Case Summary S12-2013 Part 3: The Second Half Recap – Nigel’s Dream, Fox’s Sacrifice, and the Last Man Standing

The first live Hollywood show began on the same day the new Pope was elected and featured songs performed by former Idol winners. Naturally Nicki was late. Jimmy Iovine had his first starring role of the season, telling Angie that he thought of beauty pageants when she sang, telling Paul not to sing like he was in Les Miz, telling Lazaro that he (Jimmy) gets nervous talking to the contestants, and telling both Amber and Burnell to not sing R&B ballads every week. Naturally none of the contestants took his advice seriously. The heavy pimping of Amber began this week when Nicki declared her just decent performance of Kelly Clarkson’s finale song as the best of the night and Mariah dropped her first #POW on her. Candice established her ground by singing “I, Who Have Nothing” better than Jordin Sparks did, but at the time there were still doubts about her chances of winning. Curtis Finch, Jr. was voted off the next night even though Nicki threatened to leave the show if he did.

Week 2 was Beatles night when Burnell, Amber, and Lazaro all sang songs that they had not heard until 4 days before the show, though Lazaro claimed that he had heard his song only 1 day before as an excuse for why he sang his song worse than Burnell and Amber did theirs. Keith claimed that all the Beatles songs sung that night were his favorites. Janelle sang a Beatles song that I had never heard before. Angie claimed to be from a small town because all the other girls were from small towns, even though her town was a suburb of Boston. Devin’s decent performance of “The Long and Winding Road” was marred by Nicki who used one of the 7 Dirty Words within her critique to make fun of the Fox censor. Paul's performance of "Eleanor Rigby" was a haunting rendition that looked and sounded like something out of Phantom. He got the boot the next night, eliminating the last WG still in the competition. For the only time all season I correctly predicted the Bottom 3 and the one who got eliminated.

The contestants in Week 3 could sing any song by a Detroit artist, but sadly no one sang a Kid Rock, Bob Segar, or Ted Nugent song. Smokey Robinson appeared as the first tor-mentor. The lowlight was when the 3 remaining dudes’ rendition of The Four Tops’ “I Can’t Help Myself” became a train wreck because Lazaro forgot the lyrics. Burnell mispronounced the French words in “My Cherie Amour” even though he was from New Orleans. Kree sang Aretha Franklin’s “Don’t Play That Song”, the only non-Motown solo of the night that earned praises from The Queen of Soul herself. Amber gave her best performance of the season when she sang an obscure Stevie Wonder song in a short dress and inspired Mariah to utter another one of the 7 Dirty Words. Angie and Jimmy debated the merits of My Fair Lady. Janelle performed with a guitar, the only time all season that anybody did that after 5 years of Idol winners who all played guitars. Only Devin Valez sang a Smokey song in front of the tor-mentor and his courage was rewarded by being eliminated the next night.

Week 4 was Rock and Roll Week when the contestants were told that they were not allowed to sing any ballads. Lazaro and Amber managed to find a loophole in the law and got away with singing ballads by selecting “rock” ballads. Candice sang “Satisfaction” with a toe that she broke while trying to play a joke on Lazaro. Kree sang a Janis Joplin song motionless because she had a pinched nerve in her back. Lazaro forget the lyrics again in his duet, this time with Angie, and received a death stare from her in reply. Nicki and Randy borrowed Janelle’s clothes after her performance. Angie’s closing performance of "Give Me to Life" by Evanescence was her best of the season as she finally found a song that she could be as dramatic as she wanted to be. This was despite the fact that the stage fan almost blew her blouse off. Burnell sang the only rock song he knew, Queen’s “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” and got voted off, much to the surprise of Ryan who couldn’t believe that the judges didn’t use their save on him. I guess he didn’t get Nigel’s memo. Also during the results show we learned that only Mariah had Candice in her top 3, which may have been the catalyst for the magic that happened the following week.

