Idol Gives Back - Postponed due to Nigel

So the surprise twist that was going to shake up the competition forever was, well, the one that everybody and their grandmother who is still watching Idol predicted. Because Nigel wouldn't let the judges use their save on a dude and Janelle Arthur was deemed not worth saving another week was added to the show so that they'll still meet their reservations for the Nokia on May 15 & 16. Assuming that the finale will be back at the Nokia of course; given how the ratings have tanked this year Fox might force the producers to move the finale to that community theater in the Valley where the Hollywood Week auditions were held.

Perhaps Trained Seal was really referring to the surprise appearance of Season 10 contestant Stefano Langone. Seriously, is that the best they can do? Didn't he finish in like 12th place that season? Does anybody even remember that he was even a contestant? Aren't Taylor Hicks and Kris Allen looking for a paycheck, what about one of them? Was Sanjaya was too busy? At least a few members of the remaining audience would have remembered him. Maybe Stefano was the only former contestant left who returned Nigel's call.

So everybody gets to come back and do it again next week. This was such a "surprise" that I didn't even bother to watch. I read instead that Candace and Amber were in the Bottom 2. The judges must be going insane in their respective mansions about this. After all, how much more can they possibly do to convince America that Amber deserves to win this competition? Maybe Nicki can just shoot the other contestants like she threatened to do to Mariah during the auditions.

I used to like Amber but given how much the judges have been trying to blow smoke up her *** I've become less enthusiastic about her. It hasn't helped that her performances have been putting me to sleep.

This will give Kree and Candace a second chance and a week to rest up since next week they'll likely be forced to sing three songs again and then listen to the judges rave about Amber and Angie again. I'll try to rest up too since I'll need to write up all those songs again next week and listen to all that raving again. I hear next week's theme is "Now and Then", which means we'll get 4 old and boring ballads, 4 new and boring ballads, and a couple of middle aged and boring duets.

Stefano Langone? Really?

Everybody Can Blow Smoke Up Your...

I figured that I would generate some new hits to this blog by name dropping a bunch of former Idol contestants in my last post. Google, you are so predictable. Let's see how many of those who dropped by after Googling "William Hung" will be around to read one of my more regular offerings.

Trained Seal opened the show by promising lots of singing and an endurance test for the contestants. With all that singing and some of the more "colorful" comments from the judges tonight it'll be an endurance test all right, a test to see if I can make it through the day tomorrow after staying up past 2 am to write this.

Tonight there were two themes. The first was "contestant's choice", which meant it would be a bunch of ballads that I've never heard before. The second was the theme chosen by you in the AT&T contest, "One Hit Wonders", which meant it would be a bunch of ballads that I might have heard before. In between were two duets without a theme, likely chosen by Nigel.

The intro videos this week featured the 4 remaining contestants' visit to the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles. Out of respect for the kids I'm going to refrain from making any snide comments on the videos, except to question Amber Holcomb's assertion to one kid that she is "camera shy." Amber took the death spot tonight to sing Celine Dion's "The Power of Love". Gee, another big note ballad, no surprise on the song choice there. I would have been surprised if Amber had chosen the Huey Lewis and the News version. I would have been annoyed too since that song always reminds me of an ex-girlfriend. While the song choice was predictable Amber did take a chance and sang the first verse without any accompaniment and standing on top of Trained Seal's entry stairs. It actually worked pretty well for Amber. Her performance didn't excite me but it was solid, controlled, and showed a wider range that the other songs that she has sung. Jaws thought Amber was current and looked like a "big sexy class of milk" because her full length pants suit was white in the front. Sole Survivor thought Amber was a big sexy "black and white cookie" since her dress was all black in the back. He also claimed that Amber had shown the most growth of any contestant this season. I would tend to agree. Glitter Girl dropped her one and only #POW of the night. Trained Seal asked Amber what statement she was trying to make tonight since she seemed to confident. Amber's meek response: "It showed my range." After the break Andy Cap, still in solitary confinement, said that he heard some straining in Amber's voice but that it would still be tough for the other chicks to do better.

Trained Seal introduced Candace Glover's Coca-Cola Treatment by claiming that she had the "eye of the tigress." During her treatment Candace talked about how she met the singer Drake on February 21 of last year, which if memory serves was around the time Sole Survivor kicked her out from last season's competition. Drake came up because Candace chose to sing his song "Find Your Love". It was another ballad but rather than just belt out the notes like Amber did Candace was much more stylish in her vocal, with lots of note runs to get the crowd excited. The judges weren't as excited. Indeed they thought Candace sang too many runs. Jaws led off by saying that she talked to Drake yesterday and that she couldn't comment on the vocals any more but would instead speak on "where I see you in the real world today." Nicki spent about 5 minutes complaining about the runs and about how Candace should think about what her potential market is. For good measure she name dropped Kanye West (who allegedly wrote this song) and Luther Vandross. Sole Survivor wasn't too crazy about the runs either, claiming that the vocal sounded too churchy. Glitter Girl, who has been Candace's defender all season, came to her rescue again by dismissing the other comments. Mr. Kidman agreed with Mariah. Andy Cap agreed with Jaws "this time."

