After The Break

Because of a number of reasons, some of them legit (like work) and some not so legit (my DVR lost the recording of the Denver audition show) I fell way behind on my recaps so I decided that I was going to skip recapping Hollywood Week. I hate recapping Hollywood Week anyway. All that jumping around from contestant to contestant made it take forever to watch the show, take down the notes, and then rehash it here for your entertainment pleasure. But now that Hollywood Week is over and the Top 24 has been selected I guess that it is time for me to get back into the game.

This year the Idol producers threw a new wrinkle in the Chair Show. Apparently I was right about Paula getting the rights to the judges' mansion in the divorce settlement since this year the Chair Show was staged at the Kodak Theater. Trained Seal of course made all sorts of claims about how historic the Kodak is, even though the theater has only been around for about 10 years or so and Idol hasn't staged their grand finale there in about 3 seasons. I miss the old days when Hollywood Week was at the Pantages and the Chair Show was in some non-descript dance studio in Pasadena.

So far Ellen DeGeneres has not embarrassed herself, thereby increasing the challenge of finding creative ways to insult her. I was going to say that perhaps this is because she hasn't been in a live show yet, but then I remembered that she has already done quite a few live shows already. I guess that means no acid trips from the judges' table this season.

And who among you out there seriously believe that the Idol producers want to hire Howard Stern to take Captain Jack's place next season? If they do that then this blog becomes an archive.

So this season's Top 24 are:

"Big" Mike Lynche, the personal trainer whose wife had a baby during Hollywood Week.

Didi Benami, who sang Horny Chick's song in honor of her deceased BFF at her audition.

Katelyn Epperly, who auditioned for her mom since her dad left town.

Casey Jones, who turned Horny Chick on in his Denver audition by taking his shirt off. He may be the most attractive dude in the Top 24.

Aaron Kelly, a 16 year old with a "difficult upbringing" who got no screen time during his audition.

Lee Dewyze, who got even less screen time than Aaron.

Todrick Hall, who still got through to Hollywood despite singing an original song, did back flips when he was put through, and knows Fantasia personally.

Janell Wheeler, a leggy blonde who was barely mentioned during the auditions but may be the most attractive girl in the Top 24.

Tyler Grady, the drummer with the look from the 70's and who auditioned with 2 broken wrists and may give Casey a run for the chick vote.

Lacey Brown, who was set up to lose to Megan Joy during one of the sing-offs in last season's Chair Show but made it through this season.

Ashley Rodriguez, a Berkeley School of Music student who Captain Jack thinks has "it" and could give Janell Wheeler a run for the dude vote.

Alex Lambert, who is not related to Broadway Boy.

Joe Munoz, who must have auditioned in Denver because I don't remember ever seeing him.

Crystal Bowersox, the harmonica playing mama who may be this season's Amanda Overmyer.

Katie Stevens, the 17 year old whose Portuguese grandma has Alzheimer's.

Lilly Scott, the silver haired girl featured during the Hollywood shows.

Paige Miles, who got some screen time during Hollywood Week.

Siobhan Magnus, who wins the award for most unique name of any Top 24 contestant ever.

Michelle Delamor, who I know nothing about.

Jermaine Sellers, whose R&B groove of "One of Us" Mary J. Blige thought was "anointed."

John Park, the requisite Asian-American (every season needs at least 1 in the Top 24) whose bottom end and "good head" impressed Shania Twain during his Chicago audition.

Haley Vaughn, who could pass for Paige Miles' sister. At first I thought they were the same person.

and last but not least, Andrew Garcia, who gave Katy Perry chills during his LA audition and who blew away Horny Chick with his emo rendition of Paula's "Straight Up" during Hollywood Week.

But wait, if you're keeping score at home you'll notice I've only listed 23 contestants. That is because the 24th contestant, Tim Urban, was not shown during either Chair Show until the goofy dancing bit at the end. He was not even on stage with Trained Seal. Chris Golightly, the shoe salesman who grew up with 24 different foster care families, was on the stage instead but was also mysteriously not featured during the show. According to the AP a Fox spokesperson claimed that they would explain the "switcharoo" after the West Coast broadcast. Well, I'm waiting... Vote for the Worst is reporting that Golightly was disqualified because he already has a record deal. Nice of them to find this out now. We'll see if Trained Seal bothers to mention this next week.

Among the notable auditioners who did not make it to the Top 24 are Maddy Curtis, the 16 year old whose brothers all have Down's Syndrome; Justin Williams, the cancer survivor from David Archuleta's hometown of Sandy, UT; Bryan Walker, the singing cop from Tennessee; Charity Vance, the 16 year old who sings in her parents' beauty salon; Matt Lawrence, who spent time in prison for robbing a bank with a BB gun; Mary Powers, the rocker chick who was the star of Hollywood Week; Shelby Dressel, the girl who suffers from facial paralysis except when she sings; and Angela Martin. This was Angela's third attempt to make it to the Top 24. Two years ago she dropped out during Hollywood Week after her father was murdered, and last year she missed the Chair Show because she was in jail for a traffic violation. This year her mother went missing while she was in Hollywood but she still managed to make it to the chairs only to be sent home, and since Angela is 28 she won't be eligible to compete on Idol ever again. Everyone was in tears, which leads me to wonder why she was cut in the first place. I have to admit, I was sad to see her go to.

So buckle up America, because the live shows begin next Tuesday. Time to start warming up the laptop and that sarcasm machine...