In Week 5 Anthony Hopkins was in the house and told Ryan about how he loved the “lady birds.” The contestants were asked to sing two songs for the first time. The first songs were from the Burt Bacharach - Hal David song book. None of the performances were spectacular, giving credence to the speculation that Idol’s ratings were down because the show’s themes were too outdated. Candice and Kree both did fine with their songs. Lazaro, on the other hand, destroyed “Close To You” so much that even Mariah was critical, well sort of. The second songs were those that the contestants wished they had written. Angie sang a Christian rock song behind a piano and got praised. Amber danced through a Beyoncé song and got praised. Kree sang a country song in a short skirt and got praised. Janelle sang her little ol’ heart out on a Garth Brooks song and got praised, but not as much as the other chicks. Lazaro didn’t get criticized, but still finally got himself booted off and in the process fulfilled Nigel’s goal of having a chick winner this season.

Then Candice closed the show and blew them all away with the best performance of the season, transforming The Cure’s “Lovesong” from an alternative rock song into a torch ballad and in the process outsung not just the other contestants but also Adele, whose arrangement Candice used for the performance. Not even the sound gremlin who jumped in at the 1/3 mark could muck it up. The audience screamed from the first note until the closing credits, Keith got on his knees and bowed in respect, Nicki was speechless, Randy declared it the greatest performance in the history of the show, and Mariah sprinkled Candice with glitter. But don’t just take my word for it, see for yourself (after the ad):



Candice followed up “Lovesong” with of all songs Paula Abdul’s “Straight Up”, a song that Janelle picked for her and was released in her birth year of 1989. Drunk Chick herself appeared the next night to praise Candice and sit in her old chair. The show was two days after the Boston bombing so Angie made the “smart choice” (Nicki) to dedicate her performance of The Pretenders’ “Stand by You” (1994) to her “hometown” (Beverly, MA). She later was shown playing hockey with the L.A. Kings’ mascot. Amber sang one of Mariah’s songs that Mariah doesn’t perform in concerts in the USA, though Mariah was still proud to be an American. Candice one-upped Amber in the tribute to divas half of the show by singing the Mariah-Whitney duet and bringing Mariah to tears. Ryan gave Candice a hug for America. Amber sang a Barbra Streisand number and the judges criticized America for not supporting her as much as they and Nigel wanted them to. Janelle took my advice and sang a Dolly Parton song, though “Dumb Blonde” wasn’t quite what I had in mind. The audience felt the same and sent Janelle home.

The first theme the following week was "contestant's choice", which ended up being a bunch of ballads that I had never heard before. The second was the theme chosen by you in the AT&T contest, "One Hit Wonders", which ended up being a bunch of ballads some of which I had heard before. In between were two duets without a theme, likely chosen by Nigel. The judges pimped Amber and put down Candice after both performances even though Candice was better. Jimmy agreed with them on the first performance but disagreed with them on the second because he thought Amber’s choice of one-hit wonder “MacArthur Park” was too corny. Jimmy’s disagreement was so pronounced that he emerged from his holding cell back stage and openly accused the judges of showing favoritism to Amber, exposing the rest of Nigel’s grand plan for this season. Nicki contributed to the downfall of Nigel by telling Kree after her first performance that she was longer going to blow smoke up Kree’s ass like everyone else on the show was. Kree herself was so exhausted that she confused Percy Sledge for Procol Harum before she sang “A Whiter Shade of Pale”. Angie pounded piano keys while singing a Jessie J song and then closed the show by singing a one hit wonder first sung by the nurse on Emergency. Ryan surprised no one except Amber by declaring that no one was going home that week because the judges hadn’t used their save this season.

