Case Summary S12-2013 Part 3: The Second Half Recap – Nigel’s Dream, Fox’s Sacrifice, and the Last Man Standing

The first live Hollywood show began on the same day the new Pope was elected and featured songs performed by former Idol winners. Naturally Nicki was late. Jimmy Iovine had his first starring role of the season, telling Angie that he thought of beauty pageants when she sang, telling Paul not to sing like he was in Les Miz, telling Lazaro that he (Jimmy) gets nervous talking to the contestants, and telling both Amber and Burnell to not sing R&B ballads every week. Naturally none of the contestants took his advice seriously. The heavy pimping of Amber began this week when Nicki declared her just decent performance of Kelly Clarkson’s finale song as the best of the night and Mariah dropped her first #POW on her. Candice established her ground by singing “I, Who Have Nothing” better than Jordin Sparks did, but at the time there were still doubts about her chances of winning. Curtis Finch, Jr. was voted off the next night even though Nicki threatened to leave the show if he did.

Week 2 was Beatles night when Burnell, Amber, and Lazaro all sang songs that they had not heard until 4 days before the show, though Lazaro claimed that he had heard his song only 1 day before as an excuse for why he sang his song worse than Burnell and Amber did theirs. Keith claimed that all the Beatles songs sung that night were his favorites. Janelle sang a Beatles song that I had never heard before. Angie claimed to be from a small town because all the other girls were from small towns, even though her town was a suburb of Boston. Devin’s decent performance of “The Long and Winding Road” was marred by Nicki who used one of the 7 Dirty Words within her critique to make fun of the Fox censor. Paul's performance of "Eleanor Rigby" was a haunting rendition that looked and sounded like something out of Phantom. He got the boot the next night, eliminating the last WG still in the competition. For the only time all season I correctly predicted the Bottom 3 and the one who got eliminated.

The contestants in Week 3 could sing any song by a Detroit artist, but sadly no one sang a Kid Rock, Bob Segar, or Ted Nugent song. Smokey Robinson appeared as the first tor-mentor. The lowlight was when the 3 remaining dudes’ rendition of The Four Tops’ “I Can’t Help Myself” became a train wreck because Lazaro forgot the lyrics. Burnell mispronounced the French words in “My Cherie Amour” even though he was from New Orleans. Kree sang Aretha Franklin’s “Don’t Play That Song”, the only non-Motown solo of the night that earned praises from The Queen of Soul herself. Amber gave her best performance of the season when she sang an obscure Stevie Wonder song in a short dress and inspired Mariah to utter another one of the 7 Dirty Words. Angie and Jimmy debated the merits of My Fair Lady. Janelle performed with a guitar, the only time all season that anybody did that after 5 years of Idol winners who all played guitars. Only Devin Valez sang a Smokey song in front of the tor-mentor and his courage was rewarded by being eliminated the next night.

Week 4 was Rock and Roll Week when the contestants were told that they were not allowed to sing any ballads. Lazaro and Amber managed to find a loophole in the law and got away with singing ballads by selecting “rock” ballads. Candice sang “Satisfaction” with a toe that she broke while trying to play a joke on Lazaro. Kree sang a Janis Joplin song motionless because she had a pinched nerve in her back. Lazaro forget the lyrics again in his duet, this time with Angie, and received a death stare from her in reply. Nicki and Randy borrowed Janelle’s clothes after her performance. Angie’s closing performance of "Give Me to Life" by Evanescence was her best of the season as she finally found a song that she could be as dramatic as she wanted to be. This was despite the fact that the stage fan almost blew her blouse off. Burnell sang the only rock song he knew, Queen’s “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” and got voted off, much to the surprise of Ryan who couldn’t believe that the judges didn’t use their save on him. I guess he didn’t get Nigel’s memo. Also during the results show we learned that only Mariah had Candice in her top 3, which may have been the catalyst for the magic that happened the following week.

In Week 5 Anthony Hopkins was in the house and told Ryan about how he loved the “lady birds.” The contestants were asked to sing two songs for the first time. The first songs were from the Burt Bacharach - Hal David song book. None of the performances were spectacular, giving credence to the speculation that Idol’s ratings were down because the show’s themes were too outdated. Candice and Kree both did fine with their songs. Lazaro, on the other hand, destroyed “Close To You” so much that even Mariah was critical, well sort of. The second songs were those that the contestants wished they had written. Angie sang a Christian rock song behind a piano and got praised. Amber danced through a Beyoncé song and got praised. Kree sang a country song in a short skirt and got praised. Janelle sang her little ol’ heart out on a Garth Brooks song and got praised, but not as much as the other chicks. Lazaro didn’t get criticized, but still finally got himself booted off and in the process fulfilled Nigel’s goal of having a chick winner this season.

Then Candice closed the show and blew them all away with the best performance of the season, transforming The Cure’s “Lovesong” from an alternative rock song into a torch ballad and in the process outsung not just the other contestants but also Adele, whose arrangement Candice used for the performance. Not even the sound gremlin who jumped in at the 1/3 mark could muck it up. The audience screamed from the first note until the closing credits, Keith got on his knees and bowed in respect, Nicki was speechless, Randy declared it the greatest performance in the history of the show, and Mariah sprinkled Candice with glitter. But don’t just take my word for it, see for yourself (after the ad):



Candice followed up “Lovesong” with of all songs Paula Abdul’s “Straight Up”, a song that Janelle picked for her and was released in her birth year of 1989. Drunk Chick herself appeared the next night to praise Candice and sit in her old chair. The show was two days after the Boston bombing so Angie made the “smart choice” (Nicki) to dedicate her performance of The Pretenders’ “Stand by You” (1994) to her “hometown” (Beverly, MA). She later was shown playing hockey with the L.A. Kings’ mascot. Amber sang one of Mariah’s songs that Mariah doesn’t perform in concerts in the USA, though Mariah was still proud to be an American. Candice one-upped Amber in the tribute to divas half of the show by singing the Mariah-Whitney duet and bringing Mariah to tears. Ryan gave Candice a hug for America. Amber sang a Barbra Streisand number and the judges criticized America for not supporting her as much as they and Nigel wanted them to. Janelle took my advice and sang a Dolly Parton song, though “Dumb Blonde” wasn’t quite what I had in mind. The audience felt the same and sent Janelle home.