Kree Harrison promised the kids that there would be some dancing during her performance of "Hurts So Bad", a blues ballad by someone nobody bothered to say. Apparently Kree considered occasionally shaking her hips as dancing because that was the only movement she made in the entire song. Her performance was a little more animated than what she's typically done but it just kind of fell a little flat for me. I'm beginning to suspect that Kree is losing her endurance as she sounded somewhat tired. Sole Survivor dropped 3 YOs and claimed Kree was "in her element," then got booed for saying that the song felt disconnected at times. Glitter Girl listened to the song in her car on the way to the studio because she had never heard it before and felt that Kree connected with the audience. Mr. Kidman poured his heart out to Kree, crying out for more "frickin emotion" that would break his heart and lamenting that Kree didn't do that with this song. Jaws all but told Kree that she is going home tomorrow night, saying that the performance was not Top 4 worthy. She then ripped into the other judges, Nigel, and everyone who's been pimping Kree all season (including the censor at Fox) with this little line: "Everybody can blow smoke up your (bleep, bleep, bleep) but that wasn't it." Trained Seal seemed dazed and confused about Nicki's censored comment. Andy Cap didn't want to "contribute to any smoke blowing around here" but agreed with Jaws and got booed again.

Angie Miller is a big fan of Jessie J so she chose her song "Who You Are". I had to Google Jessie J to find out who she is. According to Wikipedia "Jessie J is recognized for an unconventional musical and performance style that mixes soul vocals with contemporary R&B, pop, electropop, and hip-hop beats," basically everything Angie is not. What Angie is though is a performer and she was in full performance mode with this song. She was back at the piano, emoting and dramatizing so much that I wondered if she was actually playing the piano or just hitting the keys, and I mean literally hitting the keys. She was bouncing up and down pounding on those keys like Alex Van Halen on the drums. You can look Alex up on Wikipedia. If Mr. Kidman was looking for frickin emotion he found it here, but the singing was just OK. I'm sure Captain Jack would have described this performance as "self-indulgent" but sadly he's not in the house tonight. Instead we have judges that are suckers for emoting so of course Angie got 3 SOs. Glitter Girl didn't stand but claimed that it was because her dress got caught in the chair again. She apparently wanted Angie to chose an original song instead as she advised Angie that "songwriting is an asset that you have, and that can give you a career with longevity, TRUST ME." Mr. Kidman remembered that Angela Miller sang a Jessie J song at her audition and complimented Angie Miller for getting cooler and loser as the song went along, since "it's OK to not be OK." Jaws thought the performance was like a closing act of an awards show, though I think it was meant as a compliment. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and showed off his math skills by saying it was a "10 outta 10 outta 10." Trained Seal invited Angie's crying grandma to come on stage and receive some shout outs from the crowd. In true Angie fashion she still glared at the camera to flash her phone numbers while her crying grandma was hugging her.

OK, it was then duet time. First up was Amber and Kree trying Adele's "Rumor Has It". The two basically just stood there and sang in their usual style, which meant it was pitch perfect but boring. The only thing that got my attention was the camera finally spotting the cute Asian backup singer. Mr. Kidman wanted them to cut loose more and "throw a mic stand or something." Jaws pimped Amber and trashed Kree by telling Kree, and only Kree, that she should sing a duet like she's having a conversation with her favorite diva rather than just stand there and sing, even though both chicks were guilty of that offense. Trained Seal challenged Jaws on that comment, asking her how she would sing a duet with Glitter Girl. The response was the predictable fake attitude thing that we've come to expect from Nicki.

Candace and Angie sang the Rihanna ballad "Stay" featuring Mikky Ekko, another singer I had to look up on Wikipedia. I learned Mikky's a dude so I wondered which of the two chicks sang his part of the song. Apparently Candace and Angie were paying attention back stage because they looked at each other for most of the song, which became a real challenge at the end when the fog machine obscured their view of each other. There were lots of big notes and emoting in this song too, especially Angie who looked pissed off for most of it. If there had been a mic stand nearby Angie would have likely thrown it, especially after Keith's comment after the previous duet. Sole Survivor dropped 5 YOs and raved about how Angie had "come out." Take that for what you will. Glitter Girl backed Candace again by raving about how she respected the song and how she was able to sing it while at the same time deal with the fog machine and Angie.

With great fanfare Trained Seal announced that the winning theme selected by fans for the AT&T contest was "one hit wonders." One wonders why so many people voted for such a dull theme. Whatever happened to Disco Night anyway? An apropos question since Amber chose to sing the one hit wonder "MacArthur Park", which was so wonderful that it was a one-hit wonder twice, once by Richard Harris and once by Disco Queen and former Idol tor-mentor Donna Summer. Amber started the song as the Richard Harris ballad and then there was a somewhat awkward transition to the Donna Summer disco version. Amber sang both parts like she usually does, technically strong but lacking in emotion or depth. It was a fun little performance though, I'll give her that, and half of the song wasn't a ballad. The song choice was, well, interesting. Mr. Kidman thought that Amber was dominating tonight and that "summer had set in for you and it's here to stay." He stayed with the puns by trying a funny line about Richard Harris and disco music but that fell flat. Jaws loved that "Angie" "takes chances." I suspect it was a slip of the tongue, though in this case a Freudian slip would be a plausible explanation for Nicki's flub. Sole Survivor dropped 2 YOs and name dropped Rihanna. Trained Seal accused Amber of holding back until now, a charge that she didn't deny. Andy Cap, still hiding backstage, thought that the judges "missed the point" and that the song was too corny.