Harry Connick Jr. returned to Idol to tor-mentor the contestants on a theme that he knew nothing about (songs from 2013) and a theme he knew a lot about (standards). Harry and Angie kept trying to be funny by talking about how funny they thought the other one was. Amber again sang a song that she learned the words to only a few days before, Pink’s “Just Give Me a Reason”, even though it was the current #1 song on the charts at the time. Her second song, “My Funny Valentine”, was one that she did know the words but she didn’t know what the song was about, much to Harry’s annoyance. Harry got annoyed with Randy later when Sole Survivor told Kree that should have sung “Stormy Weather” her way and at the same time to have sung it like Etta James, and not sing it like Lena Horne as Harry told her to. Candice defied Harry’s advice and sang Bruno Mars’ “When I Was Your Man” with the masculine pronouns still included. After Angie performed “Someone to Watch Over Me” Nicki compared her to a Disney Princess and then pulled out a Q-Tip and threatened to clean Mariah’s ears after Mariah made comments similar to Nicki’s and then denied that they were similar. Despite all the pimping Amber’s time on Idol came to an end the following night.

The Top 3 show featured numerous tears, multiple Emeli Sande and Pink songs, and songs chosen by Jimmy, the judges, and by Nigel under the guise of the “Idol production team.” Jimmy chose Elton John’s “Sorry Seems to be The Hardest Word” for Angie so that she would play the piano, but Angie chose not to. Jimmy still thought it was the best of the three in Round 1 anyway. Kree’s performance of the judges’ choice for her, Rascal Flatts’ “Here Comes Goodbye” left everyone in tears since it was preceded with a video showing Kree returning to the now abandoned house where her parents raised her before they both passed away. Candice closed the show with Nigel’s choice of “Somewhere” from West Side Story and in the process made both Kree and Angie sound like amateurs. For the second time this season Randy declared a Candice performance to be one of the best in the history of the show. We finally had our first “shocking” elimination of the season when Angie was eliminated the next night.

Kree won the coin toss but elected to allow Candice to go last at the Nokia Theater finale, a decision that she might one day admit was not the wisest choice. Big Kahuna Simon Fuller chose a Sarah McLaughlin song for Kree and an Adele song for Candice and neither were noteworthy. Randy trashed Simon’s song choices because he had already announced that he was leaving Idol and thus was free to criticize the Big Boss Man. Kree and Candice then both sang their first singles, which were actually decent compared to most of the other lame first singles that previous Idol contestants had to sing. That round was pretty much a draw. Kree gave her best performance of the season with her final song, “Up to the Mountain”, only to be one upped yet again by Candice who sang “I, Who Have Nothing” even better than she did 3 months before. Each time Candice got the closer spot she blew away the competition and this time was no exception, as on the next night Candice got the confetti shower when Ryan declared her the winner of American Idol Season 12.