The first theme the following week was "contestant's choice", which ended up being a bunch of ballads that I had never heard before. The second was the theme chosen by you in the AT&T contest, "One Hit Wonders", which ended up being a bunch of ballads some of which I had heard before. In between were two duets without a theme, likely chosen by Nigel. The judges pimped Amber and put down Candice after both performances even though Candice was better. Jimmy agreed with them on the first performance but disagreed with them on the second because he thought Amber’s choice of one-hit wonder “MacArthur Park” was too corny. Jimmy’s disagreement was so pronounced that he emerged from his holding cell back stage and openly accused the judges of showing favoritism to Amber, exposing the rest of Nigel’s grand plan for this season. Nicki contributed to the downfall of Nigel by telling Kree after her first performance that she was longer going to blow smoke up Kree’s ass like everyone else on the show was. Kree herself was so exhausted that she confused Percy Sledge for Procol Harum before she sang “A Whiter Shade of Pale”. Angie pounded piano keys while singing a Jessie J song and then closed the show by singing a one hit wonder first sung by the nurse on Emergency. Ryan surprised no one except Amber by declaring that no one was going home that week because the judges hadn’t used their save this season.

Harry Connick Jr. returned to Idol to tor-mentor the contestants on a theme that he knew nothing about (songs from 2013) and a theme he knew a lot about (standards). Harry and Angie kept trying to be funny by talking about how funny they thought the other one was. Amber again sang a song that she learned the words to only a few days before, Pink’s “Just Give Me a Reason”, even though it was the current #1 song on the charts at the time. Her second song, “My Funny Valentine”, was one that she did know the words but she didn’t know what the song was about, much to Harry’s annoyance. Harry got annoyed with Randy later when Sole Survivor told Kree that should have sung “Stormy Weather” her way and at the same time to have sung it like Etta James, and not sing it like Lena Horne as Harry told her to. Candice defied Harry’s advice and sang Bruno Mars’ “When I Was Your Man” with the masculine pronouns still included. After Angie performed “Someone to Watch Over Me” Nicki compared her to a Disney Princess and then pulled out a Q-Tip and threatened to clean Mariah’s ears after Mariah made comments similar to Nicki’s and then denied that they were similar. Despite all the pimping Amber’s time on Idol came to an end the following night.

The Top 3 show featured numerous tears, multiple Emeli Sande and Pink songs, and songs chosen by Jimmy, the judges, and by Nigel under the guise of the “Idol production team.” Jimmy chose Elton John’s “Sorry Seems to be The Hardest Word” for Angie so that she would play the piano, but Angie chose not to. Jimmy still thought it was the best of the three in Round 1 anyway. Kree’s performance of the judges’ choice for her, Rascal Flatts’ “Here Comes Goodbye” left everyone in tears since it was preceded with a video showing Kree returning to the now abandoned house where her parents raised her before they both passed away. Candice closed the show with Nigel’s choice of “Somewhere” from West Side Story and in the process made both Kree and Angie sound like amateurs. For the second time this season Randy declared a Candice performance to be one of the best in the history of the show. We finally had our first “shocking” elimination of the season when Angie was eliminated the next night.

Kree won the coin toss but elected to allow Candice to go last at the Nokia Theater finale, a decision that she might one day admit was not the wisest choice. Big Kahuna Simon Fuller chose a Sarah McLaughlin song for Kree and an Adele song for Candice and neither were noteworthy. Randy trashed Simon’s song choices because he had already announced that he was leaving Idol and thus was free to criticize the Big Boss Man. Kree and Candice then both sang their first singles, which were actually decent compared to most of the other lame first singles that previous Idol contestants had to sing. That round was pretty much a draw. Kree gave her best performance of the season with her final song, “Up to the Mountain”, only to be one upped yet again by Candice who sang “I, Who Have Nothing” even better than she did 3 months before. Each time Candice got the closer spot she blew away the competition and this time was no exception, as on the next night Candice got the confetti shower when Ryan declared her the winner of American Idol Season 12.

The Final Score (season recap version):
251+ tickets to Hollywood; 15 sob stories that made it to air; 113.5 ballads, including 2 on no ballads night; 57 short skirts; 82 big notes; 148 YOs from Sole Survivor; 54 standing Os; 54 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 28 mentions of former Idol judges; 32 mentions of former Idol winners; 35 mentions of former Idol contestants; 5 mentions of judges or hosts on either The Voice or The X-Factor; 86 name drops: 27 from Mr. Kidman, 24 from Sole Survivor, 20 from Jaws, 7 from Trained Seal, 6 from Glitter Girl, and 2 from Andy Cap; 6 Glitter Girl songs (including Mariah’s lip-synched medley at the finale); 6 Mr. Kidman songs, including 2 sung by Keith himself; 0 Jaws songs; 10 K-word mentions; 6 cute Asian chick backup singer sightings once I started paying attention; 4 Broadway show mentions; 1 mention of a baseball Hall of Famer; 1 mention of a race car driver and his now ex-wife; 1 mention of a football player and his now fake girlfriend; 1 Urkel mention; 3 Simon Fuller mentions; 1 Gordon Ramsey mention; 3 visuals of TMZ founder and former attorney Harvey Levin; 1 virtual Elvis sighting; 1 Q-Tip sighting; 1 governor sighting; 1 Fox News anchor sighting; 1 bare midriff sighting; 1 reference to a Dickens novel; 2 cat references by Mr. Kidman; 3 Wikipedia references; 2 current Idol judges who threatened to leave and 1 who actually did; 1 death threat left on the editing room floor; 3 British accents (1 fake, 1 real, and 1 in between); 2 late divas; 1 negative comment from Glitter Girl; 3 bleeps of words uttered by a chick judge; 1 split decision; 2 chicks who claimed God told them how to perform their songs and were both still sent home; 1 name drop of Papa Smurf by a current contestant; 6 small town chicks; 3 singers who sang songs that they had never heard until 4 days before they sang them; 1 contestant who took my advice and then got eliminated the next night; 1 one-handed piano player; 1 Trained Seal groupie; 2 shots of people chasing cowboy hats blown away by the wind; 4 dudes who got the chastising of their lives on the most important moment in their lives; 2 soul legends mentioned in a recap even though it wasn't a soul theme night; 1 therapy session; 2 yellow outfits; 2 mispronounced French words; 2 vests; 3 comments about shoes; 1 award announcement; 1 shout out to an LA radio station; 1 former Idol song; 1 pro hockey player with some Fox eye candy by his side; 2 singers I had to look up on Wikipedia; 1 crawfish boil; 2 foreign phrases; 2 singers caught lip synching; way too many Idol contests, Coca-Cola Treatments, Ford plugs, cat fights, manufactured drama, stupid skits starring Trained Seal, rejects from past seasons (including the eventual winner), rambling critiques by Glitter Girl, and mentions of the Boston bombings and Kree’s deceased parents; just 1 performance with a guitar and 1 kayfabe bubble burst; and 5 goose bumps.

