Everybody's in Movies, and Everybody's a Star

I wonder whatever happened to the simple show themes, like country night, great American songbook night, Elvis night, and so on. Instead we get iTunes night and now movie songs night. Are the producers really that desperate for themes or has this show finally jumped the shark? Of course, I've heard some claim that the show jumped the shark when they had Celine Dion sing with a virtual Elvis a couple seasons back. Then again, there was a Queen week in Season 5, a British Invasion without the Beatles week in Season 6, and two Beatles weeks last year, so I guess one can argue that this show is immune to shark attack, at least until Drunk Chick or Captain Jack leave Idol.

Trained Seal opens the show by talking about how the performers are legends of the small screen, and then hands off the honor of the intro to another “legend”, Quentin Tarentino. Like last week there was no intro of the judges or Ryan from the unseen announcer. There is one change tonight as Ricky Minor and the band have been moved down from the nose bleeds to the stage. Big Sexy is sporting a sport striped sweater tonight in honor of some rugby team somewhere. Trained Seal calls Horny Chick “provocative” and she pretends to act surprised. Drunk Chick does not act surprised when Trained Seal calls her “hot”. Neither does Captain Jack mind being called “His Highness”. Trained Seal also refers to Simon as “Sir” and Horny Chick asks Paula if Simon really has been knighted. That’s Sir Captain Jack to you my dear. Ryan and Simon briefly touch on the controversy over the fact that last week’s show ended 6 minutes late, and after blaming the chick judges Captain Jack explains that only two judges will get to give comments after each contestant’s performance to try and have this week’s show end on time, as opposed to going back to 90 minutes or reducing the number of iTunes and Coca-Cola plugs.

Finally this season there is a tor-mentor that I can torment without guilt. What kind of singing advice could Quentin Tarentino possibly give these contestants? I can see where he would be a decent mentor if this was that movie contest that Fox aired a couple of years ago, but according to Big Sexy this is supposed to be a singing competition, so either Mr. Pulp Fiction bribed the producers to get on the show again (he was a guest judge in Season 3, back when Idol had guest judges) or Big Sexy is one big liar. I wonder why Idol no longer features guest judges, even before they hired Horny Chick to audition for Paula’s spot.

I guess it could be worse; Miley Cyrus could have been the mentor instead. Plus there is a good chance that I’ll be able to get plenty of shots in and work on my acumen for irony and dark humor, two things judging from his movies that Tarentino knows very well.

Allison Iraheta – “I Don’t Want To Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith (from Armageddon): Allison must have upset the producers because she keeps getting assigned curtain jerking duties instead of the pimp closer spot. Quentin didn't like Allison’s original version of the song, but the version he wanted her to sing didn't sound much different. Her hair has gotten pinker; something that I did not think was possible. Allison starts out slow and with her usual grit, but as she and the band start to build to the loud part the crowd gets all excited as if on cue. They continue the screaming for the rest of the song, as does Allison. I will say though that she is starting to challenge Broadway Boy’s claim to being the best screamer on the show. Drunk Chick gets to go first and thinks that Allison has drank the same special sauce as Adam Lambert. Perhaps it goes without saying that Paula would know something about that. Captain Jack thought Paula was referring to barbecue sauce, and then tells Allison that she is the girl’s best hope to win this year, a compliment to Allison and a back handed insult of Lil Rounds that confuses the audience so much that they don’t know how to react. Simon then declares that he can see Allison go all the way to the finals and Allison reacts as if she cannot believe it.

Trained Seal gets the first iTunes pimp in early tonight, after almost running out of time to do this last week.

Anoop Desai – “(Everything I Do) I Do for You” by Bryan Adams (from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves): Thankfully Anoop Dawg did not revert back to a sloppy hip hopping song after coming this close to being eliminated last week. Quentin advises Anoop to “roughen it up” and kill the song, tapping into Anoop’s inner 'tude. I guess he has nothing left to lose now. Anoop struggles initially to find the pitch and eventually sort of settles on one. Again the audience goes nuts for the build up to the shouting. Anoop adds a nice note and a dramatic pause at the end just to be different. Vocally it was OK; it was a little pitchy, but Anoop sang it like he had nothing to lose so I will give him points for that. Big Sexy tries to be affectionate and tells Anoop that he was worried about the song choice but “worked it out”. I have noticed that every time Big Sexy starts with “dude, when I first heard that you were doing this song I thought it might be a train wreck” or something like that, he always follows that up by saying that he liked the song, usually by telling the contestant that they “worked it out”. If I were a contestant then I would be worried if Big Sexy ever starts his critique by saying that he liked my song choice. Horny Chick thinks that pop songs with soul are Anoop’s place and how connected she felt to Anoop during his performance. I hope Matt was not listening. Anoop cannot answer Trained Seal’s question about who he was thinking about when he sang the song.

