dare that Brit criticize my daughter.”

Kady Malloy, “Magic Man”: She can sing opera as well as imitating Britney and Cher. Now that’s diversity. After being accused of being a pencil last week (a very pretty pencil though) she brings out the attitude tonight. The vocal was still flat though. The song choice didn’t show off her vocals much but it did show off more of her attitude, so it was better than last week. Randy’s stuck on the notes, though. Paula still thinks she needs to cut loose and I’m wondering what more Kady needs to do. A low cut dress with a high hem line might help. Simon is very frustrated, and millions of viewers with dirty minds all over America thought the same thing, Viagra. Instead, it’s because Kady is such a bombshell on tape but so bland live. He still seems to be pushing her to do the Britney thing, minus the insanity. In a pure blonde moment Ryan asks Kady is she’s overanalyzing. She gives him a blank stare and says that she’s just having fun. She’s still hot though.

Asia’h Epperson, “All by Myself”: She was a cheerleader through high school. Funny, she seems too cool for cheerleading. She has plenty of spirit, though. She breaks out a smile at the start of a depressing song, and then quickly realizes that she needs to be serious here. She’s really fighting this one, missing notes both low and high. Half way through it sounds like she’s regretting choosing this song. It is rather depressing. She busts out a big ol' note to break out of her funk and powers her way to the end. That was one heck of a fight. I think she won by split decision but it was close.

The Final Score: 8 digs at Paula, only 2 at Simon, 1 at Randy, but 6 digs at Ryan and 5 at the Idol audience, mostly referring to Simon. 1 reference to Kelly Clarkson, 1 reference to Carrie Underwood, 1 reference to Melinda Doolittle, and that’s it for the former Idol contestants. 3 references to the contestant’s health (Carly and Kristy are better, but Asia’h now has the bug, which of course was used to judge all 3 of their performances), 1 reference to a blues legend, 2 references to Britney (which will likely continue as long as Kady Malloy is on the show), but Ryan didn’t say anything about the talent level. Everything was pretty bland tonight, the singing, the mindless bantering, my witty barbs. Even Paula and Simon seemed to be mailing it in.

Your Three Stars of the Night: Carly Smithson was probably the only one tonight that didn’t run into some kind of bump in the road. Ramiele Malubay was better than the judges thought she was. The judges thought Brooke White was better than I thought she was. The star guys were much better this week.

Idol Looks Back: I start out 2-0 with the girls. Amy Davis was a no brainer. Too bad she didn’t stay long enough for her Maxim pictorial to become an issue. I was sad to see Joanne Borgella go because she seems like a sweet girl with a pretty face, but sadly it really wasn’t meant to be.

The Fearless Prediction: It’s a really tough call since everyone did about the same. Kristy Lee Cook needed a good performance to stay in and, while it wasn’t bad, it was probably not good enough. I hate to vote against the hot chick but after two so-so performances Kady Malloy may be in trouble, but for now she stays in. I hate to vote against Amanda Overmyer too but for very, very different reasons, so rather than put myself into a complex I’ll select Alexandréa Lushington to be the second departing contestant, more by default than anything else.