The Sob Stories of the Year:
There were a number of strong contenders for the crown this season, including a woman at the New York auditions who lost 80 pounds, a 14 year old kid in the Oklahoma City auditions with cystic fibrosis, a man at the Charlotte auditions whose wife survived Stage 4 cancer, a woman in Baton Rouge who auditioned 3 days after being in a car accident and was scheduled for surgery right after the auditions, and a sailor at the Long Beach auditions who developed a speech impediment after the Navy doctors damaged his nerves while taking his tonsils out. The finalists included Burnell Taylor, whose family lost their home due to Hurricane Katrina; Charlie Askew, who claimed that his parents thought he was autistic because he was so shy; and Kree Harrison, who was orphaned when she was a teenager.

None of these folks though could top Lazaro Argos and his stuttering that magically disappeared whenever he sang. From the Chicago auditions all the way until he was the last dude eliminated Lazaro rode that sob story to victory after victory, impressing the judges and what was left of the tweener chick audience with his magical powers. For that Lazaro wins the Sob Story of the Year Award in a landslide.

Honorable mention though must go to the guy at the Long Beach auditions who told the judges that he was an Iraq War veteran who suffered a severe concussion from an IED attack, then was told by his doctors that the drugs he needed to take for the concussion would make him sterile, but somehow was still able to produce his daughter. Turned out he made the whole thing up. This may explain why he was never seen again.

Your Three Stars of the Year:
American Idol Season 12 was decided on the night of April 10, when Candice Glover closed the show with “Lovesong” and overnight went from an afterthought to the front runner. Easily it was the best performance of the season. Close seconds were Candice’s performances of “Somewhere” on the semi-final show and “I, Who Have Nothing” both on Top 12 week and again at the finale. It doesn’t seem fair to have Candice take all three podium positions so I’ll also give out stars to Kree for “Up to the Mountain” at the finale, Angie for “Give Me to Life” on Rock and Roll Week and for her original song during Hollywood Week, Amber for her tour-de-force performance of “Lately” on the Detroit show, Curtis for “I Believe I Can Fly” at the second Vegas show, Devin for his two half-Español songs at each Vegas show, and Zoanette for just being Zoanette.

Since we learned so much from Idol this season there will be a separate post just for that, followed by my fearless predictions for the future careers of the Top 10 contestants and 1 (perhaps 2) departing judges. After the break...

Case Summary S12-2013 Part 2: The First Half Recap – New York to Hollywood

The audition shows began in New York with Phil Phillips, last year's winner, singing his multi-platinum home song that ended up not being used as the going home song this season. The New York auditions featured sniping between the chick judges, a woman who lost 80 pounds, and Gurpreet Singh Sarin, who was nicknamed “The Turbanator” by Nicki because he had 50 turbans.

The Chicago auditions aired on the same night as the Lance Armstrong interview with Oprah and was not nearly as interesting, though for some unknown reason this post got the most hits of any that I posted this year. Keith lashed out at Nicki for rejecting a contestant because of the eye shadow she was wearing, and then after another Mariah-Nicki exchange Keith screamed that he felt like a scratching post. Season 10 contestant and Chicago native Haley Reinhardt showed up to remind everybody that she was on the show. Ryan constantly reminded us that another Chicago native, Jennifer Hudson, also was on the show. Janelle Arthur appeared on this audition show as well as eye candy Johnny Keyser.

The Charlotte auditions were the most memorable of the audition shows this season, perhaps in the entire history of the show. It was at these auditions that Nicki stormed off the set and told people that she wanted to shoot Mariah, which led Mariah to tell Barbara Walters on The View that she was considering quitting the show or hiring body guards to protect her from her fellow judge. Of course there was a big buildup to the blow up but except for Nicki storming off the set none of the rest of the circus was shown. It turned out that it was Randy who got Nicki upset to the point when she stormed off when they argued about their respective years in the business, something TMZ didn’t bother to mention on their show. Perhaps the best part was that the first contestant the next day begged the judges to stop fighting since it made her sad. She got put through as did the chick who the judges argued about, though neither of them made it to the live shows. One of the Charlotte auditioners did manage to do that of course, the contestant who eventually won. After Nicki told Candice Glover that she wanted to eat her I decided to nickname Nicki Jaws. Also in Charlotte Season 10 winner Scotty McCreery showed up and Ryan got to drive around the race track where the auditions were held, in a Ford of course.

Idol held their first auditions in Randy’s hometown of Baton Rouge, Louisiana and not much happened there. Randy ended up going to Café du Monde in New Orleans to invite a street singer there to the auditions. Charlie Askew tried out in Baton Rouge as did a medical doctor who got cut in Hollywood. It was in Baton Rouge that we first learned that Mariah was a beauty school dropout, then saw her cry during Burnell Taylor’s audition.

The Oklahoma City auditions featured lots of references to Carrie Underwood, lots of name dropping of country singers by Keith, and lots of wine drinking by yours truly. Steven Tyler made an appearance in drag. Yes, the dude looked like a lady, albeit an ugly lady. One of the auditioners showed up with a ventriloquist dummy and still managed to get a ticket to Hollywood. Another auditioner claimed that God told her to try out, and then accused Nicki of being a devil worshiper when she was rejected. The star of the OKC show was Zoanette Johnson, who belted out the National Anthem as a tribute to Barack Obama that knocked Keith out of his chair. Who knew at the time that not only would she get a ticket to Hollywood but that she would make it all the way to the live shows?