Candace selected the another two time one hit wonder, "Emotion" by Samantha Sang and by the Bee Gees. Not the Glitter Girl version, but then Mariah's not a one hit wonder. Her performance had a stylish start though the back up singers were out of tune. The rest of Candace's performance was OK, it was well sung and she stayed within the melody for the most part. Jaws was proud of Candace for sounding somewhat current while singing a 35 year old song, then ripped into Andy Cap for his comments about Amber. Sole Survivor dropped 5 yeses instead of YOs, loved how Candace marinated the vocals, then ripped into Andy Cap for his comments about Amber. Glitter Girl pimped up Candace yet again by pointing out that she sang that song with a bad cold. Mr. Kidman thought Candace could have selected a risker song and also wondered if there were any one-hit wonders in this past decade. Trained Seal stoked the fires by bringing Andy Cap out from exile to a chorus of boos. Jimmy accused the judges of smoking the green icing on Amber's cake and that they were afraid to admit that Candace was better this round than Amber. Jaws responded with "Candace was better!" "Then say it!" was Jimmy's retort. The judges then yell over each other so I had no idea if they were agreeing with Jimmy or still defending their comments about Amber. Jaws and Sole Survivor then both rushed the stage to get in Andy Cap's grill, only to do a group hug instead. Randy still tried to defend himself, but Trained Seal blew him off to read the phone numbers for Candace.

I'm exhausted just typing that paragraph out. So I'll try and abbreviate the summary of the final two performances. Kree sang Procol Harum's "A Whiter Shade of Pale", an interesting song choice that I would bet Kree didn't mediate on very much like Jaws recommended, especially since Kree told Trained Seal afterwards that she heard Percy Sledge sing this song many times when she was little. Perhaps Kree thought she was singing "When A Man Loves A Woman", the Percy Sledge song that sounds a lot like "A Whiter Shade of Pale", at least according to Wikipedia. This is the kind of mistake that an exhausted person has been known to make. So is singing a decent but uninspiring vocal like Kree did. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and loved it. Glitter Girl also loved it and wanted to download her performance to her phone. Mr. Kidman didn't like the song choice because it was too "middle ground" and got no boos. Jaws thought it was pretty and angelic but also strongly suggested that Kree was in danger because "something inside of you is dimming." Andy Cap must have been exhausted too since he wasn't allowed to comment. Instead Trained Seal pimped the Idol app.

Angie Miller closed the show with the Julie London song "Cry Me A River", which was a one-hit wonder in 1955, one year before Sole Survivor was born. If Julie London's name sounds familiar perhaps it is because in addition to being a one-hit wonder during the Eisenhower administration she also played the nurse on Emergency in the 1970's, 5 years before Jaws was born. Yes, I looked all that up on Wikipedia too. Angie sang without the piano on this number, which meant the usual big notes, faux emoting, and constant staring at the camera. Glitter Girl wondered why the song wasn't a classic rather than just a one-hit wonder and praised Angie for her note selection. Mr. Kidman was told to limit his comments to 3 words, "mystical and celestially powerful." Yes, Jaws pointed out that it was 4 words, then used much more than 3 or 4 words in her critique, including accusing Angie of snatching some wigs tonight. Sole Survivor dropped 2 final YOs and declared Angie's performance to be the best of the night.

Somehow Trained Seal managed to send us off to our local news right at 10:00 and still find time to promise that a "surprise twist" will be announced tomorrow night. More on that in a moment.

Things We Learned Tonight: Patrick Willis' feelings are hurt. Togo's mission is to save the world, one sandwich at a time. Fake Vikings think Alec Baldwin can act. Trained Seal thinks Candace has the "eye of the tigress." Mr. Kidman thinks of Richard Harris whenever he thinks of disco and is looking for someone to throw a mic stand and show some "frickin emotion" that will break his heart. Jaws has resumed her wars with both Jimmy Iovine and the Fox censor. Glitter Girl believes that songwriting is the key to a long career and favors dress that don't allow her to stand up. Andy Cap believes Nicki is in love with him and thinks the other judges are favoring Amber. All the other judges disagree with Jimmy.

Your Three Stars of the Night: Amber's first performance was good, especially since she sang part of it without accompaniment and while standing on top of the stairs. Too bad it was wasted on the death spot. I'll still give her a star though. I liked Candace's runs in her first performance so she gets my second star. The third star gets split by Candace and Angie for their duet that was actually sung like a duet as opposed to two singers just standing there.

The Final Score: 8-1/2 ballads (Amber's "MacArthur Park" was 1/2 ballad, 1/2 disco); 7 big notes; 4 short skirts; 13 YOs & 5 Yeses from Sole Survivor; 1 #POW from Glitter Girl; 11 standing Os; 3 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 7 mentions of former Idol contestants; I mention of a former Idol judge; 5 name drops: 2 by Jaws and 1 by Sole Survivor, plus 2 by me; 3 references to food; 2 singers I had to look up on Wikipedia; 3 other Wikipedia references; 2 Google references; 1 presidential reference; 2 cute Asian back up singer sightings; 1 app pimping; and no goose bumps.

The Fearless Prediction: Tamyra Gray. LaToya London. Chris Daughtry. Lakisha Jones. Michael Lynche. James Durbin. What do these former Idol contestants all have in common? They were all among the favorites to win coming out of the semi-finals in their respective seasons, and they were all eliminated at this point in the competition. There's a pattern here, and I have a feeling that it'll be repeated again this year with Kree Harrison. She was one of the pre-live show favorites, if not the favorite to win, and she's been slipping while the others have been gaining. On top of that, even though she was in the Bottom 2 last week the judges weren't trying to pimp her up this week. Instead they were focusing their love on Amber as if they were trying to save her. I have a feeling that Kree may be eliminated tomorrow night. I say may because the "surprise twist" that Trained Seal promised at the end of the show tonight likely has something to do with the fact that the Idol season will end one week early unless they do something since Nigel wouldn't let the judges use the save on a dude. That something could well be that no one gets eliminated tomorrow and instead they'll be eliminated next week. While Kree would no doubt be grateful I don't know if she has the stamina to last another week.

