Whole Lotta Screaming Goin On

We have reached the final four and, like last week, the contestants only have to sing one solo song instead of two. A new wrinkle this time is that each singer also has to sing a duet with another contestant. I am sure it will be portrayed as a creative format change, but I suspect that the real reason the producers chose to do this is to keep the show within one hour. It leads me to wonder just how much money Fox is pouring into Fringe since to keep it on Tuesday nights they are cutting into the time of their number one cash cow. It also leads me to wonder just how much faith Fox executives have in American Idol any more.

Since this is rock and roll week the easy prediction would be that Allison Iraheta and Adam Lambert will have good weeks and weak voiced Kris Allen will struggle. Another easy prediction would be the judges’ reactions. How much do you want to bet that after Kris’ performance Big Sexy will use the phrase “you worked it out” and Captain Jack will use the word “underdog”? I cannot accurately predict what the Chicks will say (heck, neither can they), but I am sure that Drunk Chick will be all positive and Horny Chick will express her admiration for Kris’ efforts that were “outside of his comfort zone.” I also expect that Captain Jack will be disappointed with Allison’s performance and Big Sexy will think that it was only OK. Dear Lord these people have become so predictable. No wonder Fox does not care about this show any more.

The show begins with the “shocking” news that Adam was in the bottom 2 last week, part of the over-dramatizing that has made Trained Seal a very wealthy man. Ryan defies Captain Jack’s comments from last week and comes down the stairs to start the show and then points out that one of the stage towers collapsed just before dress rehearsal. Because the rehearsal was cancelled Drunk Chick’s comments could be very interesting since she will not have any time to prepare her comments beforehand. When the final four come out on stage Adam and Allison look like rockers. Kris and Danny look like they just walked out of a coffee house.

The producers have once again put on their creative caps and selected Slash as this week’s tor-mentor. There is no questioning of Slash’s rock credentials, but damn it, Jim, he’s a player, not a singer (quick Star Trek plug, out this Friday in a theater near you). What, were Jimmy Page and The Edge not available? As Big Sexy has reminded us at least 6 times this season this is a singing competition, so why is a non-singer tor-mentoring the contestants? Even though Jamie Foxx had nothing to do with The Rat Pack at least he is a singer, well, at least sort of. He did the vocals for a #1 song anyway, which is something Slash has never done. Hey, maybe that is why the producers selected him, since chances are he likely will have that in common with these contestants. I will give him credit for choosing a creative place to tor-mentor the singers, the Roxy club in L.A. I wonder if Allison was carded before her session.

Adam Lambert – “Whole Lotta Love” by Led Zeppelin: Figures Broadway Boy would select a song featuring a lot of screaming. Slash is impressed by Adam’s effortless pipes and advises him to not improvise in the upper register so much. In other words, don’t scream so much. Adam actually looks rather scary this week for some reason. Must be the Depeche Mode hair-do and Chris Daughtry eye shadow he is sporting. After lots of in-tune screaming he lets Ricky Minor’s guitar player have a quick solo before jumping back in. I would guess that Ricky and the band will enjoy themselves this week. The audience screams when the music stops, forgetting that this song has a false ending. Adam of course did not forget and ends with a glory note that Robert Plant would be proud to call his own. It was perhaps the most unique performance I have ever seen on this show. From a pure singing standpoint it was not the best but the performance aspect of it was off the charts. It was again one of those love it or hate it type of performances that Adam has become famous for. Big Sexy thinks this is the Adam that he loves and that this performance will make people forget about Broadway Boy’s past as a back-up singer in musicals. I will do my best to not allow that to happen. Horny Chick, decked out in leather in tribute to tonight’s theme, declares that Adam is a “rock god” and that he should be recording classic rock from the seventies and glam rock from the eighties like Nine Inch Nails. See if you can pick out all of the factual errors in that sentence. Drunk Chick stumbles over her words when she declares Adam to be “whole lotta perfect.” At least I think that is what she said. Captain Jack tries to be understated when he says that Adam’s performance was “understated”. He was just kidding of course. He then says that it was one of Adam’s best performances and that there is no way the other contestants can top it, which means that we should expect a whole lotta hatin’ from Captain Jack the rest of the night. He just cannot resist those back handed insults at Allison and Kris, even before they perform. Trained Seal tells us that this was the first time a Zeppelin song has ever been done on Idol, which confirms what I have suspected for years. I still think that a Led Zeppelin theme night would be a whole lotta interesting. OK, I’ll stop now.