The final audition show was a doubleheader featuring auditions from San Antonio, Texas and Long Beach, California. The San Antonio auditions were boring except for the brothers who argued with Mariah and Randy after being cut. The Long Beach auditions featured a teenager with blue hair who screamed at the top of her lungs and ran out declaring that “you only live once,” Ryan talking to fake ghosts, Nicki and Mariah both showing up late, Nicki (when she arrived) demanding that Randy put Papa Peachez through to Hollywood, a guy who faked a story about Iraq and impotence, and an on screen appearance by Nigel when the Queen Mary’s fire alarm went off.

Hollywood Week was held in some nondescript theater in the Valley instead of in Hollywood. I patted myself on the back for figuring this out from the one or two outdoor shots the producers showed through the four shows. That wasn’t the only change from previous seasons. There were separate Hollywood Weeks for the dudes and the chicks, there was no grouping in rooms, no chair show, and Nigel chose the groups for both Group Nights to try and play up the drama and to try and jury-rig the contestants to get a chick winner. Nicki ripped into a bunch of contestants but pleaded to save one group even though their performance was a disaster. Keith stopped one contestant cold by telling him he shouldn’t be in the business to chase a dream. Perhaps the highlight was Angela Miller singing her own composition and blowing away the competition in the process. Too bad her evil twin Angie Miller had to come in and screw things up.

The chair show was replaced with shows in Vegas taped before a live studio audience. Each performer did one song and then after everyone was done the judges had heated discussion inside a pit and then announced (while sitting in chairs) who was moving on. Jimmy Iovine made his first appearance of the season and was tasked with breaking any ties among the judges. 10 chicks went first. Amber Holcomb made her first appearance wearing the shortest skirt of all 10 contestants, a trend that would continue for the next 2 months. Adriana Lotorio, a 17 year old Pinay from Alaska, sang well enough to move on to the next round but was unable to capture the dedicated fan base that Jasmine Trias, a 19 year old Pinay from Hawaii, did several years before. Kree Harrison and Angela Miller both sang well enough to move on. One who didn’t was Shubha Vedula, who Nicki said sounded like a cross between Christina Aguilera and “that gangnam style guy.”

10 guys went the next night. Curtis Finch, Jr. cleansed us of our sins. Elijah Liu flirted with Nicki so much that she wanted to have his babies even though he was only 18 years old. Jda, a dude wearing a dress and a five o’clock shadow, performed an Adele song that Randy didn’t think was original enough. I guess in Randy’s mind all the dudes on Idol are in drag. Devin Valez sang the best vocal in not one but two languages. Johnny Keyser was sent home because he was a handsome white guy. Paul Jolley, another handsome white guy, would have been sent home too if Jimmy Iovine had not saved him. The star of the night was Charlie Askew, whose performance of “Rocket Man” was surrealistic theater, like a David Lynch movie or something, but still got him through to the next round.

The final 10 chicks performed the following week. Candice Glover made it past the Vegas barrier that she ran into last year, leaving Randy with trying to make excuses for why he cut her last year. Ryan bantered with Jett Hermano about cool places to hang out in the Philippines. Nicki was obsessed with Jessica Alba lookalike Aubrey Cleland. The two chicks who claimed God told them how to perform their songs were both sent home. Breanna Steer reminded Keith of an old girlfriend who could have taken a hammer to his car windows. Zoanette Johnson performed a Lion King song as only she could, and then shocked the world by being sent through to the live shows.

The last 10 dudes featured the return of The Turbanator from the New York auditions and Burnell Taylor from the Baton Rouge auditions, who went unrecognized during the Hollywood Week shows because he lost 40 pounds after his audition. Vincent Powell inspired Zoanette to call him Papa Smurf. Lazaro Argos got away with singing a Keith Urban song, after which Mariah lauded him for overcoming his obstacles for the first of about a billion times. The other dudes did nothing of note.

Two months after the season premiere we finally got to the first voting round. The judges suddenly turned on Zoanette, bashing her performance of a Tina Turner song. Aubrey did another boring ballad but looked great while doing it. Janelle Arthur bored me with an Elvis song, not an easy thing to do. Nicki talked about Teena Torres’ boobs after Teena complained that Nicki only talked about her hair the week before. Angela Miller was now Angie Miller. Nicki claimed that she and Kree were married. Candice’s performance reminded me of Melinda Doolittle. Charlie Askew almost had a nervous breakdown after all the judges, even Mariah, were critical of his performance of an obscure Genesis song. Ryan doomed Nick Boddington’s chances by getting him to admit that he had lost all of his hair, then bonded with Paul Jolley over their mutual affection for Carrie Underwood. Curtis brought everyone to tears with “I Believe I Can Fly”. Devin did the two language thing again. The results show announcing the Top 10 finalists was nothing special except for Lazaro arguing with the band about the key for the song he was to sing. The Top 10 were Curtis, Burnell, Paul, Lazaro, Devin, Janelle, Candice, Angie, Kree, and Amber.

Case Summary S12-2013 Part 1: The Rant - What The Hell Happened With The Ratings?

I've started assembling the recap of the year in review and realized I've got a lot to cover. So rather than make one huge post I've decided to break it up into 4 parts. This will not only make it easier for me to post, easier for Blogger to handle, and easier for the bots out there who are hitting my site. Hi guys!

Part 1: The Rant - What The Hell Happened With The Ratings?

The number one question asked about American Idol Season 12 is: what the hell happened with the ratings? Why did they tank so badly? Was it the judges? Was it the contestants? Was it the outdated themes? Actually, it was none of the above.

Yes, Glitter Girl babbled too much and could never say anything negative, but so did J-Lo and Jagger Lite before her, Chicken Little E before them, and Drunk Chick before her. Idol has always had a judge who did that, Mariah was just the latest. Jaws was another target of the critics with her stupid wigs, her stupid nicknames, and her stupid comments like wanting to eat the contestants, but does anybody except for me and the other Idol recappers out there really care what the judges have to say? No one has cared what Sole Survivor has said ever since the show began, and Mr. Kidman is just an Australian country version of Randy. So no, it wasn’t the judges.

It wasn’t the contestants either. There was the usual mix of good singers, good looking people, good ethnicities, and the one person who really doesn’t belong there (yes, I’m looking at you Lazaro). They have had the same mix every year, this year wasn't really much different from the years when the ratings were sky high. Indeed the mix was better this year than most. A good indicator of that is the fact that the contest was won by the best singer. So no, it wasn’t the contestants.