My Favorite Idols

I've been thinking (dangerous I know), who have been my favorite contestants on American Idol? Who would be in my Top 16 over all 12 seasons? Well, here's my all star lineup, and not all of them are here because of their vocals.

Christina Christian, Season 1

They say you never forget your first, and for me and Idol the first was Christina Christian. Though I only caught snippets of Idol in its first season I do remember this young lady with the cute voice and the even cuter look. I remember checking the Idol web site each week to see if she was still in the competition. I also remember that she was eliminated while in the hospital for exhaustion, which at the time made me sad because I thought she had a chance to win.

William Hung, Season 3

In 2004 I worked in an office with several engineers from Asia, and every one of them talked about this dude. Not in a derogatory fashion mind you, but rather out of admiration. William was living their dream. Even though he couldn’t sing a single note in key he still managed to gain fame and a record deal, just because he did his best. Only in America.

LaToya London, Season 3

Some of you cynics out there might not believe Idol’s promos about how much support the contestants get from the people in their hometowns. I can tell you from LaToya’s experience though that they really do. Even though she wasn’t a small town girl, everyone in her hometown of Oakland knew about LaToya while she was on the show. There were signs of support everywhere and she was the talk of every bar and restaurant in the city, whether you watched the show or not. Indeed, even Oaklanders who didn’t watch Idol were calling in and voting for her. I was living in Oakland at the time and I thought it was really fun to have one of our own do so well, even though I wasn’t watching the show at this point.

Kellie Pickler, Season 5

This blog and everything about it all exist because of this little ol’ car hop who lived in a trailer in North Carolina. It was her audition on the season premiere of Season 5, which I was only watching because I was cooped up at home cleaning my living room of ants, which got me hooked into watching this show. After seeing and hearing her audition I was inspired to watch the next show, and the next one, and… well, you know the rest of the story.

Chris Daughtry, Season 5

While Kellie was who first got me to watch Idol, it was Chris Daughtry that got me to watch it every week. Here was a guy who just had a natural voice for rock songs and wasn’t afraid to deviate from the Idol template of ballads, ballads, and more ballads. Even though he didn’t win Chris provided the template that David Cook followed to win Idol 2 seasons later. He proved to me that there was a place on Idol for singers that I would like. To this day Daughtry’s albums are the only ones recorded by a former Idol contestant that I have ever bought.

Elliott Yamin, Season 5

Elliott was the James Brown of American Idol, the hardest working man in the history of the show. Nobody worked on his singing during the season as much as he did, and it was that hard work that led to Chris Daughtry getting eliminated before him and almost led to Katherine McPhee getting eliminated one week later that would have put Elliott in the finale. Nobody gave this dude much of a chance to win and he came this close to pulling it off.

Melinda Doolittle, Season 6

I would argue that Melinda Doolittle was technically the best singer in the history of Idol. Key changes, chord changes, runs, flats, sharps, slow songs, dance songs, Melinda could sing them all and then some. I don’t think she missed a single note the entire season and I don’t remember any of the judges ever saying anything critical of her singing, even Simon. She was that good. As good as Jordin Sparks was that year, Melinda would have won it all if only she hadn’t been so afraid to show her personality.

Jordin Sparks, Season 6



How good was Jordin Sparks that year? This good. There is only one reason why Jordin is on this list. It's because her performance of "You Never Walk Alone" on the first Idol Gives Back show was my favorite single performance in the history of the show. I can't think of any other performance that not only gave me goosebumps but left me crying at the end. As long as this is still up on You Tube, just press play and hear for yourself just how good Jordin was.

Ramiele Malubay, Season 7

Speaking of chicks that were too shy, there was this cute little Pinay with a great voice that she was too afraid to show. However, that’s not why she is on this list. Well, cute is part of the reason why, but the main reason why she’s here is because she was the first person on the show that I gave a nickname to (Pinoy’s Lullaby, because she once said that she didn’t want to be known as “Ramiele Lullaby” by singing too many ballads). It worked so well that I started giving nicknames to the other contestants that season. Soon thereafter I started giving nicknames to the judges, the mentors, and Ryan, a practice that continues to this day.

Amanda Overmyer, Season 7

Ah yes, the rock and roll nurse, who sounded like Janis Joplin, rode a Harley, and called everyone “chiel.” She was only on the live shows for a short time but it was a fun time while it lasted. In a season full of oh so serious singers with prior record deals trying to get back in the biz, Amanda was an amateur that was off the cuff and just didn’t give a damn. It was really refreshing and a real shame that she was eliminated so early.

Jason Castro, Season 7

Speaking of contestants who didn’t give a damn, we have Exhibit A in the dreadlocked Jason Castro. I loved how he wasn’t afraid to speak his mind. He was relieved to be eliminated before he had to sing 2 songs, he laughed at Andrew Lloyd Webber because he wrote a musical about cats, and after butchering both “I Shot the Sheriff” and “Mister Tambourine Man” on the same night he admitted on the results show that he had read somewhere that he had “shot the tambourine man” and thought the comment was funny. He’s also the guy who inspired Paula Abdul’s infamous brain fart when she critiqued one of his performances before he had sung it, but more on that another day.