Allison Iraheta – “Cry Baby” by Janis Joplin: Figures Allison would select a Janis Joplin song. She gets subjected to the first Coca-Cola treatment of the night, which Trained Seal chooses to do right below the dangling tower. Allison talked about her visit to Adam’s hair girl, and I must say that compared to some of the hair-dos that that the Idol hairdresser has plagued Allison with she should make it a point to see Adam’s hair girl every week. Allison tells Slash that she was debating between this song and Jefferson Airplane’s “Somebody to Love.” Slash gets Allison to admit that she is predisposed to the Joplin material, and I take back a little of what I said about him earlier about how unqualified he seemed to be as an Idol tor-mentor. The only criticism that Slash has is “the fear part” in Allison’s demeanor, and I am sure Captain Jack is now sitting in his chair feeling validated for his inane comments and back handed insults. It was smart for her not to try and out scream Adam and instead chose a rock ballad that features a whole lotta singing instead of screaming. She is singing her little guts out with this song, though she does seem to be trying too hard to sound like Janis. Still, she is hitting it out of the park with that chorus. I actually felt goosebumps. Uh oh, the director by mistake took a quick shot at Big Sexy and Horny Chick and neither of them look happy. Randy did not like the song choice because it was not melodic enough. Horny Chick liked the song choice but wanted Allison to sing “Piece of My Heart” instead. She then gets all serious by trashing Captain Jack and praising Allison for showing off her personality on stage. Paula thinks that Allison is peerless and can play Janis in a future bio-pic. Captain Jack thought it was a confident vocal for once but that is sounded like she was trying too hard to sound like the original. Hey, that’s what I said! He too did not like the song choice and suggested that Allison should have done the Queen song instead. The crowd is strangely silent, maybe because they like me thought Allison was talking about the Jefferson Airplane’s “Somebody to Love” and not the Queen’s “Somebody to Love”. Allison defends her song choice by saying that “Somebody to Love”, presumably the Jefferson Airplane version, was too safe. She also says that “Piece of My Heart” has been done so many times on the show (which is true) that she didn't want to do that, thereby disproving Captain Jack’s claim that she is unoriginal. Clearly frustrated at being exposed, Captain Jack tries to placate her by advising her to just beg, because that worked so well for Lil Rounds. Allison stays on the offensive and tells Simon “you always say that I never talk enough so maybe I should just talk a lot.” Captain Jack waves the white flag with a wink and a smile, and now I am wondering if he provoked Allison on purpose to get her to show some personality. Trained Seal tells Captain Jack to put his lighter away, which gives Simon and Allison an excuse to resume their verbal jousting while Ryan gives out the phone numbers.

Kris and Danny – “Renegade” by Styx: Soft voice Kris cannot hide now unless he lets Danny dominate the song, something I am sure Danny would be happy to do. Kris of course starts the slow part of the song, and then Danny comes in and rushes through his part and changes up the lyrics again. So now Danny is imitating both Taylor Hicks and David Archuleta. Kris is trying his best to sound like a rocker but it ain't quite working. Danny of course is screaming like a banshee but has now forgotten the chords as well as the lyrics. They end on a dual glory note and as usual I cannot hear Kris over Ricky and the band, let alone Danny. That was something of a train wreck. Good thing that they got this out of the way before their solos. It is also a good thing that their phone numbers are not being shown during this performance. Big Sexy liked the complimentary harmonies. What, they actually sang at the same time? I must have missed that part. Kara questioned the song choice because Kris and Danny are good little boys that help old ladies cross the street. Remarkably Captain Jack did not make a crack about Paula, at least within range of a mic. Like Randy Horny Chick thought the individual performances were just OK and thought it may have been because they could not hear themselves on stage. Paula continues her brevity by only saying that it was powerful and compelling. Captain Jack feels compelled to point out that Danny was better than Kris. Kris tells Ryan how hard it was for them to pick a song, and then Trained Seal allows them to play up Horny Chick’s excuse that they could not hear themselves on stage. Danny, being the nice boy that he is though, claims that he felt they were able to overcome that. I sure hate to break it to him that they did not.