Some pundits thought the ratings decline was because of the outdated themes such as Burt Bacharach night and yet another Beatles night. But again, Idol has always had outdated theme nights. This year’s themes were much better than ones used in previous seasons like Disco Night, Gwen Stefani Night, and Latin Night when only one contestant sang a song in Spanish. Remember too that there was no Idol Gives Back lovefest this year. We could have probably lived without Burt Bacharach Night but the rest were not as terrible as what we have endured before. So no, it wasn’t the themes.

It was the producers who killed Idol this season, the producers who were determined not to have another white guy with a guitar win and did everything except banning dude contestants to make that happen. The problem is that by stacking the deck with chicks, non-white dudes, and some ambiguously gay dudes in between; forbidding the judges to use the save on a dude contestant; and reducing the number of voting rounds the producers managed to scare away their one remaining dedicated audience, tweener chicks and their cougar moms. I can understand why the producers did this since this group managed to scare away everybody else by dominating the voting the last several years, but they really should have done this years ago like I once suggested. Doing it now was too late; it was the proverbial closing the barn doors after the horses have escaped. Perhaps the producers were hoping that the rest of their audience will come back next season now that they have proved that a chick can win this competition. Maybe they will, but if they don’t then their overlords at Fox will have a decision to make, and it may not be pretty.

OK, that's my soapbox rant for the season. In the next few days I will posts Parts 2, 3, & 4. Part 2 will be a recap of the season including the final score, your three stars of the season, and the sob stories of the season. Part 3 will be a recap of all the things we learned from Idol this year, and Part 4 will be my fearless predictions of the future careers of the Top 12 contestants.

And here I thought I would have nothing to say...

Idol Gives Back - Final Edition

From the Charlotte auditions that aired on January 23, 2013, the same auditions that Nicki shut down and threatened to shoot Mariah, there was the last auditioner of the day:

Like last week there was another former contestant from last season who reappeared. While the producers showed footage of her being cut in Vegas by Jagger Lite, apparently Sole Survivor forgot all about her. He thought the audition was the best of the season so far and agreed with Nicki that there would be something wrong if she didn't make it to the last round. Yes, even though he was one of those who cut this same contestant last season before the live shows.

Nicki was also impressed by this contestant, saying to her, and I quote, "I want to skin you and eat you." So I've been thinking of a new nickname for the nickname chick and I think I'll try "Jaws." It originally came to me from thinking about how Idol jumped the shark by hiring her, but this sentence alone sealed the deal, at least until she says something even more worthy of a nickname.

That contestant was Candice Glover, your new American Idol.

Candice became the first chick winner of Idol since Jordin Sparks 6 years ago. Ironically, that was also the last year that I correctly predicted the winner. It is also the first time that the contestant that was my personal favorite going into the live shows actually won. I don't know if this means that I'm becoming more in tune with the musical tastes of the average Idol voter, or if they and I are all just getting old.

The finale was the usual bloated affair. The dudes had to sing with Frankie Valli while the chicks sang with Aretha Franklin. No offense to Frankie Valli but he's no Aretha Franklin. There was a video bit about a "conspiracy" to get all the dudes eliminated first that was actually funny in spots, especially Janelle changing Lazaro's key on "Close To You." The problem with Lazaro is that he probably thought Janelle really did that. The big payoff was revealing that it was Jordin Sparks who was the mastermind of the conspiracy, once again demonstrating that Nigel doesn't have a sense of humor. If he did then he would have been in the video instead of Jordin. Now that would have drawn a reaction.

There was a video tribute to Sole Survivor that featured dogs and some clips, but that was it. J-Lo was in the house but didn't acknowledge Randy's presence, and no other former judges showed up to pat the dawg on the back. However, like I said last night, I can't think of a better tribute to Randy's time on the show than for the winner to be the best singer in the competition since, as he so often said in between his dawgs, YOs and #inittowinits, Idol is a singing competition.

And so concludes another season of American Idol. I still have one more post to go, the season case summary that in years past has had more hits to than any other posts and features my fearless predictions of the future careers of the finalists. The jury is still out on whether or not I will recap Season 13. I do have 7 months to consider it so we shall see.

Yes, I too can feel the anticipation out there...LOL

Planets Exploding To Life

Well, here we are my friend. We have reached the end of another season of American Idol. Fox announced this week that there will be a Season 13 next year; perhaps to the surprise of some. I was originally surprised, until I realized that Fox probably has nothing waiting in the queue to replace Idol except for maybe another Gordon Ramsey show. Lord knows The X-Factor isn't ready to make the move, at least until Captain Jack can convince Trained Seal to make the jump over to the dark side and take Mario Lopez's spot.

Tonight's show was only an hour long so that Fox could promote Nigel's goofy dance show down the hall, so the show began without the traditional finale opening of Trained Seal standing in front of the audience in a sold out Nokia Theater. The entire theater was never shown so I wonder how full it really was. Trained Seal announced the attendance as 7,000 and the posted capacity of the Nokia is 7,100 so technically it was a sellout, but I don't know...

There was no big voice intro for the judges either so we don't know if either Glitter Girl or Jaws were wearing short skirts. Considering it was Kree and Candice performing I wondered if we would see any shorts at all tonight. Mr. Kidman dressed for the occasion with a T-shirt. Sole Survivor was in a purple sport coat, his traditional finale wardrobe.

Before the singing began Trained Seal asked the crowd for a voice vote on who should win. It sounded to me like Kree had more support, but Ryan didn't bother to say who he thought had a louder reaction. Tonight's themes were Simon Fuller's (aka "the other Simon") choice, the contestant's first single written by some unknown, and a reprise of their favorite song of the season. Unlike season's past the first single was inserted into Round Two instead of at the end, I guess so that the show didn't close on a down note like it did when the final two sang one of Horny Chick's songs or a song from a contest.

In the spirit of speeding up this recap to match the show's pace, I'll return to the old school style of recaps:

Kree Harrison, "Angel" by Sarah McLaughlin: Kree won the coin toss and elected to go first, a decision that she might regret later on. She and/or Andy Cap modified the song arrangement to make the song more country, which would have been OK had not Kree tried to rush through it as much as she did. This is not a song that a singer hoping to win would want to rush through. Her performance was OK pitch wise but the pace was off and it was lacking in emotion, another bad thing to do with a song like this. I wonder what Simon was thinking when he picked this song because it really didn't fit Kree very well.