Allison Irahata, Season 8

I’m not sure what it was that I liked about Allison. Maybe it was her bright red hair, or her song choices that tended towards rock, or perhaps because she showed so much maturity for a 16 year old. Perhaps what drew me in the most was that she seemed so genuine and because she was the clear underdog that year compared to eye candy Kris Allen, Broadway Boy Adam Lambert, and the heavily pimped Danny Gokey. Allison was like the daughter I wished I had.

Siobhan Magnus, Season 9

She was quirky, she was shy, she had a large and strange tattoo on her shoulder and really odd tastes in hair styles, she argued with the judges, she chose to sing some strange songs, and she could scream like a banshee. Siobhan was one of the most unique finalists that Idol has ever had. Her glory notes were unlike anything Idol had ever heard either before or since; they were loud enough to break glass. I’ve liked the contestants that are distinctive and Siobhan was that alright, perhaps like none other. I always looked forward to her performances because I never knew what to expect. If I had to name my all-time Three Stars it would be Chris Daughtry, Melinda Doolittle, and Siobhan.

Crystal Bowersox, Season 9

With all due respect to Lee DeWyze, who was a decent singer and seemed like a cool guy, but Crystal really should have won that season. She was so consistent week in and week out and was a really good singer. She also filled a very unique niche; no one on this show has embodied the folk rock/chick rock genre like Crystal did. She never reached for the glory notes or tried to “perform” rather than sing. She just did her thing and did it well.

Joshua Ledet, Season 11

Like Crystal two seasons before, Joshua really should have won in Season 11. This kid held nothing back every time he performed. Every song was strong and passionate, it really did seem like he was singing for his life as Ryan so often claims Idol contestants do. He liked Ryan's comparisons to Mandisa from Season 5, but Joshua was actually better than her. Mandisa may have wanted to cleanse of our sins but Joshua’s performances actually did.

Candice Glover, Season 12

I believe technically Candice was the best singer on the show since Melinda Doolittle. There was nothing that this chick could not sing. I was worried that she would follow in Melinda's footsteps and be eliminated before the finale, but then she started showing some personality and creativity in her performances and my fears went away. I didn’t mind that she was shy and a little overweight. I am too so I could sympathize with Candice whereas I couldn't with anyone else on the show that season. I was so happy that she won Season 12, since for the first time in a long time the best singer actually won a singing competition rather than the best looking or most marketable contestant.

Idol Gives Back - CounTree Edition

Well, this was in retrospect probably the least daring fearless prediction of the season. The only drama was whether or not the judges would decide to save Janelle, now that Nigel had lifted the ban on using the save now that there were no more dude contestants. The drama only heightened when the camera showed not just the dude judges talking during the Sing for the Save but also the chick judges. Usually Sole Survivor and Mr. Kidman exchange recipes while Jaws and Glitter Girl just sit there like Simon used to do. This time around Mariah was in on the conversation from the start. Nicki was her usual self but eventually even she exchanged a few words with Randy. The final vote was 2 and 2, but of course Sole Survivor didn't say which were yes and which were no. Well, at least he revealed the vote this time.

I was surprised to see Kree in the Bottom 2, Maybe she has gotten a little too predictable. Or maybe people got turned off by the caked on make-up she had last night. No matter, she's the only country chick left now so she still has a shot.

I do like that they did a feature on hometown chick LaToya London from Season 3. She's gotten lost in the shadows compared to her divamates Fantasia and Jennifer Hudson so I'm happy that Nigel was able to track her down and give her a video, as opposed to just a shout out from Trained Seal that Jordin Sparks got tonight.

Since this may be Idol's last season I thought I might do some reminiscing of my own. First up will be a post to my favorite Idol contestants of seasons past and present. Yes, LaToya's on that list, as well as a few others that you might be able to easily guess from checking out the archive, if you care. I'll also list my least favorite Idol contestants and perhaps a special tribute to the judges and tor-mentors. If I have the time and mood I might even check my fearless predictions of the futures of Idol contestants from my season recaps and see how close I came.

No Dudes Allowed

Let's get right to it since I don't want to stay up until 1:00 am again...

The opening intro promoted the success of Nigel's grand plan to have a chick winner this year following the departure of the last dude standing last week. Too bad Lazaro is gone, he was born for one of this week's two themes, divas! But before we got to the Mariah Carey tribute we had to get through the first theme of the night, the ever popular Song from the Year They Were Born. After last week's dead crowd tonight's crowd was so amped up with screeching that Trained Seal had to hesitate before giving a shout out to Boston.

Candace Glover rocked the house last week in the closer spot so naturally Nigel made her the curtain jerker tonight. Her intro video featured her parents taking about how Candace bossed everybody around when she was a kid. Continuing her hits from the 80's motif Candace made my day by choosing Drunk Chick's "Straight Up" from 1989. Why the hell not? She was in the death spot so she might as well have sung a forgettable song and get it out of her system. Like that guy a few seasons back who wanted to be a janitor Candace changed up the arrangement to this song into some smooth jazz number rather than the forerunner of hip-hop arrangement that Paula had sung. It was good but not great, though I did like how she played with the song and with the camera. Mr. Kidman discovered that Drunk Chick's song was a great song and compared Candace's run singing to a slow wink across the bar. Jaws thought Candace was the boss. Sole Survivor dropped his first YO, praised the arrangement, and gave a shout out to his former dance partner. Glitter Girl thought it was a genius song choice. Trained Seal revealed that Janelle picked the song for Candace.