The Final Score (season recap version):
251+ tickets to Hollywood; 15 sob stories that made it to air; 113.5 ballads, including 2 on no ballads night; 57 short skirts; 82 big notes; 148 YOs from Sole Survivor; 54 standing Os; 54 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 28 mentions of former Idol judges; 32 mentions of former Idol winners; 35 mentions of former Idol contestants; 5 mentions of judges or hosts on either The Voice or The X-Factor; 86 name drops: 27 from Mr. Kidman, 24 from Sole Survivor, 20 from Jaws, 7 from Trained Seal, 6 from Glitter Girl, and 2 from Andy Cap; 6 Glitter Girl songs (including Mariah’s lip-synched medley at the finale); 6 Mr. Kidman songs, including 2 sung by Keith himself; 0 Jaws songs; 10 K-word mentions; 6 cute Asian chick backup singer sightings once I started paying attention; 4 Broadway show mentions; 1 mention of a baseball Hall of Famer; 1 mention of a race car driver and his now ex-wife; 1 mention of a football player and his now fake girlfriend; 1 Urkel mention; 3 Simon Fuller mentions; 1 Gordon Ramsey mention; 3 visuals of TMZ founder and former attorney Harvey Levin; 1 virtual Elvis sighting; 1 Q-Tip sighting; 1 governor sighting; 1 Fox News anchor sighting; 1 bare midriff sighting; 1 reference to a Dickens novel; 2 cat references by Mr. Kidman; 3 Wikipedia references; 2 current Idol judges who threatened to leave and 1 who actually did; 1 death threat left on the editing room floor; 3 British accents (1 fake, 1 real, and 1 in between); 2 late divas; 1 negative comment from Glitter Girl; 3 bleeps of words uttered by a chick judge; 1 split decision; 2 chicks who claimed God told them how to perform their songs and were both still sent home; 1 name drop of Papa Smurf by a current contestant; 6 small town chicks; 3 singers who sang songs that they had never heard until 4 days before they sang them; 1 contestant who took my advice and then got eliminated the next night; 1 one-handed piano player; 1 Trained Seal groupie; 2 shots of people chasing cowboy hats blown away by the wind; 4 dudes who got the chastising of their lives on the most important moment in their lives; 2 soul legends mentioned in a recap even though it wasn't a soul theme night; 1 therapy session; 2 yellow outfits; 2 mispronounced French words; 2 vests; 3 comments about shoes; 1 award announcement; 1 shout out to an LA radio station; 1 former Idol song; 1 pro hockey player with some Fox eye candy by his side; 2 singers I had to look up on Wikipedia; 1 crawfish boil; 2 foreign phrases; 2 singers caught lip synching; way too many Idol contests, Coca-Cola Treatments, Ford plugs, cat fights, manufactured drama, stupid skits starring Trained Seal, rejects from past seasons (including the eventual winner), rambling critiques by Glitter Girl, and mentions of the Boston bombings and Kree’s deceased parents; just 1 performance with a guitar and 1 kayfabe bubble burst; and 5 goose bumps.

The Sob Stories of the Year:
There were a number of strong contenders for the crown this season, including a woman at the New York auditions who lost 80 pounds, a 14 year old kid in the Oklahoma City auditions with cystic fibrosis, a man at the Charlotte auditions whose wife survived Stage 4 cancer, a woman in Baton Rouge who auditioned 3 days after being in a car accident and was scheduled for surgery right after the auditions, and a sailor at the Long Beach auditions who developed a speech impediment after the Navy doctors damaged his nerves while taking his tonsils out. The finalists included Burnell Taylor, whose family lost their home due to Hurricane Katrina; Charlie Askew, who claimed that his parents thought he was autistic because he was so shy; and Kree Harrison, who was orphaned when she was a teenager.

None of these folks though could top Lazaro Argos and his stuttering that magically disappeared whenever he sang. From the Chicago auditions all the way until he was the last dude eliminated Lazaro rode that sob story to victory after victory, impressing the judges and what was left of the tweener chick audience with his magical powers. For that Lazaro wins the Sob Story of the Year Award in a landslide.

Honorable mention though must go to the guy at the Long Beach auditions who told the judges that he was an Iraq War veteran who suffered a severe concussion from an IED attack, then was told by his doctors that the drugs he needed to take for the concussion would make him sterile, but somehow was still able to produce his daughter. Turned out he made the whole thing up. This may explain why he was never seen again.

Your Three Stars of the Year:
American Idol Season 12 was decided on the night of April 10, when Candice Glover closed the show with “Lovesong” and overnight went from an afterthought to the front runner. Easily it was the best performance of the season. Close seconds were Candice’s performances of “Somewhere” on the semi-final show and “I, Who Have Nothing” both on Top 12 week and again at the finale. It doesn’t seem fair to have Candice take all three podium positions so I’ll also give out stars to Kree for “Up to the Mountain” at the finale, Angie for “Give Me to Life” on Rock and Roll Week and for her original song during Hollywood Week, Amber for her tour-de-force performance of “Lately” on the Detroit show, Curtis for “I Believe I Can Fly” at the second Vegas show, Devin for his two half-Español songs at each Vegas show, and Zoanette for just being Zoanette.

Since we learned so much from Idol this season there will be a separate post just for that, followed by my fearless predictions for the future careers of the Top 10 contestants and 1 (perhaps 2) departing judges. After the break...