Case Summary S12-2013 Part 5: The Fearless Predictions

To close out my Season 12 recap here are my fearless predictions for the Top 10 contestants and the departing, perhaps departing, and perhaps not departing members of the American Idol cast and crew.

Curtis Finch, Jr. will return the computer that he got arrested for stealing in order to cleanse himself of his sins.

Paul Jolley will be cast by Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber in his next Broadway musical, "He’s a Little Bit Country".

Devin Valez will first kiss and make up with Nicki, then will come out of the closet by kissing and making up with Lazaro, literally.

Burnell Taylor will honeymoon in France with his new bride Candice and show off his French speaking skills to the locals.

Lazaro Argos will be part of a goodwill mission to Cuba and won’t be allowed to return by the Cuban government that is desperate for role models with special powers.

Janelle Arthur will be the lead singer for a Goth rock group after she discovers she’ll make more money in that genre than in the country genre that is too saturated with blonde former Idol contestants.

Amber Holcomb will be the understudy for Season 7 contestant Syesha Mercado in her role in the travelling cast of Book of Mormon (and not Rent, which I had predicted for Syesha 6 years ago).

Angie Miller will team up with her twin sisters Angela Miller and Miley Cyrus to star in a remake of Disney’s The Parent Trap.

Kree Harrison will sincerely thank Jimmy Iovine for everything he did for her after he dumps Kree from his label.

Candice Glover might actually have a decent career, unless she follows Nicki’s advice and records a dance music album in Geechee.

Randy Jackson will call Simon Fuller next year and beg for his job back, only to be told that the show is being cancelled and that he should beg Simon Cowell for a job instead.

Mariah Carey will order her bodyguards to track down and beat up Jennifer Lopez, then enjoy a strong drink with fellow reality show judge reject Britney Spears.

Nicki Minaj will join the cast of Survivor and eat one of the other contestants, thereby bringing down yet another former #1 reality TV show. Dancing With The Stars will refuse her phone calls.

Keith Urban will be waiting by the phone.

Jimmy Iovine will contact Clive Davis and beg him to buy out Jimmy's contract.

Nigel Lythgoe will take Madonna’s advice and hit the dance floor to try and escape the pain of life that he knows.

Ken Warwick will deny any knowledge of his actions over the last 12 years.

Ryan Seacrest will be named the new executive producer of American Idol, completing his decade-plus long quest to become absolute ruler and master of his domain.

The Armchair Idol Judge will return to the gym, work on that 2-person thing that Mariah hates, recycle my 50 pages of notes that I took while watching Idol this season, attempt to find the life I lost in 2006 when I started watching American Idol, watch my blog stats for the false hits from spam sites, and will wait and see who the judges and producers will be next season before deciding if I want to update the photos and do another year of this.

Have a great Summer and Fall everybody! We are adjourned.