After the break we heard from Andy Cap, hiding somewhere backstage all by himself. Jimmy didn't like Janelle's song choice for Candace because it was too limiting for her voice. This of course was not an issue with the original singer.

Janelle Arthur was born in either 1989 or 1999. Her accent was too thick for me to tell. When she was a baby she used to stop crying whenever she heard the Vince Gill song "When I Call Your Name", so she chose that song to sing tonight. She took my advice and went full bore old school country with the arrangement, complete with her own guitar and a slide guitar on the side. Janelle seemed to be on the verge of tears throughout the song, so I guess the trick that worked when she was a baby doesn't work anymore. Her notes were weak in spots but was more or less OK. Jaws thought it was pretty and angelic. Sole Survivor and Janelle exchanged YOs. Glitter Girl complemented Janelle for not listening to the judges' comments. Mr. Kidman was the downer. He loves the song because of the emotion but didn't think that Janelle brought enough emotion into her performance. Naturally, Janelle smiled when she heard that. Glitter Girl on the other hand was not happy to hear that and shouted out that she was brought to tears, darling. Andy Cap compared Janelle's first verse to "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." With comments like that no wonder he was in hiding.

Kree Harrison was called Snow White by her now deceased parents when she was born in 1990. From that year she chose "She Talks to Angels" since no one would expect her to sing that song. Well she was right on point there, but before we thought that was just crazy she started singing the song in a bouncy country pop arrangement like she always does. I heard a few missed notes here and there, which is unusual for Kree. Still it was OK, but not her best. Sole Survivor dropped 2 YOs and loved her "natural, blues, soulful kind of thing." Glitter Girl loved Kree's emoting. Words from the master. Mr. Kidman thought Kree felt awkward because she had to sing to the camera. Jaws declared it the best of the night in her annoying faux British accent and declared that both Mariah and Keith were wrong to think that Kree sounded uncomfortable. Glitter Girl immediately fought back claiming that she never said anything about being awkward. Jaws continued to claim that Mariah was wrong straight through the bumper music. Andy Cap didn't think Kree's performance was a strong one. He had more criticism but that was drowned out by the audience's boos. Trained Seal threatened to send the chick judges to track down Jimmy and beat him up.

Angie Miller talked about how fat a baby she was when she was born in 1994 and how she was so loud and obnoxious as a child. Not much as changed except that she lost some weight. She started The Pretender's "Stand by You" from the piano by dedicating the performance to her hometown of Boston. I thought she was from small town outside of Boston, but given the events of Monday I won't rag on that too much more. While she sang the song she chased the camera around with her glare, doing her best to show emotion since that's what the judges told her to do last week. As a result Angie's singing was sloppier than usual, but she was quite successful with the emoting. How much of it was real was anybody's guess. Everybody but Jaws gave Angie an SO and all the judges loved the dedication to Boston. Interestingly Jaws thought it was a "smart choice." Glitter Girl spent her entire critique talking about Chrissie Hynde. Sole Survivor dropped yet another YO. Andy Cap gave Angie his first compliment of the night.

Amber Holcomb spent her Coca-Cola treatment session with a groupie who followed her from Vegas and had a mean shoulder bounce. Amber made the gutsy move to take on one of Glitter Girl's songs, her 1994 cover of "Without You". Sadly for her it's wasn't all that gutsy, she still played it safe by singing the song as a boring power ballad. The slow parts were really boring, the power parts were somewhat better. The judges of course fawned all over Amber with more standing ovations. Mr. Kidman declared an Amber alert. Sole Survivor dropped 2 more YOs and gave her props for singing a Mariah song in front of Mariah herself. Glitter Girl talked about how her mom sang her this song when she was a baby and only performs this song in concerts outside of the United States. Jaws threw everyone a curve ball by actually criticizing Amber for being too stoic, too scared, and not that impressive with the big notes. Naturally she was booed. Andy Cap agreed with Jaws and didn't think Amber was emotive enough.

Between games of the doubleheader Trained Seal interviewed Jessica Malvoy, a former winner of Australian Idol. She had the most delightful Aussie accent.

It was now diva time, and Candace decided to go for broke and take on not only Glitter Girl but also Whitney Houston with "When You Believe", which won the Oscar in 1999. Candace was initially afraid to sing a Mariah song but changed her mind after Glitter Girl glittered her last week. Unlike "the last performer", Candace wasn't afraid to sing a Mariah song in front of Mariah, indeed she was much more expressive. And of course the notes were pitch perfect. I don't know where she found that emotion switch but it's working for her now big time. Best of the night. This time all 4 judges gave her SOs. Jaws talked about female empowerment again. Sole Survivor bowed in respect, dropped 2 YOs, and declared that Candace had "one of the best voices in the whole world." Glitter Girl cried. Mr. Kidman stopped in his tracks. Trained Seal gave Candace a hug for America.

Janelle chose the Dolly Parton song "Dumb Blonde" because she's "smarter than the average bear." This wasn't quite the Dolly Parton I had in mind when I suggested that Janelle sing her songs. This one was uptempo country pop that Janelle performed in an un-country like short skirt. Emphasis on "performed" since that's what she did instead of singing. She sure had fun with all of that struttin' and emotin' and fireworks crackin' behind her. The singing was just so-so. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and agreed with me to a smattering of boos. Glitter Girl declared that it was "#pow" because Janelle connected to the song, but agreed with Randy by pointing out (indirectly, Glitter Girl style) that America didn't hear her chops. Jaws was afraid to say anything critical because all the chicks have "super powers" but still declared that Janelle was likely going home tomorrow night. Believe it or not, I agree with all four judges. Must be those super powers at work.

