One Night Stand

I’ve thought about shutting down this blog and allowing someone else to assume the armchair idol URL. I just don’t watch the show anymore. My life is busier than it used to be and the show is, quite frankly, a lot more dull and saccharin than it used to be. Idol used to be exciting, fun, and interesting. Listening to Simon trash the contestants, Paula rambling incoherently, and Randy throwing out his YOs was fun. Now it’s just dull. I know I’m not alone. Last week’s show got a 1.7 rating. To put that in perspective, at its height in Seasons 5 and 6 Idol was pulling in ratings 10 times higher than that. Today Idol draws about 1.8 million viewers, which sounds pretty impressive until you see that Idol 10 years ago drew 18 million viewers. It’s like going from Los Angeles to Austin. Not even Detroit is losing people that fast.

Tonight, however, I was browsing through the channels, sipping my glass of Pinot Noir, and I saw that Idol was on, so I figured, alright, I’ll watch, for old time’s sake. I started yelling at the TV again on what I saw (Pinot Noir will do that to you sometimes), and then I remembered that I had an Idol blog and I could post this stuff, just like I used to. So I pulled out my laptop and starting typing, and away we go. I ain’t keeping score though. The days of me staying up until 1:30 AM typing Idol recaps are over…

So it looks like things have changed a bit since the last time I saw this show. For one, there is this new Blade Runner meets La Scala set and a new minimalist theme song that I can’t sing along with like I could the old one. And then there’s Trained Seal with facial hair and his own clothing line. Kids really do grow up so fast, don’t they?

The theme tonight is 80’s Night, which is good for me since I’ll be able to recognize the songs and won’t have to look them up on the Internet. Of course the down side is that I won’t get educated on what the kids are listening to today. Half the reason why I watched Idol was to learn about that. Another down side is that there will be lots of jokes about an era that I grew up in and actually remember most of. For example, David Hasselhoff, who showed up and sang a medley of 80’s songs the only way he knows how, very badly and with chest hair showing. This wouldn’t have been so bad if it meant that there would not have been a medley sung by the contestants, but alas there was one of those too. I guess the more things change the more they stay the same.

Tonight’s tormentor was Boy George, who I didn’t think was still alive let alone functional. Bully for him! In his intro BG raved about how it was anything goes in the 80's, and I’m wondering if I missed something. I was in high school and college in the 80’s so if it really was anything goes back then shouldn’t I have done that? I must have missed that class or something. I didn’t do any drugs back then (or now) so I should have remembered it. Maybe that is the problem…

In the death spot tonight (assuming the first position still is the death spot) is Daniel Seavey, a 15 year old kid from Vancouver, WA who sang the Hall and Oates song “You Make my Dreams”. The judges and the tormentors kept talking about how this kid has a weak voice, and after about 10 seconds of listening to him I have to agree. The girls seem to like him though, which may explain why he’s still on the show. He’s light on his feet too; maybe Nigel could use him on that goofy dance show down the hall. Keith liked his camera presence but thought he lacked confidence, JLo thought he "sat in the right place for your voice", whatever that means. Harry wanted him to throw out the choreography and just have fun. Apparently this kid likes to make people happy, since he gave that as a reason for people to keep voting for him.

Trained Seal kept making a bunch of pseudo 80’s references throughout the night, like referring to TGIF as being an 80’s thing. It’s a 70’s thing Ryan, I know, I was there. It wasn’t invented for Urkel.

OK, enough ranking, next up is Quentin Alexander, a 21year old fashionista from Parts Unknown. He sang “In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins. He claimed to be mostly laid back and chill but also one that liked to take risks. I would have thought that the two would be in conflict with each other but apparently it’s not for him. The air was set to freezing during his performance. The fog machine was on overdrive and the backdrop looked like it was stolen from Into the Woods.  Quentin was very dramatic and expressive and his vocals were decent. JLo wanted him to smile more and told him that "you are Quentin, you are who you are.” Somewhere Drunk Chick had to have been thinking the same thing. Harry wanted him to sing faster songs. I guess the contestants still like to sing nothing but ballads. Keith showed off his Aussie accent when he said that it was a "killa" song

One reason why I don’t watch Idol any more is because the judges are giving advice rather than critiquing performances. Captain Jack would have just ripped into Quentin’s performance as being too self-indulgent, but instead we get lots of happy talk and words of wisdom such as “you are who you are.”

One change from years past is that the contestants are sitting in electric chairs that light up whenever Trained Seal calls on them. The old cold stools the Bottom 3 used to have to sit on to await their fate have disappeared, perhaps to the Smithsonian or something.

And now, here comes Joey Cook, a 23 year old busker from Woodbridge, VA. She’s the chick with the blue hair that I remember seeing at the NASCAR race on Sunday. She’s got this "Madonna in Space" outfit on (her description, not mine) including what looks like an aluminum foil skirt and some other weird stuff. She was the most excited contestant to meet Boy George and it was easy to see why. She sang the Cyndi Lauper song “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”, and it was easy to see why she did that to. Joey had a really odd voice, like she has a jawbreaker in her mouth. There’s any 80’s reference for you. Joey was clearly having fun, and I was too watching her perform. So this is what Idol has come too, contestants with blue hair bouncing around the stage while wearing an aluminum foil skirt and signing like they have a candy in their mouth. Harry thought she was distracted and didn’t know what was going on in her head and no one booed him. I’m wondering if I’m actually watching Idol or some other show. Keith thought there were "moments of inconsistency" but he was sure that Nicole and his girls were at home dancing to her song. Even though there was no booing or even harsh criticism Boy George still came gave her a hug and offered her some British tea.