Over the weekend I heard "I'm The Only One" by Melissa Etheridge on the radio. Now that song would have fit Kree well. Oh well, too late now...

Candice Glover, "Chasing Pavements" by Adele: I had to look up who sang this song since Trained Seal didn't bother to announce it. I guess Ryan forgot that not all of us are as in tune into pop culture as he is. Candice began the song mostly in her low register, which was OK but not her strong suit. It's like driving a Honda when you can afford a Porsche. She took it up a bit towards the second half of the song, turning it into a smooth jazz number with a run or two to get the crowd excited. It was a decent vocal but not very inspiring.

After Candice left the stage Trained Seal asked Glitter Girl and Sole Survivor for their comments. Mariah was speechless but still managed to babble on for 5 minutes about how proud of America she was for how they voted. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and gave Round 1 to Candice because Kree's performance was too sleepy. Randy also criticized the song choices of "the boss", which Trained Seal thought Sole Survivor could get away with since he was leaving.

Instead of a Coca Cola Treatment we were treated to Carly Rae Jepsen's Coca-Cola contest song that you all apparently helped write and choreograph. The song was a decent little number but the choreography was pretty weak, especially the fireworks that you apparently designed. Carly wore the first short skirt of the night, thank you to whomever of you voted for that. Towards the end of the song I could tell that Carly was lip syncing. I'd guess Nigel did too since there were no more close ups of Carly singing after that.

Trained Seal introduced Round 2 with a groupie named Gloria draped over his shoulder. He made the mistake of giving her a kiss on her forehead. Trained Seal also pimped Phillip Phillips' single from last season's finale, "Home", as the biggest selling Idol single of all time. I wonder how many people out there can name which song is #2 without looking it up on Wikipedia. No, neither can I.

Kree, "All Cried Out": Kree sang a country ballad for her first single, which you can download RIGHT NOW on the Idol web site. Don't worry, I'll wait...
This song was pretty sleepy too, but Kree clearly tried her best to make the most of it, even throwing in some runs and big notes to try and make it interesting. It wasn't memorable but it was technically better and more emotional than her first performance. Everybody but Jaws gave Kree a standing O.

Candice, "I am Beautiful": Whoever wrote this songs did their homework, giving Kree a country ballad and Candice a power ballad as their first singles. Simon should give that person a raise, especially since that person made Simon's song choices appear even more pathetic. Candice stayed in her mid-range throughout this song, staying out of the low register that she had trouble with in her first song. Towards the end I thought Candice was going to do a Jordin and start crying while she was singing, but she managed to hold it together until the end. It was well sung. She might even make some money for Andy Cap with that single. All the judges gave Candice a standing O, with her biggest fan Glitter Girl the first on her feet.

After Trained Seal shooed Candice off the stage he asked Mr. Kidman and Jaws for their comments. Mr. Kidman thought Candice's song "fit her like a glover" but still gave the round to Kree. Jaws thought Kree reached down into her gut like she never had before but still gave the round to Candice.

Kree, "Up To The Mountain": Kree first sang this song during the Vegas shows. Here's what I had to say then, from February 20:

Next was Kree Harrison, the chick whose parents died when she was a kid. She was the only chick who wore clothes that covered up her thighs but that didn’t seem to affect Nicki’s opinion of her. Indeed, Jaws declared that she thought Kree was “sexy”. Kree revealed that she has worked in the country music “industry” in Nashville, raising the antennas of all those plant watchers out there. Kree sang like a plant with a nice voice, though it didn’t blend well with the backup singers. The other judges all thought that Kree was a natural and heaped nothing but praise on her, even though Trained Seal beforehand warned Kree that the judges were being tough on the country singers.

I honestly don't remember how Kree sang this song the first time. I'm pretty sure that she didn't sing it like this because I would have remembered it if she had. This performance was a gospel ballad that was pretty inspiring actually. Her tone, pitch, and rhythm were all there, and unlike the first song there was plenty of emotion in this one. Kree sang the song like it would be her last. I actually felt a goose bump, the first time I felt one that wasn't during one of Candice's performances. This performance might very well have saved her from losing in a landslide and might even be enough to win. The judges all gave Kree a standing O and got to comment on the performance afterwards. Outside of a YO from Sole Survivor none of the comments were worth mentioning.

Candice, "I, Who Have Nothing": Personally I would have preferred to hear "Love Song" again but this was probably a wiser choice since there was no way Candice could have improved on her performance of the Cure song. Candice did this song on Top 10 week on March 13, when I had this to say:

Trained Seal Coca-Cola'd Candice Glover into talking about her family, who flew out from South Carolina on their first ever plane trip to see her sing. She sang "I, Who Have Nothing", the song that Trained Seal claimed Jordin Sparks won Season 6 by singing. Personally I still remember her performance of "You Never Walk Alone" as being the one that won her that season. I also remember Sole Survivor asking Jordin how a 16 year old who never had a boyfriend could possibly relate to that song. Candice assured us that she had no such trouble relating to this song, and then proved it by emoting big time during her performance. Wow it was good, not just best of the night but best of the season so far. No question I felt goosebumps this time. Mr. Kidman named dropped Shirley Bassey, who I discovered is originally from Wales. Jaws thought Candice sang it so well that no one should ever sing that song on Idol ever again because it would pale in comparison. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and fist pumped the air. Glitter Girl claimed that she would have given Candice a standing ovation but couldn't because her skirt was too tight to allow her to stand up. This revelation inspired the first "Is Trained Seal Gay" banter of the season when Mariah claimed that Ryan knew how to work a skirt.

Candice gave us two surprises with her second performance of this song. The first was that sang the first half a cappella without any accompaniment. The second was that she wore a short skirt for the first time all season. I'm not sure which of the two was a bigger roll of the dice but they both worked. What better way to show off a powerful voice than to sing without a band or backup singers to drown everything out? It was par excellence, even better than the first time she performed the song. 4 more standing O's from the judges, who all rose in unison this time. Mr. Kidman compared her performance to a "planet exploding to life." Jaws admired Candice's legs. Sole Survivor dropped 2 YOs and claimed Candice "shot the night to a whole 'nother level." Glitter Girl thanked Candice for letting her be part of the Candice experience.