Say, wasn't Kellie Pickler eliminated at Top 5? I think Skyler Laine was too. I have a funny feeling about this...

During Kree's intro video before she sang Celine Dion's "Have You Ever Been in Love" Nigel showed the duet Celine did on Idol with the virtual Elvis. Remember how big a deal that was supposed to be? No, neither do I. Now this is the song that I wouldn't have expected Kree to sing instead of the Black Crowes song, especially since she sang it straight instead of as a country pop number. Her performance was impressive, I didn't realize that Kree's voice had that kind of range. The only thing that kept it from being best of the night was that her voice had a slight wobble to it like she had a marble in her mouth. Mr. Kidman thought Kree would inspire little girls to sing country. Jaws name dropped Adele and Celine and had an epiphany by realizing that Kree wasn't country but "worldly." Another YO from Sole Survivor.

Angie didn't get a word in during her Coca-Cola Treatment as Trained Seal showed Angie scoring a goal on ice against the L.A. Kings mascot goalie and then gave a shout out to Kings player Jared Stoll and his arm candy Erin Andrews in the audience. Angie chose Beyonce's "Halo" because she thought it would be a huge risk for her, or so she claimed. I suspect she really chose this song so that Amber couldn't sing it. She's wearing the same short skirt that she wore for the first song so it doesn't count towards her final score. Like the first song Angie did lots and lots of emoting but not much singing, including one stretch when all she sang were notes instead of words. She sang it well but it still sounded phony. Mr. Kidman put Angie back in his Top 3. Jaws thought Beyonce would hear about this. Sole Survivor dropped still another YO.

Amber used the closer spot to sing "What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life," a Sarah Vaughan song that Barbra Streisand sang once in concert in 1994 and subsequently got credit for. The song was written in 1969 but Amber went old school jazz circa 1939 with a long skirt, a harpist, and chandeliers hung from the ceiling. The slow parts were really boring, the power parts were somewhat better. The judges of course fawned all over Amber with more standing ovations. Stop me if you heard this before. Jaws name dropped Whitney again. Sole Survivor dropped a YO and a Rihanna. Glitter Girl reminded us that she was an American. All four judges again wondered why America wasn't getting her. I've given up trying to explain this. Trained Seal was afraid that the chandeliers would fall on his and Amber's head.

Trained Seal sent us off to our local news straight up at 10:00.

Things We Learned Tonight: Tickets for the summer tour go on sale May 3. Nate Montana has his father's eyes. The mini-series The Bible is based on a book. Carly Rae Jepsen's Coca-Cola contest song now has a name. Mr. Kidman realized how good of a song "Straight Up" is and wants to cry every time he hears Angie's voice. Sole Survivor loves Vince Gill. Glitter Girl is an American, can be feisty some nights, isn't afraid to steal arrangements from Idol contestants, doesn't sing "Without You" in the USA, and was sung "Without You" by her mother when she was a baby. Jaws loves strong women, cried when she first heard the Whitney/Mariah duet, and "Straight Up" makes her happy. Andy Cap is in solitary confinement backstage, and will likely stay there since Trained Seal wants to beat him up. Trained Seal can do the shoulder bounce and is excited that the chicks all like each other.

Your Three Stars of the Night: For two weeks in a row Candace was the best of the night with her second song. Candace's performance last week laid down the gauntlet and only Kree seemed to respond so she gets star #2. I'll give Candace the third star for selecting a Paula song

The Final Score: 7 ballads; 7 big notes; 5 short skirts; 12 YOs from Sole Survivor (every song had at at least 1 - Randy was en fuego) plus 1 from Janelle; 21 standing Os; 3 Nigel Lythgoe mentions; 1 mention of a former Australian Idol winner; 2 mentions of former Idol contestants; 1 former Idol song; 1 Whitney song; 2 Mariah songs; 1 pro hockey player with some Fox eye candy by his side; 8 name drops: 3 by Jaws, 2 by Sole Survivor, 2 by Trained Seal, and 1 from Glitter Girl; 2 rows amongst the judges, darling, 1 virtual Elvis sighting, and 1 contestant who took my advice. Of course it was the one with the least chance of winning.

The Fearless Prediction: Angie's really starting to annoy me but all her emoting and her dedication to Boston will probably keep her out of the Bottom 2. Kree should be safe and I hopeful that Candace will be too, so I predict that it'll be Amber and Janelle in the Bottom 2, as I predicted a month ago. I think after last week it's Amber's turn to get the sympathy votes so I will again fearlessly predict that Janelle will have the lowest votes, and again not dare to predict if the judges will use their save. It'll be their last chance to use it and it'll be a chick who will be singing for her life so you would think that they would use it, and if it's Amber you can guarantee that they will. I'm not so sure about Janelle though. We'll find out tomorrow night.

It's 12:55, time to say good night...

Directions Home

In light of today's events I could use some cheering up. So for my benefit, and perhaps yours, here's a mildly entertaining, somewhat humorous, and semi-intelligent handicap of the 5 chicks remaining in the competition.

Unlike Trained Seal's method of announcing the results, this is in a particular order. I'll leave to you to guess how...

Janelle Arthur: I feel sorry for Janelle, I really do. She is a sweet kid who is trying really, really hard to sing well, unlike Lazaro who didn't seem to give a s*#t once he realized he was getting by on his looks. The problem with Janelle is not her looks, it's that she doesn't have the voice to compete with the other chicks, not to mention a few of the dudes that Nigel chased off the show. She couldn't have picked a better song for her than the Garth Brooks song that she sang last week and she couldn't have sang it any better than she did, but it still came up short. I admire her effort and determination, though. Too bad she doesn't have a sob story that she could milk.