Kris Allen – “Come Together” by The Beatles: Figures Kris would select a soft song that stretches the definition of rock. If the duet with Danny was not torture enough Kris gets the second Coca-Cola treatment below the dangling tower, but only after Trained Seal pimps the summer tour. Kris reveals to Ryan that he originally wanted to do “Revolution” (hopefully not the Number 9 version) but that it did not feel right to him. Even so, Kris was bound and determined to do a Beatles song so he settled on this one. Perhaps it was because he could not choose a wimpy pseudo-rock song, like for example anything on one of Sting’s solo albums. Slash loaned Kris his guitar during the tor-mentoring session and that made Kris nervous to the point that he almost peed his pants. He said it, not me. Slash takes advantage of being able to say something about guitar playing instead of singing and tells Kris that he needs to be more animated on stage. Once again Kris changes up the arrangement and comes out with a bluesy rock version of the soft song. Kudos to him for not completely wimping out. The singing was again just OK and too soft for a rock number but he is giving Broadway Boy a run for his money in the originality department, and that might be enough to keep him on the show for another week. Well, that and his looks. Big Sexy appreciates that Kris picked a song that allowed him to still be himself. He then trashes Kris’ vocals but praises his guitar playing, because as you know this is a singing competition. Well I’ll be damned; he didn't use the phrase “you worked it out.” Kara did not think it was a great performance and both Kris and the audience are deflated. As Paula talks about Kris’ artistry someone in the audience starts laughing, and of course Drunk Chick thinks that the laughter is because Captain Jack is doing something naughty behind her back. After nagging Simon again Paula does manage to work in a negative comment that Kris needs to show more energy on stage. Captain Jack thought Kris’ performance was like “eating ice for lunch” because it left nothing to be remembered for afterwards. In the midst of the boos someone in the audience shrieks in horror and then screams “I love you! I love you!” presumably at Kris. Someone better call security because there is a stalker in the house and she is not after Paula. Things could get ugly if the stalker ever finds out that Kris is married. Simon also thought Kris’ singing was a “bit of a jamb” and that it paled in comparison to Adam’s performance. Trained Seal makes fun of Captain Jack’s analogies and his wealth at the same time by saying that Simon is too rich to have ice for lunch, and then tells America that it has a decision to make about who deserves to be in the finale. Would that not apply to all the contestants? I’m just asking.

Danny Gokey – “Dream On” by Aerosmith: I didn't figure Danny would select this song, so he gets credit for being original, a first for him I think. Slash thinks that Danny is naturally gifted vocally but will be challenged by the trademark scream at the end. Maybe Slash has not been watching the show like the other tor-mentors. If he did he would know that Danny, like all of the contestants this season except for Kris, have no problem with screaming parts. Danny starts out the slow part of the song struggling with the pitch and the lyrics, just like in his duet with Kris, but at least the pitch gets better when he gets to the screaming part. He is still making up the lyrics as he goes along though. Danny makes it through the rest of the song OK and hits the scream at the end with a whole lotta drama. I think that was the best part. Randy didn't like the performance but gives Danny an A+ for the effort. The crowd boos him anyway. Horny Chick admits that “we” (i.e. she) encouraged Danny to add some swagger into his performances but that Danny took it a little too far. Alexis Grace must be somewhere watching this and screaming “how come she said that to him and not to me!” Kara then tells Danny that she likes to see growth, she likes to see risks, she likes to see more edge, that rock and roll is all about being bold and going for it, and that Danny did all of that. Did Horny Chick not, just ten seconds ago, chastise Danny for doing that? Did she not, just ten seconds ago, refute everything that she just now said? Did she not, just ten seconds ago, apologize for creating this monster? Maybe she is the one who cannot hear herself on stage. Drunk Chick didn't like the song choice but preempts the booing by asking the audience how many of them are Danny Gokey fans. She’s smarter than I thought. Maybe there is something to be said for no dress rehearsals after all. Simon agrees with the others and then declares the last note was “like watching a horror movie.” Come on, Captain Jack, I know you can do better than that. While Captain Jack and Drunk Chick debate something a dude in the audience holds up a sign that says “Simon Cowell, the king of common sense”, which of course the king agreed with. While he did not like the performance Simon still thinks Danny will be safe tonight. Trained Seal asks Danny about how he feels about the judges’ comments and Danny is clearly stunned at being criticized for once and has to see the playback for himself to see if the judges’ opinions, which he of course claims to respect, made any sense. Trained Seal then reminds us that Danny is the only contestant to have not been in the bottom 3 this season, and we would not want that to happen now would we?