The next performer was Tyanna Jones, a 16 year old from an unspecified location who thinks 80's toys are weird. She took on Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody.” I was wondering if anyone still sang Whitney songs on this show now that Randy is no longer around to trash the contestants for doing that. If you’re gonna do a Whitney song on Idol you might as well do one that is not a vocal challenge. Apparently the judges criticized Tyanna for the first time last week, though I have to wonder just how critical it really was compared to what the judges used to say. This was an Idol version of the song, decent, solid, but bland. Harry pointed out Keith’s cool shoulder roll again and how JLo is perfect before finally getting around to saying something about Tyanna’s performance, which he felt was “secure.”

Even though Trained Seal isn’t pimping iTunes any more Apple still thought it was worth advertising the iWatch on this show.

And now, here is Jax, an 18 year old bottle blond from East Brunswick, NJ who doesn’t have a last name even though one would think she has one since her parents were in the audience. They did look really proud though. Jax was the best looking chick contestant in my opinion, even though she kind of looks like a woman I used to date and had a lot of make-up on her face, 80’s style. She performed (not sang, performed) a dramatic version of Bonjovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name”. Wasn’t that the song the beat box guy did in Season 6 when Jon Bonjovi was the tormentor? Yes, I believe it was. My how time flies. Boy George thought that Jax had “the bones of a greater performer.” Jax sang the song like the title track from a James Bond movie, very broad and dramatic. I see Broadway in her future. JLo liked the 80s punk attitude. Harry thought Jax was intriguing but was swimming in a lot of sound. Keith didn’t think it was put together right. Again, no one was booing.

Next week they'll be singing Kelly Clarkson songs and the Original Idol will be the tormentor. I’d be curious to see if anyone will dare take on “Since You’ve Been Gone”. Well, maybe not that curious.

Another new element of the show is the judges giving counseling via video before each performance. I just cannot imagine Captain Jack doing that.

Nick Fradiani, 29, from Guilford, CT sang Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror”. They used to have MJ theme nights on this show. I wonder if they still do. Reminiscent of when Horny Chick Kara used to flirt with the male contestants JLo wanted Nick to "own his hotness", but he didn’t think he had to confidence to do that. To be honest, I’m kind of glad that he didn’t because he was the first performer of the night who actually sang rather than performed and he was pretty decent to. Finally there was someone who actually resembled an Idol contestant that I remember, back when it was a singing competition. Harry loved his humility and thought he was a sweet kind soul. Ryan wanted to know if Nick sung the song to someone special. Yes, Trained Seal is still pestering the contestants about their love lives.

Salt-N-Pepa sang “Push It” and I couldn’t help but think of their Geico ad. “I’m pushin’, I’m pushin’.”

After the SnP interlude there was 22 year old Clark Beckham, a sandy haired blue eyed boy from White House, TN who had never seen a Lite-Brite before. All of contestants were filmed playing with 80’s toys even though some of them like the Lite-Brite were actually 70’s toys. He sang The Police’s “Every Breath You Take” in its original key of G rather than the key of F that the tormentors wanted him to sing it in. He took the song really slow with the piano, turning it into a torch song. It was actually really good, by far the best performance of the night and better than the original. I think the kid made the right choice with the chord. Keith admired that he took a stalker song and turned it into a melancholy song. JLo got goose bumps. Harry liked that he sang his song rather than performed it like everyone else did theirs. 

Qaasim Middleton, a 19 year old kid from Brooklyn, was saved by the judges last week but was safe this week. I was surprised that the producers didn’t keep him waiting in suspense until the very end like they used to do. Trained Seal asked him about his mic dropping after last week’s performance and Qaasim claimed that he "caught the Holy Ghost." I should remember that phrase; it could come in handy someday. Qaasim sang Robert Palmer’s “Addicted to Love”, which I remember mostly for the robotic dancing girls and how some DJ used the chorus to tell callers that they were a dick. Everyone kept raving about how Qaasim was a great story teller, but I didn’t see that here. It was a decent but uninspiring vocal, pretty paint by numbers for a guy who is supposed to be a great storyteller. Harry thought he was sexy like Robert Palmer. Keith sensed that he had a fragile heart.

The bottom 3 were invited up as a group so Trained Seal could do his one dramatic line, "Kieran, dim the lights." I did like that the closer was one of the Bottom 3 from last week rather than one of the producer’s favorites like they used to do. I didn’t like that the 2 chicks that got sent off didn’t get a goodbye video or a chance to say anything. No hugs, no tears, no Chris Daughtry song, just a quick goodbye from Trained Seal and that was that.

The closer was Rayvon Owen, 23, from Richmond, VA who sang Tears for Fears’ “Everybody Wants to Rule the World”. The tormentors thought that he sung too pretty and was hiding in a shell. In years past contestants like this were usually sent off by now, but this is not my mother’s American Idol. The first half of the song was mostly slurred. The bridge was more enunciated, but then Rayvon went back to the slurring to end the song. The singing wasn’t great and neither was the performing, which explains why he was in the bottom 3.

Trained Seal ended the show but showing some love to Ricky Minor and the judges, and then sent us off to our late local news.

It occurred to me afterwards that there were no big notes. I kind of miss the big notes. There were no audience boos either. I don’t really miss that.

Your Three Stars of the Night: Clark Beckham was the best of the night for me. I really liked his interpretation of “Every Breath You Take”. Nick Fradiani reminded me of Idol contestants of years past so he gets a star for nostalgia sake. The third star goes to Joey Cook because she made me laugh.

The Fearless Prediction: I predict that I probably won’t watch another full show again this season. If it takes an entire bottle of wine to watch this show then I probably should be doing something else.