Adam Lambert – “Born to Be Wild” by Steppenwolf (from Easy Rider): Considering how often Broadway Boy likes to surprise people this song choice was no surprise at all. Quentin thinks that Adam is the real deal but is not sure what Adam will do. So Quentin was not lying when he said that he watches the show. Adam comes out with a sort of techno-beat version of the song and all sorts of Euro-trash make-up. He also starts screaming from the first note and keeps it going all the way to the final note, as if to send a message to Allison that no one will out-scream him. Well, this is one of those love it or hate it kind of performances. At least it was interesting and I betcha that the band loved it. Of course Drunk Chick loved it and can’t stop screaming. Neither can the audience. Paula declares that Adam “dares to dance in the path of greatness” and that Adam is one of the bravest contestants ever. Somewhere in a richly appointed room both Chris Daughtry and David Cook are screaming at their TVs. Captain Jack thought the vocal was incredible even though it sounded like a Rocky Horror kind of performance. Simon them repeats what I said about Adam’s performance being a love it or hate it kind of thing and the audience and Drunk Chick are all beside themselves in anger even though even I could have predicted that he would say that. The tweeners are screaming so loud after the bumper music that I can’t hear Ryan give out the phone number.

Matt Giraud – “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?” by Bryan Adams (from Don Juan DeMarco): Have you ever wondered why so many Bryan Adams songs end up in the movies or on American Idol? I also wonder why Bryan Adams is not the tor-mentor tonight instead of Tarentino. Matt G gets the Coca-Cola treatment after Trained Seal gives Coke and the Idol website a plug. Ryan asks Matt about his confidence level and Matt doesn't seem so sure about himself even though he says he is. Quentin thought Matt did a good job with the song and gives him the same advice he gave Anoop about roughening the vocal. Now that Wonder Boy is gone Matt is back behind the keyboards without fear of comparison. Like everyone else so far Matt starts slow and slightly off pitch, and then he starts singing louder to the delight of the audience. Matt manages to keep the screaming under control until close to the end when just a little bit of screaming comes out. All in all it was not bad but not great. Randy thought it started good but then got pitchy when Matt got to the bridge. He then gets on Matt’s case for trying too hard with this song. The audience is strangely silent. Kara thought the song choice was one step back for Matt since he took away part of the melody by trying to introduce too much soul into the song. Again, little reaction from the audience. Maybe they were afraid to challenge Horny Chick again after she lashed out at them the last two weeks.

Danny Gokey – “Endless Love”, by Diana Ross & Lionel Richie (from Endless Love): I performed this song in my high school band and I have hated it ever since, so hopefully this will not affect my judgment of Danny’s performance. It’s back-to-back Coca Cola treatments. With Coke bottles floating behind him Danny tells Ryan that he bought a guitar this week because he was bored and was afraid he will be bored while on the summer tour. Now there is an idea, give away guitars to the audience on the tour so they won’t be bored either. Danny tells Quentin that this song means more to him than any other song he has performed this season. Even though he stops short of saying why I think we all know. Nevertheless I admire Danny’s restraint, though he sure looked like he wanted to say why. Quentin advises Danny to sing with his hands in his pockets. Danny copies the others and starts out slow and pitchy, but unlike the others he really is pitchy. The crowd screams when Danny gets off the stool and then really screams when he hits the big notes. Danny does manage to overcome the pitchiness by singing louder, but on the positive side he did also convey a lot of emotion into the song. I would guess that the emotions got the better of Widower’s Peak early on, so I will give him some credit for reining them in at the end. Paula repeats what I just said, though in her own special way. Simon is disappointed by Danny’s traditional version of the song in comparison with David Cook’s version of “Hello” last season. So I guess now every contestant who attempts a Lionel Richie song will have to change the arrangement or face the wrath of Captain Jack. Simon then withdraws his negativism once he realizes he is criticizing Danny for singing a song for his deceased wife, though like Drunk Chick Captain Jack does so in his own special way.

Trained Seal pimps the iTunes from Randy’s seat while Big Sexy and Captain Jack wrestle behind the judges’ bench.

Kris Allen – “Falling Slowly” by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova (from Once): If anyone out there has ever heard of this song, or these artists, or this movie, please give yourself a high five, and then consider getting outdoors more often. Quentin thinks that Kris lives up to the spirit of American Idol more so than any of the other contestants, though I challenge anyone to tell me what the spirit of American Idol is anymore. The two then debate whether or not Kris should perform with an instrument. I guess they decided that he shouldn't because Kris came out naked again, metaphorically of course unless your nickname is Horny Chick. Again, Kris starts the song slow, but to his credit Kris is staying mostly in pitch even though he is so close to the mic that I fear that he might bite it mid-lyric. He keeps it slow for most of the song, but when Kris finally reaches for the big note he gets drowned out by one of the back-up singers. Like all the others it was alright but not great. I would have thought it was better if everyone else but Adam had not already sung their songs the same way that Kris just did. If Adam wins this competition it’ll be because he is the only one that is not doing power ballads every week. Randy never caught on to the song and thought it was pitchy from note one. Horny Chick thought it was one of Kris’ best moments and was impressed that he overcame the challenge of singing an obscure song. How many times have the judges said how hard it is to sing a song that everyone has heard before? Now it is a challenge to sing an obscure song? No wonder Scott McIntyre dismissed the judges’ comments.