Allison and Adam – “Slow Ride” by Foghat: This could be very interesting or a total screechfest. Allison comes out first and struts her stuff, and then Adam comes out and does the same. Unlike Kris and Danny these two sound complimentary to each other, which considering Adam’s screeching ability is a compliment to Allison for being able to keep up. The two of them actually manage to work in some singing and end the song with a big hug, and rightfully so. The song choice wasn't the best but their singing was 10 times better than the other guys. Randy makes his only bomb declaration of the night and tells Adam and Allison that they should record duets together. For the only time tonight I agree with him. Horny Chick loved how they pushed each other to be better and declares them to be rock deities. Drunk Chick thought it was a perfect marriage and a beautiful thing. Allison’s fan club starts chanting something before Simon can speak. They finally calm down and allow Captain Jack to tell Adam that he may have saved Allison from elimination this week, but of course Captain Jack is not one to play favorites. Adam responds by saying “I hope so”, which leaves Danny and Kris wondering which side of the fence Adam is really on.

And now, right at the top of the hour, the continuation of Fringe. Viewer discretion is advised.

The Final Score: 24 shots at Captain Jack Simon; 10 shots at Horny Chick Kara; 9 shots at Trained Seal Ryan; 8 shots at Drunk Chick Paula; 8 shots at Big Sexy Randy; 7 shots at the tor-mentor Slash; 3 shots at Ricky Minor and the band; and 7 shots at the audience. 5 references to former Idol contestants and 8 references to other non-Idol performers. 4 short comments from Drunk Chick, 3 rock deity declarations from Horny Chick, 3 glory notes, 2 references to Fringe, 2 Coca-Cola treatments, 2 iTunes plugs, 1 summer tour plug, 1 Star Trek plug, 1 stalker, 1 bomb declaration from Big Sexy, 1 partially collapsed stage tower, 1 surrender from Captain Jack, no K-word utterances, no “worked it outs”, and a whole lotta whole lottas.

Your 3 Stars of the Night: Technically there are only two stars, Adam and Allison, but because there were three performances featuring these two and all three of them were better than the rest I will leave it at that.

Idol Gives Back: Not even Matt Giraud was surprised that he was eliminated last week. He knew he was living on borrowed time and that not even Captain Jack’s blatant attempt to praise him and put down both Allison and Kris was going to save him. Needless to say I was surprised to see Adam in the bottom 3 instead of Allison. So were a lot of others, some of whom claimed that the producers deliberately manipulated the results to get Adam more sympathy votes the rest of the way. So you see, I am not the only one who thinks that way.

The Fearless Prediction: Since we are down to the last four I will only predict a final two instead of a final three. Whether on purpose or not Adam Lambert’s presence in the bottom three last week combined with his performances this week should keep him safe. Despite Captain Jack’s attempts to the contrary I think and hope Allison Iraheta will be back next week also. That leaves Kris Allen and Danny Gokey. I am tempted to take a chance and predict that Danny will be eliminated, like I did when I predicted that Chris Daughtry would be eliminated after the Top 4 performances in Season 5 (and yes I will continue to mention that until I stop doing these recaps), but I don’t think Kris Allen’s performance was any better than Danny’s or good enough to overcome the affection the cougars have for Danny. So my prediction is that Kris will be going home tomorrow night. Since Daughtry is scheduled to perform I might actually watch, or at least alert my mom to.