Trained Seal signed off at 9:01 and promised lots of surprises for the finale tomorrow, when the results will likely be announced at 9:59.

Things We Learned Tonight: Don Cheadle likes nature shows with penguins. Erica had a rough day. Hyundai's cars can email you and tell you how they feel. There's yet another movie coming out that includes the White House getting blown up. Kree appeared on Rosie O'Donnell's show when she was a kid. Candice tried out in Seasons 9 and 11 but not Season 10 as I had thought. I still blame Sole Survivor for not putting her through though. Carly Rae Jepsen was a finalist on Canadian Idol in 2007. Trained Seal thinks AT&T is your lifeline. Glitter Girl is proud of America because of how they voted. Jaws likes Candice's legs. Mr. Kidman's idea of formal attire is a T shirt. Sole Survivor is now free to criticize "the boss" since he's leaving. What are they going to do, fire him?

Your Three Stars of the Night: Each performance was better than the last, so 2 stars go to Candice and 1 star goes to Kree. It seemed like both Kree and Candice upped their game each time to stay ahead of the other and it was fun to watch. This finale was probably the best since Ruben and Clay battled it out in Season 2, maybe even better. It was like a high scoring basketball game where the winning team would be the team that would have the ball last. I told you that Kree was going to regret choosing to go first and let Candice go last.

The Final Score: 6 ballads; 5 big notes; 2 short skirts; 4 YOs from Sole Survivor; no #POWs from Glitter Girl; 15 standing Os; 3 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 3 Simon Fuller mentions; 1 Gordon Ramsey mention; 1 mention of a former Canadian Idol contestant, 1 mention of a former American Idol contestant; 2 mentions of former Idol winners; 2 mentions of a former Idol judge; 0 name drops, cute Asian back up singer sightings, or Andy Cap sightings; 1 Trained Seal groupie; 2 foreign phrases; 2 car references; 1 singer caught lip syncing; 7,000 in attendance; and 2 goose bumps.

The Fearless Prediction: I had Kree with a slight edge going into the final stretch, and while she didn't pull up lame Candice was still the better singer tonight. Candice has shown an innate ability to pull magic out of her hat when she had to and tonight was no exception. She's also been my favorite since the live shows so for those reasons, plus the fact that it would be appropriate for the best singer to actually win a singing competition on Sole Survivor's last night, my fearless prediction is that Candice is going to be crown the next American Idol tomorrow night.

Yes, tomorrow night. I love these one hour shows...

The Bottom 10

First a brief question: did anyone else notice during the cryfest that was Angie Miller's departure that they didn't do the coin toss to see who would sing first at the finale? Didn't they always used to do that on the Top 3 results shows? Or am I dreaming...

A couple of weeks ago I posted a list of my favorite Idol contestants. This time we travel to the depths of Idol hell and relive my least favorite Idol contestants ever since I started watching the show religiously in Season 5. Believe it or not, I would still watch the show if this group was the Top 10, only to be able to make fun of them all over again, or in the case of 2 dudes on this list, for the very first time. Let's start then with everybody's favorite Idol diva:

Katherine McPhee, Season 5

Katherine was the best singer that season, which is a complement to her since that same season featured perhaps the strongest Top 12 in the history of the show if the Nielsen ratings and the number of contestant record deals are any indication. The problem was that Katherine was so arrogant about it. She seemed to act as if it was her birthright to win. It was telling that during the season finale she didn’t participate in the chicks’ group number but Taylor Hicks participated in the dudes’ group number. The other dudes all talked about how much they liked to pal around with Taylor. The other chicks didn’t say anything about Katherine.

Michael Johns, Season 7

Michael is probably my all-time least favorite finalist. Katherine McPhee’s arrogance paled in comparison to Michael’s even though he wasn’t nearly as good a singer as she was. This dude used to brag about how he was an Olympic caliber swimmer and was supposedly considered to take over as lead singer of INXS after Michael Hutchence died. I thought it was so fitting that he was eliminated on the Idol Gives Back show after he was led to believe by Ryan that there would be no elimination that night as was the case the season before. It was also fitting that he was eliminated after he claimed that Aerosmith’s “Dream On” was inspirational.

David Archuleta, Season 7

David is on this list not because of anything he did but because of everything everybody around him did. The Idol producers kept pushing this kid as the greatest singer in the history of the show, which he wasn’t. The Idol judges kept praising this kid even when he once forgot the lyrics to a Beatles song. It took mentor Andrew Lloyd Webber to point out to David that his voice was thin and that he always sang with his eyes closed. Then of course there was his stage dad father who directed his every move and chose every one of his songs until the producers finally banned him from the studio. I also believe that it was David’s failure to win Season 7 that inspired the tweener chicks to start power texting their votes to insure that the next cute dude won, which influenced the results for the next 4 seasons.

Nick Mitchell (aka Norman Gentle), Season 8

I know his entire act was just that, and if he had only appeared on the audition shows I would have just laughed it off and awaited his appearance in the finale with the other freaks. However, this dude and his act made it all the way to the semi-finals and by then it had gotten real old real fast. Nick even promised to leave behind the Norman Gentle thing when he made the semis, only to go full bore with the act during his performance. I get annoyed by a contestant who doesn’t take the show seriously, that is supposed to be my job.

Tatiana Del Toro, Season 8

At the other end of the serious scale from Nick that season, there was Tatiana. She was the star of the Hollywood Week and semi-final shows that season, which is saying something considering Nick Mitchell was on the same shows. The reason she was the star was because the producers wanted to show more drama during the auditions rather than more talented contestants, and Tatiana was the perfect muse for the producers to work with. A lot was made over the fact that she had a hard time staying in a group during Group Night, then again she was prominently featured during the semi-final show when she sang “Saving All My Love For You” for the umpteenth million time. The nervous breakdown that Tatiana had when she learned that she was voted off was so dramatic that Ryan had to call in security to get her off the stage. Nobody before or since had gone psycho during the live shows since they usually get drummed out during the auditions. To her credit though Tatiana made it through. The fact that it was when Simon was still a judge makes her accomplishment even more impressive.