Lil Rounds – “The Rose” by Bette Midler (from The Rose): Speaking of dismissing the judges’ comments, Lil has again selected a song not sung by Mary J. Blige. It is as if she wants the judges to criticize her. Quentin was thrilled by being in the presence of Lil and loved how she was switching the song halfway through from power ballad to power gospel. Thankfully Lil did not dress or change her hair style to look like Bette Midler tonight. Quentin advised Lil to sell the soft ballad portion as much as the loud gospel portion, and of course Lil ignores that advice and only sells the loud gospel portion. Even still, she does manage to show off some of the vocal range that the judges have claimed since Hollywood Week that she has. Paula name drops Amanda Bloom, the woman who originally wrote the song, and then gets philosophical about how the song lyrics describe what each contestant goes though on the show. Captain Jack again gets on Lil’s case for singing a song that was too soft and middle of the road instead of angry hip-hop number, and Lil looks like she is ready to beat the crap out of him. Trained Seal gives Lil a chance to respond and boy does she ever. She tells Simon that the judges told her to be an artist and that she was doing exactly that, putting the soul, R&B, and gospel into the song because that is the kind of artist that she is. Captain Jack then points out in response that “it was a Bette Midler song” as if that should somehow disqualify Lil from singing it. Lil acknowledges that Bette Midler is not the kind of artist that Simon (or Big Sexy, who is strangely quiet right now after getting Lil upset the last few weeks) would normally see her do but that she still put her own feel to it and should get credit for that. While Lil is passionately defending herself Drunk Chick jumps in and tells Lil not to be afraid to say what she feels, even though we couldn't hear what Lil feels because Drunk Chick was talking over her. All Trained Seal can do is tell Lil that he appreciates her honesty and give out her phone number.

Despite the fact that only two judges got to speak after each performance and there was one less contestant on the show this week Idol still went 6 minutes over, which means that everyone with DVRs who did not think ahead and set the stop time for 15 minutes after the hour missed the last part of Lil defending herself. In fact, I think Captain Jack’s criticism ended right at the top of the hour. Come on people, if you don’t know by now that Idol goes past its allotted time pretty much every week then you don’t deserve to have a DVR.

And now the continuation of Fringe. Viewer discretion is advised.

The Final Score: 12 shots at Captain Jack Simon; 10 shots at Trained Seal Ryan; 10 shots at Drunk Chick Paula; 7 shots at Horny Chick Kara; 7 shots at Big Sexy Randy; 3 shots at Ricky Minor and the band; 10 shots at the tor-mentor; and 11 shots at the audience. 3 references to former Idol contestants and 10 references to other non-Idol performers, though only 1 was name dropped by the judges. 8 legends, 7 shouting contestants, 6 power ballads, 2 back-to-back Coca-Cola treatments, 2 iTunes plugs, 2 unspoken song dedications, 2 Bryan Adams’ songs, 2 shark references, 1 website plug, 1 knighthood, 1 back handed insult, 1 Euro-trash reference, 1 dancer in the path of greatness, no K-word utterances, and another 6 minutes taken away from my late local news.

Your 3 Stars of the Night: This is a hard choice this week because in my mind no one really stood out. They all pretty much sang the same song the same way, with one notable exception. I still like Allison Iraheta so I will give her a star. Danny Gokey deserves a star for the parts of his performance that were not overcome with emotion. Finally, Lil Rounds deserves a star for finally releasing her pent-up frustration with the judges, though I’m not sure how much it will help her since all the morons who do not know how to properly set their DVRs did not see it.

Idol Gives Back: Once again I only get partial credit for not guessing the right loser but seeing someone I thought would be in the bottom 3 sent home. You can read my previous post for my thoughts on the departure of Wonder Boy. I thought Anoop had done well enough to stay out of the bottom 3 but I’m not surprised to be proven wrong. Lil Rounds is just killing her chances with her song choices and her insistence on daring the judges to criticize them.

The Fearless Prediction: You can put me in the “hate it” category regarding Adam Lambert’s performance, but I doubt the majority of Idol voters feel the same way so I do not think he will be in the bottom 3. Lil Rounds will likely get enough sympathy votes to stay at least one more week. I suspect that this is the week we will finally Kris Allen in the bottom 3, and I think even though Scott McIntyre is no longer around to siphon votes away we will see Matt Giraud there to. It would not surprise me to see either of them go home. However, I suspect that Anoop Desai will be the one going home tomorrow, not because his performance was bad this week but because it was not noticeably better than any of the others and that is what I think he needed to stay on the show.