My advice to Janelle: Go old school country, like Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn, Patsy Kline, and alike. Your voice is built for those types of songs like no one else's, including Kree, so that's what you should be singing. Avoid Shania Twain, Faith Hill, and other country pop songs like the plague because that's Kree's yard and you will just look bad trying to live there no matter how well you sing those songs. At this point that's about the only chance you have of winning, unless you can find a sob story.

Amber Holcomb: The judges keep crying every week wondering why America doesn't "get" Amber. Even Andy Cap does this, which surprises me because he's (usually) the most honest of the judges in his critiques. Honestly, in their efforts to try and pimp her the judges are doing Amber a disservice by not being honest with her about why she doesn't have a lot of support. She's boring and predictable, she sings the same types of songs every week, and she is playing it safe. Yes, she sings them well and looks great, but so have about 2-dozen other Idol contestants over the years who all try to sound like Beyoncé like she does. It seems like Amber asks her handlers how Beyoncé would sing the song and then that's how she sings it.

My advice to Amber: Do what Candace did, pick a song that no one would expect you to sing and sing it in a way that no one would expect you to sing it. Forget about Beyoncé, and don't even think about doing a Whitney song until the finale. Try something different, like a U2 song or something. I know, you should sing "One". It's different for you but it's a ballad so you should still be able to sing it. Take a chance and see what happens. At this point you have nothing to lose except getting eliminated before Janelle.

Angie Miller: Ah, yes, our little drama queen, who doesn't sing her songs as much as she performs them. The judges, in particular Mr. Kidman, have been dancing around the passion issue, or lack thereof, with Angie but no one in public has been telling her that she's coming across as phony because of how she keeps playing to the camera as if she were on a reality TV show. Oh, wait... well you know what I mean. Yes, she has a strong voice and apparently has some songwriting skills, but that will only get you so far if the cougars stop buying your acting.

My advice to Angie: Stop staring down the camera. Look around while you're singing. Look at the audience, the band, the judges, Trained Seal, anyone but the camera. The audience might actually think you're being sincere if you weren't trying so hard to act like you are. It's OK to pick dramatic songs like the Evanescence number you did two weeks ago, though I'm beginning to think the reason why you sang that song so well was because you were too busy trying to keep your blouse from blowing off to pay attention to anything else. You might considering giving the fan guy a little something extra on the side to do that again.

Candace Glover: I must admit that Candace is my personal favorite. She is the best singer in the competition hands down, and she's shy and slightly overweight and I can identify with both of those. So I've been sad to see her so disregarded by the judges and the audience. She's the one that I've been crying about not getting enough attention rather than Amber. I think her problem is that while she connects to the songs she hasn't been connecting to the audience. She's been the exact opposite of Angie and as a result her personality hasn't shown through. That is, until "Love Song". Perhaps she was motivated by the fact that she was only in Glitter Girl's Top 3 two weeks ago and felt the need to change her strategy. Perhaps she was the one who was inspired by Burnell's departure rather than Amber. Whatever it was it sure as hell worked.

My advice to Candace: Do what you did last week, pure and simple. Stay focused on whatever it was that inspired you to sing a Cure song as a torch ballad and you'll make it to the finale and not have to sing the group numbers with the losers. Last week you got the audience to cheer for you and got Jaws to stop trying to find ways to criticize you, and you can't ask for more than that.

Kree Harrison: If I were a bookmaker then my odds would be lowest for Kree. She is the front runner right now and has been since Simon Cowell was a judge, or so it seems. She had been in danger of drifting into the same predictable zone that Amber finds herself trapped in but she maneuvered clear of that last week by not trying to turn that sappy song "What The World Needs Now" into a country pop song. I think it's also helped that she has avoided singing glory notes like everybody else; it's stood her out in a positive way.

My advice to Kree: Your spot in the finale is pretty much set as long as you don't pull a Lazaro and forget the lyrics and/or act like a spoiled brat. I'd like to suggest though that you mix up the song arrangements a bit. It's OK to keep doing the Shania Twain, Faith Hill arrangements most of the time but it might help you to venture out just a little bit. Just do my a favor and not sing any glory notes when you do venture out. And wear more dresses and less slacks.

Idol Gives Back - Adios Edition

Sure enough, the first week that I pick Lazaro to not be eliminated is the week where he is eliminated. However, as I said last night (or should I say earlier today), I'm happy to have been proven wrong. I'll take one for the team.

All the judges (even Andy Cap) were surprised that Amber was in the bottom group again. Even though I didn't pick her for elimination this week I'm still not surprised. She's a great singer and looks like a million bucks, but that'll only get you so far when you're playing it safe while your competitors are not. She needs to do what Candace did last night; pick a song that no one would expect you to sing and then sing it like its never been sung before. Sing a U2 song instead of a Beyonce song. She's got the voice to do this, but only if she's willing to try. So far she hasn't been, and that's why she keeps getting fewer votes than what the judges think she should. Just do it Amber, you'll thank me later.

So Nigel's master plan is complete, all the dudes are gone. Well played Nigel, well played. Too bad you sacrificed half your audience in the process. So now the question is, will the judges use their save next week now that only chicks are left and they'll lose it if they don't use it? We've got a week to contemplate that deep thought. Til then...