Scott McIntyre, Season 8

Lazaro Argos was not the first Idol contestant with “special powers” as Nicki liked to refer to his speech impediment. Scott was Idol’s first and thus far only blind contestant, which is what got him well into the finals even though he couldn’t sing all that well. Paula praised him every week for overcoming adversity rather than for any of his singing, much like Mariah did with Lazaro this season. The fact is though if the dude hadn’t been blind he would have never made it to the live shows. That fact didn’t bother me, it was the fact that he still acted as if he was entitled to be there even though his vocal abilities weren’t all that good. Again, kind of like Lazaro.

Danny Gokey, Season 8

Scott McIntyre wasn’t the only one in Season 8 with a sob story that was shoved down our throats. There was also Danny Gokey and the death of his wife just before the auditions. Every week we were reminded by somebody about his wife’s death, either by Danny, Ryan, one or more of the judges, the mentors, the person who produced the intro videos, and so on. I think Ricky Minor and the band may have done it one week. Danny was a decent singer so unlike Scott I think he earned his spot on the live shows, but it just got to be too much.

Yes, I was quite annoyed during Season 8, and not just because Paula was leaving the show after that season. That's what happens when you decide to feature the contestants' personalities rather than on the wacky judges and the celebrity tor-mentors, as Idol did that season. Can't blame Nigel though, he was working on the goofy dance show down the hall that year.

Casey James, Season 9

Casey is in the running with Michael Johns for the title of the biggest poser in the history of the show. This dude had a major ego that was unbearable to watch. He got his ticket to Hollywood because he took his shirt off, and next thing you know he’s parading around the stage as if he was the next Dave Matthews. It took several weeks for the judges to start pointing out to Casey how dull and boring his performances were, and even then it took a few more weeks before the tweener chick voters finally gave up on him and starting voting for Lee DeWyze. I still remember when during the semi-final shows that he promised to reveal his super-secret pre-show routine if he made the Top 10, then never mentioning it again.

James Durbin, Season 10

I think it’s fair to say that James wasn’t as much of a poser as either Michael Johns and Casey James, but he’s in the same conversation. I was on sabbatical from this blog that season so I didn’t get a chance to slam him as much as I did the other two. Perhaps he can take it as a compliment that I wasn’t annoyed with him enough to start writing again. Then again, there was no one in Season 10 that I felt that passionate about, either positively or negatively. The whole season was dull, dull, dull. So perhaps James can take it as a compliment that he is the only contestant from that season on either the good or bad list.

Colton Dixon, Season 11

Oh yes, the oh so saintly Colton with his Flock of Seagulls haircut who kept pretending to be humble, kept pretending to be thankful for the opportunity to be on the show, and kept claiming that his sister was the better singer even though she didn’t even make it past Hollywood Week. Why am I not surprised that he’s now supposedly a big star in the Christian music world? Fortunately he didn’t last long enough on the show for me to be really upset with him.

Angie Miller, Season 12

At the time I didn’t understand why Angie chose to sing a Colton Dixon song early in the live shows, but by the time she sang it again when she got eliminated it all made sense. Our little Disney Princess ranks in the top 5 of the all time posers on the show and is the only chick in that group. I will say in her defense that she sang much better than the dude posers, so it's harder for me to feel animosity towards Angie like I do to Michael Johns and Casey James. Like so many on this list I was hoping that she didn’t win the competition, but unlike most on this list it wouldn’t have kept me up at night if she had.

Lazaro Argos, Season 12

This dude would have kept me up at night if he won and I suspect that I wouldn't be the only one. What bothered me about Lazaro wasn’t the fact that the only reasons he made it as far as he did was because he looked handsome and had a serious speech impediment. What bothered me about him was that he wasn’t willing to show any respect to anybody, blamed everybody else for his bad performances, and just didn't seem to care how well he sang after he realized he was getting by on just his looks and his sob story. One week he would claim he forgot the lyrics because he wasn’t given enough time to learn them, the next he would claim that he sang bad because the band was playing in the wrong key, and then there was those awful group numbers that he kept flubbing the lyrics on and causing the other dudes to be sent home. Even when he was being introduced into the top 10 he was yelling at the band to get the key right before he sang his song. At that point why would anyone care what key the song was in? He should have just been thankful that he made it as far as he did. It sure as hell beats scooping ice cream for a living.

Idol Gives Back - Survivor Edition

A few weeks ago I had stated my belief that Kree Harrison and Candice Glover were the front runners in the competition, and just like my earlier prediction that Janelle Arthur and Amber Holcomb would be the first two chicks eliminated I once again made an accurate prediction that I subsequently reneged on just before it came to pass. Perhaps I need to trust my instincts more...

To be honest, even then I was pretty sure that Angie Miller would make the finale because of how favored she was by Nigel and the judges, especially after the Boston bombings became Angie's rallying cry. However, now she's out and I can enjoy the finale worry free. While Candice is still my favorite I would be fine with Kree winning, much more than I would be with the idea of Angie winning. No question Angie was an excellent singer and she's got a career on Broadway or with Disney waiting for her, but I just never could get comfortable with her theatrics or her constant staring at the camera.

As shocking as the result was, it was all drowned out in the social media world today with the news that Sole Survivor, Randy Jackson, announced that he was leaving Idol after this season. You know, I think that's the first time I've ever typed his full name on this blog, ever. It will be interesting to see if the producers give Randy the same kind of send off they gave Simon Cowell when he left. Maybe it'll just be like the year end montages, consisting of a video that we won't get to see because the camera will keep focusing on the singer of the accompanying song. Perhaps there'll be a Journey reunion, or maybe J-Lo and Mariah can team up on something. I can't say that I will miss Randy like I do Paula and Simon, though I'm sure I'll miss him more than Kara. I guess that means I will either need to retire the Sole Survivor nickname or transfer it over to Trained Seal.

Rumor has it that all of the judges and Nigel will all be fired after next week and be replaced with a whole new cast. Jimmy should be sticking around though since unlike the others he paid big bucks to be on the show and get the winner signed to his label with an iron clad contract. So his spot is guaranteed, unless Clive Davis wants it back.

Next week it's the finale and it will be at the Nokia Theater. We will see if the producers are able to fill all the seats. Could it be that the winner of a singing competition is in fact the best singer in the competition? We'll find out together. In the meantime, enjoy Randy's backup singing of this tribute to Simon from I